October 2008 Archives

I will be voting. Actually, I always vote. But, I received this in my email this morning. Not good!

From a conversation I had online with an acquaintance a couple of days ago online. It kind of shows where the country is. And we really thought that race wouldn't be an issue...

My Acquaintance: its been bad here [Alabama] we just have got over the gas shortages
Me: that's right i heard about that
Me: we don't have that here
Me: but things are slowing down
My Acquaintance: who will u vote for
Me: Obama
Me: because he's the only choice for me in my situation
My Acquaintance: i hate republicans but i cannot vote for Obama
Me: why?
Me: because he's black?
My Acquaintance: yes
Me: get over it dude. he may be able to do something about the economy
Me: that's more important isn't it?
My Acquaintance: i will never vote for a nigger
Me: like you will never vote for a gay?
My Acquaintance: i would vote for a faggot before i voted for a nigger
Me: lol well, you are honest at least
My Acquaintance: voteing dont do any good here anyway we always are a republican state
Me: true
My Acquaintance: i think Obama will win
Me: me too
Me: frankly, McCain scares the hell out of me
My Acquaintance: i believe someone will kill him after he does

I was driving home tonight from work. On CNN, they had THE most annoying interview with Sarah Palin. Why? Don't ask me. It's a waste of air waves if you ask me. During the interview, she uttered the phrase "special interests" no less than 15 times.

I started to think, "What are Special Interest Groups, anyway? Does anyone really know?" It occurred to me that I'm in a special interest group. It also occurred to me that perhaps special interest groups consist of millions of people in this country who feel they have no voice because they belong to a minority. So what do the likes of Sarah Palin do with people like me... people they don't particularly care for? You got it. They lump them into a "Special Interest Group" (read BAD!!!).

We have to stop Special Interest Groups, because they aren't like you and I. They are all those queers (but wait, Sarah has gay friends!), and Arabs, and "Terrorists", and (some) blacks. Yeah, we need to fight against them so we don't lose "our way of life". PUKE!

Well, you know what? THAT way of life sucks for a hell of a lot of us, and we are going to show you that in TWO WEEKS! Those Special Interest Groups, the gays, the Hispanics (you know, those "lazy people"... or is that the "blacks"?), the "other" non-American people who "just want to do America harm" people - they vote. And I hope to hell that they kick your condescending ass, Sarah.

But what the hell do I know? I'm in a Special Interest Group.

Sarah Palin on marriage equality for gays...

I am, in my own, state, I have voted along with the vast majority of Alaskans who had the opportunity to vote to amend our Constitution defining marriage as between one man and one woman. I wish on a federal level that that's where we would go because I don't support gay marriage.

I'm not going to be out there judging individuals, sitting in a seat of judgment telling what they can and can't do, should and should not do... (source)

Well Dear, guess what? You just judged.

Just in case.

That's why Ken McLeod and Terry Schadegg say they flew from their home in Winston-Salem, N.C., to get married Friday in San Diego.

The gay couple is one of hundreds getting hitched in the weeks before the Nov. 4 election, fearful that state voters will approve a ban on gay marriage. The couple is legally married but their union won't be recognized in North Carolina.

The county is seeing a significant increase in weddings and marriage licenses in October, rivaling the initial surge when same-sex marriage became legal June 17. (source)

You know, I have a lot of straight friends. In fact, most of my friends are straight, and I love them. And most of them, because they are our friends, know what we go through as a non-straight couple. I'm lucky to have friends who understand. And I'm sure there are many straight allies who completely understand our plight, and our fears.

I have a certain amount of outrage when I read articles like this, because it leaves me wondering, if straight people had to deal with the the very real possibility that the majority of voters could simply vote away their right to marry, I'm sure there would be rioting in the streets!

Soon, California will vote if the state will stop allowing gay marriage, by citizen vote. And in Connecticut, we may soon face the same thing. That will mean that Kent and I will be rushing to get married while we have the chance. There's just something really wrong with that. Marriage is something you plan for, emotionally and spiritually. It's not something that you hurry up and seize before someone snatches it away from you.

This photo completely explains my feelings on this...

Thomas Friedman, a columnist from the New York Times, appearing on the Bill Maher show on HBO...

...and this whole mantra Bill of "Drill Baby Drill" has to absolutely go down as the dumbest bumper sticker ever to come up in the campaign.

Here we are on the eve of what has to be an energy technology revolution or we're not going to make it, and these people [the Republican Campaign and many conservatives] are saying "Drill Baby Drill", not "Invent Baby Invent".

