April 2008 Archives

Now what were we trying to accomplish again? I honestly still don't know.

We all get it. SPAM seems to be invading all of our INBOX's these days. Even with the best spam blocker out there, some will get through. I usually just delete them out. It's like a ritual of reading email anymore. You go into read your email, and as you are reading through, you will come upon a spam message, and almost like a reflex, just delete it without thinking. It would seem that spam has replaced those pesky phone calls from salesmen in the evenings.

But today, I read this one that came into my Inbox.

Hi Bill

I hope you don't mind the direct contact.

i have a question which always becomes nightmare for me
is it true that one day i will not be alive?

if it's true then why we are crazy to collect those things which will not go
with us

Please suggest me or will you forward this note along, or suggest to me who the
best person is to know this?

Thank you so much!

Rick Lombart

It even gave his mailing address. Which tells me that this man is crazy, or someone is playing a nasty trick on him. At any rate, the message gave me brief pause.

To answer Rick's question, yes, someday it is true that you will not be alive, although many people think that you have multiple lives. I, for example, clearly remember being Cleopatra. So I'm probably the last person you want to pose this question to.

Having said that, Rick's point about collecting things is a bit odd. Why do we do it? Why do I collect photos that I take almost on a daily basis, when they will probably be of little use in say, 30 years?

I think the answer is, it's not about longevity. It's about passion, and what brings pleasure to life. If you are always wondering why you collect things given that you won't be around forever, I think you are kind of missing the point.

Do things now, simply because you enjoy it.

Today's featured photo. Take it all in. It's Friday!

I really enjoy my lunch time walks. I usually put on my ear phones, grab my iPod, and I'm off on my walk. Today, I took my camera with me and took a few photos. It was so beautiful out. These were taken in the office park I work at.

Just a few photos taken on March 11, 2008. It was the first day we arrived in Sedona, Arizona and were able to capture a bit of this sunset.

I read about issues like this more and more. I read here and there that the gay couples who have opted to go ahead and get a "civil union", are now sorry that they made that decision. It supposedly gives you marriage equality in the state of Connecticut, IN EVERY WAY. At least, that's the bill of goods that we bought into when this state passed it's so called "civil union" bill. From the actual bill itself:

Sec. 14. (NEW) (Effective October 1, 2005) Parties to a civil union shall have all the same benefits, protections and responsibilities under law, whether derived from the general statutes, administrative regulations or court rules, policy, common law or any other source of civil law, as are granted to spouses in a marriage, which is defined as the union of one man and one woman. (source)

We don't plan on getting a civil union. We don't plan on our state or anyone else forcing us into something that's just not equal. We are happy right where we are.

So, now that tax season is upon us, we of course filed separately with the state and the federal government. It's not as if we have any options. But when Kent went to file with Tax Cut, the software we've been using for a few years now to prepare our taxes with, it had a button for information for those in "civil unions" in Connecticut. Basically, it simply stated that if you actually are in a Connecticut civil union and want to file jointly in Connecticut, you are welcome to do that, BUT, you first had to file a fake federal return pretending like you were married, so that you could indicate the federal calculation for the the state filing. You would then use that information to file the state return. Then, when you did your federal return, you would redo the whole thing separately and without the marriage calculations, since the federal government does not honor civil unions, or apparently marriage (Massachusetts) for that matter for gay couples.

Bottom line is, when Kent explained all the hoops we would have to go through to file a joint tax return in Connecticut under the civil union law, my reply was, "SCREW THAT!". Now, I'm more convinced than ever that I don't want a sham marriage that civil unions provides.

This morning, I came across this bit of information....

HARTFORD, CT – The American Civil Liberties Union sent a demand letter to H&R Block today demanding that it change its online tax preparation system to accommodate gay couples in Connecticut with civil unions. The ACLU is representing a couple with a civil union who attempted to file their taxes on the company’s website through their online service, TaxCut Online, but were told, “We don’t support Connecticut civil union returns.” Through its website, the company said the couple would have to work with one of their professionals, by phone or at one of their office locations, which would be more time consuming and substantially more expensive. (A PDF with screen captures of the messages is available at http://www.aclu.org/lgbt/relationships/34632res20080325.html)

“This is yet another example of the many ways that civil unions just don’t live up to marriage,” said Jason Smith of Hartford, who has been with his partner Settimio Pisu for six years. “It really stung when I realized it would cost an additional $150 dollars to have our tax returns prepared. We’re saving for a house and hoping to start a family, so every penny counts right now.”

According to the letter the ACLU sent to H&R Block, failing to provide gay couples with civil unions the option of filing their taxes online as it does for married couples is in violation of a state law that bars discrimination based on sexual orientation and civil union status. The letter demands that the company adapt its website to accommodate couples with civil unions and to reimburse all couples who were forced to pay the additional charges due to H&R Block’s discriminatory practices.

