February 2006 Archives
That only a union between one man and one woman may be a marriage valid in or recognized by this Commonwealth and its political subdivisions.
This Commonwealth and its political subdivisions shall not create or recognize a legal status for relationships of unmarried individuals that intends to approximate the design, qualities, significance, or effects of marriage. Nor shall this Commonwealth or its political subdivisions create or recognize another union, partnership, or other legal status to which is assigned the rights, benefits, obligations, qualities, or effects of marriage.
Wording of HB101, the Virginia constitutional amendment given final approval by the House of Delegates. The full wording of the amendment will go on the Virginia ballot in November.
This changes the question from an empty exercise into a punishing one. Try as the advocates might to deny it, there are legitimate worries about whether such sweeping, imprecise language will make it harder to prosecute boyfriends for domestic violence that falls within a relationship, but outside of marriage. Custody agreements might become unenforceable. The very validity of basic contracts drawn up between unmarried people is undoubtedly under threat.
No matter your opinion of gay marriage, that’s a pernicious paragraph that tells a lot of Virginians they’re no longer welcome here. (source)
No kidding. But you know, it doesn’t really matter if they vote for it or not. You are, as a state, what your constitution says that you are. That is what you believe in. If the people of Virginia truly believe that gay couples are the total scum of the earth, then they should vote for this amendment. That will be their values. They may lose citizenship, or they may not. Doesn’t a state have a right to be a fascist bigoted entity, if it’s citizenry so desires?
That’s a totally serious question, devoid of emotion. Logically, it seems they should have that right. I used to say such nonsensical statements as “.. but that’s unconstitutional..”, but no one is really looking at the Constitution anymore anyway. The U.S. Supreme Court in it’s current makeup, will most likely not hear a challenge to anything Virginia, or Texas, or Kansas, or Idaho, or any other state does in the area of gays being able to marry. By not hearing the case, they let the ruling stand, thereby not giving the Constitution itself it’s day in court.
Given that state of affairs, I suppose we should be happy that some states aren’t trying to pass constitutional amendments calling for the execution of homosexuals by lethal injection. Once extremists smell blood in the water, they won’t stop with one “achievement”.
You all didn’t really think that all the hoopla over “gay marriage” in the last three years was all about gay marriage, did you?
Conservatives are always saying that they are only “protecting the sanctity of marriage” by denying gay couples access to civil marriage. So, they of course take the next logical step by striving to pass a constitutional amendment outlawing marriage for gay couples. So, Rep. Marilyn Musgrave (R-Co) introduced such a measure on May 21, 2003. Ancient history now.
As we all know, it went nowhere with Congress. It was never meant too. It was designed to rile up the voters to “save marriage”. It was masterful, and they will undoubtedly try it again. I heard that Senator Frist is talking about introducing it again - all politics - he acknowledges it won't pass - but it will give him ammunition if he runs for President. But after everything that has happened with the war in Iraq, along with other blunders and scandals in the current administration, they need a new strategy.
That new strategy will come in the shape of adoption rights for gay couples. The conservatives are looking to ban adoption in up to 16 other states around the country.
WASHINGTON: Conservative activists are pushing for adoption by gays and lesbians to be prohibited, having been buoyed by recent success in securing bans on same-sex marriages and restrictions on abortion rights.
They now plan to introduce bills or initiatives banning gay adoption in up to 16 states, several of which have voted to outlaw same-sex marriages.
However, polls suggest that they will have a harder time winning support for measures that in effect would deprive some foster children of the chance of adoption. Child welfare groups said homes had been found for only 50,000 of the 120,000 children available for adoption in recent years. (source)
Will it work? Possibly, but this is a much more delicate matter than marriage. While all the people who voted against giving gay couples the rights of civil marriage, it’s not clear that they will be so willing to deny children supportive and loving homes, while keeping them in an orphanage or a foster home. Some voters will. After all, many still believe that we “recruit”. What better way to recruit than to adopt children? And sadly, some still don’t even know the difference between being gay and being a pedophile. This is reality.
On the other hand, while the gay marriage issue at the national level was a political ploy that even experts said would not fly, the aftermath is that various states have passed state constitutional amendments outlawing gay marriage. It would now seem that part of that aftermath is yet to come - laws that will prevent gay households from adopting children.
Is this real, or just another ploy to get conservative voters riled up? I think it’s a bit of both. Although it may not seem like it to us, conservatives are loosing the cultural war. They know it, they are scared, and the know that it’s now or never for attempts to pass these kind of laws. This is what they feel at the grass roots level. Their feeling are sincere, although misguided.
At the national level, the real goal is divide and conquer. They are interested in really nothing more. Does President George W. Bush really hate us? No, probably not. In fact, it’s probably more accurate to say that he doesn’t honestly care if we were here or not. But, as long as we are here, why not use us politically to gain votes?
The man has no integrity. He would sell his mother to gain votes. He will do anything to gain votes for his party; lie, cheat, abandon friends, on and on. And if, by some crazy notion, it was politically gainful for gay couples to have civil marriage, President Bush would find a way in his narrow religious view of the world, to find a new religion; one that would have enough room in it for civil marriage for gay couples. He would undoubtedly package it as being “compassionate and fair” I would assume.
Of course, all of this creates a ripple effect throughout the states who are passing hateful amendments against a segment of society. This will not effect this Presidency, nor does this administration care about this. History, however, will make a judgment on this. When all is said and done, long after I’m gone, history will judge this President with the same scrutiny as those who tried to prevent integration of African Americans into our society, the right of women to vote, and on and on. History is unforgiving.
Conservative Christians are in a frenzy over the fact that they have been so successful in getting so many states to adopt amendments against gay marriage. So, the next logical step for them is gay adoption. But they won’t stop there. Next it will be other things... such as our right to free association, and just perhaps, making an attempt to put homosexuals back on the list of mental disorders of the American Psychiatric Association; the same list that we were removed from in 1973. If that were to happen, all kinds of laws could be put into place under the guise of “protecting society” (denying us jobs), to “protecting children” (no gay teachers), etc.
This is the Christian Agenda. My advice to conservative Christians is to proceed with caution. These are dangerous issues they are embarking on. They will, in my opinion, suffer a backlash if they continue on this course. At some point, people (not gays) will say, enough!
