At 3:05am this morning, I turned 50 years old.

I feel no differently, but emotionally, I’m a bit blue. This is strange because I have no reason to feel this way. Perhaps it is in response to some external stimulus (society?) telling me that since I have lived two-thirds of my life (assuming nothing unfortunate happens), that I should feel sad? I don’t know.

I was at the mall yesterday trying to fill my never ending thirst to have all the new DVD’s that come out. It’s a pointless hobby I suppose that is not logical. Movies come and go and five years from now, will I really want to look at a five year old movie that uses outdated stereotypes that were “in” at the time the movie was made? Take one DVD I own; Arthur. It’s about a millionaire drunk. Many scenes are of him driving around New York City drunk. By today’s standards, you don’t do that and it’s no longer even funny to watch. Most people would be so concerned with him driving drunk, that any humorous content in the movie would now be lost from that.

At any rate, I had a strange thought as I was leaving the mall. As I was leaving Barnes and Noble and on my way back to my car, I thought, “When I turn fifty, if I could start my life all over again at age zero and be transformed back into a baby and start my life all over again starting this day, would I?”

It occurred to me, what a marvelous question, because it is a test on how well you have lived your life. I suppose if my entire life had been horrible, I would answer that question with a “yes”.

I realize that had I not had so many of the awful things happen to me in my past, that I would today not feel about life as I do. So, I was quickly and without hesitation, able to answer that question with a resounding, NO!

I love where I’m at, even though I am a bit sad today. And I love that I’ve been given so many wonderful things in life that mean so much to me. There are a few people that are in my life that I do want to acknowledge. I don’t do this often. I’m a private person on most issues in my life, and I protect the privacy of my friends to a fault. But I want a few people to know that they are very much a part of my life today, and I thank them for being an important part of my life. Here they are...

Kent, Kevin, Carol, Mom and Dad, Mary, Mike, Paul, James, Peter, Sean, Max, Mimi, Brennan, Sasha.

I have a few New Year’s resolutions. Hopefully, I can keep them...

I resolve to:
To get in better shape and lose some weight. To further realize that I am a good person inside and to allow myself the opportunity to not take myself for granted - to love what I am and to live in the moment of each day as though it’s my last.

That I have a great spirit and a warm heart with a great capacity for love, and that is contagious. Let it grow.

To stay strong in my resolve to gain marriage equality for all couples of the same sex, yet, not have it rule my life. As has been written before, “with all it’s sham and drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world”. That is true, if we let that be true. Because some want us to be miserable and disillusioned with life, we must allow them the power to do that to us. Yes, we alone have that power. They do not have that power.

To realize that there are those in this country who want us to be invisible if we are going to live here. That most of them call themselves Christians, but they are not. Most of them say they love, but they do not. Most of them say they “love us” (the sinner) but “hate the sin”, without realizing that they are sinning as they say this. To realize that they do not love us, and never will love us. They hate - just hate - both the sin AND us. I will resolve myself to accept this and realize that it doesn’t have to make my life less full and loving than it should be. They can’t touch me unless I give them that power.

To understand that life really is what you make of it. There is no deep message to life. You are here, you live your life, and you die. It is what you make of it. If you choose to let others make it hell, it will be hell. I remember what someone told me long ago, in 1977; “Never let your soul suffer at the hands of a fool”. Your life is your tablet. What goes into it depends on you.

Carpe Diem!

The schedule this holiday season has been difficult for us. I had forgotten just how stressful traveling is, aside from the stress of the holidays themselves. The flight home was hell. A few days before we left to come home, U.S. Airways were having all kinds of problems with their “computer systems”. It wasn’t that at all. It turns out that the baggage handlers are less than happy about their wages and/or benefits, and are not putting the baggage on the correct planes, or failing to get it on the planes altogether. The result is very unhappy customers who take their grief out on other U.S. Airways employees at the destination airport (they are probably in a different union from the baggage handlers). Meanwhile, we are all caught in the middle of this mess.

This all took place in Philadelphia which just happened to be the airport that we had a lay over on our way to and from San Diego. Long story short; we got home ok. One bag was on the plane while the other bag didn’t make it. We’ve been home for three days and it’s still missing. The joys of traveling! I like to see other places - once I arrive. But, I hate getting there.

On the flight back, I had a panic attack at 30,000 feet, ended up loosing dinner, and felt like crap for the rest of the night. We got home at 8:30am, and came right home. I was so exhausted.

And to top it off, the dealership called to say that my new car (pictured left - the color is actually more of a burgundy with charcoal-gray interior) had arrived and they had me down to pick it up at 3:00 that day. Yes, I know... it’s a four door. I felt that I should surrender the things of youth (my two door hot chili pepper red two door), and get a car that is more fitting for a middle aged(+) man. If it helps any, it has a bigger engine and gets crappier gas mileage.

We picked up the car. It’s nice, and has so many features that I’m a bit intimidated with it. It accepts 128 voice commands, full navigation system, and heated seats (my favorite!). But after I picked it up and we got home, I told Kent I was going to bed. He was surprised I didn’t want to play with the voice commands and all the rest, but I was so tired that none of that interested me. I went to bed at 8:00pm and didn’t awaken until 9:00am the next morning.

So yesterday, I spent some time with it trying to learn all the commands, the navigation system (which will be nice because my sense of direction sucks big time!)

Tomorrow is my birthday. I’m not too happy about turning 50 but you know, I’m happier right now than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I have everything I’ve always wanted. I have a partner who is first rate. He accepts me as I am which I have to tell you, isn’t easy. I’m temperamental, high strung, and I let too many things bother me. I couldn’t ask for anyone who would come close. I almost didn’t go to the college where I met Kent. If I hadn’t, my life would be completely different. It’s funny how everything in life is left to chance. I was so damn lucky to meet the love of my life at that college way back in 1975 (I'm sure his parents wish differently; at least at the time we came out to them) and it’s lasted all these years. That’s so rare for any couple. I have a nice home that is very comfortable. I have so many things that I am thankful for. Life has been a rough journey for me. I think this is my time in the sun. I’m glad that I’m here to take it all in and to talk about it.

My birthday will be quiet. We are going to Monet’s Table for dinner. I forget all that they are doing. It’s something like a 12 course dinner and they are making a big deal of it all. Afterwards, we are going to a New Year’s Eve party at some friends. It should be a fun time.

Last year was not a good year for gay folks. We saw a lot of gay bashing at the highest levels of government. It’s difficult to deal with that when it goes all the way up to the President of the United States. But I know that time is on our side and in the end, the battle for equality will be won. I may not live to see it, but it will happen. Who know, I may be there in spirit. It will be a sweet day when it finally happens.

So, maybe 2005 will be a bit better for us than 2004 was. At least, our community won’t be used to bait voters into coming to the voting booths to vote against equal rights for gay partnerships. I guess that’s something. And, even in conservative Arkansas, a judge has ruled against a state-wide ban of placing a foster child in any household that has a gay person in it. That’s really quite remarkable for that state. I see progress happening in the most unlikely places.

Keep that chin up young person!!!

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. - A state ban on placing foster children in any household with a gay member was struck down when a judge ruled that the state agency enforcing it overstepped its authority by trying to regulate “public morality.”

Ruling in a case brought by the Arkansas chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union, Pulaski County Circuit Judge Timothy Fox declared the ban unconstitutional Wednesday. [...]

... Fox noted that the Arkansas Legislature gave the state Child Welfare Agency Review board the power to “promote the health, safety and welfare of children,” but the ban does not accomplish that. Rather, he said the regulation seeks to regulate “public morality” - something the board was not given the authority to do.

“The testimony and evidence overwhelmingly showed that there was no rational relationship between the ... blanket exclusion (of gays) and the health, safety and welfare of the foster children,” Fox wrote. (source)

We had a nice Christmas. Something happened this year that was especially nice and sweet for me.

The relationship that we have had with Kent’s parents hasn’t always been good. It has been very stressed at times. But in recent years, things have improved. So we try to see them at least once a year. His parents are both retired now and go to Yuma, Arizona during the winter months. I do have to agree, the 70 degree weather is a nice change from that of Connecticut right now.

Kent, myself, and Kent’s parents were on our way out yesterday for a walk. They live in a small retirement community and know many people there. We ran into one of their neighbors. They introduced Kent as their son. They then introduced me as “one of their other sons”. I was taken aback by that. And on our walk, I was fighting back tears a few times. I got quiet at times when I would think about it.

When we come out to our parents and to close friends, it also takes some time for them to adjust as well. If you think about it, we spent our whole lives dealing with and coming to terms with being gay. When we come out to them, they are dealing with it for the first time, if they hadn’t previously suspected it.

I had hoped that they would over time accept me, but I didn’t really think we were there. It was only a couple of years ago that I was excluded from a ceremony where Kent’s dad received an award. I made my feelings known about not being invited, since I considered myself part of the family. I guess it had some effect. Over time, we have grown closer.

So, when his mother referred to me as their “other son”, I was blown away. I didn’t know what to say. Sometimes, we get so used to fighting for acceptance, that when it finally comes, it’s hard to accept. At least, it was tough for me.

This year, as Christmas season swung into gear, Pastor Patrick Wooden’s followers fanned out to shopping malls across Raleigh to deliver a muscular message of holiday cheer: As Christian shoppers, they would like to be greeted with the phrase “Merry Christmas” - not a bland “Happy Holidays” - and stores that failed to do so would risk losing their business.

Nearly six weeks later, some citizens in Raleigh are seething over what they see as an attempt to force religion into the public square. But others say “Merry Christmas” is rolling off their tongues more easily and more often than in previous years. Emboldened by their victories in November’s elections, conservative Christians nationwide have converged around the topic of Christmas, contending that secularists and nonbelievers have tried to obliterate the holiday’s religious meaning. (source)

I think we are going to see this issue coming forward more and more in years to come. I never really thought much about it, coming from a Christian background; we always called December 25th, “Christmas”. But the gay marriage issue has made me rethink many things about Christianity, on a more or less subconscious level. I realize now how put off I’ve become with so many “Christians” today. They want it all their way. It’s their way or the highway, it seems.

The real problem for many Christians today is that this is not the America we all grew up in. When I grew up in Emmett, Idaho as a child, I didn’t even know what a Jew was. I later learned what a Jew was, in very uncomplimentary terms, I might add. Then, when I was in second grade I made a new friend, Bobby. I still remember his face and how full of joy it always seemed. We became best friends. Then one day, my brother pulled me aside and told me to stop playing with “his kind”. I had no idea what he was talking about, but it sounded bad. I asked what was wrong with Bobby. He said, “Are you color blind? He’s black!!!” I didn’t know what to do. It had honestly never occurred to me that he was a different color than I was. I was bewildered. I was only in second grade, but I was no longer able, or suppose to play with my friend. It wasn’t long after that that Bobby stopped coming to school. A year or so later, I learned that some of the wise town people had burned down the home where Bobby’s family lived and drove the family out of town. That was the last I ever saw of my friend. And did I mention that some of those who set fire to Bobby’s home went to my church?

When Kent and I moved to San Francisco after college, we were amazed at all the different types of people there were. Not only were we meeting gay people who were actually “out” and “proud”, which in and of itself was an oxymoron for us at the time, we were also meeting people of different religions, ethnicities, and were introduced to a whole different level of thinking. People could all be different and could live together in happiness. I thought to myself at the time, “My God, that is what the rainbow flag symbolizes.” It was a time of great enlightenment to both of us. It never occurred to us at the time that this way of thinking would be a threat to anyone. We thought that everyone would embrace this because it included all the people and valued everyone.

If there’s one thing that AIDS taught me, it was that people have a darker side. It is the side that wants to isolate us and make each of us different from the other. Not only that, it also wants to put a value on each of us. The thinking would be something like, He’s not as good as me or is less moral as a human being because he is a “fag” (feel free to insert your own label here). It’s always been this way. I suppose it is part of human nature that we try to destroy anything that it different from ourselves.

