Shifting My Focus

I’ve written for a long time about my life. Sometimes, when life in this society of ours gets too tough to deal with, you find yourself up against a few options.

You can just keep getting more and more depressed until you have to talk yourself into simply getting out of bed in the morning. I’ve been there. You get to a point when you read in the news day after day after day how little you are valued in society, that you finally get pissed and decide to do something about it.

So, you pull yourself together and go to the Legislative Office Building where they are having hearings on marriage rights for gay couples. You think it will help make you feel better inside because you are able to lend your support to something you care deeply about. You get there, and you hear one person after another talk about how these “perverts” are trying to “steal marriage” and “pervert” it into something that is “unhealthy”, “unnatural”, “against the will of God”, and will be the “downfall of mankind”. It was a mistake for me to go there. For the next three weeks, I had little energy and really didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning.

I think I’m just tired of it all. I’m tired of being reminded day after day what I don’t and can’t have. It’s demoralizing. So, I have put my energies into myself. I’ve decided to go back to the gym that I’ve belonged to for the last ten years. I haven’t gone for a long time, but I never stopped my membership. Instead of taking Prozac, I give my depression to my workout and channel all of that negative energy into myself.

And I guess it’s working. I’m gaining muscle, and so far, I’ve lost 21 pounds. I still don’t feel good about what is happening in the news with the President renewing his wishes to pass a federal constitutional amendment against allowing gay couples the ability to marry, but I can’t control that. What will happen, will happen.

But for now, I have my health and I even had some dude at the gym checking out my butt a week ago - a sure sign of progress!