The American Family Association and its founder, the Rev. Donald Wildmon, called for a boycott of Wal-Mart during the Thanksgiving weekend, and then called it off abruptly after the company said it would “not make corporate contributions to support or oppose highly controversial issues unless they directly relate to our ability to serve our customers.” Does that mean Wal-Mart’s pulling back its support of gay groups? Probably not. [...]

Early in 2003, Ken Pearson, who works at Wal-Mart University, the company’s training arm, came back from a corporate meeting where the theme was “It’s My Wal-Mart” and speakers included the African-American poet Maya Angelou. “But I didn’t really feel like it was my Wal-Mart, as a gay man,” Pearson says.

Back then, the company did not have a written policy protecting gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) employees against discrimination. Nor did it provide health benefits to the same-sex partners of gays and lesbians.

So Pearson composed an e-mail to a Wal-Mart vice chairman, explaining that he is gay, asking if he was welcome at Wal-Mart and outlining his concerns.

“I sat there shaking,” Pearson recalls. “Can I hit send? There’s nothing to protect me from losing my job.” Soon after dispatching the e-mail, Pearson was invited to meet with the executive, who told him that the letter had moved him and that things would change.

They did, and fast.... (source)

One person can make a difference in the workplace. One person can bring it to managements’ attention that things could be better - that the work environment could be more inclusive and open to minorities. But, it takes lot of courage on the part of that individual to make that happen. What is at stake? If you live in one of the 33 states (based on the latest Human Rights Campaign Workplace Report) that still have no protections for gay and lesbian workers, you can be fired on the spot for admitting you are homosexual, with no legal recourse.

When I asked my company for fairness, I went through much of the same experiences that Mr. Pearson did. I was shaking. I was thinking, “Should I just be quiet about this?” I knew that in the State of Connecticut (one of those 17 states that do protect gay workers) I couldn’t be fired for admitting that I’m gay. But, I also know that if a company wants to get rid of you, there are ways to do that. I took a chance that my company valued me as an employee. I’m very happy to say that I was right. And, things are changing for the better within my company.

This only happens when people are out and open about themselves in the most honest way possible. Change will not happen on it’s own.

There’s more work ahead. Wal-Mart still does not offer health care benefits to the domestic partners of its GLBT employees. More than half of Fortune 500 companies do so.

In the Corporate Equality Index published by the Human Rights Campaign, Wal-Mart scores a 65 - up from 14 in 2002, but well shy of the 100 percent score notched by more than 100 big companies. [...]

“I worked for our company for 16 years,” says David Yates, a leader of Wal-Mart Pride. “The word gay had almost never been mentioned. Or it was whispered.”

Now it’s being said often, and out loud.

Which means it’s probably too late for Wal-Mart to reverse its gay-friendly course. (source)

It’s the same way at my place of work. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to have to keep a secret about your sexual orientation. You have to lie all the time, about who you spend time with and what your interests are. A long time ago, I came to the conclusion that it was just not worth sacrificing my integrity because some people could not deal with what I am. So, I stopped hiding. Did I lose jobs? Yes, I did. Three, to be precise. Two asked me to get my things and leave quietly. One manager openly and loudly stated, “Pack your things and get out. We don't hire queers here!” It made me feel worthless and dirty. And after I cried it off and collected myself, I went on with my life. I had other jobs, and made damn sure that I checked the “single” box under the marriage status section. When the form asked who to call in case of emergency, I would put Kent down since my family wasn’t talking to me. And, I would make damn sure that I labeled him as a “friend.”

I no longer do that. Now, I check “married” on all forms. If people have a problem with that, too damn bad! When you turn 50, you see bullshit for what it is.

Did the experiences of being fired for being gay make me close that closet door? Yes, they did, but, I was on the outside of that closet door. I was even more resolved to point out injustices. And other unfortunate things happened for being an out gay man that I no longer dwell on. They are behind me now, and, they have made me stronger.

The result.... a few days ago, I was talking with another employee from a different department. I’m not sure if he knew about me being gay or not (I’ve been told “everybody knows”). There was a point where I had to mention that I have a partner. I still have that little voice that says “be careful” about what you say. Which is really unfortunate because when straight people wear a wedding ring and are married, I’m sure they never even subconsciously think if they should mention the most important person in their life, along with photos on their desk of their family. Yet, I do. But then I continue and mention Kent as “my partner”. I’d like to say “my husband”, but we are still not able to be married. So, I mention “my partner”. I then made mention, as though I had to qualify my comment since I just came out formally to this guy, that I “don’t put it in people’s faces, but I also don’t try to hide it”. He interrupted me and said emphatically, “Nor should you!”

And that is the difference in today’s environment over just five years ago. Then, we were legally tolerated in those 17 states. Today, people’s attitudes are changing to full acceptance and one of being an ally. This is true progress.

Now, if we can just get Congress to pass a bill that outlaws discrimination against gay citizens nationwide.

“I would urge us all to seek actively to inform ourselves and change our attitudes about gays and lesbians. For only in this way will we begin to address the real problems that our condemnation has visited upon them, upon those who love them and, indeed, upon us all.” - Ermalou Roller, ordained minister and dean of the cabinet of the Northern Illinois Conference of the United Methodist Church

All I can say to that is, Amen.

Thanksgiving is a time of reflection for me. It’s a time that most Americans most likely look upon as a time to kill themselves cooking, eat way too much, then follow-up with the next few days with a combination of watching football and shopping. Most will never once stop to think of all the things that they have to be thankful for.

