Saying Goodbye For Now

I’ve been writing on this site for a good long while now -- almost five years. And while I don’t want this post to sound like I’m endlessly bitching about worldly things, there are issues in our world that are very difficult for me to deal with. Perhaps I’ve been too involved with them, or perhaps they simply hit too close to home for me.

Most of you who visit this site regularly know the issues that are important to me. Equality is at the top of the list. I’m also interested in human rights, abuse of power, hunger, disease, famine, and our (the United States) apparent inability to care about anyone else in the world but ourselves. This includes not only whole nations that we tear apart as part of “bringing liberty and democracy” to others, no matter what the cost, to the extinction of entire species of plants and animals without even a notice from our government. It was only a few days ago that the Bush Administration acknowledged that global warming is happening, although I do believe that President Bush still thinks the world is flat and on the other side of this flat world of his are the “evil doers” who are out to “destroy our way of life.”

Well, I’m sorry Mr. President, but “our way of life” is destroying this planet and many people along with it. And if we keep it up, either this Earth of ours will deal with us in no uncertain terms (look up “extinction”), or the other nations of the world will finally get their fill of our patriotic bullshit, and let us have it once and for all.

You, Mr. President, by your actions, have made the world a far less safe place, and you have made all Americans a target for terrorism. But I could talk to this moron all day long. I’d have a better chance of teaching a bear to crap in a toilet than to teach this man one honest, coherent thought.

I’m a news junkie. On an average day, I read through 10-12 papers and countless news articles. I like to be well informed. But I’ve come to realize that being well informed carries a heavy burden on someone who actually cares about these issues.

Take equality, for example. I have said over and over on this site that I want to marry my partner before my life comes to an end. Am I asking too much? The majority of America seems to think that I am, and they have noted such at the polls. How should I feel about that? They represent my country. They are the voting block that is telling me loud and clear that in so many ways, I’m a second class citizen. And how should I feel that I live in a country where the majority of Americans can march to the polls and vote to strip my family of rights and benefits simply by a popular vote, and walk away feeling that they have done a good thing, all in the name of Christianity, or bigotry? Take your pick.

I can’t give blood, for the rest of my life, simply because I’m gay. I don’t have access to marriage, so I have no public or civil means to even acknowledge something so very basic to my life; my relationship with my life partner. I can’t serve in the military, unless I’m willing to lie and make up a story about my “wife”, or “girl friend”, or all the endless sexual conquests that I’ve had with women who meant nothing but sex to me. You see, that’s ok in the eyes of the military. It’s not ok that I’ve been with my same-sex partner for 32 years.

I can be totally open about my sexuality in public, if I don’t mind worrying about being put in the hospital or killed from being gay bashed. It’s really not a choice for me. If it were just me, I could take that chance, but I can’t risk that for Kent.

And this is what we call “freedom”?

All of these things come from one source: the unwillingness of my fellow citizens to open their hearts to people who have little voice or a means to achieve an equal footing with them. It’s not just about gay people. Pick any minority. Take African Americans as an example. After slavery was abandoned, they were eventually allowed to marry an opposite sex partner, as long as that person was also black. Then, in some of the more liberal states, they could marry someone of a different race, although not all states honored that marriage. Then, that was eventually ruled unconstitutional and all 50 states had to allow it.

So today, gay couples are going through exactly the same process. Except in our case, the federal government won’t even recognize the marriages that are “real” -- those 8,000 marriages performed in Massachusetts that are recognized by the state as no less than full marriage. And other states, like my state of Connecticut, Vermont, and New Jersey are copping out to “civil unions”. Oh yeah, they are “equal to marriage”, but we just want to call it something different. And don’t be bothered that you can’t travel with it from state to state. And don’t be bothered that other countries won’t honor it because they don’t have a clue what the hell it means. And don’t be bothered that the federal government won’t even come close to honoring it because there is no such thing as a civil union in their eyes.

And all the while, we have people like Cheney and Bush telling us that it’s really up to the states to decide, knowing full well that we will never see all the legal civil rights dished out by the federal government to “marriage”.

You see, it’s not marriage I’m after. I used to think it was, but I was wrong. Whatever “sanctity” marriage ever had has been shredded by the likes of all the people who have been married 2, 3, 4, or more times. When that happens, it really becomes something that has little meaning. What I’m after is equality for families like mine. Many of those families consist of two people. Many also include children, something President Bush most likely didn’t realize until Mary Cheney became pregnant. That “equality” that I’m after has a name; “marriage”. And who knows, maybe it will be gay couples like Kent and myself, who have stayed together when so many things were trying their best to tear us apart, who can show straight couples how to be married, with class.

So, I’m withdrawing. I’m going to stop being a news junkie. In fact, I’m going to switch my reading habits altogether. I plan on being more active in photography, and will most likely be more active in posting my photos online. I’m going to care less about what I have no influence over; the ability for people to judge me not on my sexuality, but on the content of my character. I’m going to care less about people who couldn’t care less if they tried too. I’m going to care less about what our government says and does, because most Americans seem to be ok with that. Yes I know, only 33% of Americans “approve” of the job that President Bush is doing. So, where are the impeachment proceedings? I’ll tell you where... they aren’t important to people, so they aren’t going to be important to me either.

Will I be back? Well, I do plan on returning in May or June, and I may make an occasional personal post now and then if something important comes up. At least, that’s the plan for now. But you know how it is. When you get into a different lifestyle, sometimes you don’t go back to the old one.

The experience of writing on this blog has been a positive one for me in many ways. I feel I write better and express myself better now. But it’s also changed me. I’m very aware now where we stand in our society, and how far we have to go. And, I’ve come to realize that the country I thought we had, is gone, and has been replaced by something that is far less than what it was. “United We Stand” is now little more than a cliché.

My family and my friends are important to me. That is where my energies are going to go. My world is going to get much smaller. Instead of filling my weekends catching up on where things stand in the world, I’ll be hiking around and traveling a bit more, which should be enjoyable. And just think of all stress I will avoid. I’m starting this voyage today, when we will head off to Portland, Maine to celebrate my birthday, and just be together. We are almost ready to leave. The only thing left to pack are our legal papers that will hopefully prove that we are more than “legal strangers” should something bad happen to us on our trip. It’s great; a free country, and we have to carry legal papers to prove what we are to each other. You have to love it.

And of course, I can still be reached with email, should any of you who have been regular readers and friends, want to keep in touch.

There’s a very trite (in my opinion) poem that ends with this....

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world... Strive to be happy.

That’s all I’m after. Cheers.