November 2007 Archives

We went to Charlie’s this morning for breakfast. It’s a weekly ritual with us. Every single Friday, we go to Charlie’s for fresh bagels, juice of some sort, and really good coffee. It’s kind of our way of celebrating the end of the week and the upcoming weekend.

This morning, we sat in front of the fire. Just a couple of tables over was another couple - man and wife I presume, and 60-65ish. My back was to the fire and I was facing their table. No big deal. But, he kept staring at me, and not in a good way. I could tell exactly what he was thinking. And when I say staring, I mean constant staring.

The entire affair reminded me of an incident that happened to us years ago when we lived in San Francisco. We were walking down Market Street, and stopped at this Asian restaurant that we would visit now and then. This man came in and started staring at us. He then walked over to our table, and not so politely asked if we were “fags” (how can one put that politely?). We basically ignored him, but he was quite persistent. We didn’t want trouble, so we continued to ignore him. He then went over to this lady that was sitting at her table. Her boyfriend was at the register paying their bill. He asked her if she was disgusted, as he was, at the site of a couple of “fags” in the restaurant. She replied, “It doesn’t bother me at all.” He then said to her, “Why? Are you queer also?” In disgust, she looked at him, and stated, “I don’t think that’s any of your business.” He then said, “So you are gay!” But then her boyfriend returned, thereby answering the mans question that apparently she was not gay.

During this entire time, the restaurant managers/owners just watched, and did nothing. The man finally left. Our meal was basically ruined because I just wanted to get out of there. We left without eating, or paying the bill. And, we never went back.

I vowed over the years that if the same thing ever happened, I would say something because I was sick and tired of that crap. So this morning, when the man kept starring at the gay couple by the fire, I thought about looking right at him and saying with some attitude and force, “TAKE A PICTURE! IT LASTS LONGER!!!” But, I didn’t. I realized that the fire I had inside of me has been replaced by something more powerful. It’s the issue that people of lesser minds no longer really find a place on my radar. My way of dealing with things like this is the reality that intolerant and stupid people will eventually die. And, they are usually older people of the last generation. Why should I even bother with them? After all, they are simply trying to ruin my day to prop themselves up, and that can only happen if I give them the power to do so. And that can only happen if I acknowledge that they matter. They don’t.

I feel sorry for people like that. No, I really do. If they are that consumed with people like Kent and myself that they completely forget to enjoy their own breakfast and tend to their own damn lives, then how much more of life are they missing?

I am enjoying my new Inno XM radio. I’m probably addicted to XM radio, but it has everything for me... talk radio, classical, jazz, news... But I’ve got to stop buying them. My car has one. That’s where I really got hooked on XM. My car has it built in and when I got the car, it came with 3 full months of XM radio, for “free”. It actually was free. But the problem is, after the 3 months were up, I simply couldn’t live without it.

So today, I have one in my car, one in my home that is hooked into my stereo system, and this new one. The one I have at home is a portable. The only issue is, you need a special headphone for it that has a built in antenna that talks to the satellites. I worry about having something like that riding on top of my head when I’m using it. This new radio has an antenna built in so that all you really listen through are ear buds. Much better. Outside, the reception is good. Inside, I still need the antenna hooked up, but it works well when I’m at work.

Now, I have to organize a bit to get my photo calendar in shape. I put one together every year and give it as gifts. Christmas came fast for me this year. I’m not ready. And, I was just informed that I will get my 20-year award this year at work. I remember when I started working at my company, and it doesn’t seem like 20 years. Life goes by fast. You have to live each day to it’s fullest!

I haven’t felt much like sharing lately. In fact I’ve been in a bit of a slump lately. Perhaps it’s just the cold weather. I went in for a check up yesterday. This is from an appointment a month ago when my blood pressure was 170/110. I was having severe headaches. My doctor put me on medication, and this was a check to see if it was working. It must be because now I’m at 118/80. I’m feeling better and the headaches are gone.

Other than that, I’m coping with things. Work is going ok. It’s busy but it makes the days go fast. I’m trying to get into the presidential candidates but quite honestly, none of them really excite me. I suppose it’s because I’m not sure any of them can make a difference anymore. All of the Republican candidates are merely rehashing Bush’s policies. I still can’t believe our country has come to a point that we are trying to justify our actions by debating whether or not water boarding is torture. Quite unbelievable actually that we have come to this point.

