Why Civil Unions Just Don't Cut it
This couple is so similar to Kent and myself in so many ways. We have both been together over 30 years and we both live in Connecticut. The only difference at this point in time is that we are both healthy, as far as we know.
This is my greatest fear. The state of Connecticut passed this Civil Union bill a couple of years ago and now think that everything is just fine and dandy. Tell that to this couple who may lose they home.
Civil Unions are crap that have no federal benefits associated with them. The faster we all realize that and demand equality, the better.
They live on a circle of tidy houses in a subdivision nestled in Windsor Locks, a couple in love since they met in a Hartford bar 30 years ago.
Another gray-haired, tax-paying family of two. You might like them as neighbors.
They own their home. There are retirement accounts for the future. They go to church. There were these plans, too, for hiking, kayaking and enjoying life for years to come.
This being the land of civil unions, Rob Scanlan and Jay Baker figured things were looking up for an aging gay couple in the suburbs.
Then, a little over a month ago, Rob was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis - ALS - and they were reminded that there isn’t equality.
It’s different for gays, even in a blue state with a civil union law. The problem is not that ALS is a death sentence. It’s that Congress and the federal government recognize only marriage when it comes to taxes, Social Security and medical issues.
Because federal law does not recognize civil unions, Rob and Jay could be faced with liquidating everything - home, savings, retirement - to pay for costly care. Meanwhile, I’m told, a married heterosexual couple can sometimes take advantage of federal benefits so that a surviving spouse can at least protect the home.
Rob and Jay’s case is not entirely clear yet, but the inequity remains.
“You have a couple that has been together all this time. They have paid their taxes and they have contributed to the community,” said Gary Buseck, legal director for the Gay & Lesbian Advocates and Defenders in Boston. “Why are they treated differently? There is no answer.” (source)
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LOL You will get an invite IF it happens. It's just something that's going around in my head at this time. I suppose if I had it, I would have it at our home, since it would just be me and Kent, our friend Mary and her friend, and you and Jeff. We would probably have it in the afternoon and I would have catered food and people to serve. Perhaps Kent's parents would come out. I just don't know.
But yes, if we do it, you will most certainly be invited. :)
If you go to get the civil union, we expect an invite. God knows we have to get more use out of our prom dresses!
You are right... sigh....
I've almost come to the realization that marriage just isn't going to be in the cards for us. Gay couples will eventually have full marriage, but we will be gone.
I have to accept that. So, we've been thinking of getting a civil union in Connecticut. It will just be a few people I suppose. We have a couple of friends coming out from Idaho to see us in October, and are entertaining the idea of getting it then.
Aside from the rights that we will never have in our lifetime, I guess we have to let the hope of that go, and make the civil union a form of commitment. I still have issues with it. To the State, it has some weight, but to the Feds, nothing. So why bother? I don't know. It would be half a dozen people standing up in front of a clerk or a pastor to "bless" our relationship. After that, I guess it's a good reason to have a party.
You and Jeff have a better chance at making the Feds honor your marriage, because it is a real marriage, but even that is years away, I believe.
It's sad the way things are.
Bill, while you say civil union law is crap, I can tell you that marriage law in Massachusetts falls within the same category. Jeff and I are legally married in MA, yet we do not derive any federal benefits from it. The fed has a law called DOMA.
In fact, we still need to maintain healthcare proxies. So, civil union or marriage, it really doesn't matter when it comes to the fed. It's a sorry state of affairs in either instance.