The Bible Says....

It's 4:00 in the morning, and it's been one of those nights where I've tossed and turned all night long, even though I was dead tired when I went to bed. I hate it when this happens. And I knew better. Why on earth did I have all that rich food for dinner when we had a late dinner? So now, here it is, 4:00am and I feel like I've been drinking all night, but without the alcohol.

So now I'm sitting here blogging (since my cat is in my TV chair and won't give it up), sipping on green tea with honey (not my favorite), and thinking "good thoughts" in an effort to tell my body, "It's not THAT bad, come on man. I know we've covered a lot of mileage together, but you are still STUDLY!". So far, my body is responding by, "Oh PULLLLEAZE! Who is blowing smoke up your ass?!!?". I'll just keep thinking those 'good thoughts'.

Speaking of good thoughts, I was surfing the web (I just can't help myself - kind of an addiction really....), and noticed this article on why the conservatives really ought to get off they moral high horse and embrace gay marriage.

Jonathan Rauch, wrote the book: Gay Marriage: Why it is Good for Gays, Good for Straights, and Good for America. He should have added, "and Good for Conservatives." This week in Massachusetts has been a positive one for conservative values, even if those on the right don't want to admit it. [...]

Rauch's primary point is that homosexual relationships are not going to go away; and if they are an established fact of life, then the question becomes: how to treat those relationships to best secure other values in society? Conservatives particularly claim to care about such things as fortifying the institution of marriage for heterosexuals, securing the care and protection of children and encouraging strong families that help themselves rather than looking for government handouts.

Rauch argues that society would be doing far more damage to these conservative values either by trying to legally repress homosexual relationships or by offering gays some form of domestic partnership or civil union - what he calls "marriage-lite" - than by simply granting homosexuals the right to enter into full-fledged marriages.

And my personal favorite:

The threat to marriage, according to Rauch, is not that homosexuals want to get married, but that straight couples don't want to. The marriage ban exacerbates this by turning "gays into walking billboards for the irrelevance of marriage."

And, as long as the conservatives are at it, they should really step back a bit and take a hard look at the concept of the separation of church and state. It seems to me that if a legislator or governor (are you listening to this Governor Romney) is unable to separate his religious beliefs from his job in terms of drafting and approving legislation, he/she should do us all a favor and resign.

The rights of citizens on a civic level should not be denied because "the Bible tells me so". If that were the case, 99% of the women in this country would be declared "harlots" for wearing makeup. So let's all put down the Bible long enough to pass laws that aren't going to create and foster a cultural civil war, ok?

If you really want laws passed based on what the Bible says, please, all I ask is that this be done fairly and uniformly. Most would agree that "sin is sin", so why be so unfair and just pick on the homosexuals? If you are really going to be fair about this, and we are going to use the Bible as a basis for our laws, as we seem to be willing to do when it comes to homosexuals in general, and gay marriage in particular, then we should be fair and take into account these passages from the Bible:

"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind ... nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God." 1 Corinthians 6:9-10

That kind of sucks for a LOT of us, doesn't it? Including I would think some of the legislators.

"Stone disobedient children" (Deuteronomy 21:18-21)

Think of how much would be saved in child-care-related costs to society, not to mention the reform schools that our tax dollars pay for.

1 Timothy 2:15 says only women who have children will be spared hell

Does this mean that lesbian couples who have children with gay men are spared?

Men are worth more than women - Leviticus 27:1-7 actually provides dollar comparisons!

Well of course they are! All you have to do to understand this is to look at how much women get paid compared to men, doing the same job. I don't agree that that is right, but it's in the Bible, so don't argue with it.

"Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God. For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is brokenfooted [sic] , brokenhanded [sic], Or crookbackt [sic], or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken; No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the Lord made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God." Leviticus 21:17-21

I figure this one has cut out 98% of all of us. Kinda sucks.

Men aren't allowed to trim their beards or shave their heads (Leviticus 21:5)

Hear that skin heads? Let me think, shaving.... well, ALL the men in my office except for two that come to mind will go to hell for this one.

Unisex clothing like pants for women and blouses for men is an abomination unto the Lord... "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God" (Deuteronomy 22:5)

Lesbians, for God's sake, STOP WEARING MEN'S CLOTHING!!! Gay men, stop wearing less-than-masculine clothing. And you punk rockers out there, you are basically screwed by this passage. Sorry. As far as drag queens are concerned, I'm gonna pass on commenting on this, because I don't want to be beaten up.

God prohibits clothing made of more than one type of fabric... "Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee" (Leviticus 19:19).

This pretty much kills the fashion industry altogether. As for the farmers in my town, pay especially close attention to the cattle issue. Do not allow diversity in your cows! The last thing we need is to give the cows ideas.

Jesus said that the sole reason God created women in the first place was to provide company and service to men (1 Corinthians 11:9)

Hey straight men, here's one you will like!!! :-)

Matthew 13:10-14 says that Jesus doesn't want everyone to understand what he's saying, so he speaks in parables to his disciples and most of the rest will go to hell. According to Revelation, only 144,000 souls can enter heaven (it probably sounded like a bigger number at the time than it does now...)

Hummm, makes me wonder if Pat Robertson is the second Jesus because I don't understand a damn thing he is saying.

"When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the Lord thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive, and seeth among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife; then thou shalt bring her home to thine house; and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails; and she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and remain in thine house . . . And it shall be, if thou have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go whither she will; but thou shalt not sell her at all for money, thou shalt not make merchandise of her, because thou hast humbled her" (Deuteronomy 21:10-14)

The "shave her head, and pare her nails" part made me think of Demi Moore in GI Jane (scary how my mind works!). I read this three times, and I still came away with, "...and the point is???". I guess you had to be there.

Premarital sex is punished by burning the woman alive according to Leviticus 21:9

Thank God only homosexuals perform premarital sex (since we can't gat married in 99.99999% of the world). I'm sure this is not a heterosexual problem.

Leviticus 25:44 tells Jews to enslave surrounding tribes

This has happened in this country. If the Jewish establishments were to close their bagel shops, I don't know what I'd do. I am a slave to bagels! Therefore, indirectly, I suppose I am a slave to the Jews? I also like cream cheese on my bagels. I wonder if that's breaking some law?

"And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money" (Exodus 21:20-21).

Somehow, you have to justify beating someone to death. If it's for the money, you are fine. Maybe what we did at Abu Gharib Prison is justified then, as long as we beat the prisoners for money? Maybe our soldier has wagers going?

Exodus 21:7-10 says men can sell their daughters into slavery

I know some daughters who feel that way now. I wonder how the Bush daughters feel about now?

Jews, Moslems, Hindus, Buddhists and everyone else who is not Christian will all go to hell "He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God" (John 3:18)

Well, whatever happens in Iraq, it's comforting to know that they are all going to Hell for not being Christians.

Romans 14:2 says vegetarians are heathens!

You ever cook a nice dinner for guests and make a beef roast or steaks, and then find out that one or two people coming are vegetarians? You don't know weather to go to the trouble of cooking something special just for them, or wait until they arrive, and stoning them to death right in your front yard for being heathens.

"All non-marital sex ensures an eternity in flames" Jude 1:7

This seems to be a gay issue (oh, and all those high school and college students, and adulterers). Other than that, no need to worry about this one.

Time for my shower and to get my butt in gear for the day. And for the record, vegetarians are always welcome in my home, as long as you don't mix more than one type of fabric in the clothes you will be wearing!