So, here we are today. Gay marriage is simply one lightening-rod issue that people are using to drive each other apart. But one thing that is interesting to me is that the issue of what to call December 25th has come to light. I wonder if gay marriage had anything to do with that? Not directly, of course, as they are two different issues, but more of an issue of people’s awareness and sensitivities to any challenge to what they feel is the way things ought to be.

For instance, this year, there is a controversy on what we should call December 25th. Do we dare say, “Merry Christmas”, or do we say the more politically correct thing, “Happy Holidays”? This is serious stuff. Attitudes are heightened. Many (most?) Christians believe that wishing someone “Happy Holidays” is an attack on the true meaning of what CHRISTmas represents. They see it as yet another attempt to water down religion (their brand of it) and make the day represent something less than it is - the birth of Jesus Christ.

On the other hand, you have those who are offended by the thought of someone wishing them a “Merry Christmas”. They see it as the Religious Right forcing their religious views down the throats of others. I can certainly understand that, after the gay marriage debate. But see, I’m on the receiving end of those who wish to see marriage remain as “one man, one woman”, so it’s not surprising that I would understand this view. What has surprised me is that I’m not alone in this. There are many people who feel the same way and sexual orientation seems to have little to do with it. We have entered a world where we are all different. We now live in a world where few seem to want to accept others they see as “different”, whatever those differences may be.

In other words, the America we live in today is less like the Idaho I grew up in, and more like the San Francisco I came to love.

Personally, I have always tried to understand and embrace what people believe. I don’t always agree with them, but I have tried to understand. I understand there are conservative people who don’t “agree” with my “lifestyle”, or my relationship to Kent. I have always accepted that and have viewed it as their right to think that. But, I never thought that they had the right to make me live my life in a certain way.

Today that has changed. The Religious Right want America back the way it was. They are ok with people who are different from us who come to our country to live, as long as they believe and worship God in the manner that they do (believe what they do). That means, they are now the ones who are “in your face” about their religion. Remember when they accused the gay community of being “in your face” about our gay lifestyle? Well, the old saying of “what goes around comes around” seems to be true.

Personally, I’m willing to meet the Religious Right (funny how they picked up that label) halfway. They can continue to believe that I am going to rot in Hell for being a homosexual, along with making disgusting and derogatory remarks about people like me in their Sunday worship services (although I wasn't raised to think of that as very Christian), as long as they stay out of my face with it. And, that means that they stop trying to deny Kent and I our right to our pursuit of happiness in validating our marriage with our friends, along with the State, and the Federal Government.

A Corsican ram stands near a fence, frozen and quivering, struck a half-dozen times by an inexperienced bow hunter standing 20 feet away.

The image, on an undercover videotape released by the Humane Society of the United States in 2000, was taken at a fenced-in Pennsylvania hunting preserve. To critics of so-called "canned hunts," it is an example of the abuses inside some of these poorly regulated facilities.

A growing number of commercial hunting preserves operate, usually with a low public profile, in Vermont, Maine, New York and Pennsylvania. Their names evoke thrilling adventures in rugged terrain - Big Boar Lodge, Big Horn Hunting, Wild Hill Preserve. But some of them provide little more than a choreographed hunt, on as few as 10 acres enclosed by 8-foot fences.

Hunters, including some from Connecticut, where such preserves are banned, pick a potential trophy from a typical price list. Russian wild boar, $475. African sheep, $600. Indian axis deer, $1,000. Buffalo, $2,500.

The standard policy is "No kill, no pay," and customers get a guaranteed shot at their animal of choice. (source)

Former President Jimmy Carter confirmed this week that he supports state-sanctioned civil unions for gay couples, in response to a letter from two veteran Atlanta gay rights activists and questions from Southern Voice.

“President Carter opposes all forms of discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and believes there should be equal protection under the law for people who differ in sexual orientation,” said Deanna Congileo, Carter’s press secretary. (source)

Gee, it’s too bad that civil unions don’t guarantee “equal protection under the law for people who differ in sexual orientation”. Equal protection means that we have EQUAL protections right along with marriage.

Will a civil union transfer to another state? NO

Will the Federal Government honor a civil union just exactly like a marriage? NO

It’s not equal. Jimmy Carter, stop trying to sound like you have a brain here. You are better than this. At least, I thought you were. Only a moron would hold up a comparison of a civil union and a marriage and call it “equal protection”. It’s not even close.

It’s been a busy day for us. Yesterday, we went to the San Diego Zoo, which was really very impressive. Then we went to a great Mexican restaurant last night.

Today, we took a safari at a wildlife preserve north of San Diego. I'll write more about all of it when I’m not so tired. Kent took this photo today as the giraffes tried to gang up on me to get the treats I had. They are such gentle animals.

I received a Christmas card a few days ago from a cousin of mine in Idaho. We haven’t talked in twenty years. I have drifted away from my family. And it honestly hurts like hell to think that labels can separate us, all of us, so much.

I always had a big problem with my label. My family said to me when I told them I was gay, “We love you anyway.” You know, before I told them, I had to endure harassment and physical violence at school. I prayed to God to change me to a straight person so I could be “normal”. I told God that if he didn’t change me, I would kill myself. No sixteen year old should have to go through that. But I did go through that, alone. I had no one to talk to because being gay then was as bad as being a murderer. So, when I finally got up the incredible courage to tell them I am gay, they hit me with “We love you anyway. That’s the first time I realized that this problem was not fixable. It was me, and that part of me was not something they would accept. That is the power of a label.

One label has made me different from them. I always knew that the label applied to me. I just never really knew, or wanted to accept, the price it would demand of me if I honestly wore that label with honesty and pride. Not the kind of pride of being a homosexual, per se. Rather, the pride to proclaim that what I am is ok.

Was it worth it? I suppose it’s a pointless question to ask. The label was applied to me before I was born. It was simply a choice of living my life with some dignity, with some pride, or being ashamed of myself. But the price is high. I will never get the years back from the separation from my family. They will never really know me, or I them. I saw them last August. They were the same, but different. Or was it me who has changed? It’s probably both, but the past is gone.

I think people like us are special. You have to be strong to survive. Many of us in families that can’t accept decide not to go on, and we end our lives. I can’t criticize that because by the time I told my family, I was in a position to not have to live at home anymore. I was old enough by law, to leave. But if you are too young for that to happen, and you are trapped in a world that doesn’t accept you, there’s no clear path for you to take. That was then.

Today, there is more acceptance that we can have a place in this world. Recent events have shown me that the tacit acceptance we have gained can be easily taken away, and there are efforts to do just that. So we have another label to try to reconcile ourselves with: marriage.

After all these years of struggle, of being fired for being gay, of being attacked for being gay, of having my family relationships destroyed for being gay, can any lasting and genuine happiness come from the thirty year relationship I have with my mate? We are happy to be together. We love each other very deeply. But, what happens when one of us dies? If Kent dies first, if my home is taken, if I can’t visit him in the hospital, and all the rest of what comes from marriage, will I want to go on? The only answer I can come up with is, no, probably not. That’s the honest answer. If some friend asked me point blank about that, would I be as honest with them as I am this blog? Probably not.

You can take only so much away from a person before life becomes meaningless. Kent is my world now. I think I would be able to go on without him, if other things were in place. If I had my marriage to comfort me when I am left alone, and I knew that nothing horrible was going to happen, I think I could go on in the memories of what we had together. If the recognition and dignity of that is stripped away by the state and my country, would there be anything left for me to live for. Probably not. I would be ready to let go and leave. But, it’s only marriage right?

That is the power of a label.

We are in route to San Diego now and just left Philadelphia. It took forever to get off the ground it seemed. It was a bumpy ride leaving Hartford. This part of the trip seems smoother. It’s just as cold in Philadelphia as it is in Hartford it seems. When we left, it was in the teens with a wind that made the air sting against the skin.

As Kent will attest to, I don’t travel well. I get too excited about all the stuff that could happen, but once I get into the air (and get a few drinks into me - gin and tonic seem to be the drink for today), I do just fine.

Random thoughts....

I read in the Hartford Courant this morning that one of the giants of opera died yesterday. Renata Tebaldi is dead at the age of 83. When I read that, my heart sank a bit. I remember fondly the afternoons I spent listening to her at the Metropolitan Opera in New York City on the Saturday program Live from the Met. In Emmett, Idaho, where I grew up, there wasn’t much more for a gay boy to do on Saturday afternoons other than listen to the opera. My friends were out shooting helpless animals in the name of sport; I still to this day do not understand that concept. It all seemed very barbaric to me. It seemed a bit more civilized to sit under my tree at the park just below the Emmett dam, listening to the sound of water in the background falling over the spillway, as I listened to my favorite opera stars sing their hearts out at The Met. Instead of actually killing innocent animals in the name of “sport”, I was doing the more civilized thing; listening to how others were scheming to murder others in the name of love and jealousy, or, in some cases, outright murder.

It was very real to me of course. I would listen to them scheme and I would be there with them. It would take me away from my miserable existence as a child and into the magical world of opera. Renata Tebaldi was one of the reigning diva’s at The Met. And let me tell you, her voice was something to reckon with. It could be, as Toscanini described it, the “voice of an angle”. It could also be a huge and intimidating presence. Her sense of phrasing was always meticulous. I loved her in Mephistopheles the most I think.

Other Random thoughts....

Jacqueline du Pre. Now there’s an intimidating presence. I’m listing to her perform the Dvorák Cello Concerto. Jacqueline died on October 18, 1987 of multiple sclerosis.

She is known for her passionate and powerful performances of the Elgar Cello Concerto and the Dvorák. I admit, it’s difficult to listen to this performance. It has actually brought me to tears a few times. Part of that is the material itself, which at times simply weeps in despair. The performance was recorded after Jacqueline was diagnosed and it is said that she was having some difficulties with her playing. What came through was no lack of technical ability. What came through was rage at times with unbelievable strength and power. She never once said in her performance of this concerto on this recording, despite what she was going through at the time, “I accept my fate. I accept what is about to happen to me.” That is why this is probably the most profound performance of this concerto I’ve ever heard. It is exactly what the concerto is speaking too. She understood it perfectly. I usually say about an artist or a performance, “I wish I could have been there to see her perform it”, but in this case, it would have simply been too damn painful to watch.

The very odd thing about Jacqueline du Pre is that, although she was an absolute master at the cello, she hated it. She didn’t enjoy performing, and she didn’t enjoy being in the lime light of a super star status. But, what it gave to her later in life when she needed it most, was an avenue and a way to let the world know what she was going through. Was it musical? I don’t know. I do know that it is one thing that musicianship absolutely demands; honesty and spontaneity. If you are feeling anguish inside over the death you are about to achieve and you aren’t afraid to address it, du Pre’ found the vehicle to address this in the Dvorák Cello Concerto.

Other random thoughts...

I have lived 2/3 of my life. That’s a pretty sobering thought. Still, I do not fret about it. I have experienced so much; good and bad. I have experienced life. If I’m lucky, I may live for another 20-30 years. That would be awesome. According to some people (link to previous entry), I am living on borrowed time, being a gay man and all. But whatever lies in store for me, I’m ready for it. I think of Matthew Sheppard who was killed at such a young age. I think of all that he could have become had he not been savagely murdered for having the courage to simply be himself.

I think of what a gift being gay is. Most reading this will think that I’ve lost my mind by saying that. What do I mean exactly by saying that? First, being gay has given me incredible sensitivity to my world around me. Is that a gay feature? I don’t know. I do know that my straight male counterparts do not have this in any way. Second, I see the greatness and the shallowness of people. I see people rise to the occasion in times of distress. And, I also see the disappointment of seeing some not living up to their potential. It’s scary to be courageous and to stand up for what you believe. It is. But look at it this way. The worst that could happen to you is that you are killed. You are here maybe 60-70 years. It’s not significant. And in terms of the time table of the universe, when the Earth has lived it’s life and is no longer here, it would only have existed for a mere second. And our lives are a mere millionth of a second of that. Second, being gay has caused me a lot of heartache. Yes, this too is a gift. You may not believe it, but most of the growth you will make in your lifetime as a person will come from the bad things that happen to you in life. They challenge you to endure through the pain they cause you. I never looked at them that way when I was going through all the things that life threw at me. But I tell you from experience, that in time, they will give you strength and control over your life.