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It’s been a really busy Thanksgiving for us. It’s funny how the days you are not working can seem more hectic and stressful than work days. This has been a good time for me, and a time of reflection. You know how you go through a long period of your life and it all seems to be on the same plane? Well, it’s been that way for me for a long while. But I’ve come to realize that I’m in a period of change.

Work has changed a great deal for me. My staff is completely different now. It’s been a big adjustment for me. I don’t think I realized how difficult it was for me to get used to the new people that work with me. For one thing, I’ve worked with the same people for a very long time. I got used to them. And, I didn’t feel the need to guard what I say around them. Strange, isn’t it? I view myself as a totally open gay man in every single area of my life. Yet, when confronted with new people, I find myself wondering how much of my personal life I should share with them. I find myself guarding what I say.

Then, I come to my senses and realize that old habits die hard. The days that I will allow myself to feel shame for my personal life are gone. I’m beyond that. But more specifically, my personal life deserves the dignity of truth. So, when I’m asked what I did for the weekend, I tell them that my partner and I did this, or that. They don’t seem to be surprised. Maybe I put out gay rays or something. At any rate, I’ve dealt with it. Now it’s their (society’s) turn to deal with it.

This Thanksgiving, we have been busy. We decided not to cook. We went to the Inn at Mystic for Thanksgiving (remember that place Mary and Sandra?). We had a great time and they serve up a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner that really is just as good as home made (and that’s saying a lot coming from me). We stayed the night in Mystic, and on the way home, Kent wanted to go by Westfarms Mall. He wanted to go by there because he felt that I needed a new computer.

A few months ago, my Sony Vaio died. It was running Windows XP. It technically didn’t die. The computer runs fine. But it’s been getting slower and slower (something that happens with Windows). One time when it went into hibernation, it never came back. I suppose I should have fixed it, but I was honestly tired of using it. So, the reason that we went to Westfarms Mall specifically was because they have a Mac store. I ended up getting a MacBook Pro. I have to say, I love it! It’s so much nicer than Windows, and I never really thought that I would find myself saying that. It’s hard to describe really, but it’s a whole new way of looking at how you work. So, this is going to most likely be my Christmas present. Anyway, this is my first blog entry with it. I’m still trying to figure out the best way to process photos with it.

In a few days, my new XM radio should arrive. It’s portable and will hold up to 50 hours of recorded programming. I’m looking forward to it. Too many gadgets in my life...

Other than that, I’m enjoying a few days off. We’ve decided to stay home this year for Christmas, and will most likely go to Arizona sometime in March to see the folks. It’s just too much of a hassle anymore to travel over the holidays, especially Christmas. You have to fight the crowds and when you get there, you are exhausted. It’s not worth it to us. Better to go later.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

I was lucky to spot this on my way to work this morning around 6:30. Nice!

We did a fair amount of lawn work this weekend. We used to work the full weekend with all the “fall stuff” we had to do before winter. It seems like that gets a bit later each year, and the two days that it took us to get everything done has now been condensed into one day. Anyway, we spent yesterday blowing leaves off our lawn, and the like. I uncovered these really colorful mushrooms under a pile of leaves. Then, when I got to the back of the lawn and blew leaves off the shade garden, I came across this spider who was willing to pose for me.

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Oddly, Obama threw a premature haymaker but it wasn’t aimed at Clinton. The target was the GLBT community. Obama’s wild swing involved having four abrasively anti-gay gospel singers represent his campaign on his “Embrace the Courage” gospel music tour in South Carolina. The gay-bashing headliners included Reverends Donnie McClurkin and Hezekiah Walker, Pentecostal pastor of Brooklyn mega-church, the Love Fellowship Tabernacle and Mary Mary (a sister act duo).

The Mary Mary sisters compare gays to murderers and prostitutes. In an interview with Vibe magazine, one of the singers said, “They [Gays] have issues and need somebody to encourage them like everybody else - just like the murderer, just like the one full of pride, just like the prostitute.” [...]

