I’ve been writing on this site for a good long while now -- almost five years. And while I don’t want this post to sound like I’m endlessly bitching about worldly things, there are issues in our world that are very difficult for me to deal with. Perhaps I’ve been too involved with them, or perhaps they simply hit too close to home for me.

Most of you who visit this site regularly know the issues that are important to me. Equality is at the top of the list. I’m also interested in human rights, abuse of power, hunger, disease, famine, and our (the United States) apparent inability to care about anyone else in the world but ourselves. This includes not only whole nations that we tear apart as part of “bringing liberty and democracy” to others, no matter what the cost, to the extinction of entire species of plants and animals without even a notice from our government. It was only a few days ago that the Bush Administration acknowledged that global warming is happening, although I do believe that President Bush still thinks the world is flat and on the other side of this flat world of his are the “evil doers” who are out to “destroy our way of life.”

Well, I’m sorry Mr. President, but “our way of life” is destroying this planet and many people along with it. And if we keep it up, either this Earth of ours will deal with us in no uncertain terms (look up “extinction”), or the other nations of the world will finally get their fill of our patriotic bullshit, and let us have it once and for all.

You, Mr. President, by your actions, have made the world a far less safe place, and you have made all Americans a target for terrorism. But I could talk to this moron all day long. I’d have a better chance of teaching a bear to crap in a toilet than to teach this man one honest, coherent thought.

I’m a news junkie. On an average day, I read through 10-12 papers and countless news articles. I like to be well informed. But I’ve come to realize that being well informed carries a heavy burden on someone who actually cares about these issues.

Take equality, for example. I have said over and over on this site that I want to marry my partner before my life comes to an end. Am I asking too much? The majority of America seems to think that I am, and they have noted such at the polls. How should I feel about that? They represent my country. They are the voting block that is telling me loud and clear that in so many ways, I’m a second class citizen. And how should I feel that I live in a country where the majority of Americans can march to the polls and vote to strip my family of rights and benefits simply by a popular vote, and walk away feeling that they have done a good thing, all in the name of Christianity, or bigotry? Take your pick.

I can’t give blood, for the rest of my life, simply because I’m gay. I don’t have access to marriage, so I have no public or civil means to even acknowledge something so very basic to my life; my relationship with my life partner. I can’t serve in the military, unless I’m willing to lie and make up a story about my “wife”, or “girl friend”, or all the endless sexual conquests that I’ve had with women who meant nothing but sex to me. You see, that’s ok in the eyes of the military. It’s not ok that I’ve been with my same-sex partner for 32 years.

I can be totally open about my sexuality in public, if I don’t mind worrying about being put in the hospital or killed from being gay bashed. It’s really not a choice for me. If it were just me, I could take that chance, but I can’t risk that for Kent.

And this is what we call “freedom”?

All of these things come from one source: the unwillingness of my fellow citizens to open their hearts to people who have little voice or a means to achieve an equal footing with them. It’s not just about gay people. Pick any minority. Take African Americans as an example. After slavery was abandoned, they were eventually allowed to marry an opposite sex partner, as long as that person was also black. Then, in some of the more liberal states, they could marry someone of a different race, although not all states honored that marriage. Then, that was eventually ruled unconstitutional and all 50 states had to allow it.

So today, gay couples are going through exactly the same process. Except in our case, the federal government won’t even recognize the marriages that are “real” -- those 8,000 marriages performed in Massachusetts that are recognized by the state as no less than full marriage. And other states, like my state of Connecticut, Vermont, and New Jersey are copping out to “civil unions”. Oh yeah, they are “equal to marriage”, but we just want to call it something different. And don’t be bothered that you can’t travel with it from state to state. And don’t be bothered that other countries won’t honor it because they don’t have a clue what the hell it means. And don’t be bothered that the federal government won’t even come close to honoring it because there is no such thing as a civil union in their eyes.

And all the while, we have people like Cheney and Bush telling us that it’s really up to the states to decide, knowing full well that we will never see all the legal civil rights dished out by the federal government to “marriage”.

You see, it’s not marriage I’m after. I used to think it was, but I was wrong. Whatever “sanctity” marriage ever had has been shredded by the likes of all the people who have been married 2, 3, 4, or more times. When that happens, it really becomes something that has little meaning. What I’m after is equality for families like mine. Many of those families consist of two people. Many also include children, something President Bush most likely didn’t realize until Mary Cheney became pregnant. That “equality” that I’m after has a name; “marriage”. And who knows, maybe it will be gay couples like Kent and myself, who have stayed together when so many things were trying their best to tear us apart, who can show straight couples how to be married, with class.

So, I’m withdrawing. I’m going to stop being a news junkie. In fact, I’m going to switch my reading habits altogether. I plan on being more active in photography, and will most likely be more active in posting my photos online. I’m going to care less about what I have no influence over; the ability for people to judge me not on my sexuality, but on the content of my character. I’m going to care less about people who couldn’t care less if they tried too. I’m going to care less about what our government says and does, because most Americans seem to be ok with that. Yes I know, only 33% of Americans “approve” of the job that President Bush is doing. So, where are the impeachment proceedings? I’ll tell you where... they aren’t important to people, so they aren’t going to be important to me either.

Will I be back? Well, I do plan on returning in May or June, and I may make an occasional personal post now and then if something important comes up. At least, that’s the plan for now. But you know how it is. When you get into a different lifestyle, sometimes you don’t go back to the old one.

The experience of writing on this blog has been a positive one for me in many ways. I feel I write better and express myself better now. But it’s also changed me. I’m very aware now where we stand in our society, and how far we have to go. And, I’ve come to realize that the country I thought we had, is gone, and has been replaced by something that is far less than what it was. “United We Stand” is now little more than a cliché.

My family and my friends are important to me. That is where my energies are going to go. My world is going to get much smaller. Instead of filling my weekends catching up on where things stand in the world, I’ll be hiking around and traveling a bit more, which should be enjoyable. And just think of all stress I will avoid. I’m starting this voyage today, when we will head off to Portland, Maine to celebrate my birthday, and just be together. We are almost ready to leave. The only thing left to pack are our legal papers that will hopefully prove that we are more than “legal strangers” should something bad happen to us on our trip. It’s great; a free country, and we have to carry legal papers to prove what we are to each other. You have to love it.

And of course, I can still be reached with email, should any of you who have been regular readers and friends, want to keep in touch.

There’s a very trite (in my opinion) poem that ends with this....

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world... Strive to be happy.

That’s all I’m after. Cheers.