I think of all the young people who are giving up their lives for our country in Iraq. I honor their bravery and their sacrifice. The fact that they gave up their lives at the hands of a fool does not lessen their sacrifice or their commitment to freedom. I honor that. And I am saddened for the loss their families will feel during this holiday period.

Other Random thoughts...

I wish that people knew us. I mean, as a community. For the longest time, I thought that gay people were understood by society. We’ve been in the news more and on TV more, in a positive light. But if there’s one thing that the marriage issue has shown me, it’s how little we are understood. I don’t know the answer to this. The Human Rights Campaign Fund seems to believe that we should pull back a bit, and give people time to get to know us. My short answer is, BULLSHIT! My long and more drawn out answer is, BULLSHIT! I know, they sound like the same argument, but you say the long argument a bit slower. It’s a more convincing argument I think than the short answer.

The point is, I’m turning 50 in a few days. I don’t have time for straight society to someday decide that they suddenly want to get to know me, or my community. We have given society so much. They openly know this. Yet, when it comes to acknowledging us as equals in society, they won’t do it. And I’m sick to death of this sanctity of marriage crap. There is no sanctity of marriage any longer. That was destroyed long ago. At the point the state and Federal Government began affording rights and privileges to marriage, at that point it became a government program. I honestly wish that they had kept their hands off of it. Then, this would not be an issue. Kent and I could get a blessing if we wanted too. We would not get marriage, but we could call our blessing a marriage at an affirming church. We would not get the rights of marriage, but then neither would anyone else so.... we would all be EQUALS.

I think it’s odd that the President of the United States and the Vice President of the United States have both said that marriage should be honored at the state level and it’s something the states should decide. Fine, but then the Federal Government should strip marriage of all the federal benefits it receives. Also, in just the last few days, a story came out that some major companies are refusing to grant domestic partner benefits to their employees because their health care benefits are based on what a marriage is, according to the federal Defense of Marriage Act, which specifically states that gay couples can not constitute a marriage. So much for our benefits. If the state did allow gay marriage where those companies were located, it wouldn’t matter because the Federal Government does not accommodate gay relationships.

It’s been a long day. We’ve been in the air for seven hours now, and we have another 1 1/2 hours to go before we set down in San Diego. I’m ready for bed. I’m going to try to sleep a bit on the rest of this flight. We are flying first class on this trip and it rocks. The seats are wide, all the free drinks you want, and good food (I’m easily amused). But, on a serious note, if you want to get a few winks, first class is so much nicer because the seats really do recline. Now if I just had my cats.....

Good night.

Today, we leave for San Diego. It’s hard to believe that by tonight, we will be in seventy degree weather. Kent was sick last night. He was sick to his stomach, but seems to be ok today. Strange, I was feeling kind of poor when we went to bed, but I'm fine now.

Here are some photos I took this morning before we went to breakfast.

Maxwell enjoying the first real snowfall of the season. He likes to eat the snow for some reason. You can see some on his chin.

Our Home. It was super cold with a wind when I took this, so I took the photo and promptly went back into the house.

Kent clearing the driveway of snow.

A mouse trying to hide in the snow. He got scared because we opened the door and started the snow blower. Right after I took this photo, he started digging tunnels under the snow.

Kent, clearing the driveway.

US President George W. Bush was chosen as Time’s 2004 Person of the Year for “reframing reality to match his design,” the magazine said Sunday. (source)

Additional Source: Time.

It is amazing that all you have to do to be Time’s Person of the Year is to be a complete moron with no sense of what is going on in the real world. It reminds me of this shirt I spotted while web surfing.

Like the shirt? Buy it here.

“...many people are shocked to learn that the average life expectancy of a homosexual male is only about 45 years old – 30 years younger than that of a heterosexual male...”

That was a quote from someone who was arguing the “Gay Agenda vs. Family Values”. I would send you to the article, but quite frankly, I think that all of us in the gay community have had quite enough conservative gay bashing to last us several lifetimes. My “gay agenda” is to protect my family; that being the life that Kent and I have built together. That’s all.

I do want to talk about that comment. I’m going to give you my basic philosophy of life. It’s quite simple actually, but some of you may find it radical. Here is it: How long you live is not really important. What you do with the time you have on this earth is. Life is not a game to see who can live the longest. And if you think it is, at the end of your life, there will be nothing but emptiness.

That’s no so hard is it? People who put out stupid comments like the one I quoted above are trying to paint the “gay lifestyle” as something to be dreaded and something that is a curse. From all the time I’ve spent taking care of my friends with AIDS or those who have been beaten by homophobic bigots, I have been amazed at how people who have a pure heart can turn anger into a state of grace that few in life ever realize. The people who put out hateful and divisive comments like the one I quoted above would do well to look at their own life. Is it what they want it to be? Is it so empty that all they want to do is to try to make the lives of others miserable? At the end of their life, will they be able to say that their testament to life was worth remembering?

I have seen some horrible things in my life. I have taken care of my friends with AIDS and I have watched them die. But that’s not the bad part. I wouldn’t trade those memories and the gifts of grace those men gave me for the world. They taught me what life is really about. I will tell you, there is nothing more touching and sacred than being the person that someone wants to spend their last moments on earth with. The ugly part of AIDS for me, is hearing about the incredible hatred that people had, and still have, for people with AIDS. There are morons who still to this day say that AIDS is a “gay disease”. My friends, the gay community in this country was not the first population by a long shot to be effected by AIDS. Long before 1980, there were communities in counties around the world who had this disease where it was spread by unprotected heterosexual sex. It wasn’t until 1980 that it started to make a visible impression to a population on U.S. soil. AIDS is nothing new, and it wasn’t new when it started showing up in the gay population in this country. To those who still believe that AIDS is a gay disease, will you still feel that way when your daughter contracts AIDS?

Because it spread in the gay community, we got no support from our government what so ever. This is the dark side of man. The people who say “...the average life expectancy of a homosexual male is only about 45 years old – 30 years younger than that of a heterosexual male...” were the same people who were saying, “AIDS is GOD’s answer to homosexuality”, “Thank GOD for AIDS”, and “I hate faggots, but I love AIDS”. That is the real sickness that has plagued man since the beginning; the ability to always point the finger to someone else and say, “See! It’s his fault, so I hate him for it!”.

This is happening yet again today. We have a President who wants to protect the sanctity of marriage from people like us; people who happen to be the same sex, but want a formal and public commitment to each other for life, and we want the legal protections that will enable us to do that. What he should be attacking is the reason behind the 55% divorce rate in this country along with game shows that give away marriage as the grand prize. That is what is tearing marriage apart.

I remember spending time with a good friend of mine. He was thirty years old when he died of AIDS. If I hadn’t been with Kent, I would probably have been his mate. He went to college with Kent and myself. I was angry that there was so much hatred that he had to endure. I would take him down to The Castro in San Francisco where we lived, to get him out of his apartment. I thought it would help his spirits a bit. He had been so sick and having bad reactions to the very power AIDS drug, AZT, that he was taking at the time. I would drive him down to The Castro, and we would walk a bit around the neighborhood. He couldn’t walk far without resting. On one of our walks in The Castro, we came across a small minded hateful jerk who came up to Stan and said, “AIDS is a gift from God to rid the planet of AIDS infested faggots like yourself!”. My friend was in his later stages of AIDS. He was visibly sick with weight loss and lack of color. Stan stepped up to the man to look him right in the face. I got closer to try to protect him if violence should happen. Stan simply said to the man, “I forgive you. There is so much love where I’m at, and I’m ready to leave this place where there is so much hate. Don’t feel bad when this is all over.” Stan turned to me with sadness all over his face and said to me, “I want to go home now.” The man was absolutely speechless. Now THAT is grace.

I admit, I too was speechless. At the time I thought to myself, “That was what Jesus would have said.” I’ve seen it many times since then, and it has become a part of my philosophy on life. I have learned that the number of years you live is very unimportant. Jesus lived only 33 years. What would that man have said of him, “...many people are shocked to learn that the average life expectancy of a radical such as Jesus is only about 33 years old – 25 years younger than that of a law abiding citizen”?

All of us are here for a very short period of time. It seems like yesterday that I was sitting at a friends restaurant in San Mateo, California celebrating my 23rd birthday (yes, that’s Kent standing right behind me). In a few days, I will turn 50. And that picture seems like it was just yesterday.

Life is too short to be spent on hatred.

On Thursday, Lambda Legal declared a victory for LGBT employees at Foot Locker after the company settled an anti-gay discrimination lawsuit filed in June.

Lambda Legal sued on behalf of Kevin Dunbar of Columbia, S.C., who said he was fired after complaining about the anti-gay harassment he suffered at the hands of co-workers -- despite the company’s nondiscrimination policy.

At one point, Dunbar was promised that his complaint would be kept confidential. But when he transferred from one store to another, Dunbar said his new manager knew about what happened and refused to shake his hand. According to Dunbar, the manager said, “I heard about your shit; I don’t want your faggot ass in my store.” [...]

After settling its lawsuit with Lambda Legal, Foot Locker says it will train all of its managers and employees more aggressively about anti-gay harassment. Training at the company’s Columbia, S.C., stores, where Dunbar was harassed, is expected to be finished by the summer. [...]

Dunbar also received an undisclosed monetary settlement. (source)

Previous entries concerning this:
June 29, 2004, Foot Locker Stores Accused Of Gay Discrimination
June 30, 2004, My response to Foot Locker
September 24, 2004, WNBA fans face protesters

The White House gave a new vote of confidence on Friday to Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld amid growing criticism of him from members of President Bush’s own Republican Party.

“Secretary Rumsfeld is doing a great job leading our efforts at the Department of Defense to win the war on terrorism and to help bring about a free and peaceful Iraq, and the president is focused on working closely with him on those matters,” said White House spokesman Scott McClellan. (source)

I’m no military strategist, so what do I know? I keep remembering what Secretary Rumsfeld told a solder in Iraq in response to the soldier’s question: “As you know, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time.”

That’s true, IF you are attacked without warning. If you plan to go to war, as we did in Iraq, there is no reason to be surprised by issues such as the lack of body armor for our troops, or the lack of armor for the vehicles. It’s just common sense. Hell, even I know that, and I've never been in the military.

How anyone can still have confidence in the way the Bush Administration is running this war is beyond me and the fact that they support Rumsfeld after a statement like that speaks volumes.

Heterosexual newlyweds have been caught in the fallout over the same-sex weddings that took place here earlier this year: The federal government is not recognizing any marriage certificates issued in New Paltz as a valid form of identification for those seeking a name change from the Social Security Administration.

New Paltz resident Susie Kilpatrick Wilkening found out about the policy on Dec. 3, when she went to the Social Security office in Kingston, seeking to change her name to reflect her recent marriage to Jeremy Wilkening.

“I presented my marriage certificate, and I was told that it was not an acceptable form of ID because it was from New Paltz,” said Kilpatrick-Wilkening, who works for the Huguenot Historical Society in New Paltz. “If the federal government cannot accept my marriage certificate, I can’t prove I’m married, and that could have long-term ramifications. I want to clear this up as soon as possible.” (source)

Honey, all I can say is, welcome to my world.

The subject of the 16th president’s sexuality has been debated among scholars for years. They cite his troubled marriage to Mary Todd and his youthful friendship with Joshua Speed, who shared his bed for four years. Now, in a new book, C. A. Tripp also asserts that Lincoln had a homosexual relationship with the captain of his bodyguards, David V. Derickson, who shared his bed whenever Mary Todd was away.