Research into the genetics of sexual orientation is controversial. Religious leaders who believe that sexual orientation is a choice argue that such research is an attempt to legitimize homosexuality; others worry that a detailed knowledge of the genetics underlying homosexuality will open the door to genetic engineering that prevents it.
But Bocklandt doesn’t think these concerns should prevent scientists from asking the basic question of whether homosexuality has an underlying genetic component to it or not.
“I have no doubt that at some point we’ll be able to manipulate all sorts of aspects of our personality and physical appearance,” Bocklandt said. “I think if there’s ever a time when we can make these changes for sexual orientation, then we will also be able to do it for intelligence or musical skills or certain physical characteristics — but whether or not these things are allowed to happen is something that society as a whole has to decide. It’s not a scientific question.” (source)
With all the issues we are facing with marriage and now adoption (16 states are looking at outlawing adoption for same-sex couples), I have to believe that, if they do eventually isolate the sequencing that makes someone a homosexual, we will be no more.
It’s a sobering thought to ponder that if I were being examined after conception and they found my genetic makeup to be homosexual, I would have been aborted. But then again, I guess I wouldn’t know about the life that was taken from me, would I?
What’s the world coming to? Interrogators at Guantanamo Bay apparently are using gay porn as a means of torture to prisoners. There are so many things wrong with this, I don’t know where to begin. First, it’s demeaning that gay porn would be repulsive enough to people to be considered as a tactic to obtain information. Although, I suppose that some will say they are repulsed by it.... whatever.
Second, the fact that our interregators would even think to use it is weird. I guess that speaks volumes on their feelings of gays.
Third, yeah... this makes me proud to be an American.
Fourth, what are the titles? If they are that bad, I want them!
FBI objected to prisoner treatment at Guantanamo
FBI agents complained of “aggressive techniques” used to interrogate suspected terrorists held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, according to FBI documents released Thursday. One agent said he saw military interrogators force a detainee to watch “homosexual porn movies” and used strobe lights to cause discomfort in the interrogation room. Agents complained that such methods could “result in the elicitation of unreliable and legally inadmissible information.” (source)
Former James Bond star Pierce Brosnan remains convinced the bisexual scenes in his new movie The Matador should stay cut - despite the outstanding success of gay cowboy romance Brokeback Mountain.
Brosnan, who almost backed out of the role altogether after suffering a confidence crisis, and his wife Keely Shaye Smith were both concerned the original script contained too many overtly gay sexual scenes before the actor decided to make some changes. (source)
I never understood the insecurity of some people. If I were an actor, even though I’m gay, I would have no problem what so ever playing a straight part and being convincing in the role. If you can’t take the [gay] heat, maybe you shouldn’t be an actor?
Former Culture Club front man Boy George has come forward and slammed same-sex ‘weddings’, saying that the traditions of marriage are outdated and have no place in modern or gay culture. [...]
“Gay unions, what is that all about?,” he said. “I haven’t been invited to any ceremonies and I wouldn’t go anyway. The idea that gay people have to mimic what obviously doesn’t work for straight people anymore, I think is a bit tragic. I’m looking forward to gay divorces.”
Boy George, who is currently facing drugs charges for cocaine possession in New York, went on to praise Brokeback Mountain for bravely focusing on intimacy between two gay men. He said contemporary society continues to view gay relationships as purely sexual and sordid, and was amazed the film dared to dig deeper. (source)
I’m not going to be unkind to Boy George. I’m going to rise above that. He is right about one thing though. Marriage has been trashed by straight society so much, it’s not even funny. You get married. It doesn’t work out. You get divorced. NEXT....
There is nothing about marriage that gay couples should want anything to do with... EXCEPT FOR... the 1500+ Federal benefits of marriage and the 855 state (Connecticut) benefits of marriage.
Social Security retirement and survivor benefits. A husband or wife is entitled to one-half of the spouse’s Social Security benefits and to additional benefits in the event of death.
Workplace health and pension benefits coverage. While some companies offer health coverage to domestic partners, this benefit is considered taxable income. When married spouses are covered, the benefit is tax-free.
Automatic inheritance rights. Die without a will, and a heterosexual spouse gets the stuff. In many states, the surviving spouse has a legal right to at least one-third to one-half of the estate.
Preferential estate tax treatment. The $1 million estate tax limitation doesn’t apply to married people: a heterosexual married person can leave an unlimited amount to a spouse without owing one penny of estate tax. In certain states, this benefit is multiplied by special capital-gains tax treatment for homes and other assets held by married couples as community property.
Lower insurance rates. Married people usually get a discount on auto insurance and may pay less for other types of insurance. Some enlightened companies - the Hartford was among the first – offer family discounts to gay and lesbian couples, but it is not yet an industry standard.
The other benefits given by marriage:
Insurance benefits through a spouses employer
Insurance discounts offered to married couples and related persons living in same household
Veterans/military benefits offered to spouses (education, medical care, housing loans)
Income tax deductions, credits and exemptions
Tax relief for natural disaster losses
Immigration of foreign partners
Witness and court testimony rights
Continuation of lease rights (renewal of lease)
Community property rights
Payment of wages for deceased partners and workers compensation benefits
Right to enter into pre-marital agreement
Consent to post-mortem examination
Right to make burial arrangements
Bereavement leave for partner, child, or partner’s close relative
Family leave to care for partner or child during illness
Right to make decisions in medical emergencies (“next of kin”)
Visitation rights for partner or child in hospital or other public institutions
Custodial rights for a seriously injured partner
Right to file a wrongful death suit
Tuition discounts/use of facilities
Company benefits/perks offered to spouses
Commercial discounts/incentives offered only to married couples or families
Joint child custody, adoption and foster care rights
Equitable divison of property, child custody, visitation rights and support in the case of divorce
The right to obtain domestic violence protection orders
401(k) and other retirement monies are not taxable to a spouse upon the death of their partner, and can be rolled over into an IRA to tax-defer it until retirement.
Think about it Boy George. When the time comes in your life that you need those protections, if it ever does, you may want to reconsider your position on marriage.
Feb. 22 (Bloomberg) -- President George W. Bush didn’t learn about the sale of six major U.S. port facilities to a Dubai company until after the deal was agreed to and federal approval was granted, his spokesman said today.