On the Passing of President Ford
“I want you to know how much I appreciated your selfless actions last Monday. The events were a shock to us all, but you acted quickly and without fear for your own safety. By doing so, you helped to avert danger to me and to others in the crowd. You have my heartfelt appreciation.” - President Gerald Ford in a letter of appreciation to Oliver Sipple

It’s a little known bit of history that I had also forgotten about. Ford survived two assassination attempts. The first one came from a follower of convicted killer Charles Manson. The second one from a woman named Sara Jane Moore in San Francisco. That attempt possibly failed because of Oliver Sipple, who grabbed the woman and failed the attempt. Ford congratulated Sipple with the letter above.

With the media attention that followed, it became known that Sipple, a former U.S. Marine who was wounded twice while serving in Vietnam, was openly gay, or so openly gay San Francisco Supervisor Harvey Milk thought when he told a reporter that Sipple was gay. Sipple had worked on Milk’s campaign.

Many people knew about Sipple being gay, except for his family. His mother disowned him. After a failed attempt to sue seven papers for damages and mental distress, he began drinking heavily. He was found dead in his apartment on February 2, 1989.

Source

From a soldier on signing up for the military. He is shortly going to be on his way to Iraq for one year.

you know, they made me sign 15 times that i wasnt a homosexual
just some food for thought there
a bit overkill dont you think

Hate Crime in Arizona
SCOTTSDALE - Paradise Valley Town Councilman Brian Cooney is offering a $10,000 cash reward to urge witnesses to come forward with information about a recent gay assault outside of a Scottsdale restaurant, he said Wednesday.

Detectives continue to search for as many as seven men suspected in the Sunday beating of Jean Rolland, 28, and Andrew Frost, 19, as more people voiced their support for the victims of the hate crime.

The couple were leaving dinner at Frasher’s Steakhouse near McDowell and Scottsdale roads when they were assaulted by a group of men shouting an anti-gay slur, police said. (source)

Additional source

It’s a sad state of affairs. Hate crimes happen to gay citizens in this country every single day, and 98% of them are never reported because the victims of these crimes fear the police will do nothing.

The same thing happened to Kent and myself a few years ago. We went to a local restaurant called Papa Ginos. As we were having dinner, there were a couple of guys across the room from us. I thought they were probably talking about us, but I didn’t know for sure. One would say something, and they would both laugh loudly. Then, they got up to leave. As they passed by the isle that passed next to us, one of them stopped, looked at us, and said, “Fucking faggots.” Then he just starred at us, wondering if we would do anything. We just kept talking among ourselves, completely ignoring them. I mean, completely, as though they were never there.

Why? Because it’s hard to start a fight if you give them nothing to work with. They left. All the while, the restaurant owner heard and witnessed the whole thing. You know what he did? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

So in this story, where there were so many “witnesses” that watched these men get beaten, where are they now? The police could use the information and a description of at least one of the suspects, but no one will come forward. That makes them an accomplice to the crime. And at the very least, they tacitly approved of what happened by their inaction.

It was the same thing with our incident. The owner of the restaurant should have intervened, or called the cops, but he didn’t. And if this had happened in the parking lot on the way to our car, who knows what would have happened. People think these things are isolated. For me, I’m always on the alert for someone to try something like this.

N.J. governor signs civil unions law
“I believe very fundamentally in equal protection under the law and this legislation is about meeting that basic responsibility and honoring the commitments that individuals have made to each other,” said Corzine, a Democrat. (source)

“Equal protection under the law.” Right.

The New Jersey Civil Union law will give “gay couples all the rights and responsibilities - but not the title - of marriage.”

This is the equality that the New Jersey civil union bill will offer:

If Partner A adds Partner B to a home owner’s policy, you can do that with the NJ civil union law. But, if Partner A dies, Partner B can not keep the policy. A married “spouse” can keep the policy.

You will not be married in the eyes of federal law because of the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act. Therefore, you will not be eligible for Social Security survivor benefits, sheltered from estate taxes upon the death of your partner, or any of the other federal benefits.

A gay couple who gets a NJ civil union will be able to file a joint state tax return, however, to do so, they will still need to fill out the joint federal forms and send them to New Jersey along with their state tax return. They would still have to file separate tax returns with the federal government.

The civil unions bill requires companies that offer health insurance to spouses of their employees also offer it to civil union partners of workers. But for the civil union partner - unlike a spouse - those benefits would have to be reported as income to the IRS and would be subject to taxes.

Surviving partners may not be able to collect deceased partners’ pensions, which fall under federal regulation.

Under federal law, alimony is not taxed. But support paid from one partner to another when civil unions are dissolved would likely be subject to federal gift taxes.

Additional source information

Well, the list goes on and on. I think it’s also very telling that David S. Buckel, a Lambda Legal lawyer, stated that gay couples are planning their vacations in states like Massachusetts, California, Connecticut, and Vermont, in hopes that if something should happen while on vacation, they would have more protections.

This is the United States of America, not some third world country. You would honestly think we could do a bit better than this. I’m disgusted.

Was Jesus gay?
At a time when the church is having increasing difficulty in dealing with the concept of homosexuality, a lesbian author has published a book featuring an erotic love story between Jesus Christ and his disciple John. (source)

Well, if Jesus was gay, and there have been many others who thought he might be gay, a lot of “Christians” are going to have a lot of explaining to do someday on the way they have treated their gay brethren. That’s all I can say about it. I don’t even want to think of where that puts people like Fred Phelps and his ilk.

U.S. Not Winning War in Iraq, Bush Says for 1st Time
President Bush acknowledged for the first time yesterday that the United States is not winning the war in Iraq and said he plans to expand the overall size of the “stressed” U.S. armed forces to meet the challenges of a long-term global struggle against terrorists.

As he searches for a new strategy for Iraq, Bush has now adopted the formula advanced by his top military adviser to describe the situation. “We’re not winning, we’re not losing,” Bush said in an interview with The Washington Post. The assessment was a striking reversal for a president who, days before the November elections, declared, “Absolutely, we’re winning.” [...]

“We need to reset our military,” said Bush, whose administration had opposed increasing force levels as recently as this summer. (source)

Well, I think the one who needs to be “reset”, is the President.

On a dimly brighter side, he is coming a bit closer to reality. Is this not a good thing?

The reality is that we hardly have the troop strength to send in the 20,000-30,000 troops that are being talked about. Also, everyone, with the exception of the President, agrees that these numbers could not be maintained for a long duration. In my opinion, we are sending 30,000 more targets to Iraq. It’s simply not enough to make a difference.

Pentagon mulling show of force to Iran
WASHINGTON - The Pentagon is considering a buildup of Navy forces in the Persian Gulf as a show of force against Iran, a senior defense official said Tuesday.

