Checking in from Arhus, Denmark

Fiona,

Several years ago, my former sister-in-law took a portrait of my boyfriend and me for a college photography course. Her assignment was to take a romantic photo of a couple. She took a sweet photo. I was seated on a stool and my boyfriend stood behind me with his arms around me and nuzzled my ear with his cheek.

The instructor told her that the photo was not appropriate. He felt that a photo of "gay lovers" was not romantic and was instead had "shock value." He gave her a poor grade on the project. He also refused to display it in the classroom along with the other photos.

That is appalling Bill, I have never heard anything like it. Alot of people over here are the same, they go on about same sex couples making a joke out of marriage. makes me think of my little daughter shes twelve and in class they were asked to make an invite for a wedding. She did one for her two uncles because she wants them to get married so she can be groomsmaid! ( her name as she says she couldn't be bridesmaid as there won't be a bride). Well the boy next to her saw that the invite was for two men so he told her to change it or she would be in trouble from the teacher, of course she refused so the boy shouted out "Miss, Nikki has done an invite for a queers wedding" Nikki told him exactly what she thought of him and the teacher came running over. Nikki said she was scared of what the teacher would say but at the same time was proud of her invite and saw no wrong in it. The teacher in fact was very supportive and said it was a nice creation and told the boy there was nothing wrong with two people of the same sex getting married. How sad though that a 12 year old child is treated like that by another child. obviously the boys parents have denied him the pleasure and experience of knowing gay people and have already poisoned his mind against them. Its sad but i was so proud of my daughter she stuck up for what is right and just. If she carries on like that during adulthood perhaps she will change a few people on the way and help stamp out the inequality that people like you face.

Fiona,

In the United States, we even have game shows for getting married. Basically, you have a bachelor and there are a variety of women who are competing to be his husband. When the winner is selected, they are married and then they go off on their all expense paid honeymoon.

It never lasts of course. It's not meant to last. If it does last, that's nice, but that's not the focus. The focus is the game show. The marriage is real, along with the vacation that they will both get. So, after being on this game show and are married, five minutes after they marry each other, they have all the rights of marriage, and after 31 years together, Kent and I cannot have that.

And here is the real kicker... of all the bitching you hear from the right wing nut cases on how homosexuals who want to get married are destroying marriage, none of them, NOT ONE, has gone after what these game shows are doing to what they call "the sanctity of marriage". NOT ONE of them has gone after the marriage industry in Las Vegas, where people get married on a whim just for the hell of it - to give them an excuse to get married (just ask Brittney Spears about that one). Most of them divorce weeks later. Brittney's marriage lasted 55 hours.

The whole thing is such a fucking sham. When I see this for what it is, I try to move on to things in my life that are working (yes, I really am trying), because I realize that it's discrimination and pure bigotry, nothing more. And, beyond that, it has little to do with marriage itself.

Bigotry is ugly.

Other than my cats, and the home in Connecticut that we both own (that will be up for grabs I suppose if something happens to one of us)... I'm absolutely sure that I do not want to return to the United States.

I'm ashamed of my country on so many levels (and don't even get me started on our international policy). In a nutshell, with the Bush Administration, the United States has lost it's principle, it's moral compass, and sees everything, EVERYTHING only in terms of how it will help US. We have to stop that crap or let me tell you, someday we will not be the world power that we are today. All of that could change. We are gaining enemies by the day because we basically just don't know when to keep our damn noses out of other people's business.

And on personal issues, I can't tell you how many gay couples are open about their relationship - in Amsterdam, Copenhagen, and today, in Arhus. I am left thinking that the enlightenment about gay couples (and gay people in general), is a European thing. If you did that anywhere in the U.S., within minutes you would at least be called a "faggot", and at most would end up in the hospital, or dead. And that is "freedom"? Over here, no one even gives a second glance.

Hell, if I weren't rooted in the United States so heavily, I would leave in a second - just to have freedom in my personal life. Learning a new language would be the least of it.

your comment today got me thinking. I don't know if it is the same in the USA but certainly in the Uk you only have to look in the local paper to the small adds and see women from abroad mainly Russia and the Far East advertise themselves as wives. English men go over there meet them often for only a few days and then bring them back here and marry them. Its a mockery of love, romance being a partner, the whole marraige thing. My daughter knew a guy (thank god nothing ever happened between them) he had been in prison, had 4 kids by four women, never had a job. You know the sort! Well the guy boasted how he wanted a wife as a slave and a sex object so he went to the far east an got himself one! This sham is leagal and acceptable in this country but a gay couple are not allowed to get married although since december they have been allowed to have a civil union.Its wrong and I dont know why people are so against gay couples getting married. To me marriage should be about two people who are in love and committed to each other wanting to spend the rest of thier lives together and if they choose raising children in a secure and stable home (I am very pro gay adoption and fostering, dont get me started on this I work in child protection and could tell you a few stories about the kids waiting for loving homes where parents are committed to the kids). Marriage is not about having a laugh, having a party, gaining a slave etc. Discrimination is awful.

Are you sure you really WANT to come back? I'd pull a Mary Ann Singleton (Tales of the City, for those not in the know) and find a nice little European town and STAY.

And then I woke up... :(