More on 60 Minutes

I watched the 60 minutes “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” segment Sunday night. This is, in part, what Andrew Sullivan had to say about how gays are viewed in America today.

I guess it’s a sad but useful reminder that gay people - even those who risk their lives to defend their country - are still, in the eyes of the Republican base, a sub-moral caste of undesirables, people whose presence in any institution - the military, the academy, the priesthood, civil marriage - inherently debases it. There is, alas, nothing we can do to rebut this - no act of courage we can display, no love we can profess, no virtue we can uphold, no family we can defend to prove our civic equality and human dignity. Our inferiority is a priori for the religious right. It makes us impossible to “bond with,” because we are moral contaminants. That’s what we’ve learned this past decade. And it’s the only reason the policy remains in place. (source)

I couldn’t have said it better myself. I don’t always agree with Andrew Sullivan. In fact, more times than not, I don’t agree with him. But he hit the nail on the head this time.

THIS is why I write less and less on “gay rights”, “marriage equality”, and all the rest. I’ve never been a quitter. But I’ve come to realize the hopelessness of this battle that we fight. It’s hopeless to me, because this is a battle that will span lifetimes. For me, in the small amount of time I have left on this earth, these issues will not be resolved. For me, I’ve moved on and am living my life the best way I can. That means that I won’t discuss with my family why I want to marry my partner, when I’m talking to people who feel that a civil union is the appropriate arrangement for people like us. I can talk about important legal options that marriage affords us. Their answer is to get a Power of Attorney, etc. Of course we have that, but that is much easier to legally challenge. And here I am going over this argument AGAIN when I know that it is hopeless.

What does one say to a gay soldier who is in Iraq (I’ve talked to many of them online) who is risking his very life for our country? What do you say to him when he is discharged when he is no longer needed, after troop levels rise? What do you say to a gay person who was denied the right to be with his/her partner in their final moments because the person who made the decision to deny the visitation is a self righteous bigot? What do you say to them?

Ninety percent of the population of this country is composed of selfish bastards who care only for themselves and their needs. This applies also to the African American community who, after going through a horrific past at the hands of white folks, conveniently distance themselves from our struggle by telling us, “...but YOUR struggle is nothing like OUR struggle...”. I guess it’s easy to forget and be selfish.

I can’t tell you how many straight soldiers I have supported in this war. I bought phone cards for many so they could call their families back home because they couldn’t afford to. I did this only to find out later what they really felt about gay people. They pretty much feel that we should have no rights or equality.

But that’s ok, because I happen to belong to that ten percent of Americans who are not selfish bastards. I think of others, whether they like me or not. That is the lesson that America needs to learn. That is the test of what we are made of. And let me tell you, we are FAILING MISERABLY. The test is simply, how do we as a country treat a minority we don’t like? The answer is clear. We legislatively trample on them without mercy or a second thought about what this will do to them (yes, I’m talking about all the amendments to state constitutions prohibiting marriage or civil unions to people like us). Yeah, something to really be proud of; stripping people of hope.

As for me, I’m starting to reluctantly buy into this notion that being a selfish bastard has it’s merits. The phone cards that I issued to the soldiers have been canceled. I guess they’ll just have to learn to live with disappointment. I have. It’s the American way.

And in the spirit of moving on, we are thinking of getting a “civil union” because hell, it can’t hurt. At least in the State of Connecticut, it has some meaning. I mean, last week, I received and read the benefits package offered by our company. In every respect, they mention “spouse/partner” when applicable. That has little to do with our state offering civil unions. It has to do with me making it clear to our management the inequalities that we deal with. I was told earlier this year that they would change their benefits to include partners in the package. They do not need proof of a civil union to do this. Sometimes, one person can make a difference.

As far as the civil union is concerned, I’ll post it up so you can all see what a civil union looks like. I’m sure at the top it will have big fancy letters that say, “Civil Union ... State of Connecticut...” blah blah blah. I’ll frame it. Someday, it may have historical significance pointing to a time where separate and supposedly equal was the law of the land. I’ll title the entry as “Our Certificate of Inequality”. I do want to be accurate, after all. It’s strange. I thought that joining two people was supposed to be joyful, and not such a damn struggle.

This is why I hate talking about these issues anymore. They always turn out to be so negative. I hate that. But, negative or not, I’m being honest about how I feel. Would you want me to lie?