Speaking on condition of anonymity because the idea has not been approved, the official said one proposal is to send a second aircraft carrier to the region amid increasing tensions with Iran, blamed for encouraging sectarian violence in neighboring Iraq as well as allegedly pursuing a nuclear weapons program. [...]

In Tehran, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Tuesday that U.N. sanctions would not stop Iran from pursuing its uranium enrichment program, which he has said is for peaceful development of energy.

Bush administration officials have repeatedly declined to rule out the use of force against Iran, though they have also said their first choice is to rely on diplomacy. (source)

Perhaps I was too hasty in suggesting that the President is coming closer to reality.

We are now talking about taking on Iran as well? And this after we just told India to develop nuclear weapons at will? I can actually understand Iran’s reasoning here.

Before diplomacy can work, as the Bush Administration claims to be their “first choice,” the United States must be willing to TALK TO IRAQ. If our ego has grown so big that we are unable unwilling to do that, then there will be no diplomacy.

But aside from all of this, Iranian President Ahmadinejad is not doing so well himself politically in his own country. He may not be President much longer, and he has little say on what will happen with nuclear development within Iran. He talks big, and he talks with force, but internally, the Iranian government is becoming unsettled and irritated by many of his hard line conservative stances.

Someone called me “a handsome man” today. I laughed it off and the person who said that stated, “No, it’s really true.”

I wonder why I’ve always thought of myself as homely. I think I’m very unattractive. In fact, I hate taking my photo because I’m afraid of how homely people will think I am. I’m even afraid of meeting people that I’ve talked to through email, and finally meet in person. Will they think I’m as homely as I think I am?

Self image is purely internal to me. I know I’m a good person inside. I know I have done good things for people who have needed me. I have been there for people who were going through their deepest despair. It’s not that I think I’m this great person. This is my nature, good or bad. I never think about it. In fact, is it bad to care for people so much? I suppose I would call that being passionate about life, when it seems to me that so many of us go through life as though it’s a pain that must be numbed.

It’s a puzzle. I sometimes value my worth. I value my worth but yet, at some level, I feel somewhat worthless because I feel I’m homely. So when someone tells me I’m handsome, I don’t know what to do with that, except to look at them like they are crazy and think that they are after something. They reassure me they are sincere, and I’m baffled.

Romney against bias to gays despite opposition to gay marriage
“I’m not in favor of discrimination of any kind including people who have a different sexual preference than myself. At the same time I’m very committed to traditional marriage between one man and one woman and believe that marriage should be preserved in that way. I don’t think there’s any conflict between feeling that all people deserve respect and tolerance and that discrimination is wrong and a belief that marriage is between a man and a woman.” - Massachusetts Governor and Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney (source)

I feel for Mitt Romney. I really do. Back in 1994 he was a different kind of candidate. He was much more moderate (or, maybe he was lying then). So today, are we to believe that he has become this ultra right winger that is against gay marriage? He’s such an easy target. He claims to be against “discrimination of any kind including people who have a different sexual preference” from himself, which we are to assume is heterosexual. At the same time, he is against allowing gay couples access to marriage; an institution which would grant them 1,039 federal legal rights, along with countless legal rights at the state level.

I don’t know, call my naive. But that sounds like discrimination to me.

Double Standard?
Plans to develop condominium complexes marketed to older gay and lesbian couples are drawing howls of protest from some people in Massachusetts who say local government is guilty of having a double standard.

State representative Brian Wallace of south Boston tells The Boston Herald city officials up to now have refused to allow developers to build seniors-only facilities because of fair housing laws. And the head of a Boston real estate group says the idea of marketing exclusively to gays is “a bit much” — and points to the uproar that would result if the condos were “just for heterosexual people, or Muslims, or Jews or Catholics.” (source)

I can always count on Fox News for unbiased reporting. That’s why I go there so often.

Is building condos for the gay and lesbian community a double standard? I don’t know, to be honest. But I do know that their analogy is somewhat flawed (happens a lot to Fox News, it seems). The nuance that they seem to overlook is that unlike housing for the elderly, or Jews, or Catholics, I doubt that those groups are targeted so heavily for violence and verbal epithets. Think about it. How often do you hear someone drive by and yell out their window, “You are soooooo old!”, or “I hate Catholics”, accompanied by the car stopping and 4 guys with a baseball bat stepping out of the car to follow through with their hate.

It happens a lot for the gay community. I don’t expect Fox News to take my word for it because I’m sure they would feel that if they did, they would somehow be seen as “endorsing the gay lifestyle”, which they would never do, but I’m telling you from experiences in my life, it is very true that gay people face these fears every single day.

When people get older, or even people who just want their home to be safe, who the hell needs to worry about thugs coming to your home to do you harm? I think the building of these condos is a great idea for those in our community who can afford them (they aren’t inexpensive) who want that peace of mind. In a perfect world where we could all get along and put aside our personal biases, we wouldn’t need them. But when you are in one of the most hated minorities in the country, why not do this? I would also argue that the Muslim community might benefit from this.

Bush Signs India Nuclear Bill
U.S. President George Bush signed the nuclear agreement between the United States and India Monday at a White House ceremony.

The U.S.-India Peaceful Atomic Energy Cooperation Act effectively recognizes India as a nuclear power and allows the United States to supply technology for peaceful purposes. In return, India agreed to inspections by the U.N. nuclear agency.

“The United States and India are natural partners,” Bush said. “The rivalries that once kept our nations apart are no more -- and today, America and India are united by deeply held values.” (source)

You know, we used to get along with Iran also at one time. Some people’s memories are very short.

Romney Runs Into Trouble On Gay Rights
Governor Romney’s reversal of his decade-old stance in favor of federal gay rights legislation is angering gay Republicans and being met with skepticism from some conservatives who could be important to the Massachusetts politician’s prospects as a candidate for the Republican presidential nomination in 2008.

“I don’t see the need for new or special legislation,” Mr. Romney said last week in response to a question about a bill first introduced in Congress in 1994, the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. “My experience over the past several years as governor has convinced me that Enda would be an overly broad law that would open a litigation floodgate and unfairly penalize employers at the hands of activist judges,” the governor said in an interview posted on the Web site of a conservative magazine, National Review. (source)

Romney doesn’t feel “the need for new or special legislation” because he doesn’t feel that it’s a bad thing to be able to fire someone simply because they are gay. That is exactly what this is about. He is against adding “sexual orientation” to the protected categories of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act.

Are things getting better for gay citizens in regards to employment and housing issues? I suppose they are, in some areas. But in other areas of the country, it’s still very difficult for folks who can’t pass for straight. I wonder how Romney would feel if he were told that he couldn’t obtain a job he wanted because they don’t hire Mormons? But he would say that was different, of course.

