A State of Grace
I received a comment on my site today. Because the comment was entered on an old entry, it was being held for my approval. I read it, and was stunned. The gist of the message was that we (Kent and I) are sick and demented people because of what we are. And, that “normal people” who are not “perverted” and who believe in God will rule the world. We can never win, because we are evil.
I deleted the message. I found it strange that, even though I receive a lot of this type of email, this one effected me. I had a lot of feelings after I read the comment. I felt sad, angry, and an unshakable feeling of facing the enemy. I suppose if the commenter had left a valid email address, I would have given it a bit more credence, and may have published it.
Whoever left the comment, I want to say to them, that before you pass judgment against someone, perhaps you should open your heart enough to at least know who and what you are judging. You should know the passion of those you are so ready to condemn. You should know, before you dismiss us, that we love, we hurt, and we have a need to belong to humanity. You will of course dismiss this because you know what is right. You know the will of God, after all. I would remind you that the same judgment was made against Jesus. If you want to think in those terms, it’s risky business.
I am light. I tell of my truth. I talk about what it is like to be me; what my life is like, good and bad. Truth. That is what will expose those who leave hateful messages and hide behind an invalid email address. Truth.
There is good and evil in this world. Evil leaves a message telling me that I am going to hell and that our cause is unjust because we are less than others. Evil tells me that we are perverts deserving of death and eternal damnation.
I know better than that. I know me. I know our community. I have watched the amazing strength that all of us have inside of us, gay and straight, if we will just open ourselves up to the possibility of being true to ourselves and our passions. This scares some people. They want us to feel little and alone because they want their world order to remain the same; their vision of what a marriage is, their vision of what men and women are, their vision of love, their vision of America, and their vision of God.
I have seen God. I know the light. Where, you ask? In myself, as a child when I came to know myself as being different. In my friends who gave me strength as they were dying. They had amazing grace. At the time, I felt damned. I was losing my friends left and right and no one gave a damn. My dear friend Stanley said to me once, “We have every right to hate society for what they have done to us.” He’s right. We do.
But hate goes nowhere. I remember what President Richard Nixon said in is White House farewell statement. I never cared for Richard Nixon because I do think he was a crook and a liar. I noted the tone in his voice and his sincerity as he said this because, it was the only time that I heard him talk where I knew for sure that he wasn’t lying. He said, “Always remember others may hate you but those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself.” He was right. Hate is evil and, it is a dead end.
Today, the gift that my friends gave me as they left me, one by one, is strength. I have an amazing peace inside myself. It is from knowing that no matter what others say to me, they really can’t touch me.
05/26/2005 - The comment that was left
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I once left a comment on an atheist’s blog complimenting him for how he handled religious zealots and they’re holier than thou attitude. I told him that he was a much better example of what a Christian should be than those claiming to be Christian. He took it as the compliment it was intended to be.
Bill, the same can be said of you. You exemplify so much more the compassion Christ taught than those who visit your site and chastise you in the name of God. It never ceases to amaze me how so called “Christians” are able to twist Christ’s words and deeds to fit their own agenda, and justify their own evil ways. It’s OK to judge, or otherwise repress gay people because they feel a passage in the Bible tells them to do so. Forget that Jesus said to love thy neighbor as thy self, that doesn’t justify hurting someone because they are different regardless of the fact that it was God himself that made them that way.
But they will never learn, and they will be held responsible for their hatred.
You, Bill, and Kent, are made of better stuff.
I think that most people who put us down are gay or bi,it seems like that is always the case,it reminds me of when i was in high school and there was a boy that use to call me fag and queer homo and in later years i found out he was gay,i saw him later and ask him why he made my life hell in school,his reply was that he was afraid that if he didnt they would find out about him being gay,so maybe most of our screaming bible thumping critics are just like us ,just afraid to come out and be seen.