Connecticut ready for Gay Marriage?

Around the country, gay-rights activists are trying to catch their breath after the gut-punch of the national elections and the fact that 11 states amended their constitutions to ban gay marriage.

But in Connecticut, the same-sex marriage movement is on the move, scoring resounding victories in this month’s legislative elections. And it seems almost inevitable that Connecticut will pass a landmark law next year.

“The real discussion,” says state Rep. Mike Lawlor, “seems to be whether you want to settle for civil unions or hold out for marriage.”

Lawlor is in as good a position as anyone to size up Connecticut’s mood on same-sex unions. A liberal Democrat from more conservative East Haven, he has long co-chaired the Judiciary Committee, where he’s one of the legislature’s leading gay rights advocates.

The Republicans didn’t run a candidate against him this year. But the Family Institute of Connecticut, an arch-conservative group that focuses almost exclusively on the gay-union issue, did back a challenger to Lawlor. Dan McCann petitioned his way onto the ballot with a single-issue campaign: Stop those gays. [...]

Much more surprising was the outcome of one of Love Makes a Family’s other targeted races, that of state Sen. Win Smith. The Milford Republican sits on the Family Institute’s legislative advisory board and is the Capitol’s leading anti-gay-rights voice.

Make that “was.” He was just defeated by Democrat Gayle Slossberg. She supports civil unions.

So, apparently, might Gov. Jodi Rell, a Republican. She came out last summer against Bush’s proposed constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. Back then, a spokesman made it clear that while Rell doesn’t support “marriage” for gay couples, she’s open to civil unions.

You remember civil unions. Four years ago when Vermont became the first (and so far only) state to allow this marriage-in-all-but-name, it was revolutionary. Opponents predicted that legislators who voted for civil unions--in order to comply with a state Supreme Court ruling--would lose their jobs that fall.

Most stayed in office. By now, a large majority of Vermont voters support civil unions. As do a majority of Connecticut voters: 59 percent in a Quinnipiac poll this June, 74 percent in a UConn poll in April.

In 2000, “those of us who supported civil unions were considered extremist,” Lawlor says. “And now people who oppose it are considered extremist. It’s the mainstream, middle-of-the-road position.”

Too middle-of-the-road, in fact, for Love Makes a Family. At least as an opening gambit.

“We expect to see a [same-sex] marriage bill raised in the Judiciary Committee,” says Anne Stanback, the organization’s executive director. “Our position is it’s too early to start talking about compromise, when the legislature hasn’t even gone into session.”

The difference between civil union and full-fledged gay marriage is mostly, if not entirely, symbolic. The federal government recognizes neither. So each arrangement would confer the same rights and benefits, but only in Connecticut and in any other state that recognizes it.

But symbolism matters. Marriage stands for full equality for gay and lesbian couples. Separate-but-equal status is not the same. (source)

I agree with Love Makes A Family. We should have full marriage, and none of this “civil union” crap. In fact, I wrote Representative Lawlor concerning just that. Here’s the letter, dated November 17, 2004:

Dear Representative Lawlor:

My partner and I are residents of Connecticut and live in Coventry. We have been together since 1975. A year ago, we went to our Town Clerk in Coventry and asked for a marriage license.

We knew that we would be turned down, but we have our dignity and wanted to show our small town that we are here, we pay taxes, and we are good citizens.

I have read that in this coming legislative session, a bill may be introduced to allow gay couples to enter into a “civil union” type of arrangement, that would afford committed gay couples the opportunity to have some of the rights of marriage. I strongly urge you NOT TO DO THIS.

My partner, who is a professor at the University of Connecticut, and I are not interested in having “some” of the rights of marriage. Our relationship IS a marriage in every way possible. To introduce such a bill is not only a slap in the face to what we have, but seriously denigrates our very relationship. In short, it is extremely insulting. This is separate and VERY unequal treatment under the law, and we will have no part of this.

Everyone needs to understand the difference between civil marriage and a religious ceremony. We are not asking, nor will we ever ask, any church to bless or approve of our marriage. We do, however, as tax paying citizens, expect our state government to treat us equally under the law. Civil unions would not do this. All a civil union bill would do is send a message that it is ok for gay couples to be second-class citizens. Is that what the legislature really wants to accomplish?

There is nothing equivalent to civil marriage. Nothing. At this time, my life partner and I are trying to achieve the protections of marriage. We have met with an attorney for this purpose, but have been told by her that there are no guarantees. She told us that she will try to give us the legal protections of marriage, but in the end, there will be no document that she can draft that will be as strong as civil marriage.

And, our attorney specializes in legal issues specifically for gay couples. When this process is done, we will have to carry these papers with us when we travel, and just hope that in the case of an accident, the hospital and the state will honor our wishes stated in those documents.

I have high hopes that you will do the right, the fair thing. We are asking for civil marriage with full legal rights. If the state legislature can accomplish that, then you will truly have accomplished something that will be historic; actual full fledged legal marriage rights for gay couples in the State of Connecticut, passed not by a court order, but by the Legislature! That will be something that we can all be proud of.