I know it sounds like a cliché from childhood where we are told in grade school that this is the “time to be thankful of all the things we have”, specifically, material things. When I was a child, the things I was thankful for was trying to get through Thanksgiving without there being some huge family fight originating from my step-father, or one of my siblings. I really had very little in the way of material things. I worked and scraped for everything I ever had. Yes, as a musician, I had to work two summer jobs and after school to be able to afford my violin - my very own violin, not a rental from school.

So to me, Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks to the things you have, because they enrich your life. And to me, it is also a time to give thanks that those who hate us have not been able to gain as much headway in our legal system to marginalize us. I’m thankful that I live in a state that has some hope of affording Kent and me state-sanctioned legal protections through full marriage, and a public recognition through a marriage license that we are more than acquaintances, or “legal strangers” -- that we are a unit, a couple.

I’m thankful that I still have hope that a little less than half my country (23 states) still refuses to demean and diminish what we are in their state constitutions. To us, that means that there are still 23 states in this great free country of ours that we can travel to and visit, without feeling so much that we are giving our money to the devil, just by staying there and spending money. I’m sure the list of 23 states will get smaller over time. But for today, I am hopeful that some Americans do value us just as we are. I am hopeful that when people in those 23 states finally get around to destroying our equality (and they will), that they will see us a people, and as equals, unlike the other 27 states have viewed us.

We are going to Arizona in a few months. Arizona voted down their state amendment that would outlaw marriage equality for gays, and outlaw civil unions as well. It would have made it illegal for any state organization to extend any legal privileges or benefits to people like us. But let’s not think that Arizona is a beacon of light here. It would happily have joined the other states had it not been for the somewhat twisted way this amendment was defeated. It was defeated because advocates for marriage equality convinced 51% of Arizonans that this amendment would also kill the civil arrangements of unmarried heterosexual couples living together as well, if they didn’t enter into “marriage”. The amendment was worded in such a way that it didn’t directly target gay couples as the Colorado Amendment 2 did years ago (which was found unconstitutional by the Supreme Court, specifically because it targeted a single and specific group of people), but everyone knows that the intended target was gay couples. So, the anti-amendment campaign appealed to heterosexual people, telling them that they were about to lose their rights, unless they entered into civil marriage. Arizona already has a law on the books barring gay couples from marriage. We won, but not on the merits of equality.

So, we will go to Arizona because that is where our parents will be. We will spend our money there, but I will keep everything in perspective. I would never live there, along with the other 27 states that have told us loud and clear that if we move to their state, we will be drinking from the black water fountain and sitting in the back of the bus.

So the great migration has begun. People are moving to more hospitable states where their families can have some order of protection and the dignity of recognition.

Last month, of course, New Jersey’s Supreme Court paved the way for giving same-sex partners equal rights, giving lawmakers 180 days to rewrite marriage laws to either include same-sex couples or create a new system of civil unions for them.

This will be a big deal - not just for same-sex couples, but for New Jersey’s economy.

Why? Because, despite some rumblings in Albany, New York is likely to be years away from allowing same-sex marriage or civil unions. That will give Jersey a serious competitive advantage in attracting gay couples and the economic benefits associated with their calling a place home.

A forthcoming study by UCLA’s Williams Institute finds that revenue from weddings and wedding tourism alone (if the Jersey legislature approves marriage, not civil unions) would add nearly $103 million per year in business to the state for at least the next few years.

But the economic impact could go way beyond that. Our research on what makes cities and regions grow shows that urban economic vitality today turns on openness to new ideas, new people and different lifestyles. Artistic, technological and cultural innovators and the more than 40 million workers who are part of what we call “the creative class” are drawn to places that are diverse and tolerant. (source)

I’m thankful that I don’t have to deal with that, for now. And it would be nice if we could achieve equality on it’s merits, and not because it was the fiscally smart thing to do. People use the arguments that marriage equality will “attract the smartest and most creative people.” Is that true? Perhaps, to an extent. But that description also separates us. We are Americans, like everyone else, and we want what everyone else wants, to be treated no better or no worse than anyone else.

Finally, I’m thankful for what I have now. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. It was quiet and relaxed, and just the two of us. We usually go out to dinner, but this year, we decided to cook a full course dinner.

This included a turkey (pictured right), our homemade sausage/chestnut stuffing, sweet potato pumpkin rolls, butternut squash, complimented by my orange cranberry relish and home made turkey gravy. Accompanying this was a rather extraordinary great white burgundy wine, that we happen to have in our basement (pictured left). It was a Louis Latour, 1989 Corton-Charlemagne. There was not a sharp edge on this wine. It had a very buttery finish with a sophisticated after taste. It was simply quite wonderful and completely matched the wonderful food.

For desert, we had pumpkin pie upstairs in front of the TV. It was a nice day. I’ve noticed that when you don’t have a bunch of people coming to dinner, cooking all this food becomes fun and less of a race to a frantic finish line. Somehow, I think that’s what Thanksgiving ought to be.

Read # 1
This from Ellen Goodman, who I enjoy reading on occasion. She had this to say about the Ted Haggard issue.

Haggard’s deception and repulsion are, in some ways, lagging indicators of changing attitudes and science. Thirty years ago, only 13 percent of Americans thought homosexuality was inborn while 56 percent thought it came from the way people were raised. This year, for the first time, more Americans believe that homosexuality is inborn (42 percent) than due to upbringing (37 percent). More gays, more friends, families, co-workers have come to believe that gayness is not a choice, let alone a sin. (source)

Everyone has an opinion of the hypocrisy of people who live double lives. I suppose my feeling is this: do what you want to do with your life. Not a problem, but don’t do harm to others while you are doing it. Think just a bit, before you compare gay men with the likes of pedophiles and murderers, what effect that will have on a 15 year old gay boy who is trying to decide if he has any other option except for suicide. That is what I have against people like Ted Haggard. Hopefully, those kids will find a better role model than that.