In “The Intimate World of Abraham Lincoln,” to be published next month by Free Press, Mr. Tripp, a psychologist, influential gay writer and former sex researcher for Dr. Alfred C. Kinsey, tries to resolve the issue of Lincoln’s sexuality once and for all. The author, who died in 2003, two weeks after finishing the book, subjected almost every word ever written by and about Lincoln to minute analysis. His conclusion is that America’s greatest president, the beacon of the Republican Party, was a gay man. (source)

From all the other stories that I have read from other same sex couples, the thought of making the relationship “official” is very important, not only for all the legal issues surrounding marriage, but because the feeling of being second class is gone. I don’t honestly understand why that is such a difficult thing for people to understand.

The news that some of the state’s largest employers are cutting off health benefits to same-sex couples sounds to some like a step backward. After all, isn’t Massachusetts supposed to be a bastion of gay rights? [...]

At first glance, it sounds like what’s happening in some other states. Michigan, for instance, has announced it is dropping domestic partner benefits for state employees in response to voter approval of a referendum prohibiting not only gay marriage, but any other benefits reserved for traditional marriage.

But in Massachusetts, the reasoning is different. Here, same-sex marriage has been legal since last May. The domestic partner benefits are being dropped because they are no longer needed to insure employees in same-sex couples are being treated fairly. Now that gay couples can get married, there is no need to extend family benefits to people who haven’t committed to forming a family.

And by adjusting these benefits in line with the rights same-sex couples now enjoy, Massachusetts is doing the opposite of what it’s been accused of over the last year: It is strengthening the institution of marriage. (source)

I look at a state like Michigan, for example, who not only passed a state constitutional amendment making gay marriage illegal, but they also made any form of civil union illegal. The governor of that state, citing that she had to obey the law, ordered that all state agencies stop honoring any benefits offered to same sex domestic partners. Honestly, if that’s the way they really feel about their gay citizens, I would leave the state. But that’s just me. I have said that before and I’ve been raked over the coals for “running away” and being a “coward”. It’s not that I’m running away and I’m certainly no coward.

Simply put, I don’t want to support, through my tax dollars or any other means, any institution or state that supports bigotry as a normal every day part of it’s operation. If I have a choice not to pay (such as moving from that state), I would do so. The state will therefore not profit from my taxes as a hard working citizen. It would also lose my talents and gifts that I can offer to that state, not to mention all the revenue that they would get from my purchases.

If I could do it to the Federal Government, I’d do the same thing. Bigotry is wrong in all cases. People need to start realizing that money is a very powerful thing. Everyone wants it. Cities and towns need revenue for their schools and services. And, that comes from everyone. Every single time that I can, I make my money count.

For example, a month or so ago, I got a catalog from the Virginia Ham Company. Apparently, sometime in the past, I purchased something from them on line. I actually do most of my shopping on line, except for groceries. Anyway, I sent the catalog back to the Virginia Ham Company and requested that they permanently take my name off their mailing list. I told them that because of the state constitutional amendment passed in Virginia prohibiting gay marriage and any recognition for civil unions in state benefits, I would no longer do business with them or any company located in the State of Virginia. It’s important that they know why. If more people would do this, more companies in states like Virginia might actually go back to their state legislature and demand the law be changed.

Money is power. It really is.

I didn’t honestly think the jury of the Scott Peterson trial would sentence him to death. I am actually against the death penalty, for a couple of reasons. It’s possible that an innocent person could be put to death. I’m sure this has happened in the past. As technology progresses, DNA testing is making the chance of this happening much less likely. In the end, I suppose it all comes down to what we feel a state should be able to do. Is it an honorable thing to do for a state to put a person to death? Will that really serve justice? Is there any such thing as justice in this world?

I can’t imagine what both of the families have been through. There is so much pain on both sides. As I was getting ready for work this morning, Good Morning America had three of the jurors on it’s show. They all made mention of how Scott Peterson showed little emotion throughout the trial. It does seem a bit odd. I mean, this was his wife and unborn child we are talking about. And he was the one accused of murdering them. If he is guilty, as they found, I can understand him not showing emotion, I suppose.

But my issue is that I didn’t think the show of emotion was something that was “admissible”. In other words, if Scott Peterson had shown more emotion, if he had broken down and cried during the time the court showed the pictures of his slain wife, would they have given him life in prison instead of the death penalty?

I thought that a case should be based on the facts, and nothing but the facts. Does the show or absence of emotion fall into the “fact” category? At any rate, I find it a bit bizarre that in a society that hates murder so much, the only way we can seem to deal with those who murder is to.... kill.

As many of you know, I grew up in Idaho. Last summer, I went back to Idaho for the first time in twenty years. It’s a beautiful state. It is quite conservative, but there are voices of reason in the state. And this year, Nicole LeFavour, a lesbian, was elected in the State House of Representatives.

I was also very happy that Brad Little of Emmett, who I went to high school with, will be voting against the amendment.

“I believe gay marriage is a wedge issue promoted by the far right to tear apart the Republican Party,” said Sen. John Goedde, R-Coeur d’Alene. “I don’t think this exercise is worth a hill of beans.”

The House is a different story. Last year, an amendment defining marriage as the union of a man and a woman easily passed the House and is expected to do so again. [...]

“I believe we’ve got the 24 votes (in the Idaho Senate) needed to get the job done,” said Meridian Republican Gerry Sweet, who along with Nampa Republican Curt McKenzie is working with conservative groups from Idaho and around the country to make gay-marriage bans the law of the land.

But the two other members of Senate Republican leadership -- Joe Stegner of Lewiston and Brad Little of Emmett -- oppose the amendment.

Little says Idaho’s Defense of Marriage Act, the state statute banning gay marriage, already covers the matter.

The only way for gay marriage to be foisted upon Idaho, Little said, is for a state judge to say the Defense of Marriage Act violates the state constitution. Or, Little said, the U.S. Supreme Court could uphold November 2003 ruling in Massachusetts that said it was unconstitutional to bar same-sex couples from civil marriage. Then it wouldn’t matter what Idaho did, he said. (source)

In the Advocate essay, Rosen compared gay marriage to “a noisy red Ferrari speeding down quiet Main Street. . . there is no question that this issue played some role in the overall mood of the country, and it is just not possible to deny so many their instincts.”

“The strategy has to change,” she wrote. “Let’s stop looking a gift horse in the mouth. If there are ways to get gay and lesbian couples some access to benefits now, we ought to be more aggressive in pursuing them.”

Her statements have worried other longtime activists, however.

“Everybody else has a Ferrari,” said Fred Kuhr, editor of In Newsweekly, New England’s largest gay newspaper. “I have money for a red Ferrari, but the dealer doesn’t want to sell it to me. Why? Because I’m gay. I don’t think it makes much sense for the activist voices to be saying, ‘OK, Bush won, and we have this feeling that the anti-gay right is in control, so we‘ll scale back our goals.’”

Vin McCarthy, who founded HRC in New England, said he was worried HRC, which lobbies on Capitol Hill, chose political pragmatism over ideals in ousting Jacques.

“If we lose, let us lose the whole war,” he said. “If Hilary tries to pull the movement back to civil unions, there will be a revolution.” (source)

I couldn’t agree more with Vin McCarthy. If we lose, let us lose the whole war. We have nothing now. I am, at this time, wondering if I should call HRC and cancel the monthly payment I make to them each month. It seems that they are now talking about civil unions, and are entertaining talk that the gay community should settle for something less than marriage.

Personally, I would rather have what I have now (nothing), than settle for a watered down version of marriage. That is degrading to our marriage. HRC changed it’s strategy after the November elections when they fired Cheryl Jacques as head of HRC.

The abrupt resignation of Jacques, head of the nation’s largest gay and lesbian advocacy group for just 11 months, unfolded a heated debate in the broader gay rights movement, which has seen its dramatic victory of legalized gay marriage in Massachusetts in May fuel a backlash that led 11 states to ban gay marriage in November.

When Jacques resigned Nov. 30, she and the HRC board released a joint statement citing “a difference in management philosophy.”

But friends of Jacques, a former Massachusetts senator, have said the difference was more substantive. Jacques was a casualty of the debate over whether the gay community should lower its sights, said her friend and former colleague Scott Harshbarger, who has spoken with Jacques since her departure.

“She made the decision that the most important issue for HRC was marriage,” said Harshbarger, former Massachusetts attorney general. “It is what HRC is all about. She had every right to think that would be accepted by the board. Then they take action to eliminate [her] tenure. . . .I’m afraid all the wrong lessons got learned by HRC. To walk away because you interpret the results of an election to mean [marriage] is not a winner for the community you represent is very sad and misguided, and Cheryl was a victim of that internal power play.” (source)

I think the truly sad thing in this post-election time is that, even the gay organizations in this country are all over the place in what we should ask for. Some, like HRC seem to be pulling back to ask for less than marriage. They say we should push for some rights, and work on the rest later. I’ll tell you what will happen. If we settle for less, that will send a huge message to all those people who don’t want us to ever see marriage. It will tell them that we will concede. It will tell them that we truly are second best. And, they would be right. If we go down this road of settling for what we can get now, we will never see marriage as a reality for gay couples. That’s my prediction.

I guess I can’t say it any better than this:

The marriage license sits in a picture frame in the Bend dining room of Judy Jordet and Cat Finney, and their two sons.

It is a piece of paper, but it is so much more.

The partners of 14 years rushed to buy their license the first day Multnomah County started issuing them to same-sex couples. They exchanged vows on that rainy day in March, not wanting to risk losing what they knew was a fleeting opportunity.

Marriage isn’t just about solemnizing a relationship, Jordet said, but about gaining access to rights and protections that come with it. Legal rights. Hospital visitation rights. Parental rights.

“It was not about being rebellious,” she said. “It was about protecting our family. We have to protect our children.” (source)

With all the negative talk in the world about one thing or another, I thought I’d post a story about something very positive; just being yourself.

A few months ago, during a debate over whether government workers should get benefits for same-sex partners, Passaic County Sheriff’s Department Detective Cpl. Douglas Laverty revealed that he is gay -- something he had kept secret from even close friends. [...]

In July, when New Jersey’s domestic partnership law went into effect, Laverty began wondering whether the policy extending benefits to same-sex couples would extend to the county level. He has been in a committed gay relationship for three years, and refers to his partner of three years, James Roche, as his spouse and husband.

Laverty asked for a meeting with Passaic County Sheriff Jerry Speziale, telling the sheriff’s aide only that he wanted to discuss a personal matter. The sheriff didn’t flinch when Laverty said he was gay, and immediately put him in contact with county freeholders to discuss the possibility of granting same-sex benefits. (That hasn’t happened yet.)

Soon, a newspaper got wind of his inquiries and profiled him in a front-page article. The night before it was to be published, Laverty couldn't sleep, fearing what he might have gotten himself into.

When he got to work the next day, his desk was filled with cards and notes -- all offering support. (source)

We just got home from dinner. We went to Dimitri’s for dinner (in Coventry). It was a slow night there, which is usual for a Sunday night. Occasionally, we will be placed next to someone who is more vocal than most.

Tonight, we had the misfortune of being placed next to this older (well, elderly) couple. The man said very little. The woman talked non-stop. I don’t believe they were married, but rather just knew each other. Married couples never talk that much, except for us, it seems.

She was going on and on about how the daughter of a friend of hers “had to quit her job” because a lesbian was relentless in her harassment to her friend’s daughter at their work and how her friend’s daughter just couldn’t afford to quit her job because she had to support her small daughter (I know... it’s a soap opera). The lady was saying, “I would just have laid that lesbian out if it were me...” on and on and on....

I wanted to get up, go over to her table, and say, “Excuse me, but I am a LESBIAN TRAPPED IN A MAN’S BODY, and I find YOU to be VERY attractive!!!” Then, sit back and watch the show.

Harassment is harassment. Sexual orientation has absolutely nothing to do with it. People are morons.

I found this thought provoking article in MetroWeekly, a gay and lesbian magazine based in Washington, D.C.

Here are some highlights from the article.