Gay retirement community is a first
SANTA FE, N.M. - Jan Gaynor and Barbara Cohn have decided to spend their retirement years in this city of art and culture, not just because it’s steeped in 400 years of history, but also because it offers something new.

The sixtysomething couple wanted to live in the nation’s first full-fledged retirement community for gays and lesbians. They sold their house in California and moved into a condominium at Rainbow Vision Santa Fe this summer. (source)

I don’t think it’s exactly the first of it’s kind for retirement. It seems to me that I’ve heard of others in the past. It is most certainly true that gays who live in cities tend to live together, for safety primarily. It’s not always a guarantee of safety though. When we lived in San Francisco, we lived in The Castro, and there were many gay bashings happening all the time. When gays live together, it can become a target for violence. But, I see the allure of living within these communities. You can be yourself. You don’t have to hide or tell lies. But isn’t this what we are trying to get away from? I mean, with marriage and all, it seems to me that we are trying to be a part of society. If we live in gay ghettos, how can that happen? Or do we really want to be fully incorporated into all of society?

Gay civil unions may be legal in N.J., but who will perform them?
Same-sex couples looking to enter into civil unions in Cumberland County are better off going elsewhere if they’re thinking of tying the knot at city hall.

That’s because most local mayors said last week they would not perform a civil union ceremony if asked. [...]

The number one reason officials said they would refuse to perform the ceremonies is that homosexuality and same-sex unions run contrary to their Christian values.

“I don’t think anybody’s going to ask me,” Hopewell Township Mayor Hal Bickings Jr. said. “I’m a Christian. The Bible specifically says marriage is between one man and one woman.” (source)

There’s an easy answer to this problem. The legislature of the State of New Jersey has voted on allowing civil unions in the state. If any public official is unable to fulfill the obligations of his/her public office, they must step down. If they are unable to honor the separation of church and state and fulfill the obligations of his/her public office because of their religious convictions, they must step down.

If they refuse to step down, they are breaking the law, and legal authorities should act accordingly.

8 Virginia Episcopal flocks break away
Eight Northern Virginia churches announced yesterday they will leave the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia after their congregations voted overwhelmingly to depart because of liberal trends in the 2.2-million-member Episcopal Church. [...]

The departing congregations comprise about 10 percent of the diocese’s 90,000 members and about 17 percent of the 32,000 people in the pew on an average Sunday. Virginia Episcopalians have been in an ecclesiastical civil war since the 2003 consecration of New Hampshire Bishop V. Gene Robinson, an active homosexual, with the support of Virginia Bishop Peter J. Lee.

“I wasn’t at all surprised,” said Kim Cooke, a former vestry member. “This church has always made a point of being faithful to the Scriptures and God. When faced with a choice between man and God, it was an easy choice.” (source)

It’s funny in a way. Kent and I used to belong to St. Gregory’s Episcopal Church in San Francisco. It was quite a welcoming church. And even back then, circa 1983, the church (at least in San Francisco) was talking about ways to honor the “special friendships” of gay couples. They had a committee formed to discuss all of this. Kent and I were part of that. We ended up with a report that was comprised of all of our recommendations. It was submitted to the bishop. And what do you know? It mysteriously, was lost, never to be heard from again.

I’m sure they were hoping that the committee wouldn’t form or stay together long enough to come up with anything. Just another reason we left the church...

Pentagon: 18 released from Guantánamo this weekend
The U.S. military says it has sent 18 captives away from the Guantánamo Bay detention center -- a big weekend transfer to five different nations -- downsizing the detainee population at the remote Navy base in southeast Cuba.

Seven captives were sent Afghanistan, six to Yemen, three to Kazakhstan, and one each to Libya and Bangladesh.

’’These detainees were recommended for transfer or release by multiple review board processes conducted at Guantánamo Bay,’’ according to a Pentagon statement this morning. (source)

...where they will be tortured or killed. But, at least the United States won’t be torturing or killing people. We don’t do that. Right....

Bush signs U.S.-India nuclear deal
President George W. Bush hailed a new era of strategic cooperation with India on Monday as he signed a new law that is a major step toward allowing New Delhi to buy U.S. nuclear reactors and fuel for the first time in 30 years. (source)

And how does this give us leverage, or any credibility to tell Korea, Iran, or any other country that they should not develop nuclear weapons? In addition to policing the world with our military, are we now the nuclear police, with the power to issue a nuclear license to any country that is (currently) in our favor? We play a very dangerous game.

This weekend was wonderful. Actually, much of it was like a dream.

Friday night, we went to have dinner at Peppercorns Grill in Hartford. Both of us had the risotto special, which was really wonderful. People ask, “What’s so special about risotto that you could make it a main course.” Well, trust me, if it’s done right, it’s really quite remarkable. We took our time. We got there at 5:30pm and didn’t leave until 7:30 or so. We had tickets to a Christmas celebration with Renee Fleming.

Renee Fleming, what a presence she had with the audience. And when she stepped onto the stage in a crimson gown with these unbelievable diamond earrings on that were no less than two inches long, well, it was somewhat breathtaking. She came to the center of the stage, and, with a warm an inviting smile, looked at all of us, as if we were simply in a living room, there together to share a celebration of music.

As she sung with this beautiful voice of hers, she would look around and invited us into her world of music. I felt as if she were singing to me. And as she left the stage, she would warmly look at us. I really didn’t think I would get into Christmas music, because it’s usually so fake. But this was different. It was genuine. And when she sang Holy Night, I found myself in tears. I know it’s hard for you to imagine that, but the harmonies she used and the way she sung it, were very touching. The concert lasted three hours with three standing ovations. She ended with a very personal tribute to her mother; a song that her mother used to sang to her on Christmas. She shared it with us.

So we spent Saturday remembering the concert, and how wonderful life can be. We have a lot to be thankful for.

I spoke to my brother, who lives in Idaho, late Saturday morning. He’s a bit down on his luck right now, so I sent him a special present to help him out a bit. It’s so strange... my life. When I was a kid, I was very close to my sister. She was also interested in being a singer. I was interested in piano and violin primarily. And later, in singing also. I was never close to my brother. He’s what I would have characterized as a bully. He was always making fun of me, along with my step father; the two of them hinting occasionally about the cruelest thing of all; that I might be like Liberace. That is, gay. I will spare you the more colorful adjectives that they would use, but I think you can imagine a few of them. And they would both feel this was very funny. During this time, I hid that I was gay or different in any way. I became a recluse and retreated to the safety of my room, hardly ever coming out to the rest of the house except for bathroom breaks, or meals. It became a way of life for me. I lived my life in the shadow of others of lifetimes past. My existence was the fact that they existed. In their world, I was nothing but a feeling person, who was alive in this time period on the memories of what they once were.