On the up side, I thought the statistic was very interesting.

Thirty years ago
13% - homosexuality is inborn
56 % - comes from how you were raised

2006
42% - homosexuality is inborn
37% - comes from how you were raised

Why? Very simple. As Ellen Goodman put it, “More gays, more friends, families, co-workers have come to believe that gayness is not a choice, let alone a sin.” For Ted Haggard’s sake, I hope that he learns that lesson as well.

Read # 2
Give it up Romney, ya loser. Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney held a rally a few days ago to spur folks to vote down marriage equality, AGAIN. It’s political pandering. He’s not running again for Governor and has his eye on the presidency. A Mormon President? I don’t know. I think that may be right up there with having a gay President, as far as the American public is concerned. But I’ve been wrong before. Religion aside, I think he’s too far right for this country right now - especially for the next presidential election two years from now, when we will still be in Iraq. Will the people want a Republican president?

On the up side, the sky has not fallen on Massachusetts since gay marriage has become the law in their state.

Romney’s office yesterday sent packages to the homes of 109 pro-gay marriage lawmakers -- 16 of whom are in the Framingham, Milford, Waltham and Dedham areas -- who recently delayed voting on the measure.

Targeted lawmakers slammed the outgoing GOP governor for trying to appease national voters as he weighs a run for president.

“It’s interesting that he’s putting the full court press on now when I’ve never heard from him on this matter before,” said state Rep. Alice Peisch, D-Wellesley, rejecting Romney’s argument that she and 108 lawmakers violated the constitution.

“If he thinks that I haven’t read the constitution, particularly the part that’s applicable to constitutional conventions, he’s wrong,” Peisch said. “I don’t need him to tell me what the constitution says.” [...]

“I’ve already read the constitution many times and (Romney) does not have a legal leg to stand on,” said state Rep. David Linsky, D-Natick, one of the 109 lawmakers sent copies of the constitution. (source)

Read # 3
I’m not sure I agree with this article. I think all of us feel added stress and feelings of loneliness and isolation over the holidays, especially. We are all going through it. When having these feelings, do what I do, eat chocolate, preferably on chilled strawberries with very good Champagne!

GLBT folk are more likely than their heterosexual counterparts to worry about money, have concerns about their health or admit to feeling lonely. (source)

Read # 4
Syria and Iraq are to restore diplomatic relations, after a break of more than 20 years. Of course they are. Now, they both have an enemy bigger than each other: The United States. I’m so happy that we have less terror in the world now that we have gone into Iraq to destroy those weapons of mass destruction that didn’t exist, and to fight/destroy Iraq where terror came from, except that it didn’t come from there. I know... details. At any rate, I would like to personally thank President George Bush for making the world a much safer place for all of us.

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan said on Tuesday the US was trapped in Iraq and had to find the right time to leave without causing even greater chaos.

“The US is in a way trapped in Iraq, trapped in the sense that it cannot stay and it cannot leave,” he said. (source)

Read # 5
And speaking of President Bush, he did make it to Vietnam... FINALLY... just not when the war was going on. He was “busy” at the time. I guess better late than never.

Read # 6
And in Indonesia, where his visit spurred demonstrations, the President said that he welcomes criticism as the hallmark of freedom, “a sign of a healthy society.”

Well, it must not have been that healthy. Because of security concerns, he quickly left Indonesia for a 10 hour plane trip to Hawaii, for his safety. At least, that was CNN’s excuse for the quick departure.

Final thoughts...
I love the seat warmers in my car
I love the Beethoven Violin Concerto
Looking forward to cooking Thanksgiving Dinner, and how very lucky I am to have Kent and my cats in my life. I truly have a wonderful family. I once told Kent that if I were back in college, and had known then how difficult our families would have made it for us, I don’t know if I would have chosen him for my partner. Well, at the time, I was depressed about the last visit from his parents. But then I realized that the problems that our families create for us are not our problems. We are together because of our love for each other, and everything is outside of that. So, I’d like to say that I absolutely feel honored to have Kent as my soul mate, and I’m so very lucky that he’s in my life.

The Baptist State Convention of North Carolina voted last week to send a clear message to its churches - ban gays or leave the membership.

But Kevin Head, pastor at First Baptist in Lumberton, said the real message that the decision sends is that Baptists are “judgmental and critical.”

“I’m so tired of Baptists getting together and fighting about things when there are so many good things we could be doing,” Head said. “I think it’s a shame ... we come across as such judgmental, critical people instead of loving, compassionate people.” [...]

“There is a prideful negligence today of sinners who are refusing the love of God,” he said. “These people claim to be Christian, and being a Christian means following God’s word.”

Head said the ruling singles out one sinner when everyone in the church is a sinner.

“Where does it stop?” he said. “We forget about grace and focus on judgment and condemnation. That’s how it appears to the world.”

Head said that the process for dealing with a homosexual in the church would be dealt with on an individual basis.

“The point is that everybody should be a part of the church,” he said. “For us to single out who can or can’t be a part of the church is a grievous error.” (source)

First off, I don’t want to be “dealt with”. But it doesn’t matter so much to me. I honestly don’t care what religions believe anymore. To me, they lost any moral authority over calling anyone a “sinner” when they started picking and choosing which “sin” they wanted to enforce (homosexuality), and which “sin” they wanted to ignore (adultery, incest, rape, masturbation, greed, etc). I suppose that would cut too much into their membership. They are nothing but self-righteous bigots, ONE AND ALL! Does that make me a sinner without grace? Did I judge or did I hit the nail on the head?