With the November elections five weeks past, people are finally turning away from electoral discussions. Who could blame the voters on the losing side if they would rather turn their attentions to their own lives for the next four years?

For gay Americans, however, there was a particular rub in the results. Voters in eleven states were given the opportunity to cast votes on same-sex marriage, the most far-reaching opportunity for voters to cast a vote on an issue directly targeting gays. And the outcome was less than friendly. [...]

... Does the majority want to push gay Americans back into the closet? Has the ship of state taken a sharp right turn, steaming quickly away from any sort of gay Mecca?

I personally think that if the majority of the American population had it’s way, gay Americans would be deported from this land. You may think I’m overreacting, but from this gay American’s viewpoint, that’s what it looks like. People just don’t want to deal with us anymore. I think the last election said that loud and clear. And when many Americans heard that we might head to the Canadian border, they basically said, “Good riddens”. If America wants to keep us around it’s really only because of the $500 billion buying potential of our community they are interested in.

America is not about fairness. Perhaps it never was. Perhaps I used to look at my country with rose colored glasses, thinking that if you were American, you may not be educated to different types of people, but behind all of that, you had a basic sense of fairness and respect for all people. That’s simply not the America we live in anymore. It has become something much less than the ideal of fairness.

That’s not to say that everyone who opposes same-sex marriage opines from the pulpit. Maggie Gallagher is a nationally syndicated columnist who appears regularly in the National Review. She is also the president of the D.C.-based Institute for Marriage and Public Policy (IMPP).

Gallagher is a sharp debater. Her appreciation for dissecting a question runs deep enough that she allows Jonathan Rauch, the openly gay author of Gay Marriage: Why It Is Good for Gays, Good for Straights, and Good for America, a spot on IMPP’s Web site to offer a counterpoint.

For Gallagher, the marriage amendments seem to have little to do with organized religion or a spiritual view. They also have little to do with gays.

“After a year of making the argument in the public square, most people don’t agree with same-sex marriage,” Gallagher observes. “This is not an anti-gay thing. I don’t see those two issues as closely connected. A lot of people do, but I don’t. It’s not what you think of gay people, but what you think about marriage.”

I don’t know what world Ms. Gallagher lives in. In the last Presidential Election, we had eleven states pass, by popular vote, amendments to their state constitutions outlawing gay marriage. Half of those states further passed that the state would not even honor civil unions, or anything that resembled marriage.

How she can say that has “little to do with gays” is quite beyond me. She says, “It’s not what you think of gay people, but what you think about marriage.” Ok, let’s take that. What in the world have gay people done to marriage? The answer: absolutely nothing.

All we want to do is to have our relationships honored and protected. If straight society were really thinking about the protection of marriage, they would do well to tend to their own house. What are they doing about teenage pregnancy that often results in teenagers being pushed into a marriage that neither of them wants? What about the extremely high divorce rates among the heterosexual population? What about all the shows on TV that offer marriage up as a prize on some dating show?

That is what they should be looking at. None in the gay community have offered or would even know how to inflict that kind of damage against marriage.

“Same-sex marriage is not the future,” Gallagher wrote. “The set of ideas that lead a culture, a religion, a court to endorse same-sex marriage are simply not sustainable over the long haul. Europe, which gave us the idea of same-sex marriage, is a dying society, with birthrates 50 percent below replacement. Every mainstream Protestant sect that has endorsed sexual liberation (including homosexuality) is also dwindling away.”

Nevertheless, Gallagher advises gay people not to take the amendment votes personally. “I don’t think it’s a cultural shift about gay people,” she offers. “Many gay people saw this as a direct repudiation of them; many liberals did as well. I wouldn’t call it a backlash. I don’t think this was a showing of negative feelings. There is a disagreement here, clearly.”

All I can say is.... I want some of what she is smoking! She’s an idiot. This was a very, very personal attack on our community. I also think that this country will see gay marriage become a reality. I think that is inevitable, but it will take time. In some states, considerable time.

Many of the state’s largest employers are dropping health benefits for unmarried gay couples, seven months after Massachusetts became the only state to legalize same-sex marriage.

Massachusetts companies, some of which pioneered so-called domestic-partner benefits for unmarried, same-sex partners, said they are now withdrawing them for reasons of fairness: If gays and lesbians can now marry, they should no longer receive special treatment in the form of health benefits that were not made available to unmarried, opposite-sex couples. [...]

“We’re saying if you’re a same-sex domestic partner, you now have the same option heterosexuals have, so we have to apply the same rules to you,” said Larry Emerson, Baystate’s vice president of human resources. (source)

I completely agree with Mr. Emerson. If you are a gay couple living in Massachusetts and you choose not to get married, you should no longer be entitled to domestic partner benefits because allowing such benefits would be unfair for heterosexual couples who can get married but choose not too.

This is all about fairness. Gay couples can now get married in Massachusetts. If they want the benefits that go along with this, then they must get married.

And all the people out there who say that homosexuals are only seeking “special rights”, read my comment. I’m totally in line with fairness for everyone, both homosexual and heterosexual couples. That’s the way it should be.

If and when Kent and I can get married in Connecticut, I would expect the same for us.

I’ve never been a big T-Mobile fan. It’s probably because I don't like paying for Internet access by the day (T-Mobile in my area is around $10 per day, or you can buy a monthly access account for around $40 I believe). Borders, and now Barne’s and Noble now use T-Mobile in their stores so their customers can connect to the Internet while visiting their stores.

Although I love both of them, I gravitate to FREE WiFi spots at places such as Panera, where you can order a nice lunch, set up your computer in a nice quiet corner, leisurely eat lunch, and surf the Internet and write for an entire afternoon. You pay nothing for the Internet connection. The only thing that you should do is to occasionally pay for something through out your stay. The restaurant is paying for the Internet so you should return the favor.

Regardless, it's cool to see that T-Mobile values diversity in it’s client base and, most importantly, they view our partners as our “family”.

Gays don’t have to be a punchline in commercials, as advertisers are starting to learn.

“My cell phone bill is outrageous,” says a man to his girlfriend in a current T-Mobile commercial. “Mine too!” she replies. He asks in an accusatory tone, “Who have you been talking to?” “You!” she exclaims.

The tension grows as other couples make the same discovery. Included in the hysteria are two men in their bathroom, one shaving his face. At the end, the brand's spokeswoman, Catherine Zeta-Jones, says, “Come to T-Mobile, where couples talk free.”

The calling plan, called FamilyTime, includes two lines of service from the same billing address, accommodating same-sex partners as well as roommates and friends. (source)

Last night I checked my email, and had been notified that a comment was left on this site. I came to this site and did indeed see a comment from “exterminategays@ihategays.com”. The comment was posted to my Support Our Troops entry dated December 8, 2004. The comment said, “Billy Boy, do yourself a favor and commit suicide.” The comment was deleted.

But before I deleted the comment, I did an IP address search for all entries for that particular poster. My suspicions were correct - it was the same poster (same IP address) as “spitonyou”, who posted a message on the same day as the post. The IP address for this individual has been banned from posting comments on this site.

I hated to do that. Why? Because it silences what he has to say, and that is what I hate. But, I also realize that he has no interests in voicing an opposition to what I said. I put out arguments and what I feel about a situation. I then try to explain why I feel the way I do. Opposing viewpoints are welcomed and encouraged. I say encouraged because I too am learning from life’s lessons as I take my journey through life. Personal attacks on me does not add any value to this process, since the person does not even know me. He obviously vehemently disagrees with my opinion on the war in Iraq. THAT is what he should try to put into words. THAT I would be interested in. Instead, he used his post to attack me. It’s ok - I have a thick skin. But the point I’m trying to make is that his argument was lost because of it.

Still, I kept his original post out there, and tried to respond to it, despite the fact that there was little substance to it. Last night, he posted again with the reference to suicide. It was a different email address (none of them are valid email addresses - he puts one in because the comment form requires it). It was then that I decided that he had no interest in carrying on an intelligent, thought provoking argument. So, I banned him from comments.

It was the least restrictive thing I could do. I could have banned him from even seeing this site, or ever emailing me. I could also go to comment moderation where no comments get posted unless I first review them. Some people do this, but I think it disrupts the flow of arguments because there is a delay in comment posting. I have had to reluctantly start moderating entries left in my guest book, because this same individual was posting lewd comments there as well. For now, I’m keeping the board open. Comments will be immediately posted for current entries (no older than 2 weeks). Older entries will be moderated, but will probably appear within 4 hours.

Feel free to post comments and opposing points of view as you wish. Some of my opinions on different topics have actually been changed by some of your posts. But, I will not allow posts that only deal with irrational hatred towards me, or hateful attacks against a group of people based on religion, sexual orientation, or any other means. There are other sites that will accommodate that if you wish - this is not one of them.

Remnants left over from the old days. Ten years ago, the trooper would have had cause to arrest the couple for kissing in public. There couldn’t be any outward form of expression for gay people in Texas. I don't believe there was a specific law addressing kissing, but it would have been prosecuted as “lewd conduct” or some such charge. It’s kind of hard to imagine. And we still called ourselves a “free society”.

A Texas Department of Public Safety trooper has been placed on probation for telling two gay men who were kissing at the state Capitol that homosexual conduct was illegal in Texas.

Trooper Michael Carlson was placed on job probation for six months and given a written reprimand, DPS spokeswoman Tela Mange said Friday. Carlson, who has been a DPS trooper for three years, also has been ordered to have more training on Texas laws.

Texas law does not prohibit gays from kissing. Also, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down the state’s anti-sodomy law in June 2003. [...]

Corvino (one of the men involved) said he tried to tell Carlson that they were not breaking the law, but he said the trooper told them again that “homosexual conduct is against the law.”

“We won’t have you doing this on Capitol grounds,” Carlson told the men, according to the complaint. (source)

Canada’s highest court Thursday said that allowing same-sex marriage would be consistent with the Canadian Constitution, clearing the way for an expected vote in parliament on whether to permit gay marriages throughout the country.

In the United States, legal experts and advocates on both sides of the issue said the ruling would have only a limited effect.

In sweeping language, the unanimous opinion brushed aside objections that allowing same-sex couples to marry would violate the traditional definition of marriage stretching back several centuries. Such a view was valid at one time, the court said, in “a society of shared social values where marriage and religion were thought to be inseparable.” (source)

Awesome news! I expected it to happen, but it is nice that it’s finally formalized. Now if the United States would endorse equality...

According to WAVE, the American “Family” Association of Kentucky has sent unsolicited pornography to 65,000 homes in Jefferson County which “graphically describes sexual acts between same-sex partners.” The letter apparently also targets the Catholic Church and its recent trouble with sexually abusive priests and claims the pedophile priests were homosexual despite no evidence to support that assertion. (Most were heterosexual.)

The organization is apparently trying to stir up support for an amendment to the county's “Fairness Ordinance” which prohibits discrimination in housing and employment based on sexual orientation among many other things. (source)

As I got ready and left my home this morning, I decided to drive down into the village for a bit of breakfast. This was the sunrise that I was greeted with. Pretty nice. I like the contrasts of the light and dark shadows in the clouds. Rembrandt would have loved it.

Our little restaurant was very excited when I gave her my debit card. She said, “Oh!!! This is the first card we’ve ever done.” I thought to myself, “Oh great! This cup of coffee and croissant are going to cost me $25.” We got it all worked out. New technology is a bit slow at coming to our neck of the woods.

On my way to work, I heard on the radio that Macy’s will not be using the word “Christmas” in any of their windows this year in New York City. It seems that they will be using more generic terms, such as “Happy Holidays”, or “Seasons Greetings”. I suppose the Christians are going to love that. The country is becoming more of a melting pot all the time. Everything is changing. If you are the kind of person who welcomes new and changing ideas along with new cultures, it’s an exciting time for you. If, on the other hand, you favor tradition, it must seem at times (most of the time I would imagine), that the world is going to hell in a hand basket.

