June 2008 Archives

In celebration of... nothing really, we took a short trip down to Mystic Connecticut last night. We stayed at a local motel, and had dinner at the Floodtide Restaurant. I guess we go often enough for them to know us. They actually remembered us. We had a Caesar's Salad made right at our table. It was pretty cool.

But before that, we wondered around Mystic a bit, after taking a walk out to Bluff Point State Park. Here are a few photos of the trip.

One of the cool things about my visit to Idaho is that a few of my relatives want to take the time to establish a relationship with me. One of my nephews is one of them. Anyway, the trip just wouldn't be complete if I didn't post this very photogenic goat that belongs to that nephew. It's not often that you get a subject that loves to be photographed.

My trip to Idaho was all planned out, right down to the last detail; what to do, when to do it, with whom to do it with, etc.

Well, that all went out the window to a large extent. I had planned to leave on June 14th at 9:00 a.m. on United Airlines (THEY SUCK!). I called to confirm the flight the night before. They canceled that flight, and put me on the 5:27 p.m. flight. The next morning, I awoke at 6:00, thinking that I had the rest of the day to take it easy and pack in my own good time. I called to confirm the flight. They cancelled the 5:27 p.m. flight and put me on the 10:10 a.m. flight instead. So, instead of having all day to pack and get ready, I had just an hour or so to put everything together, get to the airport, and take off.

The flights were all different. I originally was going Hartford / Chicago / Boise. Now, I was going Hartford / Washington, D.C. / Los Angeles / Boise. I got to Los Angeles late because the plane left Washington late. So when I stepped off the plane, I had a message on my cell phone that the United computer had cancelled my flight to Boise (because I was a bit late getting in), and was flying me to San Francisco / Boise instead. The short of it is, I made it to Boise (eventually) and my luggage went to San Francisco. We eventually all united (no pun intended) Sunday morning, just in time for me to get to my cousins house on Father's Day for a family reunion.

It went well, although I was a bit of a zombie. It's kind of strange for me seeing people that are rather closely related to me that I haven't seen for a long time. I went back three years ago, and before that, it was 25 years ago. I never felt like they accepted me, and things were said that are hard to forget. But times change. I would like to know them more now, and I think they want that as well. Here's a summary of the trip, and mention of some of the things that were especially special to me. One "thumbs up" was good. More than that ranked the events...

Sunday, June, 15th, Father's Day
Meeting aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews. Some of my nieces and nephews are 17 years old, and I just met them for the first time. Yeah, it was a bit weird.

Monday, trip to Cascade/McCall with my friend Mary
I have to say, this was one of most special trips I've had in a long time. The scenery was beautiful, but I was able to really connect with a friend that I've known for many years. We went to the same college together. In fact, Kent has known Mary most of his life (they've known each other since kindergarten). We shared a lot of information that was, at least from my perspective, a bit intense. A lot has happened since we last saw each other. I wanted to catch up and at the same time, be a friend. After dinner, I was wiped out, but in a good way. A few photos from the trip...

Tuesday, back to Boise
I dropped Mary off at her home, and I took off to meet with my brother for the afternoon. We ended up fixing his computer that lost a hard drive. That evening, my cousin took me to a Shakespeare play at the Idaho Shakespeare Festival, where we saw "All's Well that Ends Well". It was well done. We had full dinners at the play and my cousin and I enjoyed a bottle of wine throughout the play. Nice.

Wednesday
I visited with more family in the morning, then had lunch with my Aunt Verna. Verna is a person who will always be honest with you, whether you like it or not. She's always been that way. I give this a three thumbs up because something rather extraordinary happened.

Years ago, when I came out to my cousin (the one I was staying with this time), she asked if it would be ok to tell her Mom and Verna. I said it was. Well, neither aunt reacted very well, and at this point in my life, it serves no one to drag all of that up again. However, I do need to mention what Verna said, because it's relevant to the point I'm speaking of now. When she found out many years ago, she wrote me a letter and told me two things; 1) don't mention this (that I'm gay) to her husband because "he came from a different generation and he just wouldn't understand." Funny how I remember exactly how she put it. And 2), that I never mention this to my mother because "it would just kill her"... to know that she had a gay son. She said it in such a way to make me think it would have been easier if I were deformed or was a drunk, rather than be the ultimate worst thing that you could possibly be: gay.

So at lunch, we are talking about the family in general. And Verna tells me, as if it's something that she's been wanting to tell me for a very long time, "You ended up with quite a man didn't you? Kent is very nice." I told her that I felt very lucky. She said, "Well, I think you are both lucky. You've found a nice life together and it's all worked out."