That is what got me through my adolescent years. That is what kept me just on the edge of safety. Had I been myself, I undoubtedly would have been the disgrace of my family, and most likely homeless, or dead. I walked a very thin line. All the while, I don’t think I really fooled anyone. The jokes about gays, they came from my brother, step father, and sister. And I would laugh at them as well. What better cover to hide your sexuality than to laugh at queers; like yourself? It was no toll to me ego because I had no ego. My goal was clear; to survive long enough to be out of the place I was in. The only person who never laughed at the gay jokes, was Mom.

So here I am years later, beyond the middle of my life, and I have finally come to a place that I can be myself, for the most part. It really should come as no surprise that gay folks who are getting older want to live in “gay friendly” environments. I have friends who do not accept the gay part of me. We talk about other things. They meet with me occasionally, I suppose so they can say, in this era of so-called “acceptance”, in some areas of the country at least, that they are enlightened, because they have allowed a person like me, “a gay”, to be their friend. I also have straight friends who never talk about being gay because they are in totally acceptance of it. It doesn’t have to be talked about because it’s a non-issue. To those friends who are reading this, you know who you are. Thank you for your true friendship.

In my family, things have come full circle. My brother and I are now very close. He is fully accepting of me. He goes out of his way to openly make mention of this when we talk. My sister, on the other hand, has become more homophobic than ever, and she holds grudges for a lifetime. She had surgery on one of her knees a year or so ago. A couple of weeks ago, she had surgery on the other knee. When my brother told me this, I mentioned that I would like to send some flowers to wish her a quick recovery. He mentioned this to her. She responded, “Tell Bill to save his money.” And that was that. She seems consumed by hate and resentment. I say this not out of spite, but because I will not allow myself to feel hate. My offer to my sister was one of sincerity; an olive branch, if you will. I now know for certain that we will never talk again. Am I sad at this? I suppose at some level I am, but you have to keep in mind that we haven’t spoken since my mother’s funeral in 1984. So, it’s not as if I miss her company. I am a different person now - my own person. I left all the negative things in my life behind in Idaho, along with all the jokes, hatred, and people like my sister. She used to say, “Life is short. Make the most of it.” I did, and I am. She should do the same.

And that was my weekend. Not uneventful at all.

I love the articles put out by Leonard Pitts, Jr., of the Miami Herald. Today, he had an article entitled, “My freedom linked to others -- including gays”. I loved his Rule No. 1, that stated:

“You cannot assert your own humanity, then turn right around and deny someone else’s.”

Here is an excerpt from the piece.

I know also that some folks are touchy about anything seeming to equate the black civil rights movement with the gay one. And no, gay people were not kidnapped from Gay Land and sold into slavery, nor lynched by the thousands. On the other hand, they do know something about housing discrimination, they do know job discrimination, they do know murder for the sin of existence, they do know the denial of civil rights and they do know what it is like to be used as scapegoat and boogeyman by demagogues and political opportunists.

They know enough of what I know that I can’t ignore it. See, I have yet to learn how to segregate my moral concerns. It seems to me if I abhor intolerance, discrimination and hatred when they affect people who look like me, I must also abhor them when they affect people who do not. For that matter, I must abhor them even when they benefit me. Otherwise, what I claim as moral authority is really just self-interest in disguise.

Among the things we seem to have lost in the years since that white kid made his stand is the ability, the imagination, the willingness, to put ourselves into the skin of those who are not like us. I find it telling that Vice President Dick Cheney hews to the hard conservative line on virtually every social issue, except gay marriage. It is, of course, no coincidence that Cheney has a daughter who is a lesbian. Which tells me his position is based not on principle but, rather, on loving his daughter.

A new study predicts a huge economic windfall for New Jersey if same-sex marriages were allowed.

The UCLA School of Law study predicts that New Jersey wedding- and tourism-related businesses would cash in to the tune of $102.5 million per year for the first three years, while state coffers would get $7.2 million per year in tax revenue for those years, all from introducing a gay marriage market.

“New Jersey would have no competition from other states for the expected influx of wedding-related visitors,” the study’s author, M.V. Lee Badgett, said. Badgett is the research director at the Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation and Public Policy, an academic think tank at the California school.

The study uses state tourism figures to determine what the couples would spend on lodging, meals, shopping, entertainment, flowers, photographers and other wedding expenses. Badgett also cites research by the wedding industry itself on the average costs of such ceremonies.

That same money, Badgett said, would not materialize if the state were to approve civil unions, as the state Senate and Assembly are scheduled to vote on today.

“I think very few people will come from out of state to get a civil union,” Badgett said. “Other states have them now and very few come from out of state. It’s not just about the benefits. Marriage is a deeply rooted ceremony. It’s about status. Civil unions don’t have all that historic and cultural meaning.”

I would agree with that. One thing the people don’t understand is that, while civil unions do offer some legal remedies at the state level, they do not offer a sense of being equal because they are unequal. So honestly, if New Jersey offers civil unions, which seems to be the direction they are heading, why would someone travel to the state to get a civil union, only to have it dissolve into thin air once you leave the state? I makes no sense. Connecticut certainly hasn’t seen an influx of people wanting a Connecticut civil union. Indeed, most gay couples here don’t want it either.

The article talks about all the money it would bring to the state IF it were a real marriage. That is undoubtedly true. New Jersey, unlike Massachusetts, does not have a residency law. That means that people like Kent and myself could travel to New Jersey if they did offer marriage, get married, and then return to Connecticut with a marriage license. We would then turn around and ask Connecticut to honor that marriage. If they didn’t (and they wouldn’t because Connecticut has in it’s Civil Union law a definition of marriage as “one man, one woman”), we could bring a lawsuit against the state because they were not honoring our marriage. That would be rejected because the national Defense of Marriage Act states that no state has to honor a same sex marriage from another state. We would therefore, with a real marriage license in hand, be able to challenge the national Defense of Marriage Act on the grounds that it denies equal protection under the law in violation of the Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Don’t worry, this will happen, in time.

But this is not all about money....

Assemblyman Jeff Van Drew, D-Cape May, Cumberland, Atlantic, said he favors civil unions and would not be swayed by the new study.

“Sometimes you have to look beyond dollars and cents. This is an issue far greater than dollar value. It has social, ethical, religious and legal implications. Our job is to fulfill the legal issue, and we can do that with civil unions,” Van Drew said.

He’s right. Sometimes you do have to look beyond dollars and cents. He states that “it has social, ethical, religious and legal implications.” He’s right.

Social Implications: Socially, the implications are simple. Civil unions create a sub-class of citizens and sets them apart from other citizens.

