Hummmm... A co-worker got a pen stuck in a printer at work. He put a sign on it so that no one would use it. Interesting.

It goes to show how out of touch I am... the Academy Awards are on tonight and I didn't even know. But, I just happened to tune in as I was channel surfing in time to see the movie, Milk, win an award. It was very sweet indeed. And if Harvey were alive, it would blow his mind that all these years later, an Academy Award is being given to a movie that celebrated his life, and what he gave to us. In a word, Hope. And we have to keep that going because if we don't, life isn't worth sticking around for.

I have hope that within the next four years, we can start to turn this awful economy around. That my friends will stop losing their jobs. That all gay Americans who want to serve in the United States military will be able to do so openly and proudly.

I have hope that a bill will be passed that enforces the will of the fourteenth amendment of the United States Constitution and will in one stroke strike down all the hateful state amendments that were passed prohibiting legal recognition of our relationships, and will finally say that just because we are gay or lesbian, that our relationships are just as valid as any other marriage across our nation, and those relationships deserve the label of marriage.

Hope is so important. I finally want to hope for decency. An off comment I suppose. But something happened last week in Hartford. A 26 year old man was driving along on I-84. He parked his car in the middle of the freeway, and for the next 3 hours, traffic in both directions was closed down because the man in the parked car had a gun to his head. He had lost hope. I wanted to reach out to him. I felt horrible that he somehow found himself in such an empty and lonely place.

And all around me at work, people were saying, "I wish he'd pull the trigger already so they can clean up the mess and get traffic going again." Honestly, is this what we have become?

I don't know what to say to that. I'm sad that as a society we have lost our humanity and compassion. And I'm so terribly thankful that I cried with thankfulness when I heard that the police were able to talk the man down so he could get some help.

I'm thankful that I am very much human, that I have compassion and love for others, and that I still have hope in my heart.

The photos below have little to do with that, but I have wanted to say these things all week ever since that man wanted to end his life. We all have moments that are low, but we have to think that there are people who care and love us. ALL of us! Remember that.

These were taken when we were in New Zealand in December. They are the first of the South Island photos. Feel free to view the full album on Flickr.

I've learned something about my body. I suppose it's the same way with everyone, but I never really thought about it. If there's one thing your body likes, it's predictability. So if you are on a diet, or have changed anything in your lifestyle, it can really wreak havoc if you throw your body a curve ball.

I did that last night. I'm not on a "new diet" or anything like that. I'm trying to change my lifestyle overall. That means, I'm watching foods with high sugar amounts, keeping a very close eye on fats, and the like. Overall, just by changing my diet, I've lost 13 pounds in the last few weeks with little effort. And that is not taking into account any other lifestyle changes, like exercise.

Diet is a huge factor in how you feel overall. But aside from that, you need to look at the numbers behind it all. I'm talking lab tests here. Glucose and lipid test (cholesterol). I'm told I'm very typical of most Americans. We are eating more, exercising less, and, we are doing so in a very short period of time.

I'm reading this rather fascinating (and somewhat depressing) book called Beating Diabetes, from the Harvard Medical School. I highly suggest that you spend the $17.00 for the book because it can save your life. It can also be found at the large book selling chains. I'm still reading the book, but so far, two things really jumped out at me.

If all of human history was represented by a twenty-four-hour day, the nineteenth and twentieth centuries would be the last twelve minutes of that day. Yet in the blink of a geological eye, our lifestyle has changed more than in the previous hundred thousand years. The implications of our current environment are still playing out, but we are already seeing adaptations to our new industrialized lifestyle that aren't necessarily good. Simply put, we're moving our bodies less, eating more, and eating more of the wrong foods.

And this...

Metabolic syndrome is a constellation of problems that often includes diabetes or prediabetes. What are the other conditions? Being overweight, especially when extra pounds accumulate around the midsection; having high or borderline-high blood pressure; having high triglyceride levels; and having low HDL (good) cholesterol. Specifically, you have metabolic syndrome if you have diabetes or prediabetes and two or more of the following:

• A large waist (forty inches or more for men and thirty-four inches or more for women)
• Borderline or high blood pressure (greater than or equal to 130/85 mmHg)
• A high level of triglycerides (greater than or equal to 150 mg/dL)
• Low HDL (