That was actually a huge moment in my life. I wanted to ask her if Mom were alive today, if she would still ask me not to tell her, but the moment was so magical that this 84 year-old woman could completely come around on this topic, I just didn't want to ruin it. And you know, it really doesn't matter what she would have said. She accepts us now. That's good enough for me.

I'll leave the rest of the week with just this comment... it was a fun time. I met with friends at different times, and had a great time catching up. I left Boise yesterday morning at 7:30 a.m. in route to Chicago. I met Kent there, where he was returning from a trip to Seattle. We managed to get seats together for the flight home.

It's nice to be home, and I'm filled, as I go through all the photos that I took of people I love, with wonderful, warm memories.

I want to say one last thing. Throughout my life, I've been distant with my family. Now, I want to reconnect a bit, if that's possible. Perhaps it's something that I'm experiencing because of this period in my life. Throughout the rough periods in my life when I felt that my family just wasn't there for me, what always got me through were my friends. That is why I value nothing higher than friendship. "Blood is thicker than water"... that has not been my experience. I have a family, made up of my dear friends, who are not related to me by blood.

On this trip, I told one of my friends that she was really a part of my family. She knows who she is and I want her to know, I meant every single word of it. I wanted to say it for awhile, and I did on this trip.

It's important to tell those you care about how you feel. Don't assume they know.

California's Supreme Court has long been one of the nation's most highly regarded courts. It is generally recognized as both moderate and nonpartisan. Chief Justice Ronald M. George, who authored the majority opinion, was appointed by a Republican governor, as were two of the three other justices who joined the opinion. These factors -- together with how reasoned and principled the exhaustive, 121-page majority decision is -- will make it highly influential to other courts deciding similar issues.

Connecticut's high court is one of those. That court is expected to rule soon on the same issue decided in California: whether the fundamental right to marry and the constitutional guarantee of equal protection can be satisfied by relegating one group of people to some other status with a different name. The California decision concluded that "the exclusion of same-sex couples from the designation for marriage works a real and appreciable harm upon same-sex couples and their children." It explained how that exclusion marks gay couples as second-class citizens and how the unfamiliarity with terms other than marriage causes them significant practical difficulties, often during emergencies. The decision found that allowing same-sex couples to marry, however, does not deprive opposite-sex couples or their children of any rights. This insightful evaluation of what's at stake should go far in shaping the Connecticut court's thinking. (source)

It's funny. Just after we went to bed last night, Kent and I talked about going to California before November, and obtaining a marriage license. But the question came up, what would it really buy us? I thought it would be a good thing to add to the rest of our legal documents, but the fact of the matter is, although everyone knows what a marriage certificate is (unlike a civil union certificate), it's not clear that Connecticut would honor it as such.

So, I guess we will wait to see what happens. Perhaps what happened in California will effect the Connecticut Supreme Court decision. They are set to make a ruling shortly on whether Connecticut will start issuing marriage licenses to gay couples. I'll keep my fingers cautiously crossed.

One thing I know a lot of couples are thinking of has me a bit worried. Basically, go to California, get married, return to your home state, and sue the state to recognize your new marriage. I too have thought the same thing. However, some groups are stating this is a bad idea...

With only a few days left before gays can marry in California, nine major gay rights groups asked couples Tuesday not to sue the federal government or other states to have their California nuptials recognized, saying that legal action could harm the marriage equality movement.

In an unusual six-page memorandum, written for same-sex couples, groups ranging from the American Civil Liberties Union to Lambda Legal warned that lawsuits would invite "bad" court rulings that could take years to overturn.

The memo cautioned that the U.S. Supreme Court has traditionally refused to embrace major social change until many states have already acted and that the battle for marriage must be orchestrated strategically, state by state, court by court.

"Bad rulings will make it much more difficult for us to win marriage, and will certainly make it take much longer," the memo said. (source)

Point well taken, but that is exactly why Connecticut is being sued and why the Connecticut Supreme Court is now involved.. Some gay couples got together after the civil union bill passed, and sued the state for marriage. In a sense, this whole issue has taken on a life of it's own.

We are going to wait and see where it all goes. The only thing worse than being separate and unequal (civil unions = sitting in the back of the bus) is completely being separated from the hope of equality (amendments against civil unions and marriage = not even able to get on the bus).