Bush was made aware of the $6.8 billion sale of London- based Peninsular & Oriental Steam Navigation Co. to DP World, a state-owned business in the United Arab Emirates in “the last several days,” White House spokesman Scott McClellan said. By that time congressional opposition already was bubbling up.
“This didn’t rise to the presidential level,” McClellan said at the White House. [...]
The rare intra-party battle creates a political liability for Bush and an opportunity for Democrats that was “entirely preventable,” Republican political consultant Rich Galen said.
The controversy is “another example of the White House not having the capacity to see over the horizon when it comes to the public-affairs piece of what they are doing,” Galen said. “Too few senators and congressmen knew anything about this program, and so they are upset about not being informed.”
McClellan today acknowledged that the administration erred in not informing lawmakers about details of the transaction. (source)
I have the perfect candidate for protecting our ports. He has...
extensive experience in terrorism
knows (yes, actually knows) many of those who are performing terrorist acts, so he could also be a diplomat for the United States in securing our ports.
hates Bush, but would probably be "ok" with working with him for the right price (he’s really into palaces and power)
could improve our relationship with Iraq
not picky about grooming and appearance - just wants to get the job done.
already speaks the language of those trying to kill us. That’s important since we kicked out all the arabic speaking linguists from the military because they had the “gay issue” going on
probably has better organizational skills than our president
believes as Bush does - “I don’t have to tell no one nuthin’, so leave me alone while I clear my brush.”.... or dig my hole, as the case may be.
On a personal level, I cannot stand Hillary Clinton - never could. There’s an arrogance about her (yes, I feel the same way about Bill Clinton). I always felt that she was (is) a complete opportunist. I guess they call that a “politician” these days. I can accept that.
What I cannot accept is the notion that she wants my money and in return, will support civil unions for me and my partner. Hillary, tell you what... If you will give up the “sanctity of marriage” that you seem to think you have with Bill, for a civil union.... naw, you still wouldn’t get my support (or vote).
You can take the notion of giving me second-class status out of the goodness of your heart, and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. I will not vote for anyone who does not support full marriage equality for my family. I will settle for no less. And I’d like to just remind everyone that it was Hillary’s husband, Bill Clinton who signed the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) into law - an act that defined marriage as between one man and one woman. And we consider their ilk our friends?
With that in mind, I can’t wait for the “Hillary for President” people to call me for a donation!
In an email to his board members obtained by The Politicker, the head of New York State’s leading gay rights group describes Hillary Clinton as a “disappointment” on same-sex marriage, and suggests gays and lesbians stop giving money to her campaign.
In the February 10 email, marked “confidential,” Alan Van Capelle, executive director of the influential, well-funded Empire State Pride Agenda, says he’s refusing to “lend my name and sell tickets” to a gay-oriented fundraiser for Hillary’s reelection.
“Let me begin by stating that I believe Hillary Clinton has served the people of New York well in the United States Senate and that she deserves re-election,” he writes. “My vote for Senator Clinton will come despite her regrettable statements on the issue of marriage for same-sex couples and her current support for DOMA.”
She is, he writes “a complete disappointment and does not deserve an LGBT fundraiser.” (source)
And just when I thought I had seen it all...
I knew that these nuts were going around the country picketing the funerals of gay men, but when I heard that they had started picketing the funerals of dead American soldiers killed in Iraq, I realized that these people are way beyond Lithium!
My personal belief is this... I can understand why no one really cared about them picketing the funerals of gay men who had died of AIDS. No one cared for them. That was something our community had to deal with. Hell, in many cases, the person’s family didn’t even come to his funeral. The rest of America didn’t care either. We buried our loving friends while AIDS jokes were being told by comedians on television.
Well, there is, at some level within me, some satisfaction in all of this. Yes, I know it’s dark, but maybe now America is learning how it felt for us when it happened to us. Now, it is happening to people they love. So how is that working for you America? How does that make you feel inside?
And now that the Phelps clan has moved on to bigger things (I guess they got bored with the small audiences), they should really be careful. I think gay people are some of the most peaceful and loving people around. The same cannot be said for society at large. They should be careful. Some crazy distraught family member may just decide to deal with the issue with something other than words. Just a thought.
Wearing vests covered in military patches, a band of motorcyclists rolls around the country from one soldier’s funeral to another, cheering respectfully to overshadow jeers from church protesters.
They call themselves the Patriot Guard Riders, and they are more than 5,000 strong, forming to counter anti-gay protests held by the Rev. Fred Phelps at military funerals.
Phelps believes American deaths in Iraq are divine punishment for a country that he says harbors homosexuals. His protesters carry signs thanking God for so-called IEDs -- explosives that are a major killer of soldiers in Iraq. [...]
Shirley Phelps-Roper, a daughter of Fred Phelps and an attorney for the Topeka, Kan.-based church, said neither state laws nor the Patriot Guard can silence their message that God killed the soldiers because they fought for a country that embraces homosexuals.
“The scriptures are crystal clear that when God sets out to punish a nation, it is with the sword. An IED is just a broken-up sword,” Phelps-Roper said. “Since that is his weapon of choice, our forum of choice has got to be a dead soldier’s funeral.”
The church, Westboro Baptist Church, is not affiliated with a larger denomination and is made up mostly of Fred Phelps’ extended family members.
During the 1990s, church members were known mostly for picketing the funerals of AIDS victims, and they have long been tracked as a hate group by the Montgomery, Ala.-based Southern Poverty Law Center’s Intelligence Project. (source)
WASHINGTON - The Supreme Court said Tuesday it will consider the constitutionality of banning a type of late-term abortion, teeing up a contentious issue for a newly-constituted court already in a state of flux over privacy rights.
The Bush administration has pressed the high court to reinstate the federal law, passed in 2003 but never put in effect because it was struck down by judges in California, Nebraska and New York.
The outcome will likely rest with the two men that President Bush has recently installed on the court. Justices had been split 5-4 in 2000 in striking down a state law, barring what critics call partial birth abortion because it lacked an exception to protect the health of the mother.
But Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, who was the tie-breaking vote, retired late last month and was replaced by Samuel Alito. Abortion had been a major focus in the fight over Alito’s nomination because justices serve for life and he will surely help shape the court on abortion and other issues for the next generation.
