The seed of tolerance

I recently read a letter published in the Modesto Bee (California), about a teacher who was reflecting on his path to tolerance. The seed for that tolerance was from a gay student he had taught 15 years ago.

The student had been asked to write and essay to the topic "My Biggest Problem". Don Shaw, the teacher and author of the letter writes:

He had experienced homophobia in a variety of ways. He told of taunts and jibes and ostracisms. He mentioned no physical abuse, but something worse -- having to endure the widespread intolerance of people indoctrinated into communal forms of hatred, that hatred which often finds its severest expression in the frightening inhumanity of an adolescent subculture.

The slice of reality depicted in that essay became, for me, a learning experience. Learning usually involves some rethinking and that was the case here. I had never considered myself homophobic, but at the same time, gay rights had never ranked high on my personal agenda for social reform. "Don't ask, don't tell" actually sounded pretty good to me.

So I had to re-examine some of the teachings I had grown up with. The Christian denomination I belonged to (Presbyterian) was relatively tolerant, but since many Christians still insisted that same-sex relationships were unequivocally sinful, I decided to look more carefully at what the Bible says.

Things are changing everyday. When I was in high school, if a teacher had asked us to write an essay on "My Biggest Problem", there was no way I would have written about the daily harassment and taunting I was having to endure. There was no way I would be able to convey that I was unsure if I would be alive by the end of the school year. To do so could possibly have made me a bigger target of harassment. I graduated from high school in 1974.

Yet, 15 years ago, this student felt that he was able to write what he was going through. Today, many schools are developing Gay-Straight Alliance-type clubs and organizations they can join to at least feel that there are those around who at least care about the issue.

In some ways, things haven't changed so much. The author states, "The Christian denomination I belonged to (Presbyterian) was relatively tolerant". In Coventry, Connecticut, Kent and I contacted our local Presbyterian Church not long after moving to Coventry (that was seven years ago), and had an intention of going there, since Kent had been raised Presbyterian. I thought it would be a good way to meet new people in our neighborhood. It didn't matter to us if they had any gay people attending since that wasn't why we were attending church.

But, I also thought that it was important to be honest with the pastor of the church and tell him that we are a gay couple who would like to attend the Coventry Presbyterian Church. It was not my intention of putting the fact that we are a gay couple in his face. But rather, to make him aware of our situation so we could avoid any awkward situations in the future. I wanted him to know up front that we were a gay couple. We don't hide that fact anymore because we are not ashamed of our marriage.

The pastor flat out told me that we were not welcome in his church unless we were willing to change. Maybe if he would have used that line on me when I was 16 years old, I would have taken him up on it. But now, a statement like that doesn't go far with me. I told him that his attitude was very un-Christian and that he would do well to look inside himself and what he truly believes about the teachings of Christ. It also made me sad. We were new in town. I started to doubt if we had made the best decision by buying a home in Coventry. Would this be typical of the greeting we received?

I found those stern passages in Leviticus that include homosexuality among practices condemned by the tribal code of the Israelites. But our culture has long since declared inapplicable many other requirements of that code such as dietary restrictions and draconian demands for the stoning to death of disobedient sons and brides who cannot prove their virginity. It would seem that common sense would require a similar reconsideration of other demands from that area of Scripture.

Hypocrisy is my biggest problem with people who preach to me about how "sinful" my life is. They usually go to Leviticus and preach the same passage time and time again. At the same time, they conveniently ignore all the other things that would condemn them to Hell, according to Leviticus. In other words, the Bible to them is simply a menu of sins that they select from when it serves their purpose. Fred Phelps and his group preaches only on homosexuality. His website tells it all just by the name, gothatesfags.com (you can go there if you want, but I will not link to it). It's as if the rest of the Bible doesn't exist to him, because it doesn't further his cause when the Bible speaks of the sin of judging others.

I became convinced that there is no basis for condemning same-sex relationships on biblical grounds. It became clear to me that the only valid moral principle on the subject to be derived from Scripture is an affirmation based on Jesus's "new command" in John 13, that we "love one another."

Amen.

The full letter is given below.