I've been thinking a bit this last week about today, Thanksgiving. I've lived a very interesting life. I've done much better in life than so many people. Above all, I'm here, I'm alive, and so many of my friends didn't make it. So I'm thankful for having the opportunity to see what life is all about.

I'm thankful that for awhile in my life, my blood family was in my life. I'm thankful for not just knowing them then, but for having the bond of family with them and for knowing what that felt like. There's something very annoying about having people in your business all the time. It's easy to tell yourself that it would be easier if you didn't have to cope with that. And part of that is true. But when it turns out that the relationship is severed, and years later you want some part of that back, it won't be there. It is something that is alive. You stop watering a plant, and it will die. Years later, you try to water it again, and it just doesn't come back to life. I'm thankful that at one time, so many years ago, I had that with my family. Now, we pretend to all be the way it was, but it isn't. I honestly doubt that they will give me a thought this Thanksgiving weekend, with the exception of one or two. I'm thankful that at one time, I had a family, as dysfunctional as they were, who loved me, before they knew what I was inside. At least, I knew what it was like to be part of that, and I'm thankful for that.

I'm thankful for my little family. They are everything to me. They are the reason I live my life with happiness and fulfillment. My world is small, yet, what I have right now is priceless. I have a job that works me to death, but because of the perks and pay, we are able to do so many things together that make it worth it.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to be going to New Zealand next week. We leave a week from this Saturday. We will be there from December 6th - December 25th. I'm thankful to be able to take a trip like that with the love of my life.

A few weeks ago, we went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. At the end of dinner, we had fortune cookies. Kent opened his and it said, "The love of your life is right in front of your eyes." It's true. How do I know what it said word for word? Because I still carry it in my wallet. We have been very fortunate to have that. So many of my friends have gone through life from one relationship to another, and they never end up finding that one person. I met Kent when I was 19 years old. We've been together ever since. We've had some very tough times, but when you have something worth keeping, you fight for it and get through it. Today, we are stronger for that. I'm thankful for what we have today with each other.

I'm thankful that a few people in my past life are still in our lives today. I'm thankful for a few members of my family who are today back in my life, such as my brother Mike, and my cousin, Kim, who I grew up with. I'm thankful for great friends like Mary, Ernie, Austin, and Paul, who are very much in my thoughts. I'm so glad we have stayed friends over the years.

So today on Thanksgiving, we are heading to the Hotel Viking, in Newport, R.I., for Thanksgiving. We will have dinner at the hotel restaurant where they are serving a gourmet Thanksgiving Day dinner. Music will be provided by the Rick Costa Jazz Quartet. It should be a lot of fun. I'm thankful for having the means to do this, and I'm really thankful for not working so hard to prepare a huge dinner, and hoping that the day goes by without someone in my family getting into a big fight with someone else in my family (memories from childhood).

We are talking about marriage. We don't know when it will happen, but it will happen, and being the sentimental drama queen that I am, I'll probably cry. I'm thankful that I have the hope for marriage. I don't know what that means to us yet because we never thought we would be able to have that special day, but it seems that we will. I want our friends and family to be there, but I don't know how that will feel. Our family has come around over the years, but it will be strange to have them there after so much has happened. We will see where this goes. But for now, I'm thankful to be able to look forward to that awesome day in the future.

I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving, filled with the joy of friendship and being around those you love.

It's been a long hard week at work. I'm winding up a lot of big projects that have caused a lot of stress. The big rush is to get everything done before we leave for New Zealand on December 6th. And, I'm spending time sorting through the thousands of photos from this year to see which ones will make it on our yearly calendar. Maybe I won't do one this year. I know I'll get some heat from family and friends for not getting one, but it wouldn't even be ordered until sometime in January anyway because I want to include the New Zealand photos as well.

I got my cell phone turned into a world phone yesterday so that work can call me if they need to. They are freaking out that I'm gone most of December. They'll either sink or swim. I'm getting to an age where I care and worry less about all of that. When I'm at work I give 110%. When I'm out of work, I forget all about it and have fun!

Anyway, on my way home last night, I stopped at the park by the river just across the street from where I work. It was a clear cold night. I went down to the peer and was able to take about 5 photos of Hartford before I could no longer feel my fingers because of the cold. And I kept thinking I was going to get mugged as well. It's kind of a scary place at night because there is no one around. Hope you enjoy the photo. It may just show up on my photo. It would make a nice front cover.

