May 2007 Archives

Love In Bloom

Sex

Symmetry - Mimi and Maxwell

Mimi and her afternoon sun bath

Studies in Macro Photography - Depth of Field Study - Closest Focus

Depth of Field Study - Mid-Range Focus

Depth of Field Study - Far-Mid-Range Focus

Depth of Field Study - Far-Range Focus

Have you ever talked with someone who presents you with something they read about, then proceeds to tell you their opinion of what they read? Of course we all have. But then, when you start to give your opinion of the issue, you realize that they aren’t really even listening to you? They have basically shut you down and are not open to what you have to say. You know this by the expression on their face -- you know, the eyes shifting as though they are going through the list of what they must do on this very important day of theirs, or the world will surely end, or the simple gesture of picking up their breakfast items to place them in the garbage while you are still trying to make your point on the subject that they brought up. But, that is apparently more important than any point you wanted to make. Or perhaps you have simply been mentally reduced to one more little item in the list of things that they have to cope with today?

So I guess the question is, why spend the energy talking about it in the first place?

This happens all the time. It happens every time The President talks. He talks, we listen... but when we disagree, you might as well be talking to the bathroom wall.

I’m not sure if some groups are more susceptible to this than others. I know that scientists do it all the time. They talk, make their point, but then they aren’t interested in hearing opposing views, or actually, any opposing view at all. They have made up their mind. So why waste energy bringing it up for discussion in the fist place?

Is it any wonder then why that they find it hard to tackle the issue of “true science” versus “creationism”? I happen to believe in evolution. But, you aren’t going to change anyone’s opinion who believes in creationism if you aren’t willing to at least try to understand where they are coming from, without simply dismissing them as being naive or deranged.

I see this happening a lot. It happened to me just this morning. It happens on the gay marriage issue. It happens on the issue of the war in Iraq. Always two sides to every issue, but at any given time, only one side talks -- the other side dismisses.

The older I get, I wonder more and more if talking to people is just a big waste of time. If you are going to present an argument to someone, you should at least give them the courtesy of LISTENING TO THEIR SIDE.

Heaven is totally overrated. It seems boring. Clouds, listening to people play the harp. It should be somewhere you can’t wait to go, like a luxury hotel. Maybe blue skies and soft music were enough to keep people in line in the 17th century, but Heaven has to step it up a bit. They're basically getting by because they only have to be better than Hell – Joel Stein, columnist for the Los Angeles Times.

Well... he does have a point. It will take more than a cloud to keep my attention. Flying would be cool, but that too would get old. And if they don't have Internet, forget it.

What would one do if Heaven had clouds, harp music, and wonderful thoughts... Then, Hell had the likes of Jerry Falwell, Hitler, Satan, and a hot climate... BUT it was wired for the Internet!!! ?

It’s been a really busy and intense week at work. Some emotional things (at work) going on also, but I can’t talk about that. Suffice to say, it’s a new week, and I had a nice weekend, starting with being able to sleep until 9:00 Saturday morning.

My last entry was a wake-up call for me. I always knew that there were nut cases out there, and over time many of them have voiced their dislike for gays and the like. I don’t know one gay person alive who hasn’t suffered verbal or physical abuse in their lifetime at the hands of intolerant people. The thing that is hard to take is when some individual wants you dead. But, it would be naive of me to think that many of the people who beat up gay people wouldn’t go that extra step, if they thought they could legally get away with it.

At any rate, I’m putting this behind me. I’ve filed a report and the police said that if this individual does this again, they will pursue it through the channels. Apparently, it involves a lot of red tape -- getting a warrant for Comcast to release the user’s information, and involving the police in his area. I’m fine with that as long as the nut case leave me the hell alone.

We are getting ready for a vacation to Olympic National Park in Washington State. It should be a lot of fun and an opportunity for some great photography. We will start our vacation in one of our favorite cities, Seattle.

And as long as I’m talking about photography, I have finally posted Kent’s photos of his trip to Iceland online. Here’s one of them. Click on the link below to see the entire set.

Happy Monday!

The water falls at Gulfoss, Iceland

Kent’s Iceland collection

I don’t even know what to do with this. This was a comment left on my blog tonight. I’m thinking of calling the police. Am I over reacting?