Obama justifies his embrace of the evangelicals saying he’s “reaching out to people he doesn’t agree with.” Responding to a controversy he should have or did anticipated - Obama mentioned the black community’s “problem with homophobia.” Yet after the tour when asked why the campaign would seemingly reject gay voters for far-right leaning blacks a campaign insider replied, “We got what we needed to get out of it.” (source)

I had this hope of voting for Obama. I say “had” because he’s lost my vote, and he was going to be my vote for President, at least in this point of the game. And it really does seem to be a game to these people, doesn’t it? In 2004 it was all about the so-called gay marriage threat. At least they aren’t being quite to blatant about that anymore - so far. But I really thought that Obama was above this kind of sleaze. Turns out, he’s just like the rest of them.

I’m sorry, but if you hang around people who compare me to a murderer and a prostitute, and you say nothing about that, then you implicitly agree with them. And if that’s really how Obama feels about me, he can go screw himself. Like the article summed up about Obama’s campaign...

Are they consistent in their message and actions? Do they pander from group to group? Do they pit one group of people against another group? At this point the answers for Obama appear to be no, yes and yes.

The truth is, I heard about this a week ago when all of this was coming out. I started to become wary of him then, but was trying to keep an open mind. But what he has done is really no different from what President Bush did in 2004 when he told the religious nut cases that there would be gay marriage everywhere if he were not elected. And after the election, there wasn’t any further mention of gay marriage. Not a word, except from the religious right who were left wondering why he lied to them. Go figure. Bush lied? Shocking.

As Obama’s campaign insider replied, “We got what we needed to get out of it.” Yeah, just like George Bush.

Are they all this way?

So now, I guess I’ll take a stronger look at Hillary. I’ll be watching the debates tonight. I don’t even watch the Republican debates. I know that I have no place in the America that any of them are hoping for, other than being a hair dresser or a decorator. That’s what they want our place to be. The Republicans would like us all to go back to the good old days when people went to church regularly, families were happy (outwardly at least), where “gay” really did mean “happy”, the sun was always shining, the clouds always had a silver lining, and gay people were bashed left and right with the police doing a lot of the bashing and the general public asking, “What’s wrong with that?” Happy times!

Here’s the bigger question: If they are all liars, who will say and do anything for a vote, who do you vote for?

TOLEDOANS have nothing to fear and everything to hope for in the modest ordinance that goes before City Council tomorrow to allow gay people to publicly register a “domestic partnership” in the city.

The registry, conceived by Councilman Joe McNamara, cannot be equated with gay marriage, nor is it in any way a slap at conventional marriage. Simply put, it is an opportunity for local gay couples to have their relationships recognized in a manner that has been accepted by a growing number of progressive communities around the country. At least seven states already provide for domestic partnerships, and many companies provide benefits for same-sex partners. [...]

What it will do, we believe, is give gay couples the comfort of acceptance and help promote Toledo as an inclusive community, a place that accepts anyone and everyone willing to work hard and make the city a progressive community in the most noble sense of the word.

Undoubtedly there will be those who feel the ordinance is tantamount to a declaration of gay marriage by another name, but the measure does not prescribe any direct benefits or legal rights. Partners who are 18 or older, not married to anyone else, and are not blood relatives would receive a certificate from the city that adds at least a token of legitimacy to their relationship.

A feeling of acceptance by others is among the most powerful of human emotions and we believe a domestic partnership registry would be a force for establishing Toledo as a place where everyone is accepted for who they are... (source)

Enough already!! They may “believe a domestic partnership registry would be a force for establishing Toledo as a place where everyone is accepted for who they are”, but it isn’t. If they really wanted a place for gay couples to feel accepted for who they are, perhaps they shouldn’t have passed the state amendment against marriage, civil unions, or anything that approximates marriage. This ship has already sailed. Toledo, your state has made that decision for you. Now learn to live with that. If you are really a “progressive” city that wants to show your acceptance, then start making your energies work in a progressive way. Start by lobbying your state legislators to overturn the amendment.

I’m sure you have many gay couples living within your city and they will stay because they have family or jobs there that they can’t afford to be away from. But I would have to think long and hard before moving to a place that offered me a “domestic partnership” that did nothing for us legally. It’s like saying, “Even though we are treating you like crap, maybe this will make you feel not quite so bad about it... even though we are going to keep treating you like crap.”