Sometimes, progress carries an asterisk.

That's as good a summary as any of a sad irony from last week's historic election. You will recall one of the major story lines of that day was the fact that, in helping make Barack Obama the nation's first black president, African Americans struck a blow against a history that has taught us all too well how it feels to be demeaned and denied. Unfortunately, while they were striking that blow, some black folks chose to demean and deny someone else.

Last week, you see, California voters passed an initiative denying recognition to same-sex marriages. This overturned an earlier ruling from the state Supreme Court legalizing those unions. The vote was hardly a surprise; surely there is nothing in politics easier than to rouse a majority of voters against the "threat" of gay people being treated like people.

But African Americans were crucial to the passage of the bill, supporting it by a margin of better than 2-1. To anyone familiar with the deep strain of social conservatism that runs through the black electorate, this is not surprising either. It is, however, starkly disappointing. Moreover, it leaves me wondering for the umpteenth time how people who have known so much of oppression can turn around and oppress.

Yes, I know. I can hear some black folk yelling at me from here, wanting me to know it's not the same, what gays have gone through and what black people did, wanting me to know they acted from sound principles and strong values. It is justification and rationalization, and I've heard it all before. I wish they would explain to me how they can, with a straight face, use arguments against gay people that were first tested and perfected against us.

When, for instance, they use an obscure passage from the Bible to claim God has ordained the mistreatment of gays, don't they hear an echo of white people using that Bible to claim God ordained the mistreatment of blacks?

When they rail against homosexuality as unnatural, don't they remember when that same word was used to describe abolition, interracial marriage and school integration?

When they say they'd have no trouble with gay people if they would just stop "flaunting" their sexuality, doesn't it bring to mind all those good ol' boys who said they had no problem with "Nigras" so long as they stayed in their place?

No, the black experience and the gay experience are not equivalent. Gay people were not the victims of mass kidnap or mass enslavement. No war was required to strike the shackles from their limbs. But that's not the same as saying blacks and gays have nothing in common.

On the contrary, gay people, like black people, know what it's like to be left out, lied about, scapegoated, discriminated against, held up, beat down, denied a job, a loan or a life. And they, too, know how it feels to sit there and watch other people vote upon their very humanity, just as if those other people had a right.

So beg pardon, but black people should know better. I feel the same when Jews are racist, or gays anti-Semitic. Those who bear scars from intolerance should be the last to practice it.

Sadly, we are sometimes the first. That tells you something about how seductive a thing intolerance is, how difficult it can be to resist the serpent whisper that says, "It's OK to ridicule and marginalize those people over there because they look funny, or talk funny, worship funny or love funny." So in the end, we struggle with the same imperative as from ages ago: to overcome the crippling legacy of bigotry and injustice.

But if last week's vote taught us nothing else, it taught us that persistence plus faith equals change.

And we shall overcome.

LEONARD PITTS JR. is a columnist for the Miami Herald, 1 Herald Plaza, Miami, Fla. 33132. Write to him at lpitts@miamiherald.com.

Source material

Maxwell taking his afternoon nap in the guest bedroom.

Mimi and her flowers.

I've been reading a lot about the backlash from the passage of Proposition 8 in California. That was the proposition that banned gay marriage, after the state Supreme Court ruled that banning gay couples from getting married was unconstitutional.

Because of that ruling, many religious organizations organized to defeat it at the ballot box, thereby reversing the courts decision. I noted a few articles. One concerned the hoax mailing of a white powder substance to the Mormon Church. I condemn this practice of course, because I believe that you can not right an injustice by practicing an injustice. I just wish the church would realize this.

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) -- A day after it received hoax mailings containing a white powder, the Mormon church on Friday blamed opponents of California's gay marriage ban for recent "attacks" while an allied group condemned "acts of domestic terrorism against our supporters."

Investigators have not publicly cited any evidence that the mailings were linked to the Mormon church's support of the measure, and a gay rights group in Utah denied that gay protesters were involved.

The letters were sent to the Salt Lake City headquarters of the church, where powder spilled on a mail clerk's hand, and to a temple in Los Angeles. Both packages tested nontoxic, the FBI said Friday. (source)

I have no problem at all making it known who supported this hate filled proposition. If you are going to vote to take the rights away from people who have been granted those rights, you should at least have the courage to stand up for your convictions of doing that, without hiding behind a ballot. It's kind of like taking the white hoods off the clansmen to expose that they are your neighbor down the street who is burning that cross in your front yard.