Ethical Implications: Is it ethical to treat a targeted group of people differently on a civil, social level?

Religious Implications: There are no religious implications in this decision, and if there are, THERE SHOULDN’T BE! This is CIVIL marriage we are talking about - not religious marriage. The two are completely separate things. One deals completely in religion. Civil marriage is given by the state. The state has no business telling a religious organization what marriages should be issued on a religious level. Also, religious organizations have no business telling the state what marriages it will honor.

Legal Implications: The legal implications are huge. Everyone, including Assemblyman Jeff Van Drew want to believe that the “job is to fulfill the legal issue, and we can do that with civil unions”, but that simply is not the case. I can’t carry a civil union to Kansas, or Idaho, or Wisconsin. I can’t ask the federal government to honor a civil union, because there is no such entity at the federal level. And, the federal government, at least with the morons in power now, have not indicated that they are even open to the idea of civil unions. But that’s ok. To their defense, they do have a few hot irons in the fire that aren’t going to well right now.

So, while Assemblyman Van Drew would love to think that they are doing their job, a New Jersey civil union will do nothing for the big ticket items at the federal level. A civil union is simply a feel-good stopgap that goes nowhere.

I would love to see the New Jersey Supreme Court, who have said they believe in equality, to state the obvious. If they are serious about this issue, they will strike this down as not good enough, just as the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court did. They should state, “We are looking for the word ‘marriage’ here.”

This is how “equal” the New Jersey civil unions will be:

Lawyers examining New Jersey’s civil unions proposal say same-sex couples cannot file joint federal tax returns. To file jointly on their state tax forms, they will need to fill out the joint federal forms and send them to New Jersey.

Gay couples will also be required to report health insurance benefits as income, unlike married couples.

Surviving partners won't be able to collect deceased partners’ Social Security benefits and may not be able to collect their pensions, which fall under federal regulation.

I thought that the New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that there should be equality. Maybe “equality” is a legal term open to interpretation?

Sources cited
Gay weddings could bring big money to N.J.
N.J. legislature to vote on civil unions bill; silences LGBT couples’ voices
Civil Unions Give N.J. Gay Couples More Benefits

THE ORIGINAL 1994 INTERVIEW WITH MITT ROMNEY

Romney in 1994

On LGBT civil rights
“When I speak of free agency, I don’t just mean that each person can do what they want to do, I mean that our society should allow people to make their own choices and live by their own beliefs. People of integrity don’t force their beliefs on others, they make sure that others can live by different beliefs they may have. That’s the great thing about this country: it was founded to allow people to follow beliefs of their own conscience. I will work and have worked to fight discrimination and to assure each American equal opportunity.”

On President Bill Clinton’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy against openly gay service members
“I believe that there will be change over time as the military establishment and the rank and file become more comfortable with the realities of sexual orientation in the military. I will support progress being made in that area as time progresses and the military and society becomes more accepting.”

On former Sen. Jesse Helms’s attempt in 1994 to pass an amendment to an education bill that would have prevented the portrayal of homosexuality as “a positive lifestyle alternative”
...it is “a dangerous precedent. I would have opposed that. It also grossly misunderstands the gay community by insinuating that there’s an attempt to proselytize a gay lifestyle on the part of the gay community. I think it’s wrong-headed and unfortunate and hurts the party by being identified with the Republican Party.”

On the Republican Party
“There’s something to be said for having a Republican who supports civil rights in this broader context, including sexual orientation. When Ted Kennedy speaks on gay rights, he’s seen as an extremist. When Mitt Romney speaks on gay rights he’s seen as a centrist and a moderate. It’s a little like if Eugene McCarthy was arguing in favor of recognizing China, people would have called him a nut. But when Richard Nixon does it, it becomes reasonable. When Ted says it, it’s extreme; when I say it, it’s mainstream. I think the gay community needs more support from the Republican Party, and I would be a voice in the Republican Party to foster anti-discrimination efforts.”

Romney in 2006

BOSTON, Nov. 19 -- Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney (R) said Sunday that he will ask the state’s highest court this week to order a ballot question on same-sex marriage if legislators fail to vote on the matter when they reconvene in January.

Romney said he will ask a justice of the state’s Supreme Judicial Court to direct the secretary of state to place the question on the ballot if lawmakers do not vote directly on the question Jan. 2, the final day of the current session. Romney’s term as governor expires Jan. 4. (source)

And finally, this...

“The truth of the matter is that politicians may take different positions on issues based on political realities. Does that make them bad or cynical or corrupt or whatever? The answer is no. That’s the nature of electoral politics, is that you have to fine tune and finesse your positions and that’s the case with Mitt Romney.” - Steffen Schmidt, a political science professor at Iowa State University (source)

Actually, yes it does make you cynical and corrupt. It also makes you a person without honor or integrity. You know, sometimes in life, beyond all the excuses, a duck is really just a duck.

Mitt Romney is that duck. He’s a two-faced bigoted liar who would sell his own Mother and the three wives he’d love to have (if the law allowed him) down the creek... just for a few lousy votes, just exactly like George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and all the rest of them.

This is exactly what is wrong with this country today. We have lots of politicians, and pretty much all of them will say anything they have to say to win our votes. Do we know what any of them really think?

One thing is for sure. Mary Cheney, the lesbian daughter who stood by her father so closely, will soon find out what it’s like to be on the receiving end of Virginia’s new constitutional amendment that bans gay marriage, civil unions, domestic partnerships, and same sex parental adoption rights, which means that her partner will be a legal stranger to the baby that Mary Cheney is now carrying. You see, Mary and her partner live in Virginia. Is that justice or what?

What goes around comes around, eventually. Aside from all the nasty policies our current government has endorsed against certain minorities.... I wish Mary and her partner well in their quest for equal rights. They are going to need it.

Sources
Old Remarks On Gay Marriage Bite Romney
Romney Asks Court To Order Anti-Gay Amendment Put To Voters
Romney is a big fat liar

A Roman Catholic Halifax couple say they’re being driven from the church over the archbishop’s opposition to their same-sex union.

Daniel Poirier and Jack Murphy got married in May, the two 69-year-olds placed an announcement and photograph in The Chronicle Herald.

After the announcement they were told they could no longer receive communion or assume any leadership position in the church. Mr. Poirier can no longer serve as a director of the choir.

Mr. Poirier said Wednesday. “When we went to church there, it was like going into a warehouse; it was cold, because when everybody got up to receive communion, we had to sit down.” (source)

Does this mean that Jesus would have turned them away?