Why would any gay couple move to Toledo or any other place in Ohio that wouldn’t legally recognize their relationship? The answer: they would both have to have great jobs that paid great wages. Otherwise, they would be unable to overcome the complete lack of benefits that anyone, including their employer, was able, or willing, to give them.

The state amendments have been passed. What is done is done. For states or cities to now want to pass these pitiful little feel good laws is stupid and simply cruel. It reminds gay couples once again what we already painfully know: that we are second class citizens - a classification that has been enshrined in your own state constitutions.

Learn to live with your decisions and accept the fact that your citizens collectively managed to pass a very cruel and hurtful amendment to a vary selected and targeted segment of your population.

Get over it. I have. I never write about this issue anymore until I read stuff like this.

From a drive we took last Sunday to Soapstone Mountain. We will have to return this winter for some snowshoeing, and next fall for some amazing panoramic views. Soapstone Mountain sits in the midst of the 6,000 acre Shenipsit State Forest. It is located east of the Connecticut River in Somers. It was a beautiful day. Most of the panoramic shots were taken from the observation tower at the very top.

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Retired Justice Sandra Day O’Connor’s husband, who suffers from Alzheimer’s, has found a new romance, and his happiness is a relief to his wife, an Arizona TV report reveals.

The report, which quoted the couple’s oldest son, Scott O’Connor, focused on Alzheimer’s patients who forget their spouses and fall in love with someone else. Experts say the scenario is somewhat common.

Offering a glimpse into the private life of a woman who has remained on the public stage since her Supreme Court retirement in 2006 to care for her husband, the report spotlighted John O’Connor, 77. He and the woman, referred to only as “Kay,” live at a Phoenix facility for people with Alzheimer’s. (source)

I’ve disagreed with many of Sandra Day O’Connor’s rulings over the years, but more often than not, she has been the moderate voice of the court. And by today’s court, she’s downright liberal.

I read this very touching story today about retired Justice Sandra Day O’Connor’s husband, who is suffering from Alzheimer’s. What moved me is that, even though her husband has found happiness in another woman at the care center where he lives, Justice O’Connor is happy for him and the happiness he has found.

However else you feel about Sandra Day O’Connor, you have to admit, that’s pure class.

It’s hard for me this time of year. You know, I miss you.

Last night I found myself almost feeling your presence yet again. And the night before that when I went to bed, I secretly cried for you.

Remember how you would come by to say goodnight to me? You would come under the covers and curl up next to me so I could rub your chest. You loved that. You would purr and stay until I fell asleep. What a nice way to fall asleep. I miss that. I found myself putting my head under the covers, closing my eyes, and trying to imagine you being there. Does that mean you are with me?

Will I ever get over not having you in my life? I miss you, my friend, and it makes my heart ache.

I was on my way to the dentist this afternoon, driving through a small rain shower. It quickly cleared, the sun came out for a brief moment, and this happened. I pulled over to the side of the road, grabbed my little Lumix camera, and took a quick snapshot. And yes, the colors were really that bright. In fact, everyone was stopping to take it all in.

Don’t you love it when life throws a nice little surprise your way?

I’ll get to stupid people in a minute.... but first a brief update....

We went to the Connecticut Opera Saturday night. We had a great time. We went to the pre-opera dinner, hosted by Max (a very nice, as in really nice, chain here in the Hartford area). Wine flowed freely, with a nice dinner, complete with the conductor visiting and giving a talk on the Hartford connection to the opera we were going to hear that night, Puccini’s Tosca. It turned out to be a very nice product.

For some reason, we were thought to be very high-standing patrons of the opera. At least, we sat at the table where the President of the Board of the Connecticut Opera sat. I actually had a great time. He asked how I got into opera, and I shared my childhood experiences of going to the “dam park” (yeah, just below a dam with a big water spill), putting out my blanket on a sunny Saturday afternoon, turning on my radio, and listening to Live From The Met, where I heard the really big voices of yesteryear, in real time no less!

Why did I do this? To escape my life at the time (and no, I didn’t share that with him). It was kind of like this for me...

