Concerning "One More Point For Bigotry"
In the last entry I made called, “One More Point For Bigotry”, I made the following statements:
Well, I’m losing my hope for a just society in the United States. I’m on my way back to the United States today from a place that does put a value on us....
We are the most hypocritical nation on the face of this earth. I’m just losing hope. I have to regroup mentally and put myself in a better place than this. It was the perfect welcoming message to me from a country who just doesn’t give a shit about us.
All true. I take none of it back.
But I have done some soul searching, and this trip to Europe has been a large part of that. There are countries in the world where we are hanged for being gay. There are countries in the world where we have full acceptance. I was there where gays are accepted when I got the news about Washington State.
But none of this just happens. In places like Amsterdam where full marriage is legal, I realized that not so long ago, things were very different in Amsterdam, for gays and Jews. I realized this after I went through the Anne Frank house. I don’t know how to describe that experience in words. The house is now surrounded by a shroud and can’t be seen from the outside. Once inside, you can see a model of the house as you slowly start stepping through the rooms.
As you enter each room, there are narratives from people who knew Anne. The most haunting room for me was entering the hiding place, behind the bookshelf. The bookshelf was made to move away from the wall. Once it was moved, there was a small passageway that led into a hidden room in the back. The room was dim. It was a hot day. There was no air conditioning. Nothing had been changed in the room. And around the room were pictures that Anne had put up in an attempt to brighten the room a bit - to take her away from her experience. And, at the end of the tour, you enter a room, and in the center of the room, encased in glass, was her diary.
The Nazis finally did find the family. Anne was sent to a concentration camp and learned of the death of her sister and after a time, lost hope that any one in her family was still alive. She basically gave up on life. A month after her death, the camp she was in was liberated. And, the great irony is that if she could have just held on a month longer, she would have realized that her father was still alive.
And during this time, gays were also being sent to concentration camps as well. In the concentration camps, the Jews wore the yellow star. They gay men wore the pink triangle (hence the symbolism of the triangles in the “Homo Monument”). They were the most abused and considered to be at the lowest end of the human chain. Few survived. And when the camps were liberated and the Jews won their freedom, the men with the pink triangle were left to face further abuses from their liberators. Their liberators were the allied forces (the United States was one), and many of these men were not set free.
This all happened in Amsterdam where marriage between a gay couple is now fully legal.
So, in that light, I have hope that things will change. I have hope that people will eventually find their way out of bigotry. As Anne Frank stated, “I believe in the goodness of man”. I don’t. I wish I did, but I believe that the nature of our species has a tendency towards self destruction and hatred for what is different. I see it everywhere and I see very limited examples of what I would truly call “goodness”.
African Americans today don’t want to equate our struggle for equality with them. It’s as though you somehow have to suffer more to earn equality. Or, it should only be dished out to a privileged few. The irony is that if Martin Luther King, Jr. were alive today, I believe he would have taken on our battle for equality and fairness. Coretta Scott King felt the same way. A few of his words...
“People talk about the white backlash ... Now, my answer to this question is that there is really no white backlash, because that gives the impression that the nation had decided it was going to solve this problem and then there was a step back because of developments in the civil rights movement. Now, the fact is that America has been back lashing on the civil rights question for centuries now ... The backlash is merely the surfacing of prejudices, of hostilities, of hatreds and fears that already existed and they are just now starting to open.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.
So it is with us. The backlash is going to continue for a very long time to come - certainly past my lifetime. I have made a choice that I am no longer going to take this battle upon myself. I said this some time ago, because I simply take it all too personally. It is personal, we are fighting against being second-class citizens and being denied a huge spectrum of legal protections. At some point, this country will have to decide if the words in the Constitution actually mean something, or, if the document is crap. Right now, the Fourteenth Amendment is being applied, where it’s convenient. Eventually, the glaring truth will emerge that we will either follow the Constitution, or do away with it because, since it demands equality, it’s a big pain in the ass to live with.
My giving up on this has also been in stages. It’s hard for me to accept that our country is as bigoted and ignorant as it is. I’m coming around, but it’s taken time. I am doing more with photography and writing less about the whole marriage issue. My goal is to completely stop talking about it and if I’m really lucky, stop caring about it.
With us being at home again, I have come to realize that marriage is not what any church or government has the power to offer. Marriage is what two people have together. Kent and I have built a life together and we are so lucky to have what we have. Nothing can take that away from us.
Finally, we got home Friday morning at 3:10am. It was a grueling trip home, with a six hour layover in Washington, D.C. We had a flight from Washington, D.C. to Boston. Once we arrived in Boston, we had a two hour drive home. The following day, we unpacked and I got busy getting Kent ready for his next trip. He left for California this morning at 4:00am. for almost a week.