I guess that’s the question they should be asking themselves. Personally, I’ve become very dissatisfied (and disinterested) with religion in general. I feel that they have lost touch with the core principles of what I feel religion should offer people; a sense of community, fellowship, compassion, caring, forgiveness, healing, and support. Today, it has come down to a litmus test of who is worthy of receiving communion and who isn’t. That’s called JUDGEMENT, and the last time I checked, Jesus wasn’t to keen about doing that.

So, I have stopped the attendance of any church organizations. And, anytime I see any connection(s) to anything that has to do with public issues, all kinds of red flags go up for me.

Lady: Not how I pictured him at all. (talking about a man pretending to be gay)

Police Officer: They’re crafty that way....

Lady: Ummm.... I mean he’s cute in a sort of zestfully clean kind of way, but I like my men a little dirty and packin’ heat (eyeing the police officer’s pants), humm chappy?

Police Officer: Umm... I best bring the rest of it up (handing the box to her... police officer leaves)

Lady to another lady: I thought they were gay.

Other Lady: They are.

Lady: Oh ho ho! I don’t know much but I know men, and he was lookin’ at you the way a fat man looks at fried food.

From the movie, Happy, Texas

"We don’t get into anyone’s private area." - Westboro Baptist Church (the creator of godhatesfags.com) spokeswoman Shirley Phelps-Roper

The quote, coming from her, was just too good to resist.

I’m still sick.

For those of you who have wondered why I haven’t posted so much, I just haven’t felt up to it lately. I have developed a nasty cold that just doesn’t want to go away. It’s not contagious. It’s a nagging chest cold that has left me with a cough and fatigue. I’m able to work. I feel well in the mornings and early afternoons. But by evening, I’m pretty much wiped out by 7:00. So, I’ve been going to bed early and just doing what my body is asking me to do. An observation on my energy levels of late...

IF Growing older = less energy output THEN

(Growing older + exercise) = (less energy output + exercise routines that lately end up sucking wind because of “less energy output”) ELSE

Enjoy life sitting in front of the TV and enjoying espresso and having those double chocolate cookies = BE HAPPY!

It seems lately that I’m falling through the ELSE and enjoying those cookies. I’ll work on that a bit harder.

Renee Fleming
Renee Fleming is coming to Hartford for a holiday concert at The Bushnell on December 15!

We will go to Peppercorns Grill, one of our favorite places for dinner at 5:30 (no need to be rushed), and will proceed to The Bushnell for the 8:00pm concert. We will be sitting 5 rows back from the stage. You don’t even want to know what I paid for the tickets. It was sold out, but they kept telling me to keep calling back because someone may cancel. I kept calling with no luck, until Friday. Two seats together opened up. I impulsively grabbed them!

I’m a huge Renee Fleming fan. She has such a beautiful voice which is very velvety to me. I was also pleased to hear that she has done some work with jazz as well. She is quite versatile. So, I’m not really sure what to expect from this concert, except that on December 21st, six days after her Bushnell performance, she is doing her “Rejoice Greatly: Christmas” concert at Carnegie Hall in NYC. I’m wondering if it will be the same performance. And I’m hoping.... no Puccini please! I don’t feel like crying my eyes out at this concert. Me and Puccini... very emotional mix. Moving on....

Christmas
I always have problems getting into the spirit of Christmas anymore. I suppose I consider myself to be a Christian. I was raised a Christian. But lately (in the last few years), I’ve grown extremely displeased with the whole damn lot of people who claim to be “Christians”, but know nothing, it would seem, about how to be a Christian. The only thing they are missing is the concept of love, understanding, and compassion. What they have a complete understanding of is condemnation, greed, lust, and selfishness. I want nothing to do with them.

So to me, a Christmas tree is something you put stuff on, sit around, and think good thoughts. That’s kind of hard to do when we are at war, being lead by a moron who doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground (a fairly odd expression, come to think of it), people dying of disease around the world... well, you get the idea.

So, I think we will forgo the Christmas tree this year. There is talk, mostly from Kent, that we should at least put up lights. Maybe. We’ll see. My neighbor, you know, the Christian one who can’t stand us deviants, is celebrating Christmas in a very Christian way, by having a big (6 feet tall) blow up Santa Claus on his front yard. Pure class. What’s next, toilets placed in the yard that has been turned into planters? Sigh....

The President
A few tidbits I just couldn’t pass up.

Tidbit # 1

Despite some notable accomplishments in domestic and foreign policy, Nixon is mostly associated today with disdain for the Constitution and abuse of presidential power. Obsessed with secrecy and media leaks, he viewed every critic as a threat to national security and illegally spied on U.S. citizens. Nixon considered himself above the law.

Bush has taken this disdain for law even further. He has sought to strip people accused of crimes of rights that date as far back as the Magna Carta in Anglo-American jurisprudence: trial by impartial jury, access to lawyers and knowledge of evidence against them. In dozens of statements when signing legislation, he has asserted the right to ignore the parts of laws with which he disagrees. His administration has adopted policies regarding the treatment of prisoners of war that have disgraced the nation and alienated virtually the entire world. Usually, during wartime, the Supreme Court has refrained from passing judgment on presidential actions related to national defense. The court’s unprecedented rebukes of Bush’s policies on detainees indicate how far the administration has strayed from the rule of law. [...]

Historians are loath to predict the future. It is impossible to say with certainty how Bush will be ranked in, say, 2050. But somehow, in his first six years in office he has managed to combine the lapses of leadership, misguided policies and abuse of power of his failed predecessors. I think there is no alternative but to rank him as the worst president in U.S. history. (source)

Tidbit # 2

Two days before he resigned as secretary of defense, Donald H. Rumsfeld sent a rambling memo to the White House in which he acknowledged that the current U.S. strategy in Iraq was not working and offered several diverging scenarios for reversing course.

In the classified, three-page document, Rumsfeld offered several options for reducing troop presence in Iraq, including some that were similar to proposals by Democratic critics of the war in Iraq and that have been sharply opposed by the Bush administration. [...]

“In my view it is time for a major adjustment,” Rumsfeld wrote in the Nov. 6 memo. “Clearly, what U.S. forces are currently doing in Iraq is not working well enough or fast enough.” [...]

Critics immediately seized on the memo as an admission of failure by one of the administration’s primary architects of the Iraq war and its aftermath.

“This is an unbelievable memo. It is an admission of failure. It is more frank than anything that any [administration] official has said publicly in the three years of the war,” said Joseph Cirincione, senior vice president for national security at the Center for American Progress, a liberal think tank.

Michael O’Hanlon, a defense analyst at the Brookings Institution, said he thought the memo would undercut any attempt by President Bush to defend anything resembling a “stay the course” policy in Iraq. (source)

I don’t understand. Both of these men are known to be as brilliant as a dwarf star*. How could they be so wrong?