I talked to the police about it. They wanted to see the comment. I printed out the comment, with the IP address and the email address. I also did an IP trace on it and found out that it is a Comcast IP. I called Comcast and talked with their Internet Department. They would not act on it and suggested I call my "local authorities". So, I did. I turned over to them this morning a screen print of the comment that you see above, without the email address blotted out, the IP trace, which has a location in Potomac, Maryland, and the map showing the exact location of the IP.

I talked with a police sargent who stated that because it is from another state, there is very little they can do about it. He wanted to keep the printout and asked that if I get anymore from this individual, that I report it immediately. He thought it was just someone trying to rile me, and didn't think it would occur again. But then again, you never know. Troubling.

Well, I guess that pretty much says it all doesn’t it? He was about hate and made a lot of people sad and miserable. I suppose my final thoughts on Jerry Falwell would be the same sort of sentiment that he had towards gays and other minorities.

For every gay person who is beaten and killed in this country stemming from hatred, I would point the finger in your face and say, ‘You helped this happen’.

On December 1, 2004, I had a bad fight with a friend at work. We didn’t talk with each other for a few months. After that, he asked, “Are we alright?” I told him, “Yeah, we are alright.” That was a lie. We went our separate ways and avoided each other completely. In the last six weeks, I’ve started trying to get to know him again. I’ve asked him out to lunch probably 5 times, and he was “too busy” each time. The last time, I decided to just drop the friendship. It takes two to be friends and if one is unwilling or unable too, it’s just not going to work.

So yesterday, he came back to my desk and asked if I had already had lunch. I told him that I had, but could go with him and have a soda. So we went to one of the fast food places for lunch. And, I reminded him of that day that he asked me if we were “alright”. I said, “The truth is, I wasn’t alright, not by a long shot.” He said, “uht oh..”, becoming uneasy at where this conversation was going. I interrupted and said, “No... I have to say something and I want you to understand me.” I reminded him of everything that was said that morning in 2004 right after Bush stole yet another election. I reminded him that at the time, President Bush had won the election largely by driving conservative voters to the polls on a promise to pass a constitution amendment against marriage equality for gay couples.

So, when my friend yelled in my face that it was “for the good of the country” that President Bush won the election, I told my friend that his statement was viewed by me as a grave insult against my family and all gay families like mine because President Bush didn’t win the election based on the war. He won the election based on putting fear into people that if he wasn’t re-elected, there would be no stopping marriage equality for gay couples.

He listened attentively. And I said, given the last four years, gay marriage has been pushed to the back burner because Bush has basically destroyed our country and our world reputation. And of course, the day after the election, Bush never spoke of the constitutional amendment again. The conservative voters that put him into office on a promise to protect their fragile marriages against all the queer couples who wanted marriage..... WERE LIED TO.

Not surprisingly, my friend has become very disenchanted with the President, so I guess it wasn’t for the good of the country after all. I usually love being right, but not this time.

I don’t know if my friend and I will get back to where we were. Everything has changed. The country is not where it was in 2004. People have changed their minds on this president. But one thing remains. Not once during the conversation did my friend once say that he was sorry about slamming my family, or at least sorry that I interpreted his statements in that way -- that he didn’t mean it that way.

As far as I’m concerned, I can forgive and forget. I’ve changed a great deal in the last few years as well. It’s been a wake up call for me to stop worrying about people who don’t care about people like me, whether they be ex-friends, or the President of the United States. I am only concerned now with my world. I’ve grown more selfish in my needs and my wants, which center around my family -- just like the typical every day American. Sad, isn’t it that we no longer care for each other as a people?

Except I still support the troops where I can with free (for them, not for me) phone cards so they can call home occasionally. I try to do my part to support the troops. While everyone else who stated that they voted for Bush because it was “for the good of the country”, now sit back and watch TV in their easy chairs complaining about gas prices, while our young men and women in the military are put through the meat grinder in Iraq, and pat themselves on the back for putting those yellow “Support Our Troops” stickers on the back of their cars, I am actually doing something about it. I really do support the troops, even though I’m sure that the majority of those who are using my money to call home with probably don’t care much for gay people.

But, I believe that is what is good for the country. I still care for people, even though they don’t care much for me. Perhaps so-called Christians could learn a lesson in charity from the likes of me. We need to start seeing each other as people and actually start caring for each other. If we can’t start doing that, this country is lost.