It would be Bill, as if on the eve of the I.T. revolution, on the eve of the birth of the Internet and the P.C., someone was out there demanding more IBM Selectric typewriters Baby, more carbon paper, carbon paper Baby, carbon paper!

I love it!

I received this in email a few minutes ago. It's something that we are going to have to deal with, and soon!

October 18,2008

* Hartford Courant online poll

We're Voting NO - join us!

Dear VOTE NO supporter,
The Hartford Courant has an online poll asking whether you support or oppose a constitutional convention. Please follow this link to register your NO vote as soon as possible.

This is the current poll results...

You can take the poll here.

So what is this all about? Ultimately, the impetus for this is gay marriage. This has been brewing for awhile because anti-gay activists have been running scared that the legislature, or the state supreme court would somehow make marriage equality a reality in Connecticut.

Well, a week ago last Friday, that happened when the CT State Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality. I went to this rally the day of the ruling. There were two rallies that stand out in my entire life as a gay rights activist. The first one took place years ago in San Francisco at an AIDS rally. It was a very sad time in my life. At the time, I felt so sad that I had lost so many friends, and felt that no one really cared. But at that rally, I was surrounded by other people just like me, who felt just like me, who did care. I cried through much of that rally.

The second rally that stands out to me is this rally, celebrating the overturning of the civil union law, and allowing gay couples to finally marry. I was unprepared at how deeply this would effect me. I went to the rally as a way to close my feelings on this issue. But at the rally, I was surrounded by hundreds of couples, many with children, and other single gay people who eventually want the chance at marriage. And again, I found myself crying. I wondered why. And it came to me that over the years, I have written so much about how unjust the civil union law was, and how offended I was by it. The tears I shed that day was all that crap coming out. I was sad, at an event that I would have thought I would be happy at.

Don't get me wrong. I'm extremely grateful to the supreme court, and to the my state for allowing us to marry. I'm just very disappointed that so many had to go through so much heartache over this. Kent and I have been together for 33 years now, and only now will we be able to publicly and legally be married and no longer seen by the law and our state as legal strangers.

The justices didn't stop at overturning the civil union law in Connecticut. Unlike Massachusetts, where that state's Judicial Supreme Court ruled that gay couples must be given access to marriage, that court sent the issue back to the legislature to deal with, stating that anything short of passing a law to make marriage available to gay couples would be held by the court as unconstitutional.

In Connecticut, the supreme court just did it. They invalidated the civil union law that was passed by the legislature, and signed by the Governor (who placed verbiage in the text of the civil union law that marriage is "One Man, One Woman"), as saying that separate was not equal. Said the court (highlighting my own):

The issue presented by this case is whether the state statutory prohibition against same sex marriage violates the constitution of Connecticut. The plaintiffs, eight same sex couples, commenced this action, claiming that the state statutory prohibition against same sex marriage violates their rights to substantive due process and equal protection under the state constitution.

The trial court rendered summary judgment in favor of the defendant state and local officials upon determining that, because this state's statutes afford same sex couples the right to enter into a civil union, which affords them the same legal rights as marriage, the plaintiffs had not established a constitutionally cognizable harm.

We conclude that, in light of the history of pernicious discrimination faced by gay men and lesbians, and because the institution of marriage carries with it a status and significance that the newly created classification of civil unions does not embody, the segregation of heterosexual and homosexual couples into separate institutions constitutes a cognizable harm.

We also conclude that

(1) our state scheme discriminates on the basis of sexual orientation,

(2) for the same reasons that classifications predicated on gender are considered quasi-suspect for purposes of the equal protection provisions of the United States constitution, sexual orientation constitutes a quasi-suspect classification for purposes of the equal protection provisions of the state constitution, and, therefore, our statutes discriminating against gay persons are subject to heightened or intermediate judicial scrutiny, and

(3) the state has failed to provide sufficient justification for excluding same sex couples from the institution of marriage.

In light of our determination that the state's disparate treatment of same sex couples is constitutionally deficient under an intermediate level of scrutiny, we do not reach the plaintiffs' claims implicating a stricter standard of review, namely, that sexual orientation is a suspect classification, and that the state's bar against same sex marriage infringes on a fundamental right in violation of due process and discriminates on the basis of sex in violation of equal protection. In accordance with our conclusion that the statutory scheme impermissibly discriminates against gay persons on account of their sexual orientation, we reverse the trial court's judgment and remand the case with direction to grant the plaintiffs' motion for summary judgment.

The courts ruling is final, and begins on October 28, 2008. That means that without the Governor, and without the Legislature, gay couples will have access to marriage after that date. Representatives of the legislature said that in the next session, a bill will be passed swiftly, which the Governor agreed to sign agreed not to contest, to catch up with the court's ruling.

