What's in a Name?

Have you ever noticed that we live in a world of circles? We win something. But we really didn’t win anything. But we convince ourselves that we did win something. So to keep these winnings, the organizations fighting for our rights ask for money -- lots of money -- to help combat the “forces of evil”. So we all give them the money. Then we find out that the organizations fighting for our rights have settled for second best anyway because they realize that we would most likely never get the rights we should have because we are such a small minority and are lucky that they (society) just keeps us around.

To hide the pain of that reality, we create “reality shows”, showing that we are at least good for window treatments and makeovers of one sort or another -- all part of that creative thing that queers are supposed to be so good at -- kind of like how blacks were so good at collecting cotton in the cotton fields (see a pattern?). Queer Eye for the Straight Guy was all about making heterosexuals look better along with a few laughs (at the expense of gays) that just brought home the stereotypes that most gay men are effeminate wimps.

So we end up being second best, or losing completely. And then the next battle begins, and we win something, or at least have the promise of winning something. So to keep these winnings, the organizations fighting for our rights ask for money -- lots of money -- to help combat the “forces of evil”. And on and on............

This week, the New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that gay couples should be given equal rights and that this discrimination must end. Gay couples had civil unions in the state that granted them a very small number of rights. The Court said that wasn’t good enough. It therefore ordered the legislature to deal with the issue, and gave them 180 days to do so. The Court stopped short of ordering the legislature to give us full marriage, and call it “marriage”. So, before the ink is even dry and before the legislature has even gathered, there’s already talk of forming “civil unions”, and avoiding the word “marriage” where gay couples are concerned. And, in this make believe world that we live in, we will call that “equality”. Also, in this make believe world that we live in, we will call this “a victory”. BALONEY!!!!!!!!!

And this has happened because gay couples have been reduced to having to resort to these tactics to get around the legal difficulties our families face because we have no access to the protection of marriage.

The Vandenbergs, who live in Mill Hill, a gentrifying neighborhood in downtown Trenton, have formed a family with another gay couple, John Hatch, 44, and David Henderson, 48, who live a block and a half away and have been together 18 years.

In a 20-page parental contract signed by all four of them, Mr. Hatch and Mr. Henderson each agreed to be the biological father of one of the Vandenbergs’ children, to give up his parental rights so the biological mother’s partner could adopt the child, and to share in parenting responsibilities.

In other words, a contractually constructed partnership of four adults to raise the children. (source)

Where is the outrage in crap like this? It’s not with us. At what point do we take a more aggressive tactic that will state “NOT GOOD ENOUGH!”?

President Bush stated, “Yesterday in New Jersey, we had another activist court issue a ruling that raises doubts about the institution of marriage. I believe it’s a sacred institution that is critical to the health of our society and the well-being of families, and it must be defended.”

President Bush, if you really believe marriage needs defending so damn much, then pass a constitutional amendment making divorce illegal, moron. It’s really funny that when a court rules in favor of equality for gays, they are called an “activist court”, and when they deny us equality, they are merely “doing what they are supposed to do.”

Then we have people who say that a civil union is marriage by another name. Tell you what. You take a civil union and I’ll take your marriage. As long as you are ok with your civil union not being honored by the federal government, or portable from state to state, that shouldn’t be a problem for you, should it?. Other than these small points then yeah, I guess civil unions are equal to marriage. I know, details. But hey, it’s just a label -- marriage by another name. What’s to be afraid of. We won! YAY! Strike one for our team!! What have we really won?

Nationally, nothing. In the State of New Jersey, gay couples will now enjoy equality at the state level only, with heterosexual couples, be it in the form of “civil unions” or “marriage”. That is good news for those couples. But even if the state does call it “marriage” rather than “civil unions”, those couples will enjoy nothing from the federal government, or be able to carry that civil union or marriage to another state because of the Defense of Marriage Act at the federal level.

So really, all we are doing here is playing with labels. Why are we playing this game? Because a lot of people in this country still have bigoted and misplaced views about gay people in this country. So, we skirt the issue of true equality by putting a fake label on what we have, and then pat ourselves on the back by saying “this is true progress”, when in fact, it’s still business as usual.

So now that we are playing the label game, we might as well see it for what it is. And to sum this up, I turn to New Jersey Chief Justice Deborah T. Poritz, who stated in her dissenting opinion that it was important for gays to have the word “marriage” in their vernacular:

We must not underestimate the power of language. Labels set people apart as surely as the physical separation on a bus or in school facilities. Labels are used to perpetuate prejudice about differences Ultimately, the message (of restricting the name “marriage” to male-female unions) is that what same-sex couples have is not as important or as significant.

Exactly.

In 180 days, we will find out if the New Jersey legislature will give us the label of “marriage”. But, there is already speculation that they will avoid doing the right thing and will opt for the safer label of “civil unions” (hey we are on the bus at least -- but have to sit in the back of that bus). It’s business as usual, and our community will most likely, along with various “gay rights” organizations say, “ok. Well, thank you for your time.” And the circle continues as we tell ourselves... it’s just a name.