This issue doesn't rule our lives. We are just like any other couple in America. Gas prices are more of a concern along with the future make up of the U.S. Supreme Court. I'm sure many who read this blog think that this is a very consuming issue for us. It isn't at all. These days, I only think about it when some article comes out on it. And, I suppose I'll think about it when a hospital prevents me from having visitation rights with my partner because today, we are legal strangers.

Somehow, that just seems "unAmerican." The problem is, unfortunately, is that it is very American to divide one group from another, and make one group better than the other. We do it all the time.

What's with all the pink shirts lately?

Wearing pink just doesn't seem so special anymore. Perhaps I shall wear red.

"I shall wear red yes, and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will yes." - James Joyce, Ulysses

YES!!!     YES!!!     YES!!!

I need a cold shower now.

Conservative groups are calling on the Board of Supervisors to stop same-sex marriage licenses from being issued in the county. Kern County Clerk Ann Barnett announced wedding ceremonies would no longer be performed at the county building after the California Supreme Court ruled that same sex couples could be married.

Since the ruling, some residents want the Board of Supervisors to create a county ordinance that would nullify the California Supreme Court's decision.

After Barnett's announcement, weddings would no longer be performed at the county building. (source)

There are so many things wrong with this, I don't know where to begin. I'll start with the obvious. The Supreme Court in a state is the final word at the state level for the constitutionality of a law, according to that state's constitution. County and state officials who refuse to follow a court ruling that they don't like SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM OFFICE, OR RESIGN, because they are unfit to do their job!

Second point, religion has it's place, IN A CHURCH. It has no place in the make up of public laws that effect everyone's quality of life. This is a law that effects the lives of millions of people. If we want to be a country that is governed by religious laws, we have a perfect template to follow by looking at Iran. There, they slowly hang people who are charged with homosexuality. Perhaps a law of that nature would be more palatable to the religious freakoids who want to make life more difficult for gay couples, many of which have children. And any way you slice that, I think they call those groups of people A FAMILY.

Mettler said he's speaking on behalf of concerned residents and the Bakersfield Republican Assembly in calling on county supervisors to create an ordinance that would prohibit the issuing of same-sex marriage licenses until California voters have the opportunity to overturn the Supreme Court's decision in November.

Pathetic. They want to create an ordinance to override a Supreme Court ruling. The ordinance would immediately be unconstitutional. But this is what really got me...

Mettler said, "We are asking our supervisors, who have sworn to uphold the constitution and to uphold the will of the people. Laws are to be made by the people, not by the judges."

WRONG. Laws are made by the legislature in your state, who are the representatives of the people. The laws they make, ALL OF THEM, are held to a higher standard than public opinion. The laws are held to the standard of the state and federal constitutions. The reason that it is set up that way is to have a standard of fairness in the implementation of the laws - so that no single group of people are held to a different standard, UNDER THE LAW. The California Supreme Court ruled that Proposition 22, passed by popular vote that outlawed same-sex marriage in 2000, was found to be unfair and unconstitutional because it targeted a single group of people. That is the purpose of the court. Any public official who will not or can not follow the law should be removed (or resign) from office.

On a personal note, I'm getting pretty sick and tired of these religious groups of nuts who feel that they can shove their sense of morality down the throats of everyone else. They want to protect marriage? Then try to get a law passed outlawing divorce. I know that would be unpopular, and it's not as popular as bashing gay couples who want marriage, but at least it would give you a little more credibility in the eyes of people like me.

I'd love to know how many of these people holding up the "sanctity of marriage" signs have been married 3-4 times already.

It wasn't long ago... a few days ago, that it was in the 70's and very comfortable. Within one day, it's climbed into the high 90's. I was mowing the lawn this last Sunday. I was fine for the first 30 minutes, but I kept thinking that I was having allergies or asthma, because I just couldn't get my breath. It's not that I'm really out of shape. It was because of the air quality I think. And this morning on the news they were warning everyone to stay indoors and not do anything outside because of dangerously high levels of ozone. So I'm wondering if that was the problem.

At any rate, I didn't complete the lawn. I did what I could and went into the house where I was faced with a pissed off cat (Maxwell) who wanted the air turned on. I told him, "Maxwell, remember... we talked about the size of your 'carbon footprint', and how we were going to try to not contribute to global warming?" His reply was a quick swipe at my leg (his way of saying, "This is CRAP!"), so... I ended up closing the windows and turning on the cooling. At 72 degrees, he's a happy cat. He jumped up on his post in front of the window for his afternoon sunbath, with the vent above gently blowing down cool air upon him, and then he had the audacity to want the window cracked open so he could get fresh air from the outside as well (we didn't do that)!. I know, it's scary how I understand what he's saying to me.

