Anniversary Day

Written on August 14, 2004 while on vacation in Idaho:

Today was a very full day. We woke up early, and had breakfast in Burley, Idaho where Kent's parents live. We then drove to Sun Valley, Idaho and had their fiftieth wedding anniversary. It was nice. Since I've never been invited to a single family function in the last 30 years that Kent and I have been together, there were very few people there that I knew. They all knew of me it seems. I suppose from asking if Kent was involved with anyone over the years, or perhaps from all the unsettling confrontations between us and the family over the years concerning me. I suppose my invitation is a direct result of me raising hell last year when his father received a lifetime achievement award. I wasn't invited to that either. It was the same with so many other events in the past, but that was different. I thought I had been accepted as part of the family, even though Kent and I had never been able to marry. I assumed I would be invited and planned to go to it because I felt that it was one of those events that was monumental and only happens once. When I learned that I was not going to be invited, I wrote an email detailing why I was so disappointed and hurt by their decision. As you might imagine, it was not a gently worded letter. I wanted them to know that I was tired of giving total consideration to their family and getting none in return. I wanted them to know how deeply they hurt me.

The letter I received back from Kent's father stated, "I don't think you remember how conservative people in Southern Idaho are." I responded by saying, "I do remember, but there is a difference between being conservative and being bigoted." Or, as I put it to Kent, "Not approving of someone's sexual orientation doesn't mean that you can treat them like garbage." That was the end of the correspondence on that subject. I only mention this not to dampen the spirit of the event happening this weekend, but to put it in perspective of what has happened in the past.

So, last Christmas when we had them out for a visit, they discussed the anniversary that happened today. This time I was invited. It was nice to be acknowledged as Kent's partner, but when I think about it, I still have anger over all the problems we have had for all these years with his family. It's been very very difficult at times to be civil to them. But I think today was a breakthrough for Kent's mother. She introduced Kent to a family member that he hadn't seen in many years. Then she introduced me saying, "And this is Kent's friend, partner, and house mate." I'm not sure what all of that meant, but to describe me as his partner was a big step for her. It's just too bad that she couldn't have done that twenty years ago and I wonder, will I ever fully get over the resentment of the past? I need to try for my sake because I'm a firm believer in trying to let go of excess baggage. I tell others to do the same so why should I be any different?

I guess they are trying, but I've realized that their world is different from mine. Will they ever really understand what I am to Kent and how much he means to me? Will they fully understand that we are like any other heterosexual married couple? Sadly, no, they won't. I need to stop expecting that of them and move on because I don't believe it's in them to do that. They have been taught their whole lives that what I am is evil and against God. And, to add insult to injury, I perverted their son after meeting and rooming with him in college. I sometimes feel that they look at me in that light. How do you fight that?

We had a full formal luncheon at Kent's aunts home in Ketchum. It was extremely well done and the food was fabulous. People were very friendly and cordial and we all had a good time. People were seated at different tables and Kent and I sat at the same table. It was during that time that Kent's Mom brought a friend over and introduced Kent to her. She then introduced me as his partner, which really meant a lot to me. I was very surprised and actually very proud of her for that. After lunch, they opened some gifts and we had one of the best cakes I've ever had, not too sweet with a custard layering.

After the luncheon, we checked into the Sun Valley Inn. It was nice. Everyone went to a concert performed by a local symphony, but I was too tired to go. It seems that the days activities took their toll on me. I did manage to make the ice show that evening, which was awesome. Olympic gold medalist (2002) and 4-time world champion Alexei Yagudin was the star of the show and he was wonderful, not to mention that he had an extremely high hunk factor, 9.982 on a scale of 10.

Tomorrow, we drive up to Redfish Lake. We are all having lunch up there at the lodge. After lunch, they will all go their separate ways, and Kent and I will stay at the lodge until next Friday. It will be nice to be alone together again.