What Life is Really About

“...many people are shocked to learn that the average life expectancy of a homosexual male is only about 45 years old – 30 years younger than that of a heterosexual male...”

That was a quote from someone who was arguing the “Gay Agenda vs. Family Values”. I would send you to the article, but quite frankly, I think that all of us in the gay community have had quite enough conservative gay bashing to last us several lifetimes. My “gay agenda” is to protect my family; that being the life that Kent and I have built together. That’s all.

I do want to talk about that comment. I’m going to give you my basic philosophy of life. It’s quite simple actually, but some of you may find it radical. Here is it: How long you live is not really important. What you do with the time you have on this earth is. Life is not a game to see who can live the longest. And if you think it is, at the end of your life, there will be nothing but emptiness.

That’s no so hard is it? People who put out stupid comments like the one I quoted above are trying to paint the “gay lifestyle” as something to be dreaded and something that is a curse. From all the time I’ve spent taking care of my friends with AIDS or those who have been beaten by homophobic bigots, I have been amazed at how people who have a pure heart can turn anger into a state of grace that few in life ever realize. The people who put out hateful and divisive comments like the one I quoted above would do well to look at their own life. Is it what they want it to be? Is it so empty that all they want to do is to try to make the lives of others miserable? At the end of their life, will they be able to say that their testament to life was worth remembering?

I have seen some horrible things in my life. I have taken care of my friends with AIDS and I have watched them die. But that’s not the bad part. I wouldn’t trade those memories and the gifts of grace those men gave me for the world. They taught me what life is really about. I will tell you, there is nothing more touching and sacred than being the person that someone wants to spend their last moments on earth with. The ugly part of AIDS for me, is hearing about the incredible hatred that people had, and still have, for people with AIDS. There are morons who still to this day say that AIDS is a “gay disease”. My friends, the gay community in this country was not the first population by a long shot to be effected by AIDS. Long before 1980, there were communities in counties around the world who had this disease where it was spread by unprotected heterosexual sex. It wasn’t until 1980 that it started to make a visible impression to a population on U.S. soil. AIDS is nothing new, and it wasn’t new when it started showing up in the gay population in this country. To those who still believe that AIDS is a gay disease, will you still feel that way when your daughter contracts AIDS?

Because it spread in the gay community, we got no support from our government what so ever. This is the dark side of man. The people who say “...the average life expectancy of a homosexual male is only about 45 years old – 30 years younger than that of a heterosexual male...” were the same people who were saying, “AIDS is GOD’s answer to homosexuality”, “Thank GOD for AIDS”, and “I hate faggots, but I love AIDS”. That is the real sickness that has plagued man since the beginning; the ability to always point the finger to someone else and say, “See! It’s his fault, so I hate him for it!”.

This is happening yet again today. We have a President who wants to protect the sanctity of marriage from people like us; people who happen to be the same sex, but want a formal and public commitment to each other for life, and we want the legal protections that will enable us to do that. What he should be attacking is the reason behind the 55% divorce rate in this country along with game shows that give away marriage as the grand prize. That is what is tearing marriage apart.

I remember spending time with a good friend of mine. He was thirty years old when he died of AIDS. If I hadn’t been with Kent, I would probably have been his mate. He went to college with Kent and myself. I was angry that there was so much hatred that he had to endure. I would take him down to The Castro in San Francisco where we lived, to get him out of his apartment. I thought it would help his spirits a bit. He had been so sick and having bad reactions to the very power AIDS drug, AZT, that he was taking at the time. I would drive him down to The Castro, and we would walk a bit around the neighborhood. He couldn’t walk far without resting. On one of our walks in The Castro, we came across a small minded hateful jerk who came up to Stan and said, “AIDS is a gift from God to rid the planet of AIDS infested faggots like yourself!”. My friend was in his later stages of AIDS. He was visibly sick with weight loss and lack of color. Stan stepped up to the man to look him right in the face. I got closer to try to protect him if violence should happen. Stan simply said to the man, “I forgive you. There is so much love where I’m at, and I’m ready to leave this place where there is so much hate. Don’t feel bad when this is all over.” Stan turned to me with sadness all over his face and said to me, “I want to go home now.” The man was absolutely speechless. Now THAT is grace.

I admit, I too was speechless. At the time I thought to myself, “That was what Jesus would have said.” I’ve seen it many times since then, and it has become a part of my philosophy on life. I have learned that the number of years you live is very unimportant. Jesus lived only 33 years. What would that man have said of him, “...many people are shocked to learn that the average life expectancy of a radical such as Jesus is only about 33 years old – 25 years younger than that of a law abiding citizen”?

All of us are here for a very short period of time. It seems like yesterday that I was sitting at a friends restaurant in San Mateo, California celebrating my 23rd birthday (yes, that’s Kent standing right behind me). In a few days, I will turn 50. And that picture seems like it was just yesterday.

Life is too short to be spent on hatred.