Missing an Old Friend
It’s hard for me this time of year. You know, I miss you.
Last night I found myself almost feeling your presence yet again. And the night before that when I went to bed, I secretly cried for you.
Remember how you would come by to say goodnight to me? You would come under the covers and curl up next to me so I could rub your chest. You loved that. You would purr and stay until I fell asleep. What a nice way to fall asleep. I miss that. I found myself putting my head under the covers, closing my eyes, and trying to imagine you being there. Does that mean you are with me?
Will I ever get over not having you in my life? I miss you, my friend, and it makes my heart ache.
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You and I have written each other a great deal over the past few years concerning the grief we both have for our old friends, and I want you to know that your friendship means a great deal to me.
I know how difficult it is to think of Brennan and Sasha at certain times of the year, but of course you will always have the happy memories of the days you had with them. I hope those memories will bring you more happiness than tears in the coming years.
I know what you mean when you say that you might owe Brennan your life. I am going through a particularly rough time at home right now, and sometimes I think that Thalia, Angel, and Jackie can sense it because they have been acting a little differently towards me. Especially by keeping close to me when I am at home.
It's amazing to me that the animals we chose to share our lives with can have such an impact on us, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Take care of yourself, Bill.
Thanks Carol. I was really close to Brennan. I think I owe him my life. At that time, I was being treated for severe depression. I was on a lot of medications for it. And many times, I just wanted to give up. Brennan could read that. He could read my like a book. He followed me around everywhere. When I slept, he wouldn't leave my side. And when I wanted to just give up, he made it very clear to me that, "That's not going to happen. This isn't the way we do things." So, I kept going with it. I eventually got better and today, it's a treatable thing... it comes and goes, but not constant like it was then.
I just can't quite seem to let him go because going through all of that with him, he's part of me now. The love never goes away.
It's nice that you and I have kept in touch all these years, in our own way. We were good friends. I didn't have many friends in high school. I don't think I was so able to be such a good friend back then. There was so much of myself that I was unable to share with anyone. So, no one really knew me. But I'm sure that there were many kids like me that had their own stuff to hide as well. Life is turbulent and after the storm is over, hopefully you are able to settle in a serene and beautiful place where you can embrace life. I've been lucky that way. It took me a long time to get here, but I'm at peace now. I hope you have found that as well.
Your brother wrote me an email ages ago. If you remember, and see him, give him my best. And of course, I hope you are doing well. There are some people from high school that I miss.
I am so sorry for the lose of your friend. I pray your grief will lessen soon, and only happy memories will be in your thoughts...and make you happy...