Cemetary Plots

A few years ago, Kent and I visited our town clerk, Ms. Cyr, in an attempt to get a marriage license. We were refused. This was before the Civil Union law went into effect. So now, we are asking for cemetery plots next to each other.

Before you go jumping to conclusions, we are both in perfect health. It’s just that, I don’t want to put this off and have to make these decisions when I am in not-such-good health, and able to deal with these issues. So, I want to get it out of the way. After this is done, we finally have to update our will to reflect this, or to give a funeral home authorization to act according to our wishes.

I urge other partners to do this as well. Do not assume that your wishes will be carried out. In looking at the readings of the so called marriage laws in our state, even though the state now allows Civil Unions, the statutes go out of their way to state that the State will not in any way shape or form, “condone homosexuality”. Does buying plots next to each other and stating that we were spouses do that? I would say so.

So, I sent this letter to the Town Clerk of Coventry.

Dear Ms. Cyr:

A few years ago, my partner and I came to your office to apply for a marriage license, if you remember. Being of the same sex, we were refused the license. Well, now we would like to buy a cemetery plot together and be buried next to each other. Perhaps in death, we can be at least be treated with the dignity that we are spouses (and please spare me any talk of “civil unions” - they aren’t equal to marriage, and I think we both know that). I’m assumed that there are no laws that state that we can’t be buried next to each other. But then I read the marriage statutes on the Coventry website.

After reading the marriage statutes (for a man and a woman only) posted on your site, that end with an elaborate declaration that homosexuality isn’t to be condoned in any way shape or form, it is prudent for me to ask the question; can we buy plots next to each other? In addition, are there state laws that prohibit us from stating on our plot markers that we were spouses? After all, wouldn’t that be “condoning homosexuality”? The State declaration reads in part:

“Nothing in sections ...... shall be deemed or construed (1) to mean the State of Connecticut condones homosexuality or bisexuality or any equivalent lifestyle, (2) to authorize the promotion of homosexuality or bisexuality in educational institutions or require the teaching in educational institutions of homosexuality or bisexuality as an acceptable lifestyle, (3) to authorize or permit the use of numerical goals or quotas, or other types of affirmative action programs, with respect to homosexuality or bisexuality in the administration or enforcement of the provisions of sections ..... , (4) to authorize the recognition of or the right of marriage between persons of the same sex, or (5) to establish sexual orientation as a specific or separate cultural classification in society.”

Yes I know, that is stated at the end of the marriage license section (more specifically, on the Coventry website, you term the link as “MARRIAGE LAWS OF CONNECTICUT”), but it speaks for the entire State of Connecticut, without regards to marriage. What on earth do educational institutions have to do with marriage? The wording is broad, so my questions are valid.

Assuming there are no laws that state that two people of the same sex, who are spiritually married, being buried next to each other doesn’t in some way “condone homosexuality”, we would like to purchase a plot for the two of us. We are interested in the cemetery on Grant Road. I don’t know the name of the cemetery, but we are hoping that you can help us with that and, if you aren’t the person we should be talking to, who that person would be.

Please let me know.

Our next step is to talk to a funeral director to make the arrangements and, since we will not degrade our relationship with a “civil union”, hopefully, he/she will be able to make our wishes in this come true, without of course, “condoning homosexuality.”

Sincerely,

Bill Cannon

I’ll let you know what she says.