Aside from that, I do get just a bit of satisfaction at watching them self-destruct as they show their true colors and their true motivation, just like the Republican Party, come to think of it. When everything is said and done, they have little to do with LOVE and COMPASSION. They have everything to do with HATE and JUDGMENT. Is this the best deed they can accomplish?

They should really keep an eye on that. Otherwise, it might just bite them in the ass in the end (no pun intended) when they end up hateful beings who only care about hate and judgment of others. I’d say they are almost there.

This weekend was nice. We didn’t do much, for a change. Kent talked me into getting snow shoes. He got a pair as well. I guess we are going to try them this winter. It will make it easier to get around when I want to get to places this winter for photography. We’ll see how they work.

We got all the ingredients for our Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. We wanted to get an early start because we knew this week would be busy. It’s just going to be the two of us. We usually go out to a restaurant for dinner. We go to a nice one though that really goes all out. It’s really just like home cooking. But this year, even though it’s just us, we wanted to stay home and cook a nice dinner. We are having everything that goes into a Thanksgiving dinner. I’ve come to learn that it’s a lot of work if you make it a lot of work. But, if you think of it as something you enjoy doing (cooking) and not something you have to kill yourself over, it’s really quite enjoyable to just enjoy the art of cooking, and making wonderful food.

Today, I went to lunch at one of my usual places. You know, the weirdest things happen to me from time to time. I pull into the parking lot, and this lady came up to my window and started knocking on my window. I rolled down the window and she seemed quite shaken, and asked if I could possibly help her?

I asked, “What seems to be the problem?” She told me that her daughter had to go to the hospital and she lives all the way out in Madison (quite a distance from where I am), and is relying on her for the ride to the hospital. She said that her car was across the street and needed hydraulic fluid and the shop needed $18.43 before they would fix her car. She asked if I could give her a loan and she promised to pay me back within a day.

Then, she started crying and said, “This is so embarrassing. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” I said, “Don’t be embarrassed. Things happen to all of us.” I pulled out my wallet, gave her a $20 and asked if that would do it. She responded, “Oh my God, this is so nice of you.” I said, “It’s no big deal. Most people would help out.” She took the money and asked how she could contact me. I told her not to worry about it, but she insisted that she had to pay it back. So, I gave her my name and phone number, and she promised to call me to coordinate how to get it back. I then watched her cross the street, and go into the garage.

It honestly doesn’t matter to me if she calls or not. I was more concerned about her driving in the state she was in. The weirdest things happen to me.

Thinking about being a parent? I read an excellent article in the New York Times about all the issue involved that most people probably don’t think about. The issue has come up for me as well, and I have had women who wanted to do this with me. But, I decided against doing it because I was fearful of all the things that this article brings up. I wouldn’t want to just be a dad. I would absolutely need to be very involved in my child’s life. I would want to be that “TV dad” that they talk about. Here’s an excerpt from the article.

“The law,” Leonard went on to say, “has lagged far behind in taking account of nontraditional family forms.” Partly, he said, this can be attributed to the “natural inertia in the legislative process.” Legislatures on all matters are “slow in reacting to changes in society,” but in this case they are also reluctant to offend socially conservative voters. (In the midterm elections this month, seven states voted to ban same-sex marriage.) Finally, Leonard said, despite the current outcry about “activist judges,” many courts are skittish about reshaping social issues from outside legislative bodies.

A result is that gay donor dads must not only trust that their co-parents will abide by whatever agreements they have designed but also hope that as dads they have managed to adequately predict their own reaction to being a parent. As Guy, who has two children of his own with a lesbian couple, said: “A lot of guys can’t do that. They think they can do it, but when the baby’s born, they really can’t.” In other words, a father-donor working with a lesbian couple must make peace with the fact that he just isn’t going to be a TV dad, a heterosexual dad or a full-time gay dad. “Ideally,” as Guy put it, you need to be “willing to accept that the baby has two parents, who are the two moms — and then there’s you.”

I’m not one to follow the weirdness of Tom Cruise, or his twisted life. When he’s not attacking Anderson Cooper for defending Brooke Shields, or jumping up and down on Oprah’s sofa on her TV set, he’s doing something equally weird, like inviting Brooke Shields to his wedding after telling Anderson Cooper that the depression that Brook Shields was going through was just in her head and could be cured with vitamins.

AS one might expect from Tom Cruise, it was a production of Hollywood proportions. His wedding to Katie Holmes yesterday in the 15th-century Castle Odescalchi outside Rome had a budget of more than £1.2m, with guest stars including Jennifer Lopez, Jim Carrey, Will Smith and Brooke Shields, a lavish banquet, fireworks and thousands of rose-scented candles. (source)

I guess everything is transparent and paper thin in Hollywood. Brooke has apparently made up with Tom. She attended his wedding, which probably means she will have some minor roll in a new movie he will turn out, assuming he can ever find another production company who will work with him.

But the ceremony probably went something like this....

How the ceremony may have gone

If yesterday’s service followed a typical Scientology wedding it would have included the words:

Minister to groom:

“Now, Tom, girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat.

“All caprice if you will, but still they need them. Keep her, well or ill. And when she’s older do you keep her still?”

The minister may also have warned Cruise: “The tides of fortune and of life are sometimes fair or grim.”

Minister to bride:

“Hear well, Katie, for promise binds. Young men are free and may forget. Remind him then that you may have necessities and follies, too.

