Random Thoughts Today

It’s been a busy day for me. I worked from home today and got a lot done. Life is going well. I’m losing weight and feeling good about life. I’m getting in shape and going to the health club about five times a week now. Why do I go so much? Is it for the adrenaline high?

Sometimes, my writing doesn’t reflect how well my life is going. Sometimes, it doesn’t come through that my life is better now than it ever has been.

I write a lot about the challenges that gay people face in this society. I think about all the awful things that are said about us out in the open now, every day, and I think to myself, “We’ve made things worse for ourselves by pushing for equality.” But, I realize that the awful things they are saying about us were always there, behind the scenes, under everyone’s breath. The hatred was always there. And if any one of us had the courage to be who we really are, what would happen to us? Many things are possible. One possibility would be acceptance. One possibility would be to be shunned and lose your friends. One possibility would be that you would be injured. One possibility would be that you would be killed.

There are many ways for the hatred to show itself. But at least now, the hatred has a place to go. The more that people are talking about it out in the open, the more difficult it will be to do violence against us. Why? Because the more of us who are out, the more people will realize that they actually do know someone who is affected by violence and who is hurt by all this awful rhetoric. Also, I believe that the majority of people in this country really do want to be fair and just. I believe that when this argument has played out, equality will win the day. I believe this because I think tomorrow will be better than today. I’m an optimist.

This week has been a tough one for me because two straight married couples that I know, good friends of mine, have told me of their intentions to separate. Actually, one is getting a divorce, and one is starting the process of separation. Both couples are legally married. Yet, both are throwing away the one thing that Kent and I are fighting like hell to get, marriage. We went through the humiliation of going to our Town Clerk to get this piece of paper that says we are married, only to be turned down.

I know that marriage does not mean that everything will be easy and make the relationship work. I’m simply trying to come to grips with the fact that so many simply choose to walk away from the marriage. For whatever reason, Kent and I have stayed so strong through so many very difficult things in our lives. Everything has been against us, every step of the way. Yet, we want the one thing that half of heterosexual couples seem to have little regard for. It’s puzzling.