At any rate, schools are now closing. People are leaving work to go get their kids. It's like a disaster has happened. Here's the current weather, courtesy of AccuWeather.com.

So I'm going directly home from work. I made Gazpacho this weekend so we would have something refreshing to have for dinner, without heating up the kitchen.

And to keep those cool thoughts going, an image comes to mind when I was enjoying myself so much after a winter storm had hit. Seems like a long time ago now.

There was talk that the California Supreme Court might put a hold on their ruling to allow gay couples to be married in the state until the voters could vote on a ballot initiative that would only allow heterosexual couples to be married. Apparently, that's not going to happen.

The California Supreme Court on Wednesday removed any lingering legal doubts about whether same-sex couples can marry in California beginning June 17, setting the stage for a rush of gay nuptials that morning. [...]

A November ballot initiative that could restore a state ban on gay marriage could still threaten the marriages of same-sex couples such as the Speakmans and invite more legal challenges. But for now, the wedding invitations can go out - in ink. [...]

Conservative groups, as well as 11 states that ban gay marriage, had urged the justices to freeze the ruling until after voters consider the ballot measure, which would amend the state constitution to restrict marriage to a man and a woman. Backers of the measure argued that it would create legal confusion if gay couples marry in the coming months and voters then outlaw same-sex marriage. [...]

With the legal obstacles removed for now, thousands of gay couples are expected to marry, as there are more than 40,000 same-sex couples registered as domestic partners in California. A Field Poll released last week found a majority of likely California voters for the first time favor same-sex marriage. (source)

I know... I've kind of stopped writing (or worrying) about marriage because quite frankly, it doesn't define my life and I have other interests taking my time now. But I'm wondering if it would be to our best interests to take a trip to California before the November election, and get married. Think about it. It would be a real marriage license from a state. We could return to Connecticut and have something that Connecticut is not willing to give us at this point in time.

Now, when we travel, we have to travel with all of these legal documents proving that we aren't "legal strangers" (yes, I'll take them to Idaho with me when I go in case something bad happens -- not that the state will recognize them if they are needed). I was thinking that if we added a real marriage certificate to that pile of papers, it might carry more weight.

The timing of all of this is strange to me. From my own personal little world, I hear about the California court allowing gay couples access to marriage. It's challenged, with many conservative groups, along with 11 other states, asking the court to hold off on the enactment of the ruling until the voters have a chance to vote on whether to allow this minority the rights to equal citizenship. The court dismisses the argument. The ruling will stand and on June 17, gay couples in California, and any gay couple who wants to fly to California to get married, will be able to hold a real marriage license, just like those couples in Massachusetts. Bravo. This doesn't effect me because I'm hopeful that soon my state of Connecticut will soon allow marriage for us.

But then this week, I watch this documentary about the late Lieutenant Laurel Hester. I'm extremely moved by the whole experience. I'm very sad, a lot of tears, and I'm so incredibly pissed off that two people were put through that crap. So now I'm wondering this... As of June 17, 2008, the state of California would marry Kent and me. In November, the voters could vote to overturn the wish of the high court, and abolish marriage. But, as many lawyers point out, it's highly unlikely that those marriages that the state recognized for even a short time, would be voided. There were over 4,000 marriage voided years ago when San Francisco started issuing marriage licenses. But the difference now is that the state is willingly issuing those licenses. So I guess I'm wondering, as I'm getting ready to take a trip to Idaho, if we should just get married in that five month period of time when we know for certain that we can.

I thought I gave all of this up until I saw that documentary on Lieutenant Hester's life. I find it repugnant that we should have to be worrying about crap like this. I've become so disillusioned with my country (yes Canada, YOU ROCK!). But, I have hope that in November, we will at least start to follow a different path. I don't expect President Obama to drop everything and tend to equality issues for gay Americans since he will be very busy cleaning up after President Schmuck. But at least, we will be on his list somewhere, which is more than I can say now.

CHICAGO - Hillary Rodham Clinton will concede Tuesday night that Barack Obama has the delegates to secure the Democratic nomination, campaign officials said, effectively ending her bid to be the nation's first female president.

The former first lady will stop short of formally suspending or ending her race in her speech in New York City. She will pledge to continue to speak out on issues like health care. But for all intents and purposes, the two senior officials said, the campaign is over. (source)

Well, I guess I'll believe it when I see it. I don't have anything against her really. It's just that she brings a lot of baggage to the White House. And for those who feel that Bill Clinton wouldn't have his nose in everything, I have a sea side home to sell you in Arizona.