My day started at 5:30 this morning when some rude bird was going through what must have been some weird mating ritual outside. How can anything be excited about sex at 5:30 in the morning? I must be getting old. He was making all kinds of racket. I couldn't get back to sleep.

So I did a few things around the house, and ended up going to Mo's Midtown in Hartford, CT, where they have great breakfasts. I followed this with a nice walk through Elizabeth Park in Hartford. I wanted to make it to Elizabeth Park because the tulips are in bloom now. Here are a few photos of them.

After that, I wanted to throw in just one photo of the phlox blooming outside our front door. They seem to be particularly nice this year.

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And finally, our phlox.

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Kent sent me this funny video about Ted Haggard. You know, I don't wish bad things to happen to the guy, but if he's going to be in the closet about being gay, then turn around and bash people, well, I guess anything is fair game, isn't it?

Enjoy the video.

It is no surprise to me that the marriage equality bill did not get a full vote in the General Assembly. So, it will be another year... or two, before this comes up again. It is disappointing, but, it doesn’t have to ruin everything. In fact, for me, it doesn’t. I’m looking forward to a great weekend.

Kent is away in Washington, D.C. until Wednesday. I hate when he goes away over the weekend. But weather will be very nice and should get some outdoor time also.

Below is the letter from Love Makes A Family.

Dear Bill,

It is with mixed emotions that I write to tell you that the legislative sponsors of the marriage equality bill have just announced that our bill will not get a full vote in the General Assembly this session.

We are disappointed that after coming so far, we did not quite have the votes we needed in the House to advance the bill this session.

However, we can’t help but feel encouraged by the significant progress we have made in the two years since the civil union law passed, progress that was only possible because of strong grassroots action by people like you.

SHANGHAI, May 8 — A second industrial chemical that regulators have found in contaminated pet food in the United States may have also been intentionally added to animal feed by producers seeking larger profits, according to interviews with chemical industry officials here.

Three Chinese chemical makers said that producers of animal feed often purchase or seek to purchase a chemical called cyanuric acid from their factories to blend into animal feed.

Chemical producers said that it was common knowledge that for years cyanuric acid was used in animal and fish feed in China. In the United States, cyanuric acid is often used as a disinfectant in swimming pools. (source)

What the hell is this crap doing in animal feed? Now I have to read the labels for wheat gluten, melamine, and cyanuric acid?

Anthony Niedwiecki and Waymon Hudson reported that while they were waiting for their baggage, someone read a passage from the Bible over the PA system, Leviticus 20:13, which calls for the death of gay people.

“We have received a lot of very hateful messages directed towards us,” Niedwiecki said. “Any names that you can think of have been thrown at us.”

Airport officials said 23-year-old Jethro Monestine confessed and said it was meant as a prank.

“I want to apologize to the couple that were around when the message played,” Monestine said. “I also want to apologize to anyone that was hurt because I didn’t mean what I did.”

“To me, if this was a prank, it wouldn’t involve a death threat,” Hudson said. (source)

I would probably have freaked out also if a passage from the Old Testament calling for the death of homosexuals was playing over the PA system at the airport. I guess you just never know what to expect anymore in the world. I just thought this story was amazing.

Other sources
Miami Herald

I received an email this morning from Love Makes A Family. We need to be calling our legislators TODAY to make this happen in Connecticut. I just called mine. It's easy! If you don't know who your Connecticut legislator is, please call Love Makes A Family and they will gladly help you out!

Connecticut’s Marriage Equality bill (HB 7395) received an overwhelming vote of support in the Judiciary Committee and is now before the full House of Representatives.

We only have a short window of time to convince legislators that the people of Connecticut—and most importantly their constituents—support allowing loving committed same-sex couples to marry.

Sending an email to your legislators and to the Governor only takes a minute and every email counts!

TAKE ACTION!

Opponents of marriage equality, who are well organized and well funded, have been generating huge numbers of calls and emails and supporters must show our support too. Please act NOW and help Connecticut become the first state in the country to pass marriage equality in our legislature!

I know, summer is not here yet, but I just can’t wait. This is the first decent weekend that we’ve had to do yard work when Kent has been home. He’s gone again next weekend, so we took this opportunity to get as much done as we could. Here are some photos I took along the way.