I’m in a lot of trouble in the Evangelical community these days because there’s a group of oppressed people that I tend to love. And it’s a group of people that everybody’s upset with these days... But let me just say this. I was in high school. And there was a boy in high school who everybody picked on because we found out he was gay. We mocked him, we ridiculed him—you know what high school kids can do when they find out that somebody’s gay. We humiliated him in every way we could think of. On Fridays when the other boys went into the showers following gym, he would never go in—he was afraid. And when we came out with our wet towels, we whipped them at him and stung his little body.

I wasn’t there the day they took Roger and pushed him into the corner of that tile shower, and as he wrapped himself up like a fetus, five guys urinated all over him. He went home, and that night, went to bed, got up at two o’clock in the morning, went down to the garage, and he hung himself. And I knew I wasn’t a Christian. (source)

Except, of course, I didn’t kill myself over it. It was all timing really. Given six more months, since my terrible secret of me being gay was getting out to the good citizens of Emmett, and starting to circulate through the high school, I suppose I wouldn’t be here writing this today. The timing was that I was a graduating senior. I received my diploma and went off to college to escape my fate at their hands, unlike the boy described above. But I have to tell you, the last two weeks of my school year were a bit scary... watching where I was at... staying in a public place... leaving school late after I was sure everyone had left. You know, today, I don’t really feel anything at all about that. Don’t get me wrong. I do everything I can for gay teens in distress, but I’m finding that there are less and less of them all the time.

As gays meld into the broader population, places like West Hollywood and the Castro district in San Francisco will inevitably lose some of their appeal. As more gays come out in more places, the diversity of homosexual politics and lifestyles will come out with them, and the tolerant will multiply.

For some of the pioneers from the edgy, embattled, ecstatic “good old days,” this may be bittersweet. “But isn’t that what everyone wanted 20 years ago?” Gates asks. “Just to be treated like everyone else?” (source)

I think that’s a good thing. I know some people feel that we are losing our identity, and perhaps we are a bit. I don’t know if you’ve visited The Castro lately, but it’s certainly not what it was 25 years ago. But in the greater scheme of things, what is really happening is that we are finally able to become whole people with out “the gay thing” defining us. For me, that has meant that I’ve become less directly involved with “gay rights”, although I still support many gay rights causes and organizations. It has also made me more interested in all the other things that are waiting out there for me, such as hiking, photography, music, and art. I know they were always there for me, but when you are defined by society by your sexuality alone, that becomes your definition, and your worst fear. Today, in America at least, sexual orientation is becoming more and more a non-issue. Indeed, many of the people who in 2004 were so against gay marriage, are now changing their views, largely because people feel they can be themselves and are coming out more.

So.... back to stupid people. This morning I’m on my way to work. I stop at a stop light just before turning off on the road that eventually leads me to the freeway. At the corner are about six people holding signs that read, “I want lower taxes. I’M VOTING REPUBLICAN!”

I wanted to take a photo, but the light was pour, it was raining like hell (so I kind of felt sorry for them), so I just continued on. But on my way to work, I started thinking about the irony of it all. These people want lower taxes so they are voting Republican?

The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan could cost as much as $2.4 trillion through the next decade, the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office said Wednesday. The White House brushed off the analysis as “speculation.”

The estimate was the most comprehensive and far-reaching one to date. It factored in costs previously not counted and assumed that large number of forces would remain in the regions. (source)

I guess I’d like to know just who they feel will pay for the $2.4 trillion? We will, through taxes because that’s the only way the federal government has to raise money. So maybe they should have voted Democrat in 2004? Just a thought.

And I also wish the Democrats would “grow some” and, as Nancy Reagan once said, “JUST SAY NO!” to the current administration on spending.

After seven days, Maryland jurors smote the Westboro Baptist Church and its leaders Wednesday, awarding a grieving father nearly $11 million after anti-gay protests disturbed his Marine son’s funeral.

The father, Albert Snyder of York, Pa., sobbed when the verdict was read in U.S. District Court. Members of the Topeka church listened with tight-lipped smiles to the findings that they had invaded Snyder’s privacy with intent to inflict emotional distress.

