Monday morning check-in
It's been a crazy weekend for us. Thursday night we stopped by to get our tux's for the party we went to Friday night. We went to the Alumni Awards Ceremony at the Wadsworth Atheneum. It was nice and I must say, we looked great.
We got there around 7:00pm for the reception. It was an open bar. At 8:00 we were taken into the dining area. The food was good (for a banquet), and the speeches were entertaining as well.
Afterwards, we all came back to our place and continued the festivities with champagne, cheese, munchies, etc. We had a great time, although I did wake up with a headache the next morning (perhaps too much champagne?).
The following day, we went to Nicholas' birthday party. He turned 3 years old this year. It was a great time. We stayed for a couple of hours to watch him open his presents and have a bit of cake. Then, we had to rush back home to get dressed for the opera that night. I was afflicted with allergies all day, and as it turned out, wasn't able to make the opera that night. So, I stayed home and got some extra sleep.
Sunday was a lazy day. We went to breakfast. I still had the allergies, but it seemed to get a bit better after breakfast. We went back home for a photo shoot with just us in our tux's. I wanted to try to get a nice picture of us for the calendar we are putting together for Christmas presents this year. We have one that I think turned out pretty well.
The only casualty of the weekend was my car. While I was at the market, some lady backed into it. It sucks. It's not that big of a dent. I took it to a body shop this morning and they said it would take $900 to fix. I'm taking it back tomorrow and they are going to try to pop it back out (honestly, it's a small dent). The $900 was to completely replace the side panel, which seems dumb to me. If it weren't a leased car, I would probably think about it, but I will replace it in one year. They are going to try to pop it back out free of charge, so I'll see how it looks after that.
Other than all of that... I'm having some issue again with depression. It's clinical. Nothing has happened to precipitate it per se. It's something that I seem to have to battle from time to time, but I'm determined to not go on medication to combat it. I've been there and it's no fun. If it gets out of control, I know I'll have no choice, but I'm hoping that I can keep a lid on it.
One of the things that seems to help me with depression is to try to maintain a strict schedule of activity. After work today, it's off to the gym for a nice workout. I always feel better after a workout and my spirits seem higher.
I've been thinking a lot about a couple of friends who just went to Canada to get married. They live in the United States, so it won't be recognized as being legal here. The thing that really sucks about it is that no one went to their wedding - none of their families. The witnesses that they had were some clerks who happened to be working at the time. In other words, people they didn't even know.
Kent and I have talked about going to Canada this Thanksgiving to Montreal to get married. It would mean nothing when we got home. I have to live with that realization. But, I don't know how I would feel not being able to share the joyous occasion with friends. Somehow, I think that would be worse than just not doing it.
I'll have to think more on this. Will we ever have anything to share with people that involves the love we feel for each other, or will we always just be a couple of gay guys that people know... with our relationship, or marriage being totally unacknowledged by anyone... or society? Does it mean nothing to anyone, but us?
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You know, I think you make a good point. It has been something that I've thought about a great deal. There is a gay culture. I read on another blog about how some young gay man didn't have much use for older gay men and their old stories and thought them to be irrelevant. Well, like it or not, things are better today for gay folks because of many of those older gay and lesbian people. To deny their stories is to deny your culture. To deny your culture is to try to "fit in" to the straight culture, and we all know how well that has worked in the past. If anyone needs a refresher course, just watch the movie "Far From Heaven" to see what it was like in the "good old days" for gays. It's not a pretty picture.
The irony in all of this gay marriage issue is that the straight culture wants to "save" marriage from the likes of us. The fact is, IF we ever do get the right to marry (and we will), we can't mess it up any more than it already is. Furthermore, whether we like it or not, we would inherit all the crap they have done to it. So, I've come to agree with you. I think trying to dignify our relationship with marriage is frankly an insult to the relationship Kent and I have.
Beyond that, there is no denying the fact that there is a huge equality issue in regards to the rights, priviledges, and public acknowledgement of our relationships. I do think that is important. I want society to HAVE to finally look at what we have and say "YOU DO MATTER". I want that because our relationship has not been easy to keep going when everything around us, including our family, has done everything in it's power to destroy our relationship.
They do it in subtle ways. Such as not even acknowledging that it's there. I'm tired of worrying about what others will think if we show effection. I'm tired to waiting for their approval. I'm simply to the point that I want to say "fuck their approval".
That's where I'm at now; the anger part. Am I the only one going through this? It seems like we are all sitting around and just hoping that the straight folks (and I'm not saying all striaght folks) will somehow find it in their hearts to grant us equal rights. I'm tired of hearing about the freaking polls about how many Americans favor gay marriage now, as thought that matters. When did the granting of civil rights become a popularity contest? Have we learned nothing from the past?
I'm depressed about it and I'm angry. And, I'm to the point of giving up on trying to get married and just saying the hell with it.
My partner and I talked about this very thing and finally decided a marriage or committment ceremony was irrelevant to who we are and our love for each other. I feel that any ceremony, or even the style of a relationship between men, should grow out of gay culture and not be some sort of imitation of what straights do.
Anyway, I just found your site and wanted to say that I am at heart a softie and I love seeing mated gay men out and happy together on the web.
All my best--