"My goal was to make it socially unacceptable to give huge amounts of money to take away the rights of one particular group, a minority group," says Fred Karger, a retired political consultant and founder of Californians Against Hate. "I wanted to make the public aware of who these people are and how much they're giving and then they could make a decision as to whether or not they want to patronize their businesses." [...]

Meanwhile, lists of donors to Proposition 8, once trumpeted on the Yes on 8 Web site, have been taken down to protect individuals from harassment. "It's really awful," says Frank Schubert, campaign manager for Yes on Proposition 8. "No matter what you think of Proposition 8, we ought to respect people's right to participate in the political process. It strikes me as quite ironic that a group of people who demand tolerance and who claim to be for civil rights are so willing to be intolerant and trample on other people's civil rights." - Frank Schubert, campaign manager for Yes on Proposition 8 (source)

Let me quote that again, just to be clear... "It strikes me as quite ironic that a group of people who demand tolerance and who claim to be for civil rights are so willing to be intolerant and trample on other people's civil rights."

Is this guy for real? Who is being intolerant here? Who is trampling on the civil rights of other people? From my perspective, it is the religious groups who organized the passage of this proposition.

To the churches and religious folks who are dismayed at the treatment they are getting from this backlash, I can only offer my opinion. When you mess with other people's families, be prepared for a fight. Be prepared for the same fight you would get if you backed a wild animal into a corner with no where to go.

Many of the families you voted against are more than just couples. Many have children. And you, with your vote to destroy those family units by denying them the ability to bond in marriage, have done violence to these families. You have crippled them. How would you feel if the good citizens of your state banned together to collectively vote away your marriage?

How would you really feel about that, because that's what you just did. This fight is not over and will not end until we are all equal in the eyes of THE LAW. We will win because this is ultimately not a gay issue. This is an issue of being treated equally in the eyes of the law. I may not live to see this victory, but the days of intolerance in this country was just dealt a death blow. And that death blow came in the form of the election of a black man to be President of the United States.

Our day is coming.

Kent sent this to me. I got a kick out of it and thought I'd share it with you.

One sunny day in 2009 an old African American man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush. The Marine looked at the man and said, 'Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.' The old man said, 'Okay' and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush. 'The Marine again told the man, 'Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.' The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush. 'The Marine, somewhat agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, 'Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand? 'The old man looked at the Marine and said, 'Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.'

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, 'See you tomorrow.'

Although life has been taking it's toll on me lately, I have to say that today is one of those days that you have to pause, and take it in a bit. I worked all day long. I got to work at 7 this morning, and when I left work it was dark. I was tired, and I realized that I spent all day inside a building without even leaving for lunch.

Today is the first day that gay couples can get married in Connecticut. It's a joyous day... here. Not such a good time in California where Proposition 8 passed, outlawing marriage equality. I could spend a lot of time talking about how I feel about this, but this kind of says it all for me. Actually, it says an awful lot about how I feel. I hope you take the time to listen to it.

I think our country is making some progress on other issues. Although Arizona passed an amendment against marriage equality, I still love the state. Too bad they don't value all citizens equally. I do love going there, but I'll have to wait and see how I feel about going there after we are married. It's strange, don't you think? We get married in Connecticut, and when we go to Arizona, we are no longer married. What the hell man? What the hell. That's really kind of fucked up.

I'm tired. But I am excited about our trip that's coming up to New Zealand. It should be fun. I'm trying to get my rest and not get sick because it's one of those trips of a lifetime. I am a lucky man.

My Dear Brennan,

We lost you eight years ago today - November 7, 1999, at 3:15 in the morning. Over the years I've talk of you to friends and people I care about. I do this because you will always be part of us, your family. You never left us.

I've told stories of how particular you were about being touched, except by us. I told stories of your personality and how much of a prima donna you were. It was part of your charm for me. And I tell people these things because it just brings home the fact to me that when someone is a part of you like you were our family, you just don't get over that. You don't forget it.

So, I tell stories about you. People laugh, and behind it all my friend, is love. I have to laugh you see when I talk of you because if I can't do that, my heart would break again, and I know you don't want that. So we laugh about the stories with our friends.

