Why the Need for "Gay Pride"
I’m going up to Boston tomorrow to celebrate gay pride this year. I’m very much looking forward to it as a way to get away for a few days. But I also think it is very important to examine why it is important for our community to celebrate gay pride. I get asked this question a lot by straight friends and acquaintances. The question is usually somewhat awkward for them to ask, but it’s usually phrased as, “So... why do you all have to celebrate being gay in the first place, or feel the need to be proud of it?”
Of course, underneath that comment are layers of homophobia. The fact that the question is even asked in such a way in the first place is a reason in itself that gay pride is important. What they are really wondering about is why there isn’t a “straight pride”. It’s a logical question. The answer is that gay pride evolved from a need to feel a sense of validation from all the horrible things that were happening to gay and lesbian people. Many younger gay people today have no sense of what it was like for gays in the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s. People had to keep their horrible secret, or risk being banished from their families and friends, losing their jobs (which by the way, still happens), getting kicked out of the military under a Section 8 mental disorder (today we have the ever so kind, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, that still kicks out gays, but without the dishonorable discharge), and many other things, such as being unable to even report to the police that you had been beaten for being gay. Many times, the treatment that came from the police was worse than that of the bashers (which still happens in some parts of the country).
As a gay man of today, it is a big challenge for me to simply continue to care about these issues when so many states in this country seem to have no problem steam rolling right over our civil rights. Today, I came across this:
MIXNER’S REMINISCENCES OF the early fight against AIDS and the loss of his partner left the crowd in quiet sobs. Choking with emotion, he recalled the day his hospitalized partner demanded to be taken to a polling place to vote, walking under his own power to the booth. Mixner’s warnings about apathy serve as an important reminder that our fight is not just to win equal rights, but to guard against backsliding. A quick look at the current effort to ban gay marriage in Massachusetts offers unsettling proof that even after a victory is won, it’s not necessarily secure.
I will never forget Mixner’s words. Every gay man and lesbian in their teens and 20s should have been in that room. Those of us who survived the ‘80s carry a tremendous burden to never forget and to teach the next generation so that the heartless cruelty of an uncaring government that watched passively as an entire generation of gay men died is never repeated. (source)
But today there are other challenges. Since AIDS is becoming more well known among non-gay populations, other issues have cropped up, such as the so called “gay marriage” issue. The issue is much bigger than marriage. The message is that we as a community simply do not deserve civil liberties, based on religious reasons. And that, my friends, is a bigger threat than AIDS ever was. And I can say that. I’ve paid a dear price at the hands of AIDS. But this is bigger, because once someone can get away with denying this liberty or that liberty to a specific group based on religion, then you have a theocracy. And if this is successful, the young gay, lesbian, and transgendered people growing up today will be experiencing the same stuff that past generations have had to endure.
So, this is why, for me, it’s important to have gay pride. And, one more reason....
“Tell everyone that this is for anybody who eva said anything bad about me, see I do have feelings too. Blame the people who were horrible and injust 2 me. This is because of them, I am human just like them. I hope they rot in hell 4 what they made me do. They know who they are. None of you blame urself mum, dad, Sam and the rest of my family. This is not because of you.” (source)
Those were the last words that fifteen year old Jonathan Reynolds (pictured right) sent his family by a text message minutes before he lay down on the tracks in front of train traveling at 85 miles an hour.
We have to give gay youth a reason to stick around. We have to give them hope. Rest in peace my small friend. I wish I could have talked with you before you decided to do this.
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I'm not bashing you at all. I'm sorry that you took it that way.
I you feel the need to have your own pride parade, by all means, you should do it. It won't bother me a bit. I'm not trying to play the "I'm a poor victim" card. I'm simply telling you my experience. I've been made to feel ashamed most of my life by my family and many former friends because I'm gay. At some point, you regroup and figure out who and what is a positive influence in your life. For me, feeling a sense of pride and self worth are important. So, after being put down by most straight people most of my life, I personally find it very empowering and liberating to be around people who understand and who have gone through much of the same thing.
I don't expect you to understand, nor was I bashing you.
"And it was the gays who started a gay pride day, not the police or anyone else due to guilt."
Excuse me? Gay pride started because the New York City police were beating the shit out of gays at Stonewall Inn in NYC. It was the police who started this whole thing rolling. And for that, I thank them. If you push people far enough, you should expect anything.
Perhaps YOU should go back and actually study the history of why gay pride and all the parades started in the first place? Just a suggeston, but your comments would make more sense if they were in context. Asking questions like, "Why do you need gay pride?" means nothing if you don't take into account why it all happened in the first place.