THIS is why the urgent push for a Constitutional Convention. The goal of marriage equality opponents is to first get the constitutional convention passed by the voters. If passed, it will be used by special interest groups to amend the constitution to overturn this ruling, and any other ruling they don't like.

Read more about it on ctvoteno.org.

Resources used:

Love Makes A Family
ctvoteno.org
CT Supreme Court Marriage Ruling

In Summer....

In Fall....

More colors....

I love Fall!

In an email I received today at 12:39p.m. today...

The Connecticut Supreme Court has ruled in favor of gay and lesbian couples seeking marriage equality under state law! This is obviously a historic and long-awaited day. It's time to celebrate, and to congratulate the courageous couples who brought this case, as well as Love Makes a Family and GLAD, on this incredible victory.

Please come to the state capitol in Hartford for a victory rally at 5:30 p.m. at the north steps of the Capitol, facing Bushnell Park (additional directions below). If you can, please make a sign, and bring your friends, family and a camera.

There will also be a victory party at 7:00 p.m. after the rally. The party will be hosted by LMF and GLAD at the Hilton Hotel in Hartford (315 Trumbull Street). More details will be available at the rally.

I went to that rally and let me tell you, it was electric. I wish Kent could have been there with me but it was a rather long drive for him. For me, I work in East Hartford so it's just across the river. It was somewhat surreal. I honestly thought that we were years away because the legislature was talking that maybe next year they would take it up.

The case came before the Connecticut Supreme Court because of a challenge to the State's civil union law. The court stated in a 4-3 decision that civil unions were not the same as a marriage, and did not hold the same position in society. In essence, there was no compelling reason why we should not be able to be married. The Court sided against the civil union law, and their ruling goes into effect on October 28.

A sharply divided Connecticut Supreme Court ruled Friday that gay couples have the right to get married, saying legislators did not go far enough when they approved same-sex civil unions that were identical to marriages in virtually every respect except the name.

The 4-3 ruling will make Connecticut the third state, behind Massachusetts and California, to allow same-sex marriages, decisions that in all cases were made by the highest state court. The decision marks the first time that a court rejected civil unions as an alternative to granting gay couples the right to marry. [...]

"The Supreme Court has spoken," said Gov. M. Jodi Rell, a Republican who opposes same-sex marriage. "I do not believe their voice reflects the majority of the people of Connecticut. However, I am also firmly convinced that attempts to reverse this decision -- either legislatively or by amending the state Constitution -- will not meet with success."

Same-sex weddings are expected to begin in Connecticut in less than a month. Out-of-staters will be eligible, but few other states are likely to recognize the unions. (source)

Kent wrote me an email at 2:34p.m. The subject was, "Hartford Courant - High Court Grants Gay Marriage Rights". Here were the contents of the email.

Bill,

I just got back from about 4 hours of meetings, and I saw a news alert from the New York Times just before I saw your e-mail. I never thought I'd live to see the day when I could ask

Will you marry me?

Kent

I think I may say, "yes", but don't tell Kent. Wow. I guess our 33 years of dating may be coming to an end in the near future. What a day!

I just returned last night from Idaho. It was an interesting, exciting, exhausting, happy, sad, regretful, time for me. That's the thing about going back to Idaho. It's not that I don't want to go. Some of my very best friends are there, and I love them very dearly. I've come to realize that I have so much baggage from my past, that it's honestly difficult for me to keep my emotional balance when I'm confronted with so many things all at once that are connected to the past, especially when so many of the things associated with my past are very negative. I think what made this trip difficult was the fact that so much was crammed into two days. Then, I left Idaho for Connecticut, and Kent left Idaho for Washington, D.C. Yesterday, and last night, I was left to myself with my thoughts.

First, I visited with my brother. We've grown closer over the years, but we both know that, despite the fact that we spent the first part of our lives together, that's pretty much all we have in common. I consider myself fairly cultured and I try to be intelligent in my thinking, to the extent that my mind will allow me to be. I take pride in knowing more, reading, listening to new music, finding new things in old music... In essence, I am everything that my brother is not. He hates culture and finds it snooty, or fake. This is perhaps the single biggest thing that has driven us apart over the years. But for the last ten years, we have both made an attempt to get closer. It's awkward. I visit him, but what to talk about? We spend all of our time talking about the three conversations that we've talked about over the last ten years; how our family doesn't care about other parts of the family, how messed up politics are, and our sister, Jeannie, and how she hates my guts. Always the same. We both know this, yet, we go through the exercise of doing it yet again. I'm fine with that, but I realize that there's really no place else to go. I'm there for him, but we are from completely different cultures. You know, I used to be a concert violinist. And yet, my brother has never once heard me play.

