Mormon Missionaries
We just finished dinner. I brought home some very sinful Mrs. Field's cookies and while we were munching on then, the doorbell rang.
Kent turned to me and said, "Oh shit! You answer the door, I can't deal with them."
I was surprised at his reaction. I would have thought that it was Satan and a few of his evil angels with him at the door. I peeked around him and looked towards the door, and it was just these two cute boys looking in at us.
I told him, "Why don't you go see what they want?" He said, "They are MORMON MISSIONARIES!!!$%$^$d@$#%" I don't see what the big deal is. I went to the door, opened it, and these two teenage boys were standing there looking at me.
I asked, "Can I help you?" One of the boys said, "Would you have a few moments for us to share a good message with you?" I said, "I'm all set. Thank you."
With that they said, "Ok, thank you." They turned to leave, and just as the second boy's eyes turn away from mine, I saw him wink at me. I'm not sure what that means because I'm a total ditz when it comes to body language, but maybe his good message was different from what Kent thought? I don't know.
But I realize that Kent has more baggage than I have about Mormon missionaries. We didn't have many where I grew up and he tells me that Mormons made up 85% of the population where he grew up.
The other thought I had was, how the hell did they get to our house? We live out in the boonies. They walked to our house, and they left on foot. Where to, I have no idea.
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I have been meaning to comment on this, and now I have a moment so I will...
When I was MUCH younger, I joined the Mormon Church. It's a long story, and I will spare you the details, but I quit before I was missionary age.
Anyway, I like talking to the missionaries when I see them out and about where I live. I regale them with the story of how I became a member, then a priest, and how I ultimately fell from grace and was most likely excommunicated, illegally mind you, in absentia.
They always offer to find out for me if I really was excommunicated, and ask only that I give them my name, address and phone number. I kindly and respectfully decline, and let them know that it is strictly a, “Don’t call me, I’ll call you” proposition.
Last thing I need is the Mormon Mafia showing up at my door looking for almost thirty years of back tithing.
Mormon boys are sexually oppressed... Who has "helped out" a sexually oppressed Mormon boy before? *raises hand* hehe
Maybe I should join the Missionary Training Center. Think they can turn me into a hotty?? Maybe it's a machine they use, like a penis pump supposedly makes your penis bigger?? What do I know? When I was a kid, I used to think Missionary Schools were where they taught you how to do the "missionary position". I was a dumb (yet hunky) kid.
It's pretty amazing. I think it's something they do to them at the Missionary Training Center to make them all hotties.
We're getting them all over Boston now. I don't know whether the big new Mormon Temple that was completed a year or so ago in Belmont just to the west of the city has anything to do with that, but they've been all over Harvard Square recently and other places as well. Interestingly, I've yet to see any that aren't really cute. Well scrubbed and squeeky clean, of course, but I mean really cute. I keep thinking, "if you boys could ditch the Mormons and learn to loosen up, you could be having the time of your lives."
The pairs usually travel on either foot or bicycle. I did have a friend who did his mission in San Diego and, owing to the size of their territory, they had a vehicle to use.