A New Phase of my Life

THEN
I haven’t posted recently because my life has been changing a great deal over the last six weeks. Some good, some bad. That’s the way life is.

First, the bad, because I don’t want to end this update on a sour note... I had a complete change in staff at work. All in all, not a bad thing. For those of you who don’t know what I do, I run an IT department for a mid-size company in Connecticut. It’s not that I’m bitter about people leaving. People leave companies all the time. So yes, I do understand that. And, people leave for better opportunities all the time -- nothing wrong with that, and I understand that.

I try to take care of the guys who work for me to every extent that I can. I don’t watch the clock to see when they are at work. If they are late, never once have I questioned it. I trust them to do their jobs. I don’t baby sit the staff in my department. If someone needs a lot of attention, I’m probably not the manager to work for. In short, I give them all the space they need to grow. And eventually, I know they will leave.

It’s not that they left that has left a bitter taste in my mouth. It’s the way it all happened. Pretty much, within a three week period, they were gone, each after spending years in my department. Now, much of that is timing. It was not a conspiracy to exit all at once. It just happened that way. So why do I feel sour about this?

I’ve thought a lot about it. One person who left said that he would call me within a couple of weeks to have lunch. Do you think he called? Nope. I know... this is my baggage. I thought of him like a brother. The bottom line is, I suppose I should start thinking of people who work for me as other managers do; a commodity and nothing more. Don’t think of them as people because most likely, in the end, the favor won’t be returned. It’s extraordinary that the movie Ordinary People came out in 1980, and of all the lines in the movie, one sticks out vividly. The father is a stock broker. His wife just left him and he’s sitting outside in their back yard. His son, who was going through a lot of mental anguish from his past, tries to comfort his father. His father turns to his son and says, “Well, don’t put too much stock in people. They’ll disappoint you.” I thought at the time how much he was hurting, and full of disappointment. Well, that’s how I feel now.

So, I’ve withdrawn from blogging so I can form a brand new department. But I look at people who work for me a bit differently now. And, I look at people in general differently. You see, I am a very giving person. I care for people, obviously to a fault. People tell me I have a big heart. It’s true, I do. But where has it gotten me? I’ve come to realize that people are the most self serving animals on the face of this planet. And I’m not actually sure anymore that it’s possible to even have a “friend” at work.

So, I’ve been working on average about 14 hours a day and forcing myself to take weekends off. But on the weekends, I find myself tired, withdrawn, and depressed half the time. So all of that is the bad news, I suppose.

NOW
The good news is, I am getting to a point that I have a functional department again, so I am able to put in fewer hours. And next weekend, I’m seriously thinking of going to the Newport, RI area for a photo outing. I’m not sure where I’ll end up, but it will be the first long weekend that I’ve had in a very long time.

NEW TOYS!
Today, I’m going to go for a hike with Kent and spend some time together. It’s beautiful out and we need time together.

When my Nikon D200 was in the shop, I purchased a DVD on it that was highly rated. I thought I knew my camera well, but this DVD showed me things that just blew me away. More on that later, along with the new toys that I purchased yesterday. No, not those kind of toys. Get your head out of the gutter!