What it was like living in San Francisco

I spotted this online and it reminded me what it was like when we lived in The Castro in San Francisco. We could be ourselves there. We didn’t have to worry about how others saw us. We didn’t have to worry about judgment. It was easier. I miss the Castro in many ways.

So the question was put, “Is San Francisco still a gay mecca? Yeah, pretty much ... but if someday it wasn’t, would that be so terrible?”

I remember shortly before leaving The Castro and moving to The East, there were rumors that The Castro was becoming less gay - that straights were moving in. I didn’t believe it. Then, one day while I was walking down The Castro, my worse fear was realized. A woman and a man were walking down the street holding a stroller, with a baby in it no less!

I felt like this one little place on this planet where I could be exactly what I am was melting away right before my eyes. So, I left San Francisco and The Castro behind a long time ago, thinking that The Castro would soon disappear.

To answer the question, “Is San Francisco still a gay mecca? Yeah, pretty much ... but if someday it wasn’t, would that be so terrible?” Well, I guess that depends on your point of view. In a perfect world, hell not even perfect... I’d settle for one where it’s “live and let live”, there would not be the need for places like The Castro.

People say that things are getting better. But for who? Nothing has changed for me and people like me. Perhaps we are beaten and killed a bit less, but if I go anywhere with Kent and I hold his hand, I will guarantee you that within two minutes, someone will call us faggots (if we are lucky), or throw something at us or do physical damage (if we are unlucky). I’m sorry, but that isn’t live and let live.

We live in a nation where we are accepted, as long as we are willing to play by the rules. That means, we have to look as straight as humanly possible and under no circumstances are we to ever show affection in public. We can’t be ourselves. It’s a matter of survival actually. It’s honestly something that most straight people can not comprehend. That is what it’s like to be gay in America today.

This is the best the “greatest free nation in the world” has to offer?

What happens to the brave queers who are defiant and publicly open about themselves? Here’s a sample for you, and this was just in the last week or so.

Gay Murder Victim - London
Arrest made in Brooklyn gay murder case
Murder in Chicago
Gay man found stabbed
Jury considers gay panic defense in Pa. murder case

So when people say it’s getting better, it’s not. People are more open as time goes on because the older you get (like me), you start to realize just what you’ve been robbed of. You start to wonder what you could have been if you had really been allowed to bloom.

We read all the time that young gay people are addicted more and more to Crystal Meth, taking their lives, or not caring if they get AIDS, all because they honestly don’t want to go through all they crap of what society dishes out to them. I know. I’ve been there. And then, society has the gall to look at the problem and say, “See, it’s the ‘gay lifestyle’ that causes that.”

I have been free in my life for about two years. When we lived in The Castro and Kent and I would walk down Castro and I proudly had my arm around him showing everyone, “This is the man I am so in love with.”, that was freedom. I was at the top of the world. I thought it would last. That moment was worth it, even though, on our way home, we were taunted by a gay basher who first asked us, “Are you homosexuals?” We said nothing and kept walking. He then said, “Are you two queers?”

There were other times, such as the time we stopped at a yard sale on Noe Street. There were a few other straight couples there. We weren’t far from The Castro. I was holding Kent’s hand, and as we passed a young straight couple, the male turn around and said out loud, “Faggots!”. We ignored him and continued to look. But, it takes it’s toll on you. It also does a job on your ego. You know you aren’t like everyone else and you know that everyone else hates what you are. So, even that wasn’t freedom, but it was the closest I’ve ever come to it.

Today, there are only very small pockets of freedom that can only be found in small gay ghettos here and there or on a gay cruise. And everyday on the Internet, I read of more gay people killed or maimed because they were a little too open.

Life is a compromise, and we’ve compromised way too much.

From an entry I made on October 9, 2003...

So, if you are gay and look at external sources to give you validation, I’m afraid it’s just not going to be there. You have to find it in yourself. I have concentrated on my family. My family consists of Kent, my two cats, and a couple of close friends. That’s all. I haven’t been too successful in gaining acceptance from my family or Kent’s family. It’s the same way with most gay people I believe. You have to really work at making an island of acceptance. Why is it then that we are surprised when we find that so many young gay men find their life valueless? The answer is right before our eyes. Because we, as a society have told them that they have no value.

Nothing has changed.