My Brother

I've never been close to my brother.

I grew up in the typical 1950's-60's dysfunctional home. My father died with I was six, leaving my mother with three kids. And, all of us kids didn't particularly like each other. It's not that we hated each other, but we were always fighting over something. My sister and I were allys. She seemed to be on my side most all the time, but that's probably only because she was so busy dating boys all the time. After 1984, my sister and I were never to talk to each other again.

That leaves my brother. For most of my childhood, he was always bullying me. I spent all of those years defending myself and avoiding him. During high school, he went off to the San Diego when he joined the Navy. I thought I would be glad to see him go, but I worried about him leaving home for the first time. With him gone, it would just be me left at home with my mom and step dad.

Then, there was the growing problem of keeping my gayness a secret. I was sure he would be ruthless in his opinion of me if he found out that I was gay, based on all the derogatory gay jokes that he enjoyed sharing with my step father. I can't tell you how relieved I was to find out that he actually suspected that I might be having an affair with his girlfriend while he was away at San Diego. I was thinking to myself, "Thank God! He still thinks I'm straight."

Then, there were the not-so-minor annoyances of always being embarrassed in front of what few friends I had. He seemed to take great joy in that. He was always playing jokes on me and generally just being mean all the time. If I had anything, he would take it. This was not always a bad thing, you just had to know how to make it work in your favor.

For example, on one occasion, he took some candy and gum from me. I protested to no avail. The next time I was at the grocery store with my mother, I made it a point to buy some "Feen-a-mint", the "chewing gum laxative". Mom asked me if I knew what that was. I acknowledged that I did and that I "needed it". She bought it for me.

When I got home, I put the gum on my bed and made sure it was placed in clear view. I left it unopened so he would know that I hadn't even had the pleasure of having any yet. I was betting that he wouldn't know what a "laxative" was.

A couple of hours later, he entered the living room where my mother, sister, and I were watching TV. He had this huge grin on his face and was chewing on this big wad of gum. With a smirk on his face, he looked at me and said, "Hey Bill, I took all your gum that you got!". He was very proud of himself. He was chewing on the whole package of gum! My mother looked at me and said, "OH MY GOD!". She looked at Mike and said, "Spit it out you fool!". He was like, "What the hell??!?".

The next morning, I woke up, and noticed that Mike wasn't in bed. We shared the same bedroom. I got dressed, and on my way to the kitchen, had to pass the bathroom. As I passed the bathroom, the door quickly opened. Mike was in the doorway looking somewhat pale. He looked at me with a pissed off look and said, "It's nothing but WATER!!!". Lesson learned.

Life has a funny way of turning everything around. Life hasn't been easy for Mike. He ended up getting a divorce. His health is not so good now. He's diabetic, and severely overweight. Over the years, he has tried to get closer to me as a brother. This has not been an easy task. I have spent most of my life building walls around me to keep people like him out. But over time, I have began to trust him.

I called him on his birthday a few days ago. He is going back to school. He mentioned to me that others in the class were talking about their families and what they were like. Out of the blue, Mike pipes up and says, "I have a brother. He's gay, and a better man than I will ever be, and I'm so proud of him." A silence came across the room. Three in the class said they didn't care for gay people. Mike said, "What has that group of people ever done to you?". The others replied, "Well, nothing". Mike replied, "Well, if you don't have a good reason to bring down a group of people, you should just keep your trap shut. My brother has been with his partner for almost thirty years. There's no reason why they shouldn't be able to live like the rest of us, and be able to get married." They dropped the subject.

I think my brother finally gets it. It's too bad that most of America doesn't.