USED TO BE are the operative words. I am no more. Mentally, I'm there. Physically, it's gone. I took my gift for granted, and for political reasons, discarded it. I heard the beat of a different drummer, and I went with it. And years later, when I wanted it back, I had the audacity to think that it would still be there, waiting for me, when I was ready to pick up the violin and try to play again. I can't. My body has changed in the last twenty years and it no longer has the dexterity required to play Paganini. And perhaps what hurts the worst for me are the very last words that my mentor, Walter Cerveny, said to me. He looked at me and said, with a great deal of disappointment, "You aren't doing anything with it, are you Bill?" He then turned around and walked away as if to dismiss me entirely as a non-person. He was right and now he's gone.

We went to Idaho to accept an award that was being presented to Kent. It was wonderful to see our friends again. It's difficult for me to be on campus because everywhere I look, I see ghosts. The hour before the awards ceremony, Kent went to meet with a former professor. I took the time to stroll over to the performing arts center. It was locked up, except for one door that was ajar. I went in and simply looked at the plaques on the wall of the people I had studied with half a lifetime ago - those who had shaped my young life. I realized that there would be no way for me to make them proud of me. There would be no one cheering for me. There would be no award. I threw it away long ago.

So my place is now to be in the shadows where lesser men belong. That sounds so very negative, but it's how I feel. I have no colleagues to share my triumphs with, because I have no triumphs. I live a simple life, in the shadows of others. I have done good deeds in my time. I have. I have done much to help those who are suffering, most of the time at my own expense. As I've said many times, I've tried to be the example, as my mother used to tell me, for others. But I was never the example for myself. I put others ahead of me, every single time. I still do.

The awards ceremony was nice. There were an handful of people accepting awards, and Kent was one of them. And when he spoke, he was eloquent, not long winded, and witty. And at the end, he thanked his friends, his family, and me, his "life partner." I was uncomfortable with that because of the conservative crowd. I'm sure most in the audience voted for the Idaho marriage amendment to prevent gay couples from having anything, legally speaking. So when he mentioned me, they were presented with a real life gay couple. When he said that, I thought to myself, "...the stones will start flying soon...", and felt like there was a spotlight on me. It's more of my baggage that I have these feelings, but I can justify those feelings. Throwing away my career is harder to explain away, except that it was the only way to stay with Kent. A career for me would have been leaving the college and going to New York to study at Julliard, an offer that was extended to me. That would have most likely ended our relationship. Kent was, to me, very courageous. He wouldn't admit that, but standing up in front of your family, and people that your family knows and went to school with, and giving credit to his "life partner" was an act of courage in Idaho. Aside from the discomfort of all of this, I was proud of him.

We left the college, went back to our motel, and said goodbye to our folks. We took separate flights the next morning. On the way home, I couldn't listen to anything that would cheer me up. And last night was a total downer. I do realize that a lot of this is fatigue, but I also know that being tired can bring true emotions and feelings to the surface, and those feelings are real and honest.

Those feelings were about my net worth. What am I worth? As a musician, nothing. As a compassionate human being, I'm solid. As a musicologist, I have a keen mind that borders on brilliant. I never forget how an artist made magic out of a single phrase. I never forget themes, execution of a part, opus numbers, how Vladimir Horowitz played Scriabin's Op, 8 no. 12 etude, Scarlatti and the Chopin Ballade 1 in his 1965 Carnegie Hall performance... everything is kept neatly cataloged. I joke with people who know me that my mind is just full of useless information.

So what is my net worth? I don't know. Life is a path. I find it amusing that at one time I had musical colleagues asking me how or why I came to a certain artistic conclusion on why I performed a phrase in a certain way. I had such unbelievably raw passion. It's hard now for me to understand why I let that go. Certainly, a regret.

So, it would seem that I took the path less traveled. As Robert Frost wrote,

Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference

It did make a difference, but I'll never know if it made the right difference. I honestly no longer know what I'm about. I go to work. I make good money, for whatever money is worth, but my work holds no passion for me. I seem to have been part of two worlds; my past, and the present. As long as I keep the past in the past, I'm fine. When I try to bring a part of my past to the present, it's a problem and whenever I bring the ghosts of the past to the present, it causes me anguish.

I was going to write today about my recent trip to Idaho and my observations on visiting there. But this day is a sad anniversary of what happened ten years ago to Matthew Shepard. It's more fitting and proper that he be remembered.