Self Image
Someone called me “a handsome man” today. I laughed it off and the person who said that stated, “No, it’s really true.”
I wonder why I’ve always thought of myself as homely. I think I’m very unattractive. In fact, I hate taking my photo because I’m afraid of how homely people will think I am. I’m even afraid of meeting people that I’ve talked to through email, and finally meet in person. Will they think I’m as homely as I think I am?
Self image is purely internal to me. I know I’m a good person inside. I know I have done good things for people who have needed me. I have been there for people who were going through their deepest despair. It’s not that I think I’m this great person. This is my nature, good or bad. I never think about it. In fact, is it bad to care for people so much? I suppose I would call that being passionate about life, when it seems to me that so many of us go through life as though it’s a pain that must be numbed.
It’s a puzzle. I sometimes value my worth. I value my worth but yet, at some level, I feel somewhat worthless because I feel I’m homely. So when someone tells me I’m handsome, I don’t know what to do with that, except to look at them like they are crazy and think that they are after something. They reassure me they are sincere, and I’m baffled.
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I agree on the "Bravo, Kent" comment. My partner and I regularly reassure ourselves that we are aging more gracefully than most of our 50-year-old counterparts, and it takes the sting out of looking at the new wrinkles in the mirror. And Bill, you are handsome.
You know, Bill, I could have written this very same post. Everything you said is exactly how I feel. In fact, you will notice at my blog that I have not once ever posted a picture of myself, and in fact there are very few recent pictures of me in existence!
My wife obviously finds me attractive, but I have my doubts about her vision.
For what it's worth, I think you are a good looking guy. And no, I am not just saying that.
Bravo, Kent!
I always like the Judge Judy line...
"Beauty fades, dumb is forever."
When I was a teenager, I didn't have much self-confidence. I didn't know that I was goodlooking until I went to a gay bar for the first time and men started fawning over me and buying me drinks.
That experience gave me an ego boost, and unfortunately a somewhat shallow outlook for many years.
I'm in my 40s now and my looks haven't faded much. But, now I am irritated by people who are impressed with my physical appearance. Yeah, I'm a handsome guy with curly blond hair, pretty green eyes, and a great smile. So what? I'm quickly heading for old and wrinkled just like everyone else (I hope). And, I don't pick my boyfriends on appearance. I'm way beyond that.
You shouldn't be baffled. You are handsome.