And when no one is around, and I pass by your pictures, I'm sure you've noticed that I will look right at you and say, "I love you. I love you so much." What else is there left to say?

I spotted this video on You Tube about Sarah Palin. I personally have nothing against the woman. What I have an issue with is that the McCain crowd picked someone who was grossly unqualified for the V.P. pick. It's honestly disgraceful. That pick alone should have disqualified them on the basis of judgment. How on earth can McCain be taken seriously with judgment like that? Yet, the scary part of it is, a lot of people voted for that ticket, with Palin on that ticket.

I'm sorry, but knowledge of this world we live in is really important if you are going to be in a job such as the Vice President of the United States of America. It seems as if I know more than Sarah Palin and yet, I would have turned down the V.P. job on the basis that I'm not qualified to fill the position.

Anyway, this is the aftermath of what they are saying now. And the sad thing is, I would bet money that she will be back in four years to run for President. Hopefully, if that's the case, she will take the time to learn about basic things that she seems to lack.

Oh... and this is from FOX news!

I haven't been writing much lately. Crazy I know, but life has a way of just being totally consuming. And, I'm totally consumed. In fact, I wanted to make a few observations...

A) I'm glad that THE REPUBLICANS LOST!

Before I get labeled as some screaming liberal, let me explain. For years, so many people were made to feel small. So many people. In fact, I didn't exist. Not only did I not exist, but my relationship to my partner didn't exist. And yesterday when I showed up to cast my vote at 6 a.m., I thought that there would be a handful of people there to vote. I judged that from previous elections. Who would care? We had to look for parking at 6:00 in the morning! And when we went in, there were hundreds of people there. I was proud of the citizens to do their civic duty. Hell, I had tears in my eyes.

McCain lost my vote because not once did he talk to me. Not once. Barack talked to every single group BY NAME and said, we are all Americans. I thought to myself, "Holy crap Bill, this black man who hopes to be President is talking to gay people!". Then I thought, "Is he crazy?" I listened. And I swear to God that the more I listened to him, I felt that there were things that we can achieve as a people TOGETHER. We are not alone. I became proud of my country again. This man gave me a pride and a hope that I haven't had in a very long time. I close my eyes to hear him speak, and I swear that I'm listening to John F. Kennedy. Do we dare have HOPE again in this country? Do we dare to try to undo the damage done to this country?

So last night it came to me that this was going to happen. I'm filled with pride, but I'm scared. I have doubts. Over the course of this day, I was thinking, I hope he takes time to do what he wants to do -- what he has to do. It took us eight years to get this fucked up. I hope he understands that it will take one full term to start to turn us around. I hope the American People understand that. Think of The Titanic rushing towards that iceberg. It was simple physics. They turned the ship but there was too much mass to stop in time. That is what we are. It will take time to turn things around.

B) In that spirit, if Barack even reads this, I want to say to him, "I'm a gay man who long ago gave up any hope that my country would think of me any way other than to label me as a pervert. But you didn't do that. You talked to me. And I want to tell you, I listened, and I voted with skeptical hope. I want to see the Defense of Marriage Act abolished for the unconstitutional piece of crap that it is -- a piece of legislation that belonged to the old way of thinking. I want to see men and women who are gay and are willing to put their lives on the line serving our country in the military, be able to do that without lying. I want to see an end to 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.'

BUT, I don't expect this soon. I know you will get around to it, and I have time. And I'll be behind you when you ask me to make a sacrifice. Just tell me what you want of me, and I'll do it. But just don't forget about me like every other president we've had. I'm part of the fabric of this country. You have spoken to me, and I've heard you."

IN THE STATE OF CONNECTICUT, the Constitutional Convention went down in flames. It was the last ditch effort to overturn gay marriage in the state. In a few days, gay couples will be able to get married. This has created some controversy in our lives. People are asking us what role they will have in our wedding. This is new to us. What the hell do we do with that? I told a friend from Costa Rica, "I don't know what to wear down the isle. I'm too damn old for and have little patience for a damn wedding dress!" He laughed and said, "Why don't you both meet at the beginning of the isle, and walk down the isle together." Wonderful. Now, inviting family is a stickier issue.

My heart goes out to the gay couples in California who were hoping for marriage. Proposition 8 passed and marriage equality will be against the law. It will change folks. We have to believe that.

I leave you with this. If you love Abraham Lincoln, you will love it. It's history!