Well, in response I'd have to say that I never "claimed to be enlightened", I said that having a gay best friend for 15 years kept me in the gay community a lot. That only served to show that I'm not homophobic.
And it was the gays who started a gay pride day, not the police or anyone else due to guilt. The cities came to accept the parade as an event, probably because it was going to happen whether the politicians were accepting it or not - at least that's the way it went down here in Toronto.
I don't know why you wanted to turn my opposing comment into something to bash, my opinion is different than yours. I think that you missed the whole point because we women have been bashed for years as well and it still goes on.
So why shouldn't we have our own day?
With so many groups who've been trodden upon why shouldn't everyone have their own day? I guess then none of those days would be special.
And the point of the gay pride, I thought, was to be proud of who you are. I don't believe that you need a parade to be proud. And my other point was that if there were a straight pride parade, we'd all be thought to be sexist. Why for you and not for me? That is my point that you simply... didn't get.
"But it seems to me a waste of time trying to force anyone to accept things their backwards minds don't want to accept."
Ahh but you are missing the point in gay pride, Jafer. The point isn't to convince people like you to accept US. The point is to get gay people to accept the fact that what they are is beautiful and that, despite all the people out there (like you) who do not feel that we should have special recognition, I would only say this to you...
The police felt that we should have special recognition when they decided to turn a blind eye to all the gay bashings that were going on.
40 of the states in this country felt that we should get special recognition when they decided to pass amendments to their state constitutions singling us out.
So, why shouldn't we have our own day?
We weren't the ones who decided that our community should have the "special treatment" that you talk about. It was the homophobes who decided that for us long ago.
I'm honestly surprised that, given that you claim to be so enlightened with your gay friends and all, that you simply... don't get it.
I don't believe in a gay pride parade any more than I believe in a straight pride parade. I'm not homophobic, my best friend of 15 years was gay and we went to all kinds of 'gay' places that he wanted to frequent.
I just feel that there shouldn't be special treatment for any group. There's no straight pride parade for me and if anyone tried to start one, they'd be seen as prejudiced against gays. Just as they'd be seen as racist if they started a "whites" club, however, I've seen a "filipinos" club and that wasn't considered racist.
I'm sure everyone has gone through their own strifes for just 'being' whatever they are, whether it's due to sex or race or religion. As a woman I could cite women's rights or even the fact that beating women as if they were lesser beings was once considered a man's perogative.
I'm sorry to hear about beatings of any kind whether it was because someone was gay or whether it was because they were women, thought to be some man's property.
I do think that we can all quietly celebrate who we are without the labels and just be ourselves. Hopefully some day we'll all be accepted for just that. But it seems to me a waste of time trying to force anyone to accept things their backwards minds don't want to accept.
As always a wonderful post, Bill. When I read your opening about straight people (friends) asking why there is a Gay Pride celebration or why we need to be "proud" it made me think. Honestly, the key to their attitudes lies in the question as you say. However, I think it lies more in the second phrasing - "why do you need to be proud of being gay." I don't think it's so much an issue of their not being "straight pride" but that they, deep down, still think our orientation is something we should keep quiet.
I have family members who are very supportive but who still whisper the word "gay" when talking about me or one of my friends. My sister still introduces my partner as my "friend" even though in private she is perfectly comfortable with our relationship. To her though, it is something that we should keep quiet.
In my life I've had friends who are also very supportive. Some are true friends who will stand by me though thick and thin. Then there are those to whom I am a curiosity. I'm an accessory not much more than an umbrella or matching purse to show how hip and cool they are. They are the one's who invariably introduce us as "Oh this is, Buck, my gay friend!" I cringe at that just as I'm sure an African-American would cringe to be introduced as "my black friend!" Why am I not just a friend?
I was one of the founders of the SC Gay & Lesbian Pride Movement many years ago. Then it was a political march for equality and rights. We still have neither in the state, but now the march has become a "parade" complete with leather guys and drag queens riding floats. No longer are political speakers the center of attention but now it is given over to entertainment and a party atmosphere. The march (or parade) doesn't even go by our state capitol anymore.
That's why I don't go to the "Parade" anymore. To my way of thinking they've given up the fight for equality and accepted instead the role of community jester and tourist attraction. To me, that's quite sad. Besides, Pride should be in June to commemorate Stonewall. Our folks have now moved it to October (this year). I guess they think Halloween is more appropriate rather than an historical uprising against brutality and oppression. Oh well.