Morning Thoughts before Working Out

You ever wonder what the purpose of life is? It’s a puzzling thing for me, wrapped up with all kinds of contradictions. And, to me, there are different layers to it.

At the top most layer, you have nature. The wilderness, the surroundings. It is the only pure thing that I have witness to. It is pure in my sense because it carries no judgments one way or the other about you. You exist in it’s domain, and are totally on equal footing with every other living and non-living thing on the planet.

On the next layer down, you have the sub-classes; plant, animal, mineral. Again, no judgments. You are what you are.

On the next layer down, you have sub-classes of plant, animal, and mineral. At this level, we see judgments being made in the different sub-classes of plant and animal. This is where “natural selection” takes place in my world. The strong live, the weak (or exploited) die. Whole species are wiped out because they cannot compete. Man has had a huge effect at this level because our actions have aided in the extinction of countless species of plants and animals (exploitation).

On the next layer down, we are within a sub-class of a species, for example, a species of bird, or humans. We are, at this point, fine tuning the dynamics of what happens within the species. There are two judgments happening at this level. The first is the judgment our planet will have on us for our actions. If we ruin the planet environmentally, it will damage our chances of survival, along with other species. So, the top-most layer will judge us. At our immediate level, we will judge others of our kind. In the wild, the weaker will parish, carrying on the stronger genes within that species.

Humans are different from other species in that there is a level of intelligence that drives our actions. Because of this, we can hold judgment over species, as well as those within our species.

On the next layer down, there are sub-categories within a species. Higher animals with intelligence, humans, gorillas, and the like, have set up sub-classes within their ranks. It is at this level that I struggle everyday. Unfortunately for me, I am in a lower class of this sub-category. At this level, there are desirable levels and there are undesirable levels. Mine is an undesirable level because it has been defined that way, or judged to be so by those in the desirable category.

The only way out of this category is for those in the desirable category to somehow see and understand that I have traits that can add value to the whole. Unfortunately (for me), in the grand scheme of things, this process can take several generations to complete it’s judgment. In the meantime, some of us will live our lives the best we can and live in a sub-class status, with whatever breadcrumbs we can strive to get.

What gets us through this problem? For me, a few things...

our inner strength
keeping perspective in our place in the world
the people who view this judgment as being wrong (our friends)
the hope that tomorrow will be brighter and maybe the judgment will come soon, and be in our favor and...
if that doesn’t happen, maybe those in our class who come after us will have a better life than we had

Of course, the real question in all of this is why. Why is there this innate desire or need to sub-class people within our society. It must be something that has been passed down by environment or perhaps it is are very nature. The darker side. We can make ourselves feel better about ourselves by making others feel that they are less.

It’s an empty victory because, when all is said and done, society as a whole loses out on the potential of those in the sub-class who are just trying to survive and have a decent life (somewhat happy and fulfilling) from day to day. This has nothing to do with monetary issues and wealth. It has to do with the really important issue of what it’s like to have a damaged spirit from receiving the rewards of being in an undesirable sub-class of people. Once that has happened, it is part of you for the rest of your life. The fact that I woke up this morning with this on my mind if proof of the damage that has been done.

If tomorrow I were totally equal in this wonderful society of ours, I would never forget that I am now equal because others have deemed me to be so. I have no inaliable rights. The privileges I have been given to be equal can be taken away at any point in time at the will of the people - the majority. Despite the fact that there are laws in place to prevent the tyranny of the majority, it’s all just a play on words. As we are seeing now, those words can easily be overridden to protect something else from the undesirables... say marriage... or adoption.

So, it would seem that laws mean little. They are in place to serve not all the people, but the people in the majority. And if you are in a minority who is viewed as undesirable, God help you. If you don’t believe in God, all you have is your strength of character to give you value. It’s a hole you can’t dig your way out of.

I could pretend that I am a happy happy gay man, like the one’s portrayed in Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, but that’s not my reality. This blog is about the real life experiences of me, a gay man living in America. It is built on truth and what my life is from day to day.

The one thing that has meant most to me in this world, that has gotten me through so many difficult experiences, are my friends, both gay and straight. Some of them I haven't yet met. They have left comments of support and encouragement on my blog, and I feel like they are dear friends now. They have made all the difference.