The Protections of a "Domestic Partnership"

On June 26, 2006, Eric Rofes died of a heart attack. I didn’t know Eric. I knew his partner Crispin when he lived in Connecticut. When Crispin moved to San Francisco, we lost touch. It was a strange thing for me because when I heard that Eric had passed away, the article mentioned that his partner was named “Crispin”. I did a search to find out more information, wondering if the “Crispin” they were referring to was my old friend, since the name is rather unusual. It turned out, it was, and I have written about it.

What I didn’t know is what Crispin had to go through after Eric died.

Eric and Crispin were of course at the forefront of the Gay Marriage movement. They had long held Californian domestic partnership, and also married when (briefly) we believed that San Francisco law permitted us to do so. They had made for one another all the necessary legal arrangements: powers of attorney, mutual wills, etc etc. All their bases were covered, so they thought. As soon as he heard the news, Crispin had flown straight out to Provincetown, where Eric died, to make funeral arrangements. A friend who accompanied them said that when Crispin began to detail the requirements for the cremation and commitment at the funeral home in Provincetown, the funeral director drew himself up and demanded to know what the basis of their relationship was. He told Crispin: “I don’t believe you will be making the funeral arrangements”. It required the intervention of NGLTF lawyers and lawyer friends on both coasts to convince the funeral home that he was indeed authorized as a legal partner to make the arrangements. Crispin requested an autopsy, which was contested by the Medical Examiner on the same grounds, and the cremation was subsequently questioned as well (they called during the funeral to argue the case with Crispin).

This stands as a lesson to all of us. We are continually told that as Queers, we do not need to be allowed to marry because all legal avenues of partnership are open to us as domestic partners. For Christ sake- this happened in Massachusetts! They had the gall to question a 16 year old relationship, legally bound as far as two gay men can go. At a time when Crispin was utterly bereft and distraught they had the temerity to impugn his and Eric’s relationship, which was as closely legally covered as they could make it. (Eric’s family, by the way, have too much respect for Crispin to intervene- they would not, I think, dream of subverting his moral authority to decide the arrangements). (source)

I swear, the world is so damned unfair. For people out there who are legally married, I hope the hell you know and understand what that marriage gave you in legal terms. For the rest of us, we have to go through this crap. Sorry. I said I wasn’t going to harp on the protections of marriage, but I’m so pissed right now because this happened to a friend of mine, and it was so f****** unnecessary. This is happening to real people every single day.

What they did to Crispin was just cruel.