“Know that life is stark and often somewhat grim, and tiredness and fret and pain and sickness do beget a state of mind where spring romance is far away and dead.”

Ministers ask couples to keep Scientology’s tenet of affinity, reality and communication (ARC) and not to let disputes last more than a day. (source)

The Scientology ceremony is not legal in Italy, and they would be required to get a “civil union” to make it legal.

A spokesman for the Church of Scientology for Rome, Fabrizio D’Agostino, said an exchange of vows with a Scientology rite was not legally recognized in Italy, and would have to be preceded or followed by a civil union.

The publicists said Cruise and Holmes had “officialized their marriage in Los Angeles prior to their departure for Italy,” saying that was customary for couples marrying outside the United States. Cruise’s publicist Arnold Robinson wrote in response to an e-mailed question about whether that meant they had been married in a civil ceremony that “the required steps were taken for the marriage to be legal.” (source)

Anyway, I’ve paid more attention to this fiasco than it merits. This makes I believe the second marriage for Tom Cruise, or is this his third? I lost count. One thing is for sure. If Tom continues to marry women, and continues to sue anyone who even hints that he may be gay, well, no one would ever think that Tom Cruise was gay, would they?

Such is the way with many people. Hell, Elizabeth Taylor was married what, nine times (all of them legally recognized, of course)? But does anyone really care anymore how many times someone has been married? Even before they have left for their honeymoon (Tom will probably rent out Disney World for the day), a psychic has already predicted that the marriage is doomed. Hell, I could have told you that, and I don’t need tea leaves.

Sometimes I think I’m so old fashioned.

SHILOH, Ill. -- A picture book about two male penguins raising a baby penguin is getting a chilly reception among some parents who worry about the book’s availability to children -- and the reluctance of school administrators to restrict access to it.

The concerns are the latest involving “And Tango Makes Three,” the illustrated children’s book based on a true story of two male penguins in New York City’s Central Park Zoo that adopted a fertilized egg and raised the chick as their own.

Complaining about the book’s homosexual undertones, some parents of Shiloh Elementary School students believe the book -- available to be checked out of the school’s library in this 11,000-resident town 20 miles east of St. Louis -- tackles topics their children aren’t ready to handle.

Their request: Move the book to the library’s regular shelves and restrict it to a section for mature issues, perhaps even requiring parental permission before a child can check it out. (source)

Additional source.

Well, I’m ordering my copy today, just in case I have small kids come to my home who want something to read through.

I’m so sick of people taking a very simple subject matter that has been put into a format that young children can understand, and making it into something dirty.

Honesty, dignity, hope, integrity -- these should never be made into a dirty little secret that should be kept. The dirty little secret to this story is the idea that this book, and others like it, must be moved to “the library’s regular shelves” and “restrict it to a section for mature issues”. In other words, put the book in “the closet”. They also want to “perhaps” require permission from the parents (approve of their children learning homophobia) before the book can be checked out.

After some gay person is bashed or killed, I often hear the boy’s parents say something to the effect, “I have no idea where he got these feelings from.”; “He’s such a nice church-going boy.”; “I never taught him to hate homosexuals.”

BULL. Every time things like this come up, you teach kids that the LGBT community must abide by a different standard, and that gays are somewhat less than their peers. It’s the same argument used to push the idea that “civil unions”, which are “separate, but equal”, is a middle ground that should be acceptable by all reasonable parties. By definition, separate is never equal. If it were, why keep it separate? The story in this book is based on the true story of two male penguins in New York City’s Central Park Zoo, who adopted a fertilized egg and raised the chick as their own.

This is where the seed of hatred is planted in children at a very early age. This book has nothing sexual in it, other than the lesson of compassion and love and family. What on earth is so bad about that? They should be teaching their kids that families today come in all sizes and types, and that heterosexual families don’t have a patent on what a family consists of, or the concept of love and commitment.

I got a call during lunch today. It started out, “Hello. Is Mr. and Mrs...”

I hung up. The fastest way to get me to hang up on you is to call my home (calls to my home forward to my cell phone), and ask for “Mr. and Mrs.”

I’m not sure why that bothers me so much. I suppose that I feel it’s disrespectful of same-sex households like mine, although my intolerance is more of a reflex, and less about thought.

Perhaps it’s because heterosexuality has been shoved down my throat all my life. I’m willing to “live and let live”. It’s the other side that can’t seem to do that. They are ok with our families as long as we remain where they feel we belong; closeted. And if a gay couple is recognized in public by showing ANY emotion towards each other, they risk personal injury (or death). I’ve had some experience with this. Think I’m over reacting on this?

Every single week, I read at least one article about some couple who was beaten to a pulp because they made the mistake of exchanging a kiss in public, or holding hands in public. This results in an exchange of insults, or beatings, and occasionally, death. I’m sick of it, but I suppose there’s nothing I can do about it. But I can do something about it if you shove that in my face when you call my home!

Occasionally, I will answer, “Yes, this is the Lady of the House. How may I help you?” They usually promptly hang up at that point.

Or, on a bad day, I’ll answer, “No, I’m not the Lady of the House. I LIKE MEN!! Get it?!!??” I usually promptly hang up (quite vigorously) at that point.

Telemarketers, or anyone else calling for that matter, really have to get their act together and find verbiage that is just a bit more inclusive of the reality we live in today. This isn’t the 1950’s you know. WE DO EXIST!

Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just over reacting a bit?