* dwarf star - n. A star, such as the sun, having relatively low mass, small size, and average or below average luminosity.

Finally, there was a story about gay people who are now faced with legal issues in Wisconsin, one of the states who just passed an amendment against marriage, civil unions, and anything that is similar to a marriage. That means that wills, power of attorney, medical directives... wait, those all are similar to marriage? Or are they? Guess what. A court will decide!

Anyway, I’ve reached burn out point on the marriage issue. Bottom line for you Wisconsin folks; pack up your bags and move to a state that will afford you protections, such as Massachusetts, or Connecticut. There’s really no other way unless you want your life and the custody of your children to become a court room test case. After all, it’s only your life we are talking about. Life’s too short for that crap. Move.

Now I’m off to see the movie Déjà Vu. Kent, want to come with me?

A couple of photos of Mashapaug Pond in Connecticut

Today is “World AIDS Day”.

Bill’s personal AIDS time line...

Early 1980’s...
We are in San Francisco. I know many people with HIV. There is no help available except for a couple of hospitals with AIDS wards. Mainly, we take care of ourselves. Many of us die at home surrounded by friends. This was the case with most of my friends.

We heard nothing from the Federal Government. No help was available. A handful of drug companies were coming up with new drugs. The life expectancy was 6 months to 2 years. The mortality rate was 100%.

I was in a choir with 42 other gay men. Today, they are all dead except for the remaining 2 of us.

Mid 1980’s...
Death is all around me. I walk through The Castro, our current neighborhood, and I’m told that yet another friend passed away. Hope is gone. Why doesn’t our government help? Why does our President say nothing about AIDS?

1986...
My closest friend Stanley, told me one morning after we saw each other at a Sunday brunch that he had “it”. He came over to our table, gave me a hug, and whispered into my ear, “I have it.” My heart sank. He said nothing more.

1987...
I saw Stan a couple of days before we left San Francisco. I knew it was the last time I would see him. I made sure that I said the words, “I love you.” He started crying and said, “I love you too.” Then, we cried together. I left two days later for Connecticut, for Kent’s new job. Two months after living here, a friend calls me to let me know of Stan’s passing. He fought so hard. He was very brave.

1988...
I still care. I sign up to work as a “buddy” with the AIDS Project Hartford. We did a lot of good work. The clientele were mostly gay men. Later, we started seeing other minorities and IV drug users coming to us for help.

Today...
World AIDS Day is like Christmas. It comes around once a year and preaches caring, love, forgiveness, kindness..... but nothing ever changes. It exists so that we can go away feeling good that at least once a year we thought about AIDS, just like once a year we buy a Christmas tree, dress it up with gaudy ornaments, and somehow convince ourselves that we have found love, compassion, and understanding.

I don’t think of AIDS anymore. My friends are dead. I’m alive. My life goes on without them. People didn’t care then that we were dying, and they don’t care now. They claim to care about the orphaned children that are parent-less because of AIDS. They claim to care about the fact that half of all new AIDS infections are coming from the black community. They still care little that gay people are getting this disease, and many, despite all the evidence, are still calling AIDS “largely a gay disease”.

On my way to work this morning, I heard an evangelical preacher talk about how the evangelical community has been late in coming to the table to help those with AIDS (you think?). He said that they thought it was a “gay disease”, and now that they see that it’s killing heterosexuals in Africa and America, they’ve suddenly decided that they should have helped more (not saying much), kind of like how President Reagan should have helped more when people in my community were pleading with the Federal Government to help us with funding in the 1980’s as people in my community were dropping like flies, and while comedians such as Bob Hope were popping AIDS jokes just for laughs.

But now that others are catching AIDS outside the gay community, this evangelical preacher is now saying that he is “sorry” for not bringing the “love of Christ” to us (gays) sooner. Preacher, you are 20 fucking years too late! GO AWAY! Preach your road-side crap to someone who gives a shit about what you have to say -- someone who hasn’t had to hold friends as they took their last breath as you were preaching that AIDS was punishment from your loving, caring, God.

AIDS burnout. Now, I’m supposed to stop everything and care again, because the world has finally caught up to what AIDS is.

In 25 years, nothing has changed. Except now, their children are getting AIDS.

Can someone explain to me again why now, at this stage in the game, that I’m supposed to care? When my friends were dying, no one cared. I’m simply following the example.

Post-publishing note - 12:20p.m.
This entry makes it sound like I’m a very hardened person inside. I’m actually not. I’m actually a very compassionate person. But, I hate fake people and I hate fake promises. And, I really hate fake people who hide behind fake promises condemning people they don’t even know based on what they perceive to be the “Love of Jesus Christ”.

I suppose my experience could be compared to Vietnam era troops. They went to fight for their country against an enemy that we could not defeat. When they came home, they were spit upon and called “baby killers”. And we wonder why so many of them are bitter and disillusioned.

I’ve been through a battle. The casualty rate was high. We are losing the war on AIDS and people are still calling it a “gay disease”. It’s sad and pathetic. Many of us had no home to come home to because many of us were disowned by our families by the same mentality that damns us to Hell by the same evangelicals, and Christian community at large. Many people stated at the time that they “didn’t want their tax dollars to fight a disease that was ridding society of queers”. Indeed, I remember one “Christian” stating that Christians should “kill a queer for Christ.”

This is what it was like for me and so many others like me. I don’t claim to carry the cross on this issue. So many people in the gay community went through this. I honestly can’t tell you which was worse: having my friends die of AIDS, or having people not care that we were dying of AIDS.

People in the Christian community love to state that gay people get AIDS because they are so promiscuous. I will undoubtedly be accused of stereotyping and lumping all Christians together, just as they have lumped all gay people together.

My friend Stan used to lament that he and his partner had no civil recognition of their partnership. In Tuscon, they had a “civil union.” It was basically a few friends who gathered one afternoon, and listened to the two of them publicly stating their relationship to each other. But, it was given no consideration. It had no legal weight and was not recognized. In one conversation with him, we talked of marriage. This was long before anyone was talking about marriage for gay couples. He told me, “Marriage is something that people like us will never have.” It was the tone in his voice and the way he said it that I remember. He said it in such a way that I could tell he had little motivation to put value in a relationship that no one else put value in. There was no support.

This issue has come full circle in the Christian community. They used to say that if we could just be in relationships and be monogamous, we wouldn’t get AIDS. Today, when so many in the gay community are trying to achieve marriage - something that could cut down on AIDS transmission if people give it a chance - the Christian community is doing everything in it’s power to keep us down - to keep us in a place where we put no value on ourselves, or our relationships.

We must not let that happen.