Last night, I watched Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld try to address the issues from the troops. One such question was very telling:

One soldier, identified by The Associated Press as Army Spc. Thomas Wilson of the 278th Regimental Combat Team, a Tennessee National Guard outfit, asked Rumsfeld why more military combat vehicles were not reinforced for battle conditions.

“Why do we soldiers have to dig through local landfills for pieces of scrap metal and compromised ballistic glass to uparmor our vehicles?” Wilson asked.

The question prompted cheers from some of the approximately 2,300 troops assembled in the large hangar to hear Rumsfeld deliver a pep talk at what the Pentagon called a town hall meeting.

Rumsfeld said armored military vehicles have been brought to the region “from all over the world, from where they’re not needed to a place they’re needed.” [...]

“It’s essentially a matter of physics, not a matter of money,” Rumsfeld said. “It’s a matter of production and the capability of doing it.”

In April, the Pentagon said it was spending $400 million to replace the Army’s thin-skinned Humvees in Iraq with the so-called “uparmored” reinforced versions.

“As you know, you have to go to war with the Army you have, not the Army you want,” Rumsfeld said.

He added, “You can have all the armor in the world on a tank, and it can [still] be blown up.”

Rumsfeld’s response to the question drew quick criticism from one Democratic legislator.

Sen. Chris Dodd of Connecticut said he sent a letter to Rumsfeld asking whether the military met a self-imposed July 31 deadline to fully armor the troops.

“I understand how you may be forced into a situation earlier than you’d like where you might not have everything you want, but it’s now going into the third year,” Dodd said. (source)

Third year indeed. My major issue with the war is the lack of support our troops are really getting. Sending our troops into harms way without the proper body armor is bad enough. But after the families of the men on the battlefield buy the armor for the soldier on the battlefield (at $1,200 a pop I might add), only to have any reimbursement for that armor turned down by the government, is well... shameful.

Perhaps most revealing was the reaction of Secretary Rumsfeld when asked that very pointed question about armor on their vehicles. He looked very much like a deer in headlights. He was not only caught off guard, but he had no idea what to say. Scary.

Another issue facing the troops was also brought up.

Another soldier asked Rumsfeld about the stop-loss order. Critics of the policy have called it a “backdoor draft.” A group of soldiers filed a lawsuit this week challenging the policy.

“My husband and myself both joined a volunteer Army,” said the woman, who identified herself as a staff sergeant in a logistics unit from Fort Bragg, North Carolina. “Currently, I’m serving under the stop-loss. I would like to know how much longer you foresee the military using this program.”

Rumsfeld said the policy “is something you prefer not to have to use in a perfect world.”

“It’s based on unit cohesion,” Rumsfeld said. “The principle is that -- in the event there is something that requires a unit to be involved in, and people are in a personal situation where their time was ending -- they put a stop-loss on it so cohesion is maintained.” (same source)

There are soldiers in Iraq who are going back a second and third time. Their duty is over and because of the stop-loss order, they are unable to end their duty. You can only do that for so long.

The other remark that irked me was, “they put a stop-loss on it so cohesion is maintained”. The main reason that don’t ask, don’t tell was enforced was to maintain “unit cohesion”, because military officials felt that having openly gay personnel in it’s midst would be harmful to unit cohesion. Since don’t ask, don’t tell went into effect, over 10,000 gay service personnel have been discharged under that policy. We could use that expertise right now in the military, and it’s been discharged.

So one has to wonder, what would do harm to unit cohesion, the stop-loss order or gay personnel? Of course, the way things are going in Iraq, I suppose don’t ask, don’t tell is doing gay people a big favor. And that is a sad commentary on the war.

New Zealand passed a law that gives gay couples the same legal rights as married heterosexual couples.

The nation's parliament approved the Civil Union Bill in Wellington today by 65 votes to 55. The law allows de facto and same-sex couples to register their relationships with the government, giving them the same rights as married couples. (source)

I know that it’s unfair to lump all of our troops together into one unfavorable group, but I’ve found my support for our own troops to be waning in the last couple of months.

In my blog, I have been against the war in Iraq all along. But, I have always supported our troops. Despite that fact that most Americans can not seem to grasp that concept that I can be against the war but still support our troops, it’s true. To me, they are two totally different issues. I realize that they are doing what they are ordered to do. That is their job. I have never faulted them.

I feel that we rushed to war without cause or preparation. Iraq was never the smoking gun for the attacks the United States suffered on September 11, 2001. Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda said they were responsible. Yet, we let Osama bin Laden slip away. We stayed in Iraq. And yet, most Americans don’t seem to wonder... why. To this day, I still believe that President Bush had his own personal reasons for bringing our country into this war. Perhaps we will find out what they are thirty years from now when he’s an old man writing his memoirs. Our troops have suffered and been killed for it. And, I am hearing more and more about war atrocities happening in Iraq, at the hands of our troops.

First, we had the Abu Gharib prison abuses. The United States government was quick to condemn these acts and put the blame on a few bad apples that went hay wire. I don’t buy it for a minute. As a gay man, I’m told that gays are excluded from the military because we would be disruptive and would be detrimental to “unit cohesion”. So if discipline and unit cohesion are in place, how did these few bad apples accomplish these acts? Why are their superiors not able to control them? Or, do they want too?

Now, I’m hearing about more and more horrific abuses done at the hands of our own troops. Afterwards, the soldiers take photos as “war trophies” to remember their deadly acts by.

A month or so ago, we heard about a man who was killed by a soldier in a mosque.

The U.S. military is investigating the killing of a wounded and apparently unarmed Iraqi prisoner inside a mosque during combat operations here, the Defense Department told NBC News on Monday.

NBC’s Kevin Sites, who witnessed the incident Saturday while assigned to represent a pool of news organizations, reported Monday that the man was shot by a Marine who appeared to be unaware that the Iraqi was a wounded prisoner and did not pose a threat. [...]

Two units that were not involved in Friday’s fighting advanced on the mosque, one moving around the back and the second, accompanied by Sites, from the front. Sites said he could hear gunfire from inside.

Sites was present when a lieutenant from one of the units asked a Marine what had happened inside the mosque. The Marine replied that there were people inside.

“Did you shoot them?” the lieutenant asked.

“Roger that, sir,” the second Marine replied.

“Were they armed?” the lieutenant asked.

The second Marine shrugged in reply. (source)

Does anyone honestly think that the military investigation of this incident will ever see light of day? It’s going to get buried. We simply don’t need the bad press. It’s bad for our war effort.

The latest in all of this is the murder of an Iraqi man, who we now know was no threat at all. Actually, our own troops knew that he wasn’t a threat. Yet, two of them agreed that the man warranted two bullets to the head. Afterwards, one soldier took the picture of the dead man as a “war trophy”, and they dragged the body of the dead man out of his house, where the man’s wife screamed and held her child over the dead man’s body. Later, the two soldiers were bragging about their deed.

Monday’s hearing focused on the killing of an unidentified Iraqi on the morning of Aug. 28 as the regiment’s Charlie Company conducted house-to-house searches in Sadr City. At the time, the Baghdad slum was the site of daily skirmishes between U.S. troops and black-clad members of the Mahdi militia, who follow radical Shiite Muslim cleric Muqtada Sadr.

Soldiers approached a small, one-story home and found a family sleeping on blankets in the courtyard because of the summer heat, several soldiers from the unit testified Monday.

Soldiers detained the family — a father, mother, daughter, son and baby — in the courtyard while they searched the home.

Soldiers found a revolver and an AK-47 rifle. Because of the lack of security in Iraq, it is not uncommon for Iraqi families to keep guns in their homes. The law permits each household to have one weapon for protection.

At least one soldier testified that he suspected that the occupants had used the weapons to attack U.S. troops.

After the weapons were found, Williams, who was the squad leader, and May motioned for the father to follow them inside, soldiers testified.

Once inside, Williams and May stood in front of the Iraqi.

“You know what you have to do,” Williams told May, according to military attorneys’ account of the incident.

“Can I shoot him?” May asked Williams. “Shoot him,” Williams replied, according to military attorneys.

May fired two shots.

“I shot him in the head twice, took a picture of him, and walked outside,” May told a military investigator, Special Agent James Suprynowicz, in a sworn statement several weeks later. It was read in court Monday.

After the shooting, May bragged about the incident to fellow soldiers, prosecutors alleged.

“Spc. May was pretty hyped up,” testified Spc. Joshua R. Sickels, a member of the battalion. “He was excited. He said he’d never shot someone that close up before.” [...]

After soldiers dragged the bleeding man from the house, his wife became hysterical, wailing, throwing dirt in the air and beating herself with her hands. Soldiers watched in shock as she laid her baby on top of the dying man.

“We were all taken aback by that,” said Lt. Col. David Batchelor, task force commander of the 1-41st, who arrived on the scene shortly after the shooting. “I’ll never forget that.” (source)

I’m not even interested in hearing that “these things happen in times of war” crap. This was premeditated murder. That’s the crime and I only hope that the punishment will fit the crime.

I can certainly find it in my heart to support the troops, but ever time I now see one of those bumper stickers on the back of cars that say, “Support Our Troops”, I’m going to think of that man who was murdered just for the sake of kicks.

You think I’m going overboard? Think of the man’s wife and her three children who were there when he was put to death. Think of troops coming into your home and shooting one of your loved ones twice in the head, taking a picture of their work, then dragging the body out of the house for all to see. Think of them bragging about it later. Getting the point?

A month later, military investigators visited the house. The family had moved away, leaving behind blood-spattered rugs and furniture. What else could she do? How could she stay in that place and still have life? Her children will grow up knowing that Americans killed their father. But, they’ll have our brand of freedom. Maybe that will give them comfort? I certainly hope so because they paid a dear price for it!

We did this. Still feel proud?

A less intrusive government. Isn’t that what the Republicans are always talking about? They say they are about less government in the personal lives of the people.

From my perspective, I never bought that argument. They are more than willing to push their beliefs onto the rest of us in terms of gays in the military, gay marriage, the push for social security privatization, among others.

Now, they want to collect data on every college student in the country. They feel they have a right to this information because federal dollars goes to colleges and universities around the country. If the Federal Government gives you anything, there will always be strings attached to it. For example, the Solomon Act will allow the Federal Government to cut off funds from any school who doesn’t allow military recruiters on campus, if that school does so because it disagrees with the don’t ask, don’t tell policy of the military.

The federal government is considering the creation of a national database to collect information and track the progress of every college student in the country, triggering criticism from education and civil liberties advocates worried that it would amount to a loss of privacy for millions of Americans.

The real question is, of course, what will this data be used for? When data is collected for one purpose, it rarely stays in that form. You could be very active politically on campus, then years later, when you go to apply for that mortgage for your first home, you are turned down because of activities in your past student life that made it’s way into your personal history.

The federal government is considering the creation of a national database to collect information and track the progress of every college student in the country, triggering criticism from education and civil liberties advocates worried that it would amount to a loss of privacy for millions of Americans.

“An incredible potential exists for confidential information being used inappropriately” under the proposal, said Sarah Flanagan, vice president for government relations at the National Association of Independent Colleges and Universities. “There is a Big Brother aspect of all of this that concerns us.”

It was a long weekend for me. Kent has been in Santa Barbara all week at meetings. I managed ok, but living alone sucks. This weekend I started to get ready for our trip to San Diego on Dec. 20th. It should be fun. I stopped by and picked up a pair of travel speakers for my MP3 player and have been very busy copying music to it in preparation for the trip.

It’s snowing today - the first snow of the season. It’s not suppose to amount to much. Maybe a couple of inches at most. It feels so cold out to me.

I read this awesome letter about marriage and where it stands in California. It gave me a bit of hope that maybe someday, there will be equality.

Also, if you use diet pills when you are pregnant, a new study says that you will be more likely to have gay children. If I were reading anything into this study, my own paranoia would say that they are looking for yet another way to get rid of us (extermination by extinction?). But since I believe in the basic goodness of people, I know that they wouldn’t do anything that evil.

I also read where 12 gays are going to challenge don’t ask, don’t tell in federal court. I wish them luck in overturning it.