You can make yourself look better on the outside, for sure, you know what with all the plastic surgery and shit. You can look better on the outside, but you can’t do one damn thing about the aging on the inside. Now I’m lactose intolerant, all of the sudden, just in the last year I can’t eat any dairy, I get that high hard stomach, you know full of gas and then that horrible post fartum depression... I’m wet where I’m supposed to be dry and dry where I’m supposed to be wet, ladies and gentlemen. I’m a multi tasker though! I pee when I sneeze. - from Roseanne Barrs, Blonde and Bitchin’

Not much to add to this. The letter speaks for itself. It’s nice to see the friends that we have out there in conservative areas of the nation. We need to try to gather hope from that.

APPROVAL OF S.C. QUESTION 1
Gay members of community deserve rights
By The Rev. L. Groelinger

On Nov. 7, the [S.C.] majority spoke [in approving ballot Question 1, the marriage amendment]. The majority decided to inflict its position on a minority and severely restrict the civil rights of that minority. Not only will gay members of this community be prohibited from marriage; they also will not even be able to have a relationship titled domestic - no civil union, no shared property rights, no ability to make health care decisions for an incapacitated mate, not even a familial right to visit a dying partner in a hospital.

Is this truly what we wish to do to our neighbor? Is this what Christ meant when he told us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves?

Is there such harm in allowing a gay couple to pay the same tax rate that my wife and I do as a married couple? Is there such harm in allowing a person access to health care coverage so that someone might be moved off the Medicaid role, or worse not be able to pay a medical bill at all so that we the community must absorb it in higher health care costs?

By ousting a portion of society from the fold, society limits its ability to deal with the portion it has eliminated. A married couple must heed certain behavioral limits within the marriage contract. If one partner chooses to step outside that contract, certain legal sanctions can apply.

Why would society choose to keep a portion of its people outside of that regulatory limit? The marriage amendment effectively says behave as you wish, society cares not.

The “great majority” has spoken. Well, Dorothy, it’s time to pick up your slippers and go home. Since there is no domestic relationship, the protections under the domestic violence laws of this state can not apply to a gay partnership.

There are still other laws which apply. However, a portion of our community has been denied equal protection under law.

I wonder how many of that roughly two-thirds of those who voted are sinless. They have certainly cast the first stone. (source)

From an Opinion Piece...

If majority rule determines what’s best, then I guess the losers never get a chance in life. At least not in America. And certainly not in Tennessee. I guess you can move to San Francisco or Massachusetts or Denmark. That’s America? If you don’t like it, leave?

Yes, it would seem so.

Years ago, when asked why he left the Democratic Party, Ronald Reagan stated, “I didn’t leave the Democratic Party. They left me.” That is exactly how I feel today about my country, America. I thought that we were all Americans. You know, “United We Stand”. Well boy, have I learned a thing or two. We are not united at all. So much so that many gay Americans are leaving America and moving to places where it’s less hostile - much like many of our original immigrants (we can call them refugees, I suppose) fled England to come to America to avoid religious persecution.

So, what does that make gay Americans fleeing to other lands where they can live a more productive and open life? Are they now refugees fleeing from the tyranny that is being imposed by the majority via voter referendums that effectively put us into a second-class status?

Random Thoughts On Gay Marriage
posted November 11, 2006

As a child of divorce, I really have no respect for the institution of heterosexual marriage. As far as I can tell, the bonds of marriage are easily sealed on a whim, and legally broken with great cultural consequence.

Marriage, family…those are just words that hold meaning on an individual, case-by-case basis. The institution has no legal responsibilities, no legal ramifications, no social boundaries.

Our culture is passé when it comes to marriage in general. The greatest advantages it offers is tax relief, cheaper insurance, adoption rights, and certain employment benefits.

There is nothing sacred about commitment in our culture. It doesn’t exist any more unless two people actually decide to stick it out through thick and thin.

Many argue that adoption rights is a big reason why gay marriage shouldn’t happen. They’ll quote surveys about it being healthier for children to be in a male/female family unit. I wonder where I fit in to their paradigm? I wonder how abused children are better off as long as they have a mom and a dad to beat them.

“No one can ever die a vergin [sic] ’cause life screws every one.” - from an instant message someone sent my way

I don’t know if Massachusetts will allow a ballot initiative to proceed to the voters or not. This happened back in 2004 as well. The legislature could vote to allow the amendment to proceed to the voters (they only need 50 votes!), or they could let it die for lack of time. If it goes to the voters and is approved, gay marriages and any recognition of civil unions would end in Massachusetts. Marriages obtained by gay couples to date would remain intact.

As you’ve heard by now, Tuesday’s election passed gay-marriage bans in seven states. Now, lawmakers in Massachusetts are convening to decide whether or not to ban gay-nups in the homo promised land.

While many of us may have thought the legislative nightmare ended back in 2004, when same-sex marriage got the legal okay, it seems that a conservative group has gone out of their way to collect over 120,000 signatures urging lawmakers to reconsider. Thus, a joint session has been called at which the pols will mull it over.

But, I love the headline of this piece...

Very creative.

Tyranny of the Majority is alive and well

A total of eight states voted on amendments to ban gay marriage: Colorado, Idaho, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Virginia and Wisconsin approved them. Similar amendments have passed previously in all 20 states to consider them.

Matt Foreman, executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, noted that the bans that succeeded won by much narrower margins, on average, than in the past.

He said it was a sign that “fear-mongering around same-sex marriage is fizzling out.” (source)

I don’t think it is fizzling out at all. Here’s a look at the ballot measures amending state constitutions across the U.S.

Definitions
"DOMA" (Defense of Marriage Act) = Blocks full marriage for gay couples, but leaves open the possibility in the future for “civil unions” or “domestic partnerships” which can be formed, giving gay couples some or all of the rights for marriage at the state level only.