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Close up of the clematis about to bloom in front of our home.

Close up of seed pods from our fern grotto

Close up of a magnolia blossom in front. I love the texture and color of the blossoms.

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A couple of weeks ago, I heard about the death of one of my high school teachers. He taught foreign languages and was also a coach for various sports. I won’t use his name to protect and honor his memory. He was praised for being a good teacher and being a person that you could always talk to. In my experience, I learned very little from his Spanish course. I also found him to be someone that I would not talk to about what was going on in my life. But that probably has more to say about me, instead of him. I was a messed up kid in messed up circumstances. I wasn’t sharing much with anyone, other than a bottle of booze. It was my best friend because it dulled the pain I was going through as a teenager. You see, I’m one of those gay teenagers who commits suicide, and it’s all over. But in my case, I lived. And not by my own choosing, I might add.

I didn’t know this teacher to be very religious. Perhaps he found religion later in life. But, I assume from what he said in his obituary, that he had become a very religious man.

I did not lose a battle with cancer; Christ has won the victory over death. Where I have been, and what I have done is not important. What is important is Who I know, Who knows me, and what He did on the cross. Jesus saved a sinner by grace.

I’m happy for anyone in that situation to find reconciliation and peace. I’m happy that he had a support system of family and friends to help him through that experience.

But for me, it has opened up other issues -- bigger issues of the human experience. Does religion change how people feel about each other? It’s a rhetorical question. If you want an answer to that, you need only look at what is happening in Iraq. But in this country, in this society, the lines between being “religious”, and having that effect your every day experiences are somewhat more blurred.

Years ago, I was riding to New Haven, Connecticut with a colleague from work. It was a thirty minute drive for us. This person is Catholic, a devout Catholic. She saw my wedding ring and asked, “What does your wife do?” Now, I suppose I should also say that this was said before any of the current day marriage debate for gay couples had taken place, so the idea of two gay men getting married wasn’t even in the mind set of anyone, including gay couples.

Well, I lied to her. I made up a “wife”. I made up a career that my wife had. And I did this all in the period of 30 seconds. Poof! A real life person with hopes and dreams like anyone else, who just happen to have ovaries, and was married to none other than me! What ever I said, my colleague responded with, “Well, that’s wonderful!”

There is no doubt in my mind that if this person had known the truth about me, she would have had a very difficult time working with me. In fact, she probably would stop talking to me altogether. I said nothing to people at work about this exchange. But she started telling people about what a wonderful wife I had. It wasn’t long before two straight male friends approached me, along with smiles from ear to ear, asking me to tell them about my “wife”. Try explaining this issue to a straight man who has never once had to lie in his entire life about his sexuality. It’s a difficult task. But it came down to my statement of, “I have to work with people to do my job. If I can’t do that because they won’t work with me, one of us will have to leave.”

And to end this story, yes, she did find out, and yes, it did effect our working relationship. She stopped talking to me as though I had leprosy.

This brings me back to my high school teacher. How would he have felt about me, knowing that I’m gay? Not too good, I would suppose. Would it matter to him that I’m still the same person that he knew so many years ago? In my experience, probably not. I’d like to give people the benefit of a doubt and look at the world through rosy colored glasses, but acceptance from people of this nature has not been my experience.

I’ve mellowed and relaxed a great deal in the last six months. You’ve probably noticed that I write less and less now. It’s not that I’ve stopped caring about issues. But, I have weighted those issues. Is marriage equality still important to me? It sure is. But, unlike a year ago, I’m so much more than that issue -- or any one issue for that matter. I’m simply not willing to invest the emotional weight on issues that our society, and our community, feel are unimportant. It’s like the ant pushing and pushing against a house to move it. It’s just not going to happen.

So, while I’m willing to take insults from people who post to this site for the decisions that I make, I think I’ve come to a place that I can choose not to give a damn anymore. And that is OK.

I’m fine with that. The result: my blood pressure is 116 / 80, as opposed to 167 / 95 a year ago. I’ve lost some weight because I’m more conscious of what I eat and my cholesterol levels are good. I’m happy with life. So what’s changed in the last few months? I’ve stopped letting society define me and I’ve stopped asking for it’s approval.