“The civil union law has been in effect for nearly three years now, yet companies still aren’t taking it seriously,” said Andrew Schneider of the ACLU of Connecticut. “There is no excusable reason why the company that likes to claim it’s the world’s largest tax services provider shouldn’t make its products available to everyone.” (source)

This doesn't really effect us at all. We are not part of a sham marriage called a civil union or domestic partnership, or whatever the hell you want to call it. Marriage is simply not available to us. We have accepted it and moved on. We filed separately since we have no choice. It's not clear we would be at an advantage to file jointly, but it would be nice to have the option available to us. But I do understand that there are selfish pricks amongst us who don't want to see that. That's fine I suppose. We've moved on. I simply find articles like this interesting because it really proves what I've been saying all along.

We got a lot of yard work done yesterday. It was warm, around 75 degrees. We took the opportunity to get the patio furniture out on the deck for the summer. I spent the afternoon cleaning up around the year, washing down the furniture, and grill, in preparation for dinner. I bought steak, potatoes, and vegetables for grilling. We made everything in the grill. I love grilled vegetables.

Tonight, we are having grilled chicken breasts, grilled vegetables, and fresh sour dough bread that is rising as I type this. Some months ago, we made a sour dough starter. It's really coming into its own now, and giving us some really great bread. From start to finish, a loaf of sour dough bread takes 5 hours. It's not quite as bad as all that. I let the bread machine to all the heavy work.

Along with the grilled chicken, vegetables, and bread, I'm having a peach salsa with the chicken. And along with all of that, I'll be grilling pear. I know it sounds strange, but grilled pear is really amazing. The vegetables are grilled 10 minutes, tops. The pear will only stay on the grill for a few minutes. It intensifies the flavor.

And I think I will repeat what I did yesterday. After all the yard work, I was all sweaty and hot. I took a cool shower, dressed in to summer clothes (short sleeve shirt and cut offs), and made a tall, ice cold red grapefruit margarita. Grapefruit juice and tequila. I use top shelf tequila, sipping quality. I don't skimp on the quality of any drink. If it's worth making, it's worth the best ingredients.

Well, after two of those, I could swear that it was getting cooler. :-)

I also want to say to Jeff and Moe up in Massachusetts, who got married yesterday, CONGRATULATIONS. I wish you both all the best. You make a great looking couple.

Cheers! Have a nice day.

These are a few photos we took from our trip to Monument Valley, just at the souther tip of Utah, last month.

A memorial... At first I passed it by, but then came back. I was very taken by what this man said, "Hope all who sit here enjoy the view as much as I did." I did, indeed.

Today, I took my violin to be tuned up and polished up a bit. It was a big step for me. I used to play violin some time ago. I started playing violin when I was seven years old. I've studied with a lot of different people in my time. The one thing that has always been there in my life, front the age of 16, was my violin. I was very fortunate to come into possession of a violin made by Antonio Gagliano in 1750. He's considered to be one of the Italian masters of his period. Below is the family tree.

Alessandro Gagliano - Napoli (~1660 - 1725)

Nicola (I) Gagliano - Napoli (~1695 - after 1740)

Ferdinando Gagliano - Napoli (1706 - 1781)

Guiseppe Gagliano - Napoli (1724 - 1793)

Antonio (I) Gagliano - Napoli (1737 - ~1797)

Giovanni Gagliano - Napoli (~1730 - 1806)

Nicola (II) Gagliano - Napoli (1793 - 1828)

Raffaele Gagliano - Napoli (~1790 - 1857)

Vincenzo Gagliano - Napoli (? - ~1886)

Antonio (II) Gagliano - Napoli (after 1790 - 1860)

Gennaro Gagliano - Napoli (~1700 - after 1770)

There were two brothers, Alessandro and Gennaro. Antonio was the son of Nicola. Antonio is the man who made my violin in 1750.

There's nothing quite like visiting a violin shop. The man who owns the show actually makes cellos, and has quite a reputation for his work. I was greeted by the shop cat (always a good sign of impeccable taste) who inspected me with great care. She concluded I was ok to be there, and preceded to go back to her sun spot.

I opened my case, and presented my violin to the shop keeper. He immediately started looking at the violin with a mixture of astonishment and awe. He placed the violin on the workbench and quickly ran over to grab some books on Italian violins. He studied the label inside the violin, and authenticated it. He then stepped back, took a breath, and said, "Oh wow!" I asked, "Is something wrong?" He said, "It's just so rare that I have something this beautiful in the shop. It's rare that an old Italian master comes in to the shop."