"SUPER DOMA" = Blocks full marriage for gay couples, and will not allow future legal recognition of any unmarried couples, gay or straight (straight couples have the option of marriage). “Civil unions” and “domestic partnerships” will also be denied, along with any right, or arrangement, that is similar to marriage.

State constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage:

Colorado - DOMA
STATUS: APPROVED
Referendum I - Would have given gay couples some basic rights of marriage. Among other things, Referendum I would allow the couples to adopt children and require alimony and child support if they separate. It would also ensure that their partners can make medical decisions for them and the right to inherit property even without a will. Referendum I says domestic partnerships are not marriages, though opponents said it delivered the same benefits enjoyed by spouses. (source)
STATUS: REJECTED

Idaho - SUPER DOMA
STATUS: APPROVED

South Carolina - SUPER DOMA
STATUS: APPROVED

South Dakota - SUPER DOMA
STATUS: APPROVED

Tennessee - SUPER DOMA
STATUS: APPROVED

Virginia - SUPER DOMA
STATUS: APPROVED

Wisconsin - SUPER DOMA
STATUS: APPROVED

Arizona - SUPER DOMA
STATUS: REJECTED

Foes of a ban on same-sex marriage said Wednesday they managed to make Arizona the only state to kill the measure by focusing public attention on its effects on straight couples rather than what it would mean to gays.

Rep. Kyrsten Sinema, D-Phoenix, chair of the campaign to defeat Proposition 107, conceded that the strategy of the media campaign was to show straight couples who would lose their domestic partner benefits. That’s because the initiative would not only have constitutionally barred gay marriage but also precluded governments from adopting policies that allow employees to add their domestic partners -- whether of the same or opposite sex -- to their health insurance or to gain any other benefits. (source)

I understand the technique of appealing to the masses by saying this will also effect them, so they should vote the amendment down. And, it worked.

The writers of these “super domas” know what they are doing. They can’t target a specific group in wording. That has been found to be unconstitutional in the past. They know this. Colorado tried just that some years ago and the Supreme Court (a very different and more moderate court than we have today) at that time found it to be unconstitutional. I believe it was called Amendment 2. They can’t specifically target gay couples. What they do is say something like “no unmarried couples, gay or straight, in any relationship that is similar to marriage will not be recognized as the same as marriage for the purpose of extending recognition, benefits, or any state recognition of the relationship” (no civil unions or domestic partnership benefits). They end result is that straight couples can get married if they want too to achieve these benefits. Gay couples do not have that option. So, they have indeed been targeted.

Will the spirit of this disgusting practice pass constitutional scrutiny? In the absence of bigotry, no. But in this climate, everyone is willing to walk away and say that they were “fair” in evenly applying this law to everyone, without discriminating against a singled-out group of people. When in fact, they know exactly that they have done just that. If a case were ever able to make it to the Supreme Court we have today, that court would find a way, there’s always a way, to find that no discrimination exists.

It’s too bad that people have such little regard for their fellow gay citizens to care nothing about rolling over their civil rights. On the topics of gay people, this nation is not that divided. Not many really care about equality for us. It’s very disheartening to see the passing of these amendments and it’s difficult not to think of the majority of my fellow Americans as anything other than mean spirited and hateful.

It’s one thing to define marriage, but they did’t stop there. It’s quite another thing to exclude any other form of acceptance of our relationships and families in the form of civil unions, with the hope for civility and fairness in the future. Without that hope, what are you left with? A real Christian, since they claim to be Christians, would not do this.

On a better note....

I’m glad that the election is finally over so that we can move forward. It was just on the TV that the Democrats have also won the Senate. This means that they will control judicial appointments, making it harder for President Bush to gain confirmations for extremely right wing judges to the Supreme Court, should he have the opportunity to make another Supreme Court nomination. Other than that, the course we take in Iraq is up to the President.

I thought it was really stupid of the President to wait until today to announce that Donald Rumsfeld is leaving, given that they decided this a week ago. Think about it. The Republicans would have most likely been helped by the illusion (at least) of changing the course in Iraq by the exit of Rumsfeld. Why the President couldn’t figure that one out is a little concerning.

So, the Democrats won the House, the Senate, Senator Santorum was defeated, and Rumsfeld is gone. Not a bad start for two days.

If everyone who violates a standard he advocates is a hypocrite, the word is meaningless. And worse, it makes it impossible for just about anyone to advocate moral behavior. (source)

This is probably the dumbest thing I’ve read today. The point of standing by the principles you stand for makes you a person of integrity. When you violate the principles you stand for by applying them only to certain people (or exempting yourself), that makes you a hypocrite.

And the statement that this “makes it impossible for just about anyone to advocate moral behavior”, is absurd. Unless of course, you are talking about selectively applying your rules of morality on certain groups of people, and ignoring them for others, or yourself? That makes you a hypocrite and a bigot. Don’t you just love labels?

Those wishing to “protect marriage” from gay couples are, to a very large extent, hypocrites. Sorry, but that’s just the truth. How many who want to “protect marriage” in the name of morality are on their second or third marriage? How many have had or are having love affairs while married? How many have had children out of wedlock? Yet, no one is throwing stones at those people because that would be unpopular.

If you are truly honest about enforcing morality, you can’t pick and choose which rule will apply to which person.

That’s just, well, hypocritical.

In the hush of a Sunday morning, 9,000 believers grieved, struggled and forgave as their pastor, the Rev. Ted Haggard, confessed his sins.

“I am a deceiver and a liar,” Haggard told his followers in a letter read from the pulpit of New Life Church by one of his spiritual mentors. “There’s a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life.” [...]