The federal jury first awarded $2.9 million in compensatory damages. It returned in the afternoon with its decision to award $6 million in punitive damages for privacy loss and $2 million for distress. (source)

I grew up in a time when you did things for people. Instead of going to the mall (actually, we didn’t have malls in those days, we simply had little stores that specialized in clothing or whatever), we helped people out. If a neighbor was in trouble, we would offer our support, and our support was more than just words. Our support came in the form of helping that neighbor through deeds. If a funeral procession went by, you stopped and put your right hand over your heart and faced the funeral procession as they passed, out of respect for the family and the deceased. It was the proper and decent thing to do. And today, I still do that.

Today, our culture has changed a great deal, and not all in a good way. Yes, there have been some positive changes, such as more tolerance for despised minority groups. Somewhere in our fight for free speech, which we’ve had for a very long time, some of us it would seem have lost sight that there are times when it’s simply better to keep your mouth shut. Being able to say something does not mean that you should say it. But now days, more often than not it seems, people don’t give two cents about the other individuals feelings. Feelings are so politically correct after all, and politically correct seems to be going out of fashion.

I understand all of that, but whatever happened to just simple, every day, common decency? I’m glad that Fred Phelps disgusting group of thugs got hit big time with this settlement. He boasted afterwards, “Oh, it will take about five minutes to get that thing reversed.” Perhaps, but I would hope that Phelps, and a lot of the rest of us, would come away with two points from all of this...

1) Just because you can say something doesn’t mean that you should say it, out of consideration for others.
2) You do have free speech. But, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences to that free speech.

Nothing is free. If you want to say certain things, there could be actions taken against you. This is what has happened to the Westboro Baptist Church. Their actions caught up with them. So, my hope is that the appeal will fail, and they will be liable to pay these costs, which they are financially unable to do. I’m told that their combined net worth is around one million dollars. I don’t return their hate by saying this. I simply hope it will stick because without money, there’s not a hell of a lot they can do.

And while I’m on the subject of decency, I suppose it’s worth a mention that this group has done the same thing for many years at the funerals of gay men who died of AIDS, and of course, they picketed the funeral of Matthew Shepard. America never cared about this activity until the group started targeting something more near and dear to the hearts of America; their straight sons who died in war were now being picketed at their funerals. How dare they? Pick on the gays, but not us. My un-Christian attitude on this is, “What goes around comes around”, but that’s not me. I’m more along the lines of, “Now you know how we felt.”

This is worth mention because this is precisely why the Phelps clan decided to stop picketing the funerals of gay men, and started targeting a larger and more sensational audience, dead soldiers. And it’s interesting to note the change that has taken place in the verbiage of the signs of this church.

From this....

To this....

They want the press coverage, and this is one way to get that. They have a right to their opinions and they have a right to express those opinions, but in my opinion, we have to find a way for them to have their freedom of speech, however vile we may think their message is, without them inflicting emotional damage on others. Picketing funerals crosses the line of decency. The emotional toll these people inflicted upon these families is what this settlement was about. The only difference is, they used words instead of a hammer. Had they used a hammer to do the same damage, they would have been prosecuted

Do we want any and all free speech at the expense of decency and a respect for what families are going through when they are simply trying to get through the hell of laying their son to rest? Somewhere, something went terribly wrong.

...a few photos from our hike to Bradbury Mountain State Park in Maine, in early October, 2007. And yeah, in the last photo, the trees really were that color. It was like being in a dream.

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This is from our visit in early October, 2007. We love to visit the Rachel Carson National Wildlife Refuge. It’s a beautiful and peaceful place to walk. I captured a few photos, but on the day we were there, it was overcast and started raining while on our walk. So, I was unable to capture some of the more stunning viewpoints in the park. But I’ll return and my hope is to photo shoot the entire walk.

Below are a few of the photos a captured.

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This is the maple tree at the end of our yard. It’s pretty much the last tree to shed it’s leaves. But before it did, it decided to gave it’s best shot at some nice colors. Not bad at all.

I’m working from home today. I had to drive Kent to the oral surgeon to have an abscess removed. It all sounds so painful, but he’s actually doing pretty well and it even appears that the Vicodin will not be necessary. I was the driver since they put him out for the procedure.

Enjoy the colors while they last!