This week we have to call our lawyer to finish the process of putting our wills, power of attorney, and all that stuff together. I wonder, are we doing this for nothing? Are we putting together documents that can easily be contested and invalidated? I used to think you would be safe with the documents from a legal point of view. Now, I’m just not sure.

I hate to think about this. It brings me down. I’m alive, and relatively healthy. I should be happy, right? And, I’m quite proud of myself this year. Through no small effort on my part and trying to keep busy, I have managed to completely stay off anti-depressants this year. Those who have had to take such medications in the past know how difficult some of them are to deal with.

On a brighter note, I’m going to get busy planning for San Diego. I have two books to go through on all the places that you must see when you visit.

The remote control for my Nikon camera is in, so I’ll have a new toy to play with tonight, assuming I can drive my way through the slush to the mall to pick it up. I got a call from Kent saying that the power is out at home. I’ll pick up dinner at the mall.

...it’s three hours later, and the power is back on (and the heat!).

I watched 5 minutes of 7th Heaven tonight. Besides the really bad writing (and acting), the show is extremely lame. I watch a bit of it every six months or so, hoping that it will improve; hoping that on at least one episode they will talk about something in the real world, but they never do.

Then tonight it hit me. They don’t because there are still people in this country who see the American family and the world we live in as Ozzie and Harriet; a nice squeaky clean family where the worse thing that ever happens to anyone is a book report that is a day late, or the dog going on the rug (that’s a stretch for these people). The show is a success, I suppose. Like a cold sore, it just doesn’t want to go away, and keeps getting renewed year after freaking year. So, if it’s so popular in America, it’s not hard to see why American is having such a fit over gay marriage. It all makes sense, in a scary and somewhat psychotic way.

I want to talk about something that means a lot to me. It’s about our kids. More specifically, our gay kids. But why now? We all know what gay kids go through at school, after school, at home, and in society.

Society doesn’t want to hear about the problems they face. We ignore the issues that can mean life or death to these kids and on occasion, we hear about some horrible thing that happens to them, such as what happened to Matthew Shepard or Joshua Melo. Then, we sit back and shake are heads and ask ourselves, “How could someone do something so horrible to someone else?”

I’ll tell you how. By denying people what they are. By making what they are less than others. By making them an aberration and something to be feared (are you listening President Bush?).

Life is constantly testing me as well. I will not play society’s game. I am going to be exactly who and what I am, and I’m not going to make apologies for being me. And if society doesn’t approve of that, that’s really too bad.

I can do this because I have the tools to do it. I’m a survivor of the people who tried to make my life so terrible that I would try to take my life as a young man. I learned from that. It made me strong. I have defenses around me that help me to cope. I’m not vulnerable.

But once in awhile, I will see or watch something that breaks through those barriers that I’ve built around myself. This happened when I watched an episode, The Lost Boys, from the new series “Jack and Bobby”. I have watched the series before and like it because it is more honest than most about confronting social issues. Recently, they tackled the subject of gay teen suicide.

I thought that I had hardened myself to this issue. But the young Matthew, the young gay man who was trying to tell his best friend, Jack, that he had feelings for him, was rejected. As he was telling his friend, he was sobbing and saying, “...I think I’m in love with you.” Jack responded by saying, “Oh my God! You can’t. I’m interested in girls.” Matthew said, “I know. I know. Something is happening to me and I can’t stop it.” He starts crying feeling the hopelessness of the situation.

I knew exactly, exactly how he felt. That was me. That was exactly, precisely, me. Where Matthew trusted his friend, Jack, with his secret, I went to the alter of my church in the middle of the morning as a sixteen year old to ask God to change me from what I was to “normal”. Everything that happened to Matthew, happened to me. But he died. He hanged himself, and he died. And people at the school were so shocked and so sad and asked themselves, “how could something like this happen?” The difference between him and me, I lived. That’s all.

What’s left for Jack, the friend who Matthew tried to trust with his secret? As Jack was getting ready to go to Matthew’s funeral, he told his mother that Matthew’s mother never tried to understand him and rejected him. Jack then told his Mother, “I’m no better than she is. Matthew told me that he was gay and he like me. And I wasn’t ok with that.” He starts to cry for the first time since hearing of Matthew’s death and said, “I could have helped him, and I didn’t!” Jack’s mother tries to comfort him by saying, “Jack, there are limits to what you can do.” That’s true I suppose, but are we doing enough? Are we doing all that we could be doing? No. We aren’t.

My experience has not been different. And over time, I became tough because in this world if you are a gay teen and aren’t tough, you won’t make it. When Matthew was telling his friend, “something is happening to me and I can’t stop it,” I found myself suddenly sobbing at his pain. I had forgotten what it felt like to be in that dark, lonely place. It was very unsettling because I actually discovered that I still have vulnerabilities. Mine is that I am compassionate about what gay youth have to still go through, and that I care deeply for them and what they must endure. Some vulnerabilities are not all bad. It makes us human.

So, was the episode on Jack and Bobby just Hollywood trying to sell a “gay agenda”, as the conservatives would have us believe, or, is it real? Is it really happening to kids today?

On November 26, 2004, fifteen year old Joshua Melo committed suicide after what friends say was incessant bullying in the hallway and online.

The father of a London, Ontario area teenager says his son killed himself because of endless anti-gay taunts that school officials did nothing to stop.

“I had to cut my son down from the tree. I told the kids at the funeral that if you don’t get together and confront the bullies, it will be your parents cutting you down,” John Melo told the London Free Press.

“You guys have to stick together, stand up to the bullies, take away their power and they will back down. If you guys don’t do it, the system won’t. Retaliation is not the answer.” (source)

Other sources:
Friends, family grieve loss of sensitive teen
Bullied to death
Mom says bullying led to son’s suicide

America, this could be your son or daughter. We need to wake up and bring this topic to the forefront of discussion. It’s not enough to put it aside, because kids are dying from this. What should you do? Well, I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to contact my local high school and ask then, as a town resident, what their current policy is on bullying and harassment for their students.

If they don’t have a policy, I will hang up the phone and contact the superintendent of the school district, along with my state representative and push for a policy to be in place. I will also write a letter to my state newspapers outlining the issue and the need for it.

If they do have a policy, I will request a copy of the policy. I will also ask when the next student orientation will be held discussing the topic of harassment and bullying. I want to be there to hear it, and to see if it is presented in a way that the kids can understand.

And folks, I don’t even have children! So, if I were a parent, I would have a big reason and interest in seeing this through. Call your schools and GET INVOLVED! You may just be saving some kids life. Who knows? Maybe even your own kid’s life.

If you are a gay or questioning youth and need to talk with someone, call the Trevor Helpline. It’s the only national 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention hot line aimed at gay and questioning youth. Calls are handled by highly trained counselors and are free and confidential.
The Trevor helpline: (866) 4u-trevor
Trevor Project Website
MAKE A DONATION TO THE TREVOR PROJECT
Remembering an Angel -- Joshua Melo

I thought this was an interesting way to teach tolerance to students. See what you think.

JAMESVILLE -- Gathered in a room on the grounds of a scenic campsite off the Eastern Shore’s Chesapeake Bay, students laughed and joked as they eagerly yelled out words used to define a nerdy person.

While Jonathan Zur, a youth program manager with the National Conference for Community and Justice, scrawled on a large, white notepad, the Denbigh High School students threw out words like dork, pizza face and calculator.

The interaction centered on getting students to think about insults they could generate by using descriptive words.

Zur then asked students how they would respond if he replaced nerd with black, female and homosexual.

“I think the words or synonyms you would have given me were” - Zur flipped the notepad to reveal large letters that spelled out three slurs that no one thought were funny.

The group of nearly 40 students fell silent. (source)

Does “covenant marriage” mean that you are really really REALLY REALLY!!! married? Hummmmmm.....

I suppose the next round of marriage issues after they completely make it impossible for gay couples to marry will be to issue a menu of what kind of heterosexual marriage you want. Sorry... I’m trying to find the amusement here. Sometimes, you just have to through your arms up in the air and laugh.

Next year’s debate about how to define Kansas marriages won’t be limited to banning homosexual matrimony.

Conservative legislators say they’re ready to back a “covenant marriage” bill similar to the one enacted in 1997 in Louisiana.

“It’s the next step,” said Sen. Tim Huelskamp, R-Fowler.

Covenant marriage “wouldn’t be required,” Huelskamp said. “But it would be there for people who want to send the message that ‘Yes, I want this marriage to last forever.’ It would set a higher standard for those who want to meet it.”

Earlier this year, Huelskamp led efforts to pass a constitutional amendment outlawing same-sex marriage. Though unsuccessful in the 2004 Legislature, he said he intended to file a similar bill before the 2005 session.

“We need to get that out of the way first,” Huelskamp said. “We’ll get to covenant marriage after that.” The gay marriage amendment is expected to pass. (source)

WEST JORDAN, Utah (AP) - A principal who wants gay couples to get permission slips from their parents before they can attend school dances promised to re-evaluate the policy after protesters held four days of protests.

Copper Hills High School Principal Tom Worlton issued the policy last month but agreed to revisit it Friday. He said he saw the policy as a way to alert the parents to the dangers their children might face.

Jason Atwood, 17, his boyfriend, Tom Tolman, 15, who attends another school, and small circle of friends held protests across the street from the suburban Salt Lake City school before they met with Worlton. The protesters said they were subjected to insults, obscene gestures, egg throwing and snowballs from passing cars during the four days. (source)

I just realized that I had blocked anyone who wanted to post a comment who has a yahoo.com email address. The block has been removed. I apologize to anyone who's comment(s) were rejected in error.

So now the Executive Branch of the Federal Government dictates what CBS, UPN, and NBC will air?

“Because this commercial touches on the exclusion of gay couples and other minority groups by other individuals and organizations and the fact the Executive Branch has recently proposed a Constitutional Amendment to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman, this spot is unacceptable for broadcast on the [CBS and UPN] networks.” - a written explanation from CBS-TV [...]

In focus groups and test market research conducted before the campaign’s national rollout, the UCC found that many people throughout the country felt alienated by churches. The television ad is geared toward those people who, for whatever reason, have not felt welcomed or comfortable in a congregation, according to a UCC news release.

“We find it disturbing that the networks in question seem to have no problem exploiting gay persons through mindless comedies or titillating dramas, but when it comes to a church’s loving welcome of committed gay couples, that’s where they draw the line,” says the Rev. Robert Chase, director of the UCC’s communication ministry. (source)

Gay Americans say they are hurt, bewildered and confused about what they see as a powerful outpouring of anti-gay sentiment. Some are reacting by renewing efforts to change public sentiment while others are retreating.

“It has been a severe blow to many people. There has been a lot of grief and heartache,” said the Rev. Jay McNell, whose Grace Covenant Presbyterian Church in Overland Park, Kansas ignited controversy when it recently ordained a lesbian elder.

“It reminds me of the civil-rights days when we saw discrimination against African-Americans,” he said. (source)

Heartache. I think that is a good word for what a lot of us are feeling. I’m starting to realize that there are a lot of people who are feeling bewildered and disenfranchised right now. I was talking to a coworker this morning about some volunteer work she is doing in her town, on one of the town’s committees. It’s basically Democrat versus Republican, even in the committee she is in. She’s tired of it and, as an Independent, she’s tired of being put in a position of taking sides and constantly defending her position.

And we live in a “liberal” Blue state! In the same article quoted above, a section reads:

Here in America’s heartland, LeAnne, a stay-at-home mom, has taken down the colorful gay-pride windsock that once flew from her front stoop.

Elsewhere in Kansas, a public school administrator has fresh worries about being fired despite 19 years of tenure.

And a veteran fundraiser for a religious charity in Missouri fears a backlash if anyone found out she was raising two children with another woman.

This is the America of George W. Bush. This is “compassionate conservativism”. In 36 states, you can still be fired for being gay. That’s a fact. But, being able to legally fire someone for being gay and actually doing it are two different things. In parallel with that you have people who realize that yes, they could be fired for being gay, but until recently, most probably felt that it would not likely happen.