Alito, in his rulings on the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Philadelphia, has been more willing than O’Connor, the first woman justice, to allow restrictions on abortions, which were legalized in the Roe v. Wade decision in 1973. (source)
Gee, and I thought it would take them a bit longer to start dismantling Roe v. Wade. They should at least let more time go by to make it look like it was just another bit of legislation they were looking at. It looks as if they just couldn’t wait to get their hands on it.
It all reminds me of the Star Trek movie I saw a few years ago where the Borg take over the Enterprise. In their assimilation of the Enterprise (read: Roberts and Alito, and the Bush Administration placing “activist judges” on the court to do their bidding), the Borg stopped at “deck 16”. The Klingon Worfe states, “The Borg would not have stopped at deck 16 unless it gave them a tactical advantage.” Captain Jean Luke Picard says under his breath, “The Borg won’t stop at deck 16.”
And so it goes. The Supreme Court will not stop at Roe v. Wade. They will take bits and pieces of it away until all that is left is an empty shell, filled with words that mean nothing, and have no legal authority to do anything.
And so it will be with other pieces of legislation that will come before this court. And if anything like gay marriage equality comes before this court, it will be dead on arrival, assuming they will even hear the case. They will argue it away in some fashion. This is what we have all allowed to happen. These are the people who we put into Congress to give that “up or down vote” of the people who now sit on the U.S. Supreme Court. Democracy is working!
As the Angel Gabriel said to John Constantine in the movie Constantine, “Your fucked!”
...wondering if I watch just a bit too many movies.
I thought this was worthy of mention. Perhaps in time, more will follow the suit of the Reverend Joe Hoffman, who now refuses to perform another wedding until gay couples can also be married - which he calls a “great injustice that people who are gay and lesbian live with every day.”
An Asheville pastor says he will no longer perform civil marriages for the state because North Carolina denies homosexual couples the right to legally marry.
The Rev. Joe Hoffman, pastor of First Congregational United Church of Christ, announced his decision in a Sunday morning sermon.
Last year, the 1 million-member United Church of Christ announced its support of gay marriage, becoming the first major U.S. Christian denomination to do so.
But Hoffman said his decision didn’t necessarily reflect the stand of his 200-member church.
“I think for heterosexuals, it will be a small inconvenience to have a religious ceremony and then get it legalized,” Hoffman said. “But I hope it calls attention to the great injustice that people who are gay and lesbian live with every day.” (source)
This reminded me of our current neighbors. I took a bottle of wine over to them as a welcome gift to our neighborhood when they moved to the house next to us. Instead of a friendly neighbor, I was confronted by someone who pulled his kids in behind him, looked at me like I was a child molester (oh, he took the wine), and said nothing else to me.
This all left me so uncomfortable that I backed away never taking my eyes off of him (he was cutting wood with an ax). Today, we don’t talk. If his home happened to catch fire, I would call the fire department... when I got around to it. But there’s no way in hell I’m going to shovel the bastard’s driveway.
DEAR AMY:
My husband and I have lived in our quiet suburban Denver neighborhood for six years.About two years ago, two young gay men moved in across the street. They’ve taken the ugliest, most rundown property in the neighborhood and remodeled and transformed it into the pride of the street. When it snows, they shovel out my car and are friendly, yet they mostly keep to themselves.
Last month I went out to retrieve my newspaper and watched them kiss each other goodbye and embrace as they each left for work. I was appalled that they would do something like that in plain view of everyone. I was so disturbed that I spoke to my pastor. He encouraged me to draft a letter, telling them how much we appreciate their help but asking them to refrain from that behavior in our neighborhood. I did so and asked a few of our neighbors to sign it.
Since I delivered it, I’ve not been able to get them to even engage me in conversation. I offer greetings but they’ve chosen to ignore me. They have made it so uncomfortable for the other neighbors and me by not even acknowledging our presence.
How would you suggest we open communications with them and explain to them that we value their contributions to the neighborhood but will not tolerate watching unnatural and disturbing behavior.
Wondering
DEAR WONDERING:
You’re lucky that these gentlemen merely choose to ignore you.Your neighbors could respond to your hospitality by hosting weekly outdoor “gay pride” barbecues and inviting all of their friends to enjoy life on your quiet suburban street. I can hold out hope that they will choose to do this, but I’m spiteful in that way. Your neighbors sound much more kind.
In your original petition to these men, you basically stated that while you value them when they are raising the standard on your street and shoveling your driveway, you loathe them for being who they are.
The only way to open communication with your neighbors would be to start by apologizing to them for engaging your other neighbors in your campaign. Because you don’t sound likely to apologize, you are just going to have to tolerate being ignored.
This week, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice testified before the Senate regarding the administration’s request for $75 million to help further democracy in Iran, in which she stated that Iran was under the control of a “radical regime.” Yet the Bush administration recently went out of its way to support an Iranian initiative to deny access to gay and lesbian organizations within the United Nations. [...]
Iran’s government moved to have the gay and lesbian organizations’ applications rejected without discussion, which is largely unheard of at the UN. Although France and Germany voted against the rejection, the U.S. government sided with Iran, and was joined by Cameroon and Zimbabwe, in successfully denying UN access to the gay rights organizations. Instead of creating a coalition of the respectful, the U.S. government help create a coalition of the hateful. In doing so, the Bush administration joined forces with some of the most repressive regimes in modern history.
Under Iranian law, engaging in homosexual relations is illegal and punishable by death. And merely being gay is a crime punishable by being receiving 100 lashes. According to a report by the French newspaper Le Monde, in 1999 Iran killed ten men for homosexuality by stoning them. In 2000, 16 men were stoned to death. And in 2001, 12 men were stoned for being gay. In July of last year the Iranian regime was the subject of international criticism after it hung two teenage boys who were accused of being gay. According to one study, the Iranian government has executed over 4,000 men for homosexuality since 1979. (source)
Which leads me to ask.... is there anything, anything at all, that the Bush Administration can do right?
By siding with Iran on this, they (we) are condoning the executions of these gay men. So does that mean that Secretary Rice and dip shit Bush now think that violence and death against gay men in the United States is now justified?
I thought we didn’t give in to terrorism. Indeed, I thought that we were in a “war against terror”. Well, I’ve never been stoned, but it sounds like terrorism to me.