So it’s been busy and now that I am able to relax a bit, I find myself totally exhausted, but in a good way. I have very fond memories of Denmark and The Netherlands. I’ve posted the photos of Copenhagen and Amsterdam. All that is left is our stay in Århus, Demark. I hope to complete that this weekend. That was the final three days of our trip. Århus is the second largest city in Denmark. It is a bit slower than Copenhagen, but equally charming. Hopefully, the photos will speak for themselves.
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Very true RC. There are many in the African American community who do support equality for our community. I've also read (surprisingly) that some of that support has come from ministers who are African American. I say I'm surprised because very often, African American ministers are very conservative. I think many do get what we struggle with, and I think that is happening more as time goes on.
I am also struck that in Martin Luther King's family, his wife Coretta supported full equality for gay couples and gays in general. However, some of their siblings still do not.
I probably should have said, having re-read it, "Many African Americans today don’t want to equate our struggle for equality with them."
I just wanted to address one of your comments about African Americans not wanting equate the struggles gays face with equality. I think this is a generalization. I think there are more African Americans who support gay rights, but they are not being heard or no one pays attention to them. I think it's always the loud-mouthed idiots who get the most attention. Being gay and African American I understand this paradox all too well, but I know my African American friends support my struggle for equality.
RC
Fiona,
Yes, getting married is something that the straight community take for granted. They get married, then when it doesn't work out, they get a divorce. And, they don't give two thoughts about it. It makes me wonder why they even bothered - like your friend said.
With all the dialog on how gays are going to destroy marriage IF they are ever allowed to get married, NOT ONE of those organizations so concerned with the state of marriage today has suggested that divorce should be outlawed - NOT ONE. Why? Because that would be unpopular.
I've come to realize that "marriage" is really just a racket - a club that the socially acceptable are allowed to belong too. Those in the club are able to say, "This is my husband...", etc. They don't just say this to make conversation. They say it to establish the relationship AND the social approval (rights that come with) that relationship. And, when that relationship ceases to work, they destroy the social ties with a divorce, which terminates the rights that come with that relationship.
The act of denying gay couples access to this, since there are social benefits involved (some of which are quite major), is unconstitutional. And, since our government has opted to ignore parts of the Constitution because they don't want to observe it, my pursuing this just becomes an exercise in futility. There is nothing that I can do to gain these rights as long as the supreme courts in the states will say that it is perfectly fine to deny rights to certain segments of society, despite what the Constitution says. This is what just happened in Washington State.
So, that is why I'm giving up on this fight. I could spend the rest of my life fighting for this. But for what? It makes me miserable to think of myself and people like me as second class and to think that for the rest of my life, I am going to be in that class. But the thing is, I can choose if I want that to happen. The way I choose is to stop worrying about marriage. If it really means that much to them to treat us like garbage so they can have their precious marriage, fine.
In the meantime, I'm going to live life and try to be as happy as I can be. If I allow the "protect marriage" crowd to ruin my life, then they have won the battle.
Dave,
Yes, there are worse countries than the United States for human rights - no question about it. But we live in this country by our Constitution. At least, we used too. But not anymore. I'm going to stay put for now but I'll tell you, at the point that they start saying that we can't own property together, I'm out of here.
You said " It’s hard for me to accept that our country is as bigoted and ignorant as it is." It was really hard for me too. Sure, there ARE worse, but we were raised to think we were the best. That is, and always was, a lie. While true heroism was on display by Americans in WWII, much of it was displayed by black Americans, who after the war and the incredible bravery, suffering and sacrifice, went home to second class citizenship. Bigotry and ignorance have always played a big role in American life, and those who shout the loudest about America being the greatest nation on earth have probably never been anywhere else.
It's a sad thing to have to accept, but all that rhetoric about liberty, equality and justice is just so many words. Most Americans do NOT live by those words, and only a small subset ever have. Our greatest heroes have been, and will probably continue to be, those who stand up against the majority and tell them right to their pig snouted faces, what the words REALLY mean.
I am glad that you went to see Anne Frank's house. i think everyone who visits Amsterdam should see it because that way that little girl didn't die for nothing. in some ways it was a dreadful waste of life but in another way that child achieved more for man kind than most people who live to 100. When I think of Anne Frank I think about the dreadful discrimination in the world and how it must be stopped. I am lucky I don't really know what discrimination is like first hand but I have friends and clients who suffer dreadfully. This is for a variety of reasons, because they suffer mental illness, they have HIV, they are gay etc etc. However if we do not fight against this nothing will change. Getting married is something the straight community take for granted i hear married women saying every day how they wish they had never bothered. I guess thats the same with women and the vote in the UK. i always tell my daughter you must vote, women gave thier lives so women can vote. I guess what I am trying to say to you is please don't give up on gay marriage. It perhaps wont happen in your life time but one day it will become reality, it really is something worth fighting for.