A Look Forward

That's very discouraging to have to say, but it is the truth. We shouldn't be surprised after November 2nd. This is the reality that we face in this country. I fully expect that all the states with a proposed state constitutional amendment will easily pass.

Oregon isn't the only state where voters are grappling with the question of gay marriage.

It's just more intense here.

Ten other states have constitutional amendments similar to Measure 36, which would amend the state constitution to define marriage as between one man and one woman, on their ballots Nov. 2.

According to a Sept. 28 New York Times article, support for the measures is more widespread in other states than here in Oregon. Voters in Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma and Utah are all expected to pass the measure by an easy margin - some, like Kentucky, by as much as 75 percent. (source)

I had a revelation last night. The revelation came to me in our difficult battle for marriage rights. The President has said that when people get a taste of freedom, they want more. I would submit that the same holds for equality. My personal struggle in the fight for equal marriage rights for our partnerships has been an emotional one, as any reader of this blog will attest too. But why has it been so personal? Why have the emotions over this been so raw to me? I've been through many personal battles in my life. Some have dealt with family acceptance, while others were fighting hospitals for the decency to allow the partners of those afflicted with AIDS to visit their partners.

I didn't realize at the time that what I was fighting was not a hospital that wouldn't recognize the relationship of a gay couple. I thought it was a gay issue. I thought that because at the time, I was struggling day to day to just make the lives of my friends a bit more bearable. They were struggling with life and death decisions. I didn't feel that they should have to fight hospital staff for something as simple as holding and comforting each other.

But that wasn't it. The thought of marriage making issues like this go away never occurred to me. You see, I'm a product of my surroundings, and this society. I've grown up with the notion that marriage is the union of a man and a woman. Not because that was drilled into my head. It never came up. It also never occurred to me that it wasn't right that I shouldn't be able to have access to marriage with my partner to make my life as fulfilling as it could be. I never thought that there would be a possibility that I would be able to realize marriage in my life.

On the other side of that coin, it was drilled in to my head loud and clear how loathsome homosexuality was. We've all heard the derogatory gay jokes and had to sit there and laugh along with everyone else, just to keep our secret. Sometimes, these jokes would surface in the most unsuspecting places, such as Thanksgiving Dinner, or at Christmas time, or in a casual chat with people you thought of as friends. That was my environment.

So now that the marriage carrot has been dangled in front of us, what do we feel? For the first time in my life, I have the HOPE FOR EQUALITY. And like freedom, I want it! I want it more than anything. I want it so bad that I can almost taste it. I want to be a full member of society. I want to stop feeling bitter about not being a full member of society. I want to take pride again in my country because we are all equal under the law.

Last night at the debate, I once again heard both President Bush and Senator Kerry say that they both believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. Neither one support equality for gay couples. Senator Kerry did say that he believes that the government should support civil-union-type liberties for gay couples, such as hospital visitation and inheritance. But, he didn't explain how he was going to do that, and I question his sincerity. Why shouldn't I? He and President Bush are throwing numbers and statements around all over the place and marketing them as facts when there are so many untruths that it boggles the mind.

If Kerry is elected President, this civil union type of liberty will fall under the same priority as don't ask, don't tell. It's a nice idea to get rid of don't ask, don't tell, because we are at war, still kicking out gay service members who are fully qualified to do the job, yet asking straight troops to stay in and be deployed time after time to the point of exhaustion. So, if we can't get rid of don't ask, don't tell, what makes you think that civil union type liberties will be a priority for Senator Kerry?

Aside from all of this, one thing that I think gets overlooked is the fact that gay couples are being talked about. Think about it. In the last election, gay marriage was not even on the scope of discussion. Several times during the presidential debates, the issues that gay couples face in their fight for equality have come up in debate questions. That is significant.

One question raised last night surprised me a bit:

SCHIEFFER: Mr. President, let's get back to economic issues. But let's shift to some other questions here.

Both of you are opposed to gay marriage. But to understand how you have come to that conclusion, I want to ask you a more basic question. Do you believe homosexuality is a choice?

The question has nothing to do with gay couples or gay marriage, but really speaks to something much deeper; If being a homosexual is not a choice, how then can we as a free society morally justify the systematic discrimination that exists against homosexuals in society?

In 38 states, it is still fully legal to fire a homosexual for no other reason but the fact that he/she is a homosexual. The Federal Government has time and time again declined to issue federal civil rights protections for homosexuals. Just this year, House Republicans rejected a Senate-approved proposal to include crimes targeting gay men and lesbians in the nation's federal hate-crimes law.

Of course, we could just skip all the expensive scientific research to try to figure out if being gay is a choice, and simply ask a real live homosexual, like me.

My base answer is: Yes, of course it's a choice! I couldn't wait to choose to be gay. I love to feel threatened day in and day out with verbal and physical assaults, being called a faggot on an average of once a week because I dare to not hide what I am, feeling like I'm a second-class citizen, feeling rejection from my family and some friends, risk being fired from my job, and, at the end of the day, wonder if I have any real self worth accompanied by the occasional bouts of depression that make me wonder if life is really worth it. Who wouldn't want that?

But I will spare you my base answer and just say, no, being gay is not a choice. I've known I was gay since I was six years old. I didn't know what gay was then, but I knew I was different from other boys. At age 9, I had my first crush on a boy. And all of this without once making a decision to be... different.

As for Mr. Kerry and Mr. Bush, I would only ask them, "When did you decide to be straight?"