parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
At a time that I think society is changing it's attitude towards more acceptance of our community, something always seems to happen that makes me question this.
I was driving home today and listing to news on a New York City station. It was about what the comedians were saying about Governor McGreevey being gay and having an affair. Him coming out of the closet is news I suppose, although one could argue these days at how newsworthy that really is. Him having a gay affair while in office is news worthy, although in the age of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, I don't fully understand why people find this more taboo than a straight affair.
But what really irks me is that as far as the comedians are concerned, it's open season on the gay jokes. Haven't we outgrown the need to get a cheap laugh at the expense of a segment of our society, or has the memory of the unity we felt as one people faded after 9/11? Think I'm overreacting? Ask yourself this question. When was the last time David Letterman or Bill Maher made a joke directed towards the black or jewish communities in a disparaging way?
The jokes are divisive and condescending and I resent the fact that we are still, to some, nothing more than a punch line.
On CBS' "Late Night," David Letterman wondered aloud whether it was "too early to hit on Mrs. McGreevey." Craig Kilborn cracked on CBS' "Late Late Show" that the governor was chipping in to the relief effort for Hurricane Charley by sending throw pillows.
HBO's Bill Maher mused, "Apparently he was having an affair with a homosexual Israeli poet, who he appointed the state's homeland security adviser. Which partially explains why New Jersey's terror alert colors were parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme." (source)
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I suppose I should be used to it. I mean, back in the early 1980's, the AIDS jokes that were told were not only totally tasteless, but downright cruel. I was going to put one of them up that came to mind, but it was so sickening and so graphic that I decided it was too much to put people through. But at the time, they were told, and people laughed at them as the people they were told about, died.
So I shouldn't be surprised. And maybe I should compare these jokes to the ones said back then. These don't have the same cruel intent to them or, perhaps more accurately, the same total disregard for the feelings of others. Perhaps that is an indicator that we are achieving something in terms of people's sensitivity to our issues.
[Apologies, little bit of a long ramble here...]
I find it very hard to filter humour - I mean, what is funny and what is out and out insulting...???
All humour is based on a 'joke' at someone's expense, and bigots - of any type - will take this to extremes. SO how touchy should I - or you - be at this so-called humour?
I suppose it's down to your personal experience and how much you feel that jokes have had a negative impact on your life...
For example, I'm fat (can't think of any other way to put it!)...And so, as you can imagine, my life has been one long 'tease' from schoolyard onwards. But sometimes I feel that it’s not actually a sense of negativity - or perceived 'hatred' - that hurts me, but how abnormal I am made to feel in myself.
I am a big guy (LOL - if you see what I mean!) and I can take peoples spitefulness, but I find it harder to cope with my own self-doubt that comes from their 'jokes' at my expense. And therein is why a 'harmless joke' is not so harmless...
We all have our triggers of self-admonishment, and being 'sensitive' means that you are likely to be more self-aware and self-critical than those who are free with the jokes. Big sad irony isn't it? That it is our very susceptibility to 'jokes' that makes us more sensitive human beings.
It begs the question; can one be truly sensitive if one is not personally experienced in the process of insensibility?
I don't think the answer is to loose one's sense of humour - I personally like to laugh at myself sometimes, and occasionally invite others to do so too, but only as a SHARED EXPERIENCE with others who can be sympathetic to my experiences. Those that laugh AT my expense are in no way in tune with what I have had to go through...
In other words, I like to be laughed WITH and not AT. (Sorry I took so long to get to that!)
But in conclusion, and with more specific relevance to the gay community, sometimes our humour at 'ourselves' can so easily become negative...
Take your American show 'Will and Grace'. It's very, very popular here in the UK at the moment (my kids love it). But I was watching it the other day, and I had to wonder, were I gay would I REALLY find it all that funny?
As a show that purports to be breaking down walls between the gay and 'straight' communities, sometimes I do feel it shots itself in the foot, by regurgitating and reinforcing old stereotypes.
I guess its - again - down to the personal experience of the viewer. But it does highlight that even when we laugh at ourselves - whether 'we' are gay, fat, disabled, tall, short, black, white, or whatever - this can run the risk of saying 'its OK to laugh at us' to the rest of the world.
I don't know what the answer is, other to raise awareness that 'jokes' can hurt...BUT...Jokes are also 'dumb weapons', they can sometimes incur 'friendly fire'. It’s all down to the intent of the person launching them.
And that at least is something I can recognize...I tend to KNOW when someone is being malicious with a joke (80% of the time!).*
* With the caveat that Mothers are a completely different ‘animal’! I still get news-clippings in the post from my Mum telling me about the latest diet…LOL But that’s Mums for you!
You know Bill, this kind of humour doesn't really bother me. Don't we laugh at same type of jokes when they come from Saturday Night Live?
Besides, I've heard much worse "jokes" like "No wonder New Jersey smells like ass"
The way I see it, atleast it keeps people talking and thinking about the issue.
Dan