How We Treat Gay Kids

Updates
July 12, 2005 - Tennessee Launches New Investigation Into Ex-Gay Camp
June 28, 2005 - Investigation Into Ex-Gay Camp Ends
July 15, 2005 - Father Of Gay Teen Sent To 'Ex-Gay' Camp Comes Forward
July 15, 2005 - New blog entry

I read about Zach last night. It’s quite unbelievable what he is now going through. In short, a few weeks ago, he told his parents that he is gay. Zach is a 16 year old boy living in Bartlett, Tennessee. After he told his parents about being gay, they entered him into an ex-gay ministry called Refuge. This from the Refuge website:

Refuge is a ministry designed to be a safe place for young people and their families to find true freedom from addictions through the power of Jesus Christ. At this time Refuge is an outpatient program for young men and women ages 13-18. Refuge is designed to minister to adolescents struggling with broken and addictive behaviors such as...

Pornography
Drugs and alcohol
Sexual Promiscuity
Homosexuality

Refuge promotes change among clients through the use of theraputic groups, individual counseling and family support. The effectivness of Refuge is greatly increased when the participants are willing to work with their counselor and parents, follow the program structure, study the materials, and build relationships.

Their contact information is:
Refuge
P.O. Box 171444
Memphis, TN 38187
Phone: 901-751-2468

I first heard about this on the Washington Blade website. I’m outraged about this, but like most of you, I feel helpless to do anything for this kid. It’s quite beyond my understanding how anyone could treat their child in this manner. Just read Zach’s words, and you can hear the desperation come through.

I hope that Zach survives this. I hope he channels his anger down the road and files a lawsuit against those who did this, namely his parents and Refuge, based on a charge of child abuse, and a denial of his constitutional rights. Basically, he’s been kidnapped against his will, and is being re-programmed. And I hope to God that Zach doesn’t commit suicide during this ordeal.

The following is the blog entry from Zach’s blog after he told his parents.

Sunday, May 29, 2005
The World Coming To An Abrupt - Stop.
Current mood: depressed

Somewhat recently, as many of you know, I told my parents I was gay. This didn’t go over very well, and it ended with my dad crying, my mom tearing, and me not knowing what I’d done - or what to do. It kind of.. went away for about a week or two I think. They claim it’s beause they didn’t want to interfere with my last week or two of school.

Yesterday they told me that I couldn’t go anywhere until I got a job. Out of the blue. Because I’m the most irresponsible child my dad knows - as he told me - mainly because I forget to unload the dishwasher sometimes... it doesn’t matter that I have to clean up after my sisters and myself everyday. It just doesn’t.

Well today, my mother, father, and I had a very long “talk” in my room where they let me know I am to apply for a fundamentalist christian program for gays. They tell me that there is something psychologically wrong with me, and they “raised me wrong.” I’m a big screw up to them, who isn’t on the path God wants me to be on. So I’m sitting here in tears, joing the rest of those kids who complain about their parents on blogs - and I can’t help it.

I wish I had never told them. I wish I just fought the urge two more years... I had done it for three before then, right? If I could take it all back.. I would, to where I never told my parents things and they always were mad at me-- It’s better than them crying and depressed cause they will have no granchildren from me. It’s better than them telling me that there’s something wrong with me. It’s better than them explaining to me that they “raised me wrong.”

Then, came the next entry the very next day.

Monday, May 30, 2005
After The World Stopped, It Gave Me A Lot Of Rules.
Current mood: worried

Yeah, I was upset yesterday.. however I found an email about the rules and regulations of the program. My parents lied to me.. they told me (29th of May) that they didn’t know what the rules were exactly, however, this email wasnt sent on the 26th of May. I see now why they “didn’t know what the rules were.” It’s horrible.. they’re posted below.. and I so worried. It’s like boot camp... but worse. I obviously was not supposed to see this.. Seeing the bottom say “Parental Rules (not to be given to client)”

What is with these people...? Honestly.. how could you support a program like this? If I do come out straight I’ll be so mentally unstable and depressed it wont matter.. I’ll be back in therapy again. This is not good--

The final entry from Zach came on Friday, June 3, 2005. He hasn’t been heard from since. There were two entries that day, the first at 10:43pm and the last at 11:33pm.

Friday, June 03, 2005 - 10:43pm
It’s been a week of torture - anger, and crying.
Current mood: worried

Hi. I’m not sure if I’m even supposed to be on. I ran away for a short while. I came back and they took everything from me, they don’t want me to have outside influences-- i dont know how long im going to be on, because if tehy wake up, im screwed. The program starts June 6 and is until either teh 17th or the 20th. I’m sorry I don’t have time to write back o all of the comments and messages. I’m just here to let everyone know I am still alive, I’m sure you’ve left messages on my cellphone, they took that.. and my keys... and the computer.. and I’ve been homebound. -=sigh=- I just need this to be over. Don’t worry. I’ll get through this. They’ve promised me things will get better whether this program does anything or not. Let’s hope they aren’t lying. I’ve been through hell. I’ve been emotionally torn apart for three days... I can’t remember which days they were.. time’s not what it used to be.

Friday, June 03, 2005 - 11:33pm
Thanks.. by the way.
Current mood: numb

Thanks. Thank you for all of the comments and messages, they mean a lot. really. I was shocked to see all of this... of course I haven’t been on a computer, phone, nor have I seen any friends in a week almost-- Soon. Soon, this will be all over. My mother has said the worst things to me for three days straight... three days. I went numb. That’s the only way I can get through this. I agree, if you’re thinking that these posts might be dramatized.. but the proof of the programs ideas are sitting in the rules. I pray this blows over. I can’t take this... noone can... not really, this kind of thing tears you apart emotionally. To introduce THIS subject... I’m not a suicidal person... really I’m not.. I think it’s stupid - really. But.. I can’t help it, no im not going to commit suicide, all I can think about is killing my mother and myself. It’s so horrible. This is what it’s doing to me... I have this horrible feeling all of the time... I wish this on no person... I’m so satisfied--happy’s too strong of a word the state I’m in-- that everyone’s taking the time to email and write letters in complaint to these people. I dont know if it will do anything, but if something did happen it would be -- awesome.