Haggard had founded this church in his basement. It grew into a congregation of 14,000. He had guided them to God and helped them triumph over sin, and he had done it always with a smile, ever exuberant, ever strong. They wept to hear what he had been hiding.

“For extended periods of time, I would enjoy victory and rejoice in freedom,” Haggard wrote. “Then, from time to time, the dirt that I thought was gone would resurface, and I would find myself thinking thoughts and experiencing desires that were contrary to everything I believe and teach.” (source)

Perhaps the “dirt” that you thought was gone, was in fact, truth. Perhaps your desires were truth. Perhaps being yourself isn’t so “repulsive and dark”, unless you make it so. I’m sure that you will find a way to make it so, Pastor Haggard. There have been others before you.... Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart, just to name a couple, who also had “repulsive and dark” feelings, as you put it.

I don’t really care what you are or what you want to be, as long as you don’t inflict hurt on others. That is what I am; accepting. But you, Pastor Haggard, do hurt people. What I find very hard to deal with is the way you will preach hateful messages to your flock, then turn right around and actually do some of the things that you condemn people for doing. You will stand up in front of thousands of people and pray to keep the “sanctity of marriage” out of the hands of gay couples, then turn around and screw a gay male prostitute. Pretty messed up stuff. God only knows what you and President Bush talk about. I’m probably better off not knowing. But that’s the thing with religion.

This too shall pass. Somehow, your followers will find a way to forgive you for this, and in turn, you will find a way to continue to damn those in the fringes of society, perhaps as penance for those “repulsive and dark” feelings you have from time to time. It worked for the Catholic Church. I’m sure you and your church will find a way to make it work for you as well.

Just pray about it. The more you pray, the more prostitutes become scum, the more gays become faggots, the more the homeless become the lowest of us all, the more people with AIDS deserve what they get, as long as it’s not your son or daughter with the disease, and the more we just don’t associate with “those” people. Jesus must have had poor tastes, because he spent most of his time being around “those” people who were the outcasts of society.

Whatever you do, don’t get caught actually committing the worst sin possible - actually caring unconditionally for some stranger on the street without regard to who or what they are. Unconditional love and acceptance. Kind of like Jesus did. Remember him?

From a soldier in Iraq...

winning the hearts & the minds of local poplulation. Well...it’s sounds good don’t it?! Actually I spend a lot of time trying not go get blown up...the rest I sleep and chat online. It’s not like there was a lot to do here. Latest News:

Well I suppose the biggest thing would be two mission...two booms! IED’s SUCK!!! Can’t say I liked the small arms fire or the tracers either...

Beer is God’s way of telling us he loves us-Ben Franklin

“We the unwilling, lead by the unknowing, are doing the impossible, for the ungrateful. We have done so much, with so little, for so long…we are now qualified to do anything with nothing!”

I think there’s a pattern here. Let’s see, we’ve had the Jim Bakker gay sex scandal, the Jimmy Swaggart sex scandals, and many others. It’s beginning to look like a psychotic pattern with these people.

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. -- A leading evangelist and outspoken opponent of gay marriage has given up his post as president of the National Association of Evangelicals while a church panel investigates allegations he paid a man for sex.

The Rev. Ted Haggard resigned as head of the 30 million-member association Thursday and also gave up leadership of his New Life Church pending the investigation into allegations he had monthly trysts with a gay prostitute over the past three years.

Haggard, a married father of five, denied the allegations, but the acting pastor of his church later said that Haggard had acknowledged some of the accusations were true. (source)

And this is why we should have a strict separation of church and state....

Haggard is well-known for meeting regularly with President George W. Bush to push his evangelical agenda and was also featured in the recently released film “Jesus Camp.” In the film, which he later disavowed, he said that when evangelicals vote, they determine an election.

This guy had the ear of our President. It’s simply amazing.

I there’s one thing that I am, it apparently is resilient. I went to the gym last night and worked out a lot of frustrations and I’m still working on the depression and bad feelings I have with my in-laws. But, that is only my problem if I let it be my problem. Right?

I can’t effect how people feel about people like me. I can be open and honest, but at the end of the day, it’s really their choice if they will allow themselves to be open to other people. I’ve always understood that. But, I assumed that when someone knows me as well as my in-laws do, they would know the truth about our issues. They don’t. I’m still not ready to concede that they don’t care. I think they just don’t get it. Either way, it’s their problem. The Idaho amendment will pass, and probably by a large margin. I don’t live there and never will. The couples there who are effected by this may want to consider moving to a more hospitable state. I would, especially faced with an amendment that would most likely render any legal arrangement I made with my partner null and void. Legal documents arranging for such medical directives as hospital visitation, medical decisions, etc. could be viewed as “approximating marriage” under these amendments, and could certainly be overturned by a court.

Now, I have to make a decision on how this might effect me. On Nov. 7, Idaho and Arizona will decide on constitutional amendments against gay marriage. Whatever the outcome will be up to them. If they pass, I need to decide if I’m going to stick with my conviction to return the favor by not giving those states one red cent from my pocket, should their hateful and bigoted amendments pass. I was going back to Idaho next year, and we were planning on a trip to Arizona in March, to visit my in-laws. Present feelings aside from how I feel about them at this point in time, I don’t know if I want to go to a state that will practice this kind of discrimination. If the amendments pass, I will probably not go on these trips.

Over lunch today, I read a statistic that really gave my pause. Only 37% of eligible voters actually exercise their right to vote. That’s pathetic! The article went on to say that the outcome of the election on November 7th will not be decided by those who vote, but rather by those who sit at home and don’t bother to vote. That’s scary.