My 50th Birthday and New Year's Resolutions

At 3:05am this morning, I turned 50 years old.

I feel no differently, but emotionally, I’m a bit blue. This is strange because I have no reason to feel this way. Perhaps it is in response to some external stimulus (society?) telling me that since I have lived two-thirds of my life (assuming nothing unfortunate happens), that I should feel sad? I don’t know.

I was at the mall yesterday trying to fill my never ending thirst to have all the new DVD’s that come out. It’s a pointless hobby I suppose that is not logical. Movies come and go and five years from now, will I really want to look at a five year old movie that uses outdated stereotypes that were “in” at the time the movie was made? Take one DVD I own; Arthur. It’s about a millionaire drunk. Many scenes are of him driving around New York City drunk. By today’s standards, you don’t do that and it’s no longer even funny to watch. Most people would be so concerned with him driving drunk, that any humorous content in the movie would now be lost from that.

At any rate, I had a strange thought as I was leaving the mall. As I was leaving Barnes and Noble and on my way back to my car, I thought, “When I turn fifty, if I could start my life all over again at age zero and be transformed back into a baby and start my life all over again starting this day, would I?”

It occurred to me, what a marvelous question, because it is a test on how well you have lived your life. I suppose if my entire life had been horrible, I would answer that question with a “yes”.

I realize that had I not had so many of the awful things happen to me in my past, that I would today not feel about life as I do. So, I was quickly and without hesitation, able to answer that question with a resounding, NO!

I love where I’m at, even though I am a bit sad today. And I love that I’ve been given so many wonderful things in life that mean so much to me. There are a few people that are in my life that I do want to acknowledge. I don’t do this often. I’m a private person on most issues in my life, and I protect the privacy of my friends to a fault. But I want a few people to know that they are very much a part of my life today, and I thank them for being an important part of my life. Here they are...

Kent, Kevin, Carol, Mom and Dad, Mary, Mike, Paul, James, Peter, Sean, Max, Mimi, Brennan, Sasha.

I have a few New Year’s resolutions. Hopefully, I can keep them...

I resolve to:
To get in better shape and lose some weight. To further realize that I am a good person inside and to allow myself the opportunity to not take myself for granted - to love what I am and to live in the moment of each day as though it’s my last.

That I have a great spirit and a warm heart with a great capacity for love, and that is contagious. Let it grow.

To stay strong in my resolve to gain marriage equality for all couples of the same sex, yet, not have it rule my life. As has been written before, “with all it’s sham and drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world”. That is true, if we let that be true. Because some want us to be miserable and disillusioned with life, we must allow them the power to do that to us. Yes, we alone have that power. They do not have that power.

To realize that there are those in this country who want us to be invisible if we are going to live here. That most of them call themselves Christians, but they are not. Most of them say they love, but they do not. Most of them say they “love us” (the sinner) but “hate the sin”, without realizing that they are sinning as they say this. To realize that they do not love us, and never will love us. They hate - just hate - both the sin AND us. I will resolve myself to accept this and realize that it doesn’t have to make my life less full and loving than it should be. They can’t touch me unless I give them that power.

To understand that life really is what you make of it. There is no deep message to life. You are here, you live your life, and you die. It is what you make of it. If you choose to let others make it hell, it will be hell. I remember what someone told me long ago, in 1977; “Never let your soul suffer at the hands of a fool”. Your life is your tablet. What goes into it depends on you.

Carpe Diem!