When I went into

When I went into the military, I had a deep sense of pride. I was proud of my country and what I could do to help protect what it stood for. When I saluted, when I marched in formation with my dress uniform on, when I saluted, I can say I felt proud to be a part of something so many people believed in.

In 1997 I went into Basic Training at Ft. Leonardwood Missouri. Army Basic Training, for those of you who have never had the pleasure of this little affair, is the most life invading thing you can decide to do to your life when you're 18, but getting away from home was more important, even if I never got much further than Ft. Sam Houston in San Antonio.

In 1999, Gay boys just like me all over had a cold chill run up our spines when we heard or read that someone had smashed in the skull of Gay Pfc. Barry Winchell while he slept in his cot at Ft. Campbell, KY. We all could all too easily remember the company pissing contests, trying so hard to conceal the one thing you don't want people to know. Gay and Lesbian Americans across the country stopped for a moment and remembered how thick the air always seemed on base.

I wonder if Barry used to lie in his bed just before falling asleep, wondering about how his secret could be discovered. I wonder if he thought that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Pursue" made it seem like every Sgt. or oversized Private with an agenda could suspect, accuse and destroy with the help of a hateful environment. I wonder if Barry ever felt threatened like so many of us did. I'm sure he did. We all did. That fear was always a part of our military life and the way things would seemingly always be. It's the same for locker rooms and stadiums all over our country.

To compound the horrific nature of the murder, the General in charge at the time, Major General Robert T. Clark, wasn't "aware of a homophobic atmosphere that existed" on base. Here, in the face of the most horrific act of anti-Gay military murder, the good General "wasn't aware." What more examples did he need to become aware than a Gay-biased murder right under his nose? If that wasn't enough, Major General Robert T. Clark refused for four years to meet with Barry's parents and for that matter "any Gay person." This was a slap in the face to all of us and anyone who, like Barry, is forced to remain silent or risk losing our own secret.

A few years have passed since that horrible night in 1999. Vigils have been held, outrage has been expressed and everything has been lost in the more important modern events of the day in the American conscious like terrorism, American Idol and SARS.

BUT! This week when I heard that Major General Robert T. Clark was being nominated for promotion to Lieutenant General, I was nauseous. The General, now stationed at my former base in San Antonio, represented to me everything wrong with Army command. This man was unapologetic, and frankly didn't give a crap about the murder of a Gay soldier or it's far reaching impacts. A good (or even just mediocre) commander would have noticed how destructive something like biased-based murder is for unit cohesion and readiness, but he made the conscious decision to do absolutely nothing.

The General made his decision to ignore Gay America and that reaction is starting to come out in a big way.

On behalf of those in the service who cannot object to the General's nomination, the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network spoke out. Soon after, the People for the American Way, the National Organization for Women, the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force, American Veterans for Equal Rights and the Human Rights Campaign began to object to the General's nomination. The Senate Armed Services Committee is being asked to open up the confirmation hearings. People are starting to talk again.

For the memory of Barry Winchell, former servicemembers like me took the time to sit and write down a letter to a congressperson about the nomination and the disgrace it represents. "So you can't be openly Gay in the military," I wrote. "Does that mean that we should encourage and promote commanders who do nothing to address the obvious environment of hate and ignorance that killed Private Winchell? Promoting General Clark is a slap in the face to the memory of every Gay man and Lesbian that has served in this country to no less a sacrifice than any straight person in this country. Gay people have served and Gay people have died. It's one thing to say that you don't want to know if Gay people are in your ranks and it is quite another to say that you will intentionally ignore the matter of their safety or value."

I wonder if Barry ever lied in his cot and worried about someone finding out about his secret? I wonder if he had a chance to think of anything else before a bat crushed his skull in? For Barry Winchell it's too late to even begin living a life of freedom. But for the memory of Barry Winchell, there is so much more former Gay service members can do instead of losing pride. Like speaking out.

Before you burn your uniform, visit Servicemembers Legal Defense Network.

Beau Burriola is a writer for the Seattle Gay News (article reprinted with his permission). Visit Beau's website at http://www.beaubrent.com.