Now, people are starting to be low key out of fear of retaliation, and not just at work. I am “out” to people. Not necessarily by choice. I don’t believe I’m flamboyant, but have been told that me trying to “act straight” is a point in futility. So, I just try to be me. But even in my liberal state of Connecticut, I wouldn’t do anything around my house to advertise that I may be gay, such as displaying a rainbow anything. Why? Not because I’m ashamed or anything like that. I’m very aware that some of my neighbors voted for Bush, judging from the Bush/Cheney signs in their front yards. Why invite unfortunate things, such as vandalism to my home? But the real issue is this; the fact that I’m even giving it a second thought and thinking through my actions shows the mental state of the America we live in today.

This is where America is now. I realize that what happened at work with my friend is not isolated. There are three sides in this country right now: the conservative right, the liberal left, and the rest of us who are ducking for cover. And if you are a gay American, there are a lot of people who have you in their cross hairs.

Buck conveyed my feelings about America exactly on his blog, Postcards from Nowhere:

Is the United States of America really worth all this grief? Can things change without, unfortunately a new Revolution? I’m not so sure anymore. It seems that the United States is more and more setting itself up to be a marginal rogue state much like the USSR in the 60s, 70s and 80s. We’re too big, too powerful and much too dangerous to ignore but we also have no respect for human rights, fairness, tolerance, or even our own Constitution.

With every victory we achieve, I find myself thinking, “Oh crap! What’s going to happen now? How big will the bashlash be?” We now have full legal marriage for gay couples in Massachusetts. Does anyone really feel that we came out ahead? If you do, perhaps you should ask the gay couples in one of the eleven states that passed constitutional amendments against gay marriage how they feel. And, if it is indeed full-fledged legal marriage, why isn’t the Federal Government recognizing the marriages of Massachusetts as such? I doubt that the IRS will allow a gay couple who lives in and was married in Massachusetts file a joint federal tax return. So much for “full faith and credit”.

We live in a time where we view it as a victory that the United States Supreme Court refused to hear arguments on the decision passed in Massachusetts by the Supreme Judicial Court allowing gay couples to marry in that state. I suppose we view it as a victory that they didn’t want to touch it for fear of reversing it because we are so shell-shocked over what we lost in the last election.

There’s a great irony here. Opponents of gay marriage say that it was “activist judges” who overstepped their authority in Massachusetts by demanding that anything less than marriage was not equal. It is those same opponents who are disappointed that the U.S. Supreme Court doesn’t step in to intervene (or become activist judges, if you will) and reverse the decision of the “activist judges”. I guess you aren’t an activist judge if you rule according to their wishes.

Should we be like Neo and all the other people in The Matrix and be good citizens (read, keep your mouth shut, go to work, come home, have dinner, watch mindless TV, go to bed, repeat it all again the next day but never EVER say anything against THE ESTABLISHMENT)?

Do we now live in an America where making waves in the form of free speech could cause you serious personal consequences?

Michigan’s constitutional amendment against gay marriage and “similar unions” (Proposal 2), passed on November 2, has been used to remove benefits for same-sex partners from all contracts negotiated with state workers.

“The governor’s office and the union representatives are being overly cautious,” said Jeffery Montgomery, the executive director of the Detroit-based gay rights group, the Triangle Foundation.

“Proponents of Proposal 2 kept telling voters it was only about marriage, the amendment wasn’t about domestic partnership benefits, and people believed it,” he said. “But this decision shows that just wasn’t true. We warned them. Eliminating domestic partnership benefits from the current contract exposes those people who backed Proposal 2 for the deceitful scoundrels that they are.” (source)

Do you still think that these constitutional amendments prohibiting gay marriage was about protecting marriage? It’s much more simple than that. It’s simply about bigotry.

And yesterday in Oregon, a state constitutional ban on gay marriage took effect. The Oregon Supreme Court is awaiting final briefs from lawyers to determine whether nearly 3,000 marriage licenses issued to same-sex couples are valid. Think about that. You get married. It's one of the happiest days of your life, a defining day. Then, the state could find it to be invalid.

(Lansing, Michigan) Gov. Jennifer Granholm will remove same-sex partner benefits from contracts negotiated with state workers, said an aide, citing a voter-approved amendment to the Michigan Constitution that bans gay marriage “and similar unions.”

Michigan voters approved the amendment Nov. 2.

Granholm aide David Fink said that negotiated contracts scheduled for adoption by the state Civil Service Commission on Dec. 15 will be stripped of the same-sex domestic partner benefits.

Fink, who holds the title of state employer, said the Granholm administration decided to eliminate the benefits because of the passage of Proposal 2, which defines marriage as the union of one man and one woman and bans same-sex marriage and “similar unions for any purpose.”

“We’re about following the law and honoring the intent of the voters,” Fink told the Detroit Free Press.

He said the benefits could be restored before the contracts take effect on Oct. 1, 2005 if the courts have resolved the issue by then.

Republican legislators have been pressing the Democratic governor to strip the same-sex benefits from the contracts.

UAW lobbyist Alan Kilar said earlier this week that the union reached an agreement with the state in good faith and expected the state to stick with it.

“They agreed to this,” Kilar said. “It’s a contract and an agreement is an agreement.”

The UAW said if the governor goes ahead and voids the contract provision it will ask a court to determine if the benefits contravene the state Constitution.

UAW Local 6000 President Sharon Rivera said Thursday that the union will not submit that portion of the agreement to the Civil Service Commission until its legality is determined. (source)

The day after the Presidential Election, November 3, 2004, a good friend came to me at work to just talk. Of course, by that time I knew that George W. Bush would be our President for four more years. I was very depressed about that, along with a lot of other people.

It wasn’t long before the subject of the election came up. I said, “Please tell me that you didn’t vote for Bush!” He stood up, and yelled at me, “Yes I did! For the good of the country! It was for the good of the country!” He then got up, and stormed out. I was stunned. Absolutely stunned.

I suppose I shouldn’t have come out and even asked how he voted. But I did. It used to be that who you vote for was a very personal and private thing. But everyone talks about it today. So, I didn’t really think twice about asking him.

We didn’t talk for days. I was angry. I felt that my friendship with him was a lie. How dare he vote for someone like that? Days later as I was leaving work, we ran into each other on my way out. He said to me, “Bill... you still mad at me?”, with a big smile on his face. I threw up my arms as if to say, “What do you think?”, and kept walking.

That was the week before Thanksgiving. I took Thanksgiving week off, so I saw no one from work. This morning, he came into the room where I work, and said “Hi Bill.” I said, “Hello Tim” (not his real name). Nothing more was said and I found that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I want nothing to do with him anymore.

People who know me know that I place a very high value on friendship. So why then is this different? If I were to actually talk to Tim about this, what would I say to him?

I would start of with a few questions. I would say, “Tim, have I ever insulted your family? Haven’t I always shown nothing but respect and concern for what you and your family face every day?” He would have to agree with that. I’m always asking how his wife is doing, how their children are doing, among other things. It’s important to me because I want to see my friends happy and living a good life.

After he agreed with that, I would then ask him, “Why then do you feel so little about my family that you would vote to put a man in the White House who has my relationship on his own personal little hit list? Why would you vote for someone who wants to permanently make it illegal for Kent and myself to ever achieve a marriage status? How is that for the ‘good of the country’?”

I realize there are other issues involved in this country and when you vote for a President, you must take all of those issues into account. And I did, when I cast my vote for Kerry. I don’t believe that the war in Iraq is in the best interest of this country. And I honestly don’t believe that we are there to “free the Iraqi people”. This war is about money and oil.

My dilemma is this: Can I be friends with anyone who believes that, after thirty years of devotion to each other, Kent and I should not be able to achieve civil marriage?

I’m having a hard time with this. I know I have friends who have voted for Bush. I know who they are. I try to be above it and continue the friendship. But it’s difficult because in my mind, it all comes down to human dignity and respect. By voting for Bush, I feel that they have lost my respect, and what’s more, perhaps they never respected us as equals to begin with.

What’s left after that?

Follow-up entry
May 15, 2007 - Reconciliation

It’s no surprise to me that one third of gay people have attempted suicide. Personally, over the last two years, I have suffered deep depression at times based solely on the political climate in this country. I have always attributed that to my personal make up. I hate being or feeling inadequate in any way. I hate that I am feeling as if I’m just not worth as much to my country as a citizen. I hate that my President doesn’t see the relationship that my partner and I have as being anywhere near equal to his own.

It’s hard not to internalize it and it’s hard for it not to be personal, because it is personal. I can see why a lot of people give up. I don’t know if I would call what people have “mental disorders”. I think it’s more accurate to say that they are predictably acting according to their surroundings.

If you tell someone they are second rate and worthless enough, they will eventually start to believe it. I have.

A new study has drawn direct links between anti-gay discrimination and mental health, with results suggesting nearly a third of LGB people in the UK have attempted suicide. (source)

BOSTON - Local lawmakers are filing bills for the next legislative session that include proposals to ban gay marriage, require nurses in every school, allow smoking during charitable bingo games and further regulate junk mail. [...]

Goguen was one of several plaintiffs who asked the U.S. Supreme Court Monday to hear a challenge to same-sex marriages in Massachusetts.

The court declined on Monday.

“Seeing that the federal court dismissed our complaint, we’re just trying a different way of doing things,” Goguen said. “We’re going to put a lot of pressure on the members, but I don’t know how the House is going to feel about it.”

Goguen has refiled his bill of address to remove the four Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court justices who ruled that banning gay marriage is unconstitutional.

Goguen filed the bill this year but it was not taken up by the Legislature.

But if the state does move forward with the constitutional change, Goguen has filed a bill that would nullify all legal gay marriages that took place after May 17. (source)

I personally think this is good news. Although it’s difficult for me to imagine the U.S. Supreme Court overturning the Massachusetts law because of equal protection issues guaranteed by the Fourteenth Amendment, I have been wrong before. As we’ve all seen from decisions dealing in legal matters on other subjects, there are always different ways to look at things, from a legal point of view. Had the court heard the case, a decision could have come down against gay marriage based on some other precedent which none of us had ever heard of, which would be devastating.

I think we need time; time for us to recover from the election results, time for Americans to realize that all we are asking for is equality, and time for the country to realize that nothing has really changed in the State of Massachusetts by honoring all marriages as equal.

The U.S. Supreme Court declined Monday to hear a challenge to the Massachusetts law that allows gay and lesbian couples to wed, preserving Massachusetts’ status as the only state in the nation where same-sex marriage is legal.

The decision -- which had been anticipated by both sides in the fight over same-sex marriage -- leaves untouched the Massachusetts high court’s 4- 3 ruling last November that fueled an emotional national debate.

But it is not the end of the road for opponents of the Massachusetts law, who are asking the state’s high court to review its own decision and are pushing for state and federal constitutional amendments banning same-sex marriage. Both sides say the Supreme Court’s unwillingness to intervene means the marriage battle will continue in courts and state legislatures around the country. (source)

Gay rights coalition comments on Supreme Court's Refusal
Gay marriage: A no-brainer

Thursday, Dec. 2 is the day the Ohio Marriage Amendment -- the result of the recently passed State Issue 1 -- is scheduled to take effect. [...]

“We believe the amendment will not stand... We also know that most people do not favor discrimination against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender citizens. We know that the vast majority of public officials in the state opposed the amendment for all the right reasons. We know that the language of the amendment is dangerously vague and will be difficult at best to apply and enforce. We know that an attempt to legitimize inequality and discrimination will ultimately fail the test of equal treatment and justice for all that is the bedrock of the United States Constitution. And -- most of all -- we know an amendment encoding discrimination in the Constitution of Ohio is simply wrong.”

The full response can be viewed online at www.lgcsc.org/Issue1response.html.
For more information on the Dec. 2 rally/protest, call (216) 651-5428 or visit www.lgcsc.org.

(source)