It’s ironic that those most bitter in their opposition to gay marriage, the so-called defenders of marriage, want to narrow rather than expand the number of those eligible for its benefits. They should understand that embracing an institution as venerable and as regulated as marriage is a conservative act. New York Times and Times of Trenton columnist David Brooks put that proposition eloquently when he wrote:
“The conservative course is not to banish gay people from making such commitments. It is to expect that they make such commitments. We shouldn’t just allow gay marriage. We should insist on gay marriage. We should regard it as scandalous that two people could claim to love each other and not want to sanctify their love with marriage and fidelity.” (source)
Laurel Hester succumbs to cancer a month after winning her crusade for partner benefits.
Hester, weak from the lung cancer that was killing her, made a public appearance before the Ocean County freeholders in December to ask that her pension benefits be passed to her domestic partner, Stacie Andree.
Her plea put a poignant face on the gay rights movement in New Jersey and around the nation. The freeholder board, which initially turned her down, ultimately acquiesced last month, and other counties began changing their rules as well.
A month after winning the right to pass her pension benefits to Andree -- and days after the state Supreme Court heard arguments on gay marriage -- Laurel Hester lost her battle with cancer yesterday. She was 49. [...]
Knowing she was dying of lung cancer, Hester asked the freeholder board privately in October to extend those benefits to Andree. The board said no, citing the increased expense the county would incur and insisting it was a matter for negotiations with the labor unions. [...]
The freeholders relented last month after Republican state legislators from Ocean County promised to sponsor legislation that would address the pension flaw. In one of his first acts after taking office, Gov. Jon Corzine intervened, telling the freeholders he would support a state legislative measure in the matter.
“I never expected to come out this way,” Hester said of challenging the freeholders. “So I’ve come full circle.” (source)
This is quite a sad story. I want to say that it had a good ending, but it’s hard for me to come to that conclusion. In the end, Laurel Hester did get her benefits that she would have automatically received had she and her partner been able to be married, but she went through hell to get them. This all prompted me to write this letter upon hearing about her death, to the Ocean Country freeholders. The letter was sent out a few minutes ago.
From the news article:
Freeholder Joseph Vicari said yesterday he was “very saddened” at the news of Hester’s death.“She was a very dedicated, loyal employee of the county for 23 years,” he said. “We are very proud of her service. This is a great loss not only to the prosecutor’s office, but also for law enforcement.”
Although the past few months have been difficult for Hester and the freeholder board, Vicari said, he believes the freeholders did the right thing in helping to reverse the inequities in the pension system.
“Fortunately for Laurel Hester, she received what she wished,” he said. “She was a very kind person. Very compassionate.”
My response:
Yes... but you know what is really really sad? It’s the fact that the Ocean County freeholders put Laurel Hester through this hell in the last months of her life! You can tell the papers that you are “very saddened” at her death (typical cover-your-ass politician), but nothing covers up the fact that you did this to her - no one else. You should be down right ashamed for the way you conducted yourselves during this entire horrible experience. And for what? To save some money? Is that your excuse?Be “very saddened” all you want. What you all did to Laurel Hester is truly UNFORGIVABLE. You can’t take that back with two lousy words. You owe her life partner a VERY sincere PUBLIC apology for what you put them both through. That is what will start the healing. I haven’t heard that from any of you. I doubt your sincerity in this public statement of being “very saddened”.
After the years of service that Laurel Hester gave you, she deserved a hell of a lot better than she got back.
Sincerely,
Bill Cannon
Connecticut (yes, EVERYONE saw this for it was - just calloused bigotry)
Aside from my home state of Idaho approving a state constitutional amendment against gay couples being able to obtain marriage, my week has been ok. Not the best week, but I decided last night that I’m not going to dwell on it anymore. The amendment will go before the Idaho voters in November. What will happen, will happen. I’m moving on.
And part of doing that is to think about the future. We may not have marriage, but hopefully we have protections in place that will hold up to challenges. Kent and I talked about this last night after we went to bed. You know, one of those conversations that you have after the lights go out and it’s so very quiet. I reminded Kent about the story of the couple in Oklahoma who had been together for 25 years. They had a farm together. In their years together, they raised four children, and 50 head of cattle. It was a dairy farm.
Then one day, one of them passed away. That was the beginning of their nightmare. They each had a will, leaving the surviving partner everything. But when a distant cousin challenged the will, the court invalidated the will, and the surviving partner lost everything.
That is what scares me because I’ve been told that there are members of my family who have a desire to do this. I won’t name names. It really doesn’t matter. What matters is my fear of lack of protection. So, the conversation that Kent and I had last night was just that - how safe are we, given that we are unable to obtain marriage, and that we do each have wills leaving each other everything we have.
He said that the will was overturned because it happened in Oklahoma, a very conservative state. His opinion is that this would never happen in liberal Connecticut. I don’t know if that’s true or not. I’m basically in a position of trusting a judge that I don’t even know, and who doesn’t know me. Our wills are very clear, but will they be honored? Whoever challenges the will would have to come to Connecticut to make such a challenge.
I don’t know if I am over worrying or not. I suppose it’s a mute point. If it becomes a problem for Kent, I will be dead. I don’t believe I would have the same problem with anyone from Kent’s side of the family. I hate the fact that I even have to spend time worrying about this. But, I’ve heard so many horrible things that have happened to people. I was even worried while being in the hospital. I was worried that if anything happened, would Kent be able to make decisions for me. As it turned out, the nurse in charge was very open minded to our relationship, but she could just as easily have been homophobic and made it difficult for us.
Anyway, this is all old news. It’s what we talked about last night. But I’m tired of worrying about things that I have no control over. I can’t control that we can’t have the protections of marriage. I can’t control if some judge will completely disregard our wishes. I can’t control some homophobic hospital administrator denying us visitation rights. God, you can spend all your time worrying about this. I don’t want to do that anymore.
So today, we went to the bookstore and bought the Barron’s Mastering French course. It’s the same course used to train diplomatic personnel of the U.S. Government. We are going to France, and I’m using this opportunity to learn French. I want to eventually become fluent in the language. I have a feeling that we will be traveling to Montreal and Quebec more on our vacations in the future.
After that, I also want to learn Spanish. I took Spanish in high school. I can understand it somewhat. But with more Spanish speaking people in the U.S. today, I thought that it would be a good thing to learn. It will undoubtedly be easier for me to grasp than French. Some of the French sounds are peculiar for me to pronounce, but I’ll get there.