I told him my story of how I came to own the violin, why I stopped playing (he assured me that it was common), and proceeded to let me know the costs involved. I told him, "It's not about the cost. I will come and go with time. This will not if it's taken care of. When I bought this, I assumed the responsibility for it. That's why I'm here today."

We talked further about the "worth" of the instrument. In all honesty, I don't care about the worth of it. It's hard for me to think of it as "priceless". It's like a part of me. We have this history. He said, "I understand completely." He then looked at the bow and said, "Oh my God, look at the workmanship of this." He loved the bow and mentioned the weight of it. I replied, "I wanted a heavy German bow to match the weight that I deliver from my arm."

Well, I was a bit surprised by the "worth" of it all. We based it on another Antonio Gagliano that had been sold 10 years ago. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. But, it seems disrespectful in a way to think of it in that light. I'm just glad I took this first step. This was the easy one. The more difficult step will be to pick up the violin and start playing again. That's when I confront what my body will allow me to do with the violin, after not touching it for 20 years. I'm a bit scared about that.

I took a walk during lunch today because it is so nice out. These are a few photos I took along the way. The river is really high right now. What is covered up by water is a whole park, complete with picnic tables, jogging trail, and benches.

We are having a "Long Term Health Care" meeting today at work. It talks about very long term health care, after short term disability and long term disability are exhausted. It is a voluntary coverage and deals with very long term care situations, like hospice or nursing home care. I thought it would be good to attend (since I just turned 32 and all), to see what they had to say.

I thought the choice of food for the gathering was a bit odd. We are talking about health care here, and for lunch, we will have ... pizza.

Kent will hate me for posting this, but I think it's kind of cool that they wrote about his research in an article called Renaissance scientist.

I received this in my email box this morning from the Human Rights Campaign Fund. We are members of their organization. They strive for equality for gay people, and gay couples. I thought I'd relay the information to those of you who are not members. You may find some of the information interesting and helpful.

Dear Bill,

In every paycheck you've ever received, you've been contributing to Social Security. Imagine knowing that, should you die, your partner won't receive the survivor benefits you've paid for.

Or imagine moving to another state, only to find that your partner will be kicked off of your health care plan.

Situations like these happen every day to GLBT people across the country. So HRC is launching a national effort TODAY to give same-sex couples and GLBT individuals the tools to navigate tax laws and ensure good financial decision-making.

HRC presents: 7 Days to a Better Financial You

I have pretty much stopped writing about discrimination and violence towards our community. Once in awhile, it will surface in an entry such as this, but I've gone through a change in my life. I've made a decision to let go of a lot of things. I no longer write about my governments complete inability to recognize our contributions to society. It's not as if we are asking for a National Gay Day. But social security survivor benefits, funeral and bereavement leave, joint tax filing, making spousal medical decisions, permission to make arrangements for burial or cremation of a partner, right to inheritance of property, visitation privileges to a spouse in a hospital... would be nice.

So, we kind of live life to the fullest. We love taking trips. We love being together and working on projects together. But there's this cloud of uncertainty over our heads. Basically, if something bad happens, will we be at the mercy of some stranger who is extending the courtesy of decency to us not because he/she has to by law, but because it's what he/she wants to do? That's not much to depend on, but that's where we are at.

My challenge, and my change in attitude is that worrying about all of that is detracting from getting as much out of life in the here and now, that I can. In other words, you can spend your whole life worrying about, "what if". I decided not to do that, and one of the ways I did that was to stop writing about it, reading about it, or actively caring about it. I support organizations who do care about it, like the Human Rights Campaign Fund. And, I support a state organization working to make marriage equality a reality in our state. But other than that, I live my life day to day, without worrying about tomorrow.

I'm fine with that, until tomorrow comes due. I'll worry about that then, and hopefully, I will be at the mercy of someone who understands just how vulnerable we are as a couple. And hopefully, that person will have the power to do the right thing. Unfortunately, I won't have federal benefits and no matter who is elected President, I don't honestly trust that they are going to give my community time of day, once they get our vote. Just like Bill Clinton. He went on and one about what he would do for our community. We ended up with Don't Ask, Don't Tell -- a policy that has been responsible for the discharge of over 10,000 gay soldiers, and the Defense of Marriage Act -- an act that prevents married gay couples from receiving federal benefits of marriage. Will that change in the new administration? Maybe, but what will take it's place? It's all a game to these people, and we are the pawns.

I'm sick of it. I've stopped worrying about people who care nothing for us. And what is left is my nice small world where I call the shots. And I'm having a good time doing that!

We took a few final photos on our way out of the canyon. These were taken at the southern most part of the park, before leaving towards Monument Valley. Kent took the sunrise photo that morning from our lodge. The others are on our way out of the park.

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