Tonight we are going to Azul in West Hartford. I went a few weeks ago and had a good time. The food is fabulous (so are the martinis)!
In November, Idaho voters will be asked the following question:
Shall Article III of the Constitution of the State of Idaho be amended by the addition of a new Section 28, to provide that a marriage between a man and a woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this state?
“In an absolute heartbeat, I would give my own life for theirs. To me, that is love, and love makes a family. Please think deeply about the proposal before you now. Just because my family make-up is different from yours, does not make us any less a family.” - Sara Seidl of Boise spoke on behalf of her partner and their two children (source)
I feel the same way about my family. I loved growing up in Idaho. I know many of you won’t understand this, but there is a magic about Idaho. The state has a vast wealth of diversity - at least in terms of terrain. There is desert, mountains, wilderness, and everything in between. And for the most part, my memory tells me that the people were nice as well - most of them.
That’s why this is so painful. Today the Idaho Senate passed a state constitutional amendment that will ban marriage equality for gay couples, along with civil unions. It now goes to the people of Idaho who will vote on the measure in November. It needs a simple majority to become part of the Idaho Constitution. I expect it will pass, probably with the comfortable majority that we saw in Texas. I’ve come to the conclusion that society just does not understand us, or what we are looking for. I’ve given up hope trying to get them to understand.
And yes, I said that I would not be covering all of this negative coverage of marriage amendments going on in the news, but Idaho is different for me. It was my childhood. It was my young adulthood. I wonder now if the great majority of the good people of Idaho always hated gay people. I wonder if all of that was just below the surface. I think it was, and I just didn’t really want to believe it. And when my own family goes to the polls in November, my bet is that 98% of them will vote for passage of this hateful amendment.
Five Republican senators changed their minds this year after helping to defeat the measure last year, a phenomenon attributed by some as a reaction to political pressures.
“In politics, you always want to find an evil that’s a minority so there’s not a lot of votes (at stake),” said Sen. Gary Schroeder, R-Moscow. “This is all about politics and votes.” (source)
As for me, I will never set foot in Idaho again, and that is very sad for me. I just can’t bring myself to do it. To the people of Idaho, please do some soul searching. You are the only thing in the way of intolerance and hatred. This will be your legacy. And in a hundred years or so, future generations will see this act for what it is.
BOISE - The Idaho State Senate has approved a proposed constitutional amendment banning gay marriage in Idaho, sending the matter to voters this November.
The 26 to nine vote met the required two-thirds vote. Now it only needs simple majority vote from the public to pass. (source)
We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must no break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield, and patriot grave, to every living heart and hearthstone, all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature. - Abraham Lincoln
We can hope that someday the better angels of our nature will come forth. In a few months, we will see if this will happen in Idaho.
The complete language of the bill is given below...
I received word from my family back in Idaho that my Uncle Dave (my Mother’s side) died last week. He was 89 years old. That’s quite an achievement, if your health is good. People in my family tend to live long lives. The exceptions have been my mother and father. But, there were reasons for this.
My mother was a chain smoker for many years. She was also addicted to prescription narcotics for many years. It’s not as bad as I’m making it sound. Years ago, before people were crystal clear on the terrible health effects of smoking, it was the “in thing” to smoke. Even Hollywood pictures glorified smoking. This is the era that my mother grew up in. Later, as people were dying of cancer, people became more aware of what it was doing to their health. She tried for a long time to stop. She ultimately was able to, but not before the damage had been done.
The prescription pills were for “nervousness”. She was given Nembutal for her nerves, and Doriden (since outlawed because of it’s addictive nature) to make her more calm. Indeed, there were times that she looked like a zombie. And towards the end of her life, there was even talk from some in my family to sue the doctor who had been prescribing these medications all those years, knowing full well that she was addicted. That same doctor even called me at college to try to see if I was a “voice of reason”. He was scared that he would lose his license. I agreed to “call off the dogs” for him - not out of any feeling for him, but I was worried about what it would to do Mom to just be cut off from those medications. I was afraid that would kill her. She was able to eventually stop on her own.
Eventually, she died of “congestive heart failure” at the age of 65. It was ultimately the smoking that took it’s toll.
My father died at the age of 46. He too was a chain smoker. But more than anything else, his passion for farming, along with extremely long hours, killed him. The doctors warned him to stop, but he wouldn’t. One night, he died of a massive heart attack.
As for me, I tried smoking when I was seven years old. I stole a cigarette from my Mom’s purse, went out to the back year, and lit it up. I took a nice long puff on it, and I started to cough uncontrollably. I became sick, and threw up. I thought, as I was crying, that I was dying. As it turned out, it was the best thing that I ever did. To this day, if I’m in a room of smokers very long, I will start feeling nauseous, just because of that incident. So needless to say, I’ve never smoked another cigarette in my life.
My Uncle Dave was not in good shape in the last years of his life. I was told that he weighed less than 90 pounds when he died. So this past week, I’ve thought a lot about my Uncle Dave. He was a champion old-time fiddler. If you don’t know what that is, then you’ve never visited Weiser, Idaho, fiddling capital of the world. I, on the other hand, was a “violinist”. I always looked down on fiddling as a perversion of the instrument.
My family used to be quite close before my father died. After that, people drifted apart somewhat. Later, because of a lot of things, there were hard feelings that would never mend.
My last visit with my Uncle Dave was a memorable one. My brother was with me. For some reason, my brother wanted to go for a visit, and he took me along. I was in high school at the time, although I forget what grade I was in. I was having a lot of difficulty at school because of harassment. People were talking about me concerning my perceived sexual orientation. This was the period of time that I was going through hell at school. I’ve written about it on several entries.
So we arrive at my uncle’s house. He greets us outside and proceeds to tell us a joke that he heard. He was always telling jokes of one sort or another. He said, “Do you know what they are doing outside this gay bar? [laughs laughs laughs]... They are making pop sickles in the shape of cocks, and calling them ‘cock sickles’ to attract all the faggots. [laughs laughs laughs]... Then when they have them all rounded up, they can go after ’em with the bats.” [laughs laughs laughs]
I suppose he said other things after that, but for the life of me, I can’t remember what. I went numb after that. I tried to laugh, although, I don’t know what was so funny about it. My brother laughed, so I guess I just didn’t get the joke. Or perhaps, the prospect of being gay bashed with a baseball bat was just a bit too close to home for me.
That was my last memory of my Uncle Dave. I never wanted to go back. I never wished bad of him. He never knew about me being gay - at least, not at that time. I’m told now that the whole family knows. When other people in my family die that I haven’t seen in twenty-five years, will I only remember awful things that they have said like this? I still remember an aunt telling me, upon hearing about some woman being a lesbian, that she was afflicted with a “mental illness”. And that remark is also the thing that I remember about that aunt, when I think of her.
I understand that it’s bias and hatred for what they don’t understand. In some instances, it’s not even hatred. They just never take that next step and think about what they are saying. I’m guilty of that as well. I once told a Polish joke that I thought was funny. As it turned out, one of the people I was telling it too turned out to be of Polish heritage. He told me so after I told the joke, and he still laughed at it, even though I had just poked fun at his heritage. I felt awful about it afterwards, and I still regret it today. But at least, I have to give myself credit for giving it thought and reflection, and vowing not to do it again.
So I can’t really fault my Uncle Dave. I have done the same thing. And where I have had an opportunity to meet some Polish people and have found them to be fine people, I doubt that my Uncle Dave ever met a faggot that he could tolerate. There were people beating up suspected gays in Emmett, and there were a lot of rumors over the years. Most of the people being rumored about at one point or another had a problem with harassment or violence. Some left Emmett for fear of their own safety. And, when the rumors turned to me in high school, the same thing happened to me. Perhaps my Uncle Dave was among those who were the bashers of some of these people. Who knows, maybe there was some truth to that joke he told, since he used to work at a bar downtown - at least the gay bashing part.
I’ll never know, and it’s best that way.
I’ve thought about this entry for a good long time. I’ve come up with many reasons why it’s important to try to tell the story of two people who are struggling in America, just for simple equality. It’s been one of the hardest and honestly most depressing battles I’ve ever fought in my life. It’s caused stress, depression, anxiety, and there have been days that I didn’t even want to get out of bed because I was wondering, “What is going to happen next?”
We are in a huge battle in this country for our rights. These rights were always deserved by us because our country’s cornerstone documents talk about the right to “pursue happiness”, “equality”, that abridging the rights of others is forbidden. There are many such documents. Our country has seen many disputes and even revolutions over such things. People, Americans, have laid their very lives on the line for freedom and equality, and many have died fighting that cause.
We thought that we were moving in the right direction when the so-called “Civil Rights Movement” happened and we started to see things moving in the right direction for many people in our country who were certainly less than equal. We went through all of that, and it was very painful. We confronted bigotry and have been striving for years to overcome it. A lot has happened for African Americans in this country. They are now a protected class and it is no longer legal to discriminate against them in ALL of the states in this land - at the state and federal levels. That is most certainly a good thing.
Why is it then that America can so easily, in the face of that history, discard and throw away equality for Americans who are homosexual? Hell, in the liberal state of Connecticut, the best we can achieve it seems is a second-class status of “civil unions”. Last year, when the civil union bill passed, I was told that a bill for full marriage would most certainly be introduced this year. Then, several days ago, I received an announcement that a bill giving full marriage to gay couples would not be introduced this year. Shocking, isn’t it? It’s exactly what I expected.
In most of the states in this country, it is still fully legal to look an employee right in the eyes, and tell that employee that he is being fired because he is a homosexual. You have no legal recourse. At the federal level, we have been striving for years to get this type of protection. But the federal government will have no part of it. So, we are left struggling from state to state (Washington State recently passed these protections by just one vote), just to have the “right” to not be fired for being gay, denied housing for being gay, and all the rest. This is 2006, and this is still happening. And as I type this, Virginia easily passed a full ban of gay marriage and civil unions in their Senate. It now goes to the full House, where it is easily expected to pass. It will then be heading for the November ballot where the voters of the state of Virginia are fully expected to tell us once and for all that we do not deserve equality. It’s hard for me to get my mind around that. I love my country. What is happening to it? Are my fellow Americans really that vindictive and hateful? Yes, it would seem, they are.
The similarities between what we are up against and what African Americans were up against are startlingly similar. Yet, I hear time and time again from African Americans that our struggle cannot be compared to what they went through. They show their own bigotry by distancing our struggle from theirs, and in many cases, turn right around and fire us (or not hire us), because they don’t like homosexuals, even though they faced that discrimination decades ago. I guess it’s not their problem. Now, we are the new “black”. And they wrap this attitude all up by saying that they are “Christians”, when everything in my being tells me that Christ would not be doing this.
I’ve had enough. In so many ways, I’ve given up on my country. All I want to do now is rest and try my best to “pursue happiness”, to the best that I’m allowed.
There are a few reasons I’ve decided to live my life differently. Here are a few of those reasons.
Apathy
I receive close to one million hits on this site month after month. Yet, the number of comments left on this site are minimal. People don’t care. People have tuned out. I’ve been thinking a lot about this. A co-worker recently told me that he no longer even listens to the news because he doesn’t want to know what’s going on. He thinks it’s hopeless. Maybe he’s right. He told me that keeping this blog only serves to bring me down because it’s an endless circle of negative news that I’m feeding on, with no resolution in sight. Perhaps he’s right.
I’ve decided that I too am no longer going to keep caring about the news. I’m going to radically change my life and make my world smaller - MUCH smaller. My world will become my work and my home. At the point that we nuke someone, I suppose I will turn on the news to see what’s going on. Are you surprised at this? You shouldn’t be. No one else cares. Why should I?
Religion
I’ve come to the profound conclusion that those who want to deny me basic equality based on religion can go fuck themselves. I mean that sincerely and literally. I do feel that people have the right to express their religious freedom, but that expression ends when it comes to the polls in the form of referendums that would deny me and my partner basic legal protections - basic protections that they have and they take for granted. To the people reading this who would do this to my partner and I, and our community, you make me sick. You are the cancer that is eating this country alive and turning people against each other. You shop through the Bible and use it as a tool of hatred and divisiveness. I put you lower than Fred Phelps because he at least is honest about his total contempt for us and is willing to stand in front of a funeral home, school, or church and hold up picket signs espousing his beliefs with such words as “FAGS BURN IN HELL!”. At least I know where he stands.
You are the main problem in our country today. You went to the polls to put our current moronic President into office, just on a promise to pass a constitutional amendment keeping marriage out of the hands of gays. What did you end up with? You ended up with a President who abandoned the amendment he won the election on and ended up going to war with Iraq. And in the end, it is estimated that this war will cost our country 2 trillion dollars. That’s $2,000,000,000,000!
But you know what, I don’t even care about that anymore. You got what you voted for. You got a President in office that ran up a deficit that will take generations to pay off. This will not be my bill to pay. It will be paid off by YOUR CHILDREN and YOUR GRAND CHILDREN and YOUR GRAND CHILDREN’S GRAND CHILDREN. That is what you voted for.
When all is said and done, I hope that it was all worth it just so you could keep committed gay couples from ruining your “sanctity of marriage”, as over half of you file for divorce. It’s pathetic.
America
America is no longer the land of the free. Freedom is now defined by those who have the power. It is now perfectly fine to go to the polls in many states so the voters can pass referendums curtailing the civil liberties of a minority. The only two times in my memory that this was unsuccessful was in Maine last November when the voters decided to keep a measure on the books that had been passed by the legislature to protect the rights of gay citizens from being fired. The other time was in California in the days of Harvey Milk when Proposition 6 was defeated at the polls - a measure that would have prevented gay teachers from teaching.
Think about that. Your neighbors and co-workers are going to the polls to pass a referendum or an amendment to the state constitution preventing a minority group from having the same protections as others. There are no special rights (rights that the populous don’t already enjoy) being given. And because this minority group happens to be an undesirable group, your neighbors and co-workers, although nice to your face, will turn right around and vote for these measures. Nice, huh? That’s called “tyranny of the majority”.
The Gay Community
WHERE IS YOUR OUTRAGE?
My community for the most part, doesn’t care. I think, in all fairness, because a lot of people have simply given up - just like I’m doing now. And, in the younger generation of gays, there is a lot of apathy because they don’t see things getting any better. As I mentioned, Virginia is about to pass a constitutional amendment preventing marriage and civil unions for gay couples. In my INBOX, I am getting frantic requests for people to take action and to appeal to the fairness of their legislators. It’s sad and heart breaking to watch. Their legislators hate their guts. That is why this is happening. How many of these legislators have actually wanted to sit in the same room with us to hear our concerns about legal issues? None. I don’t know what to tell them. These are people who want their family to be complete and to have basic legal protections. Many have children, yet they can’t cover them or their spouse under their insurance.
Teen suicide and drug use are going up in our community. Of course, that’s a bad thing, but in all honesty, what do they have to look forward too? The best I can offer them is a life filled with struggle, as state after state lines up to pass hateful amendments that will take a generation to overturn. That will be their struggle. Or perhaps, if equality isn’t important to them, they will find happiness. To me, equality is very important - at least, it used to be. Now, I have come to a point that I honestly don’t give a shit how many more states pass these amendments. It doesn’t matter anymore because you see, America is no longer America. It no longer stands for equality and fairness. It stands for bigotry and hatred. And for the time being, we are the hated.
Cancer
I recently went in for a colonoscopy. It was more routine than anything else, but it was spurred by the fact that at my last physical, my doctor found blood in his examination. He told me not to worry because we were going to do the tests anyway, since I’m at “that age”.
So, I did complete the colonoscopy. When I was out in Arizona visiting Kent’s folks, I called the doctor’s office for the results. They found one growth and took it out, and reported that it was benign and nothing to worry about. I had a follow-up visit the next month.
When I went in for the follow-up, I learned that they actually found two growths. The other one was up close to my stomach area. And, it was “pre-cancerous”. My doctor told me that it was good that we did this now, because if I hadn’t had it done, in 7-10 years, the conversation I would be having with him would have been cancer treatment.
That makes you really stop and think about what is important in life. And all this crap that I talk about in this blog that no one really cares about, is just no longer up there on my list of concerns or priorities.
I’m going to spend my life on what I can control and with the passions of my life. First and foremost, that is my family. Kent and I may not have equality - maybe we never will, but we have each other, and that is incredible. I’ve been so lucky in life. We met in college and he’s been the love of my life. Thirty-one years together. It blows my mind.
My other passion is photography. This blog will continue to exist, but will most likely become a “photo blog”. The appearance may change somewhat, and I may comment on some of the photos I post, but they will most likely be posted to the blog with another application. I’ve chosen Flickr to display my photos. It does a decent job and it is easy to post to this blog directly from Flickr. You can see the photos I’ve uploaded so far here. I may continue to post entries on what is going on in my personal life, but it will focus on us, and not on the lesser mindset of politicians in Washington or the states. They are simply beneath me. At least, this is how I feel now.
I will eventually replace my gallery on my website and move the photos that are there to Flickr, or delete them altogether. And I will be posting links to the uploaded photos as they occur.
Other Changes
Past archives of all my writings will remain intact, for what they’re worth. Who knows.... someday after I am gone, they will at least be a record of the struggle that one gay man went through for basic equality - if anyone cares.
I guess that’s all. To the people who I have met on here and have become friends with, I’m still around, and I thank you for caring. You know who you are.
I wish you all well in all you want out of life. Remember, life is short. You can dictate what you want that life to be, to a large extent. You have to let the rest of what other people in power do to you.... go. For your own happiness, you have to let it go.
...strive to be happy.
A love sonnet by Chilean poet Pablo Neruda
My love, if I die and you don’t---
My love, if you die and I don’t---
Let’s not give grief an even greater domain.
No expanse is greater than where we live.
Dust in the wheat, sand in the deserts,
time, wandering water, the vague wind
swept us on like sailing seeds.
We might not have found each other in time.
This meadow where we find ourselves,
O little infinity! we give it back.
But Love, this love has not ended:
just as it never had a birth, it has
no death: it is like a long river,
only changing lands, and changing lips.
Gov. Christine Gregoire, center, signs a gay-civil-rights bill into law as lawmakers including bill sponsor Rep. Ed Murray, D-Seattle, second from left, and his partner, Michael Shiosaki, left, watch. The bill makes Washington the 17th state passing such laws covering gays and lesbians. (source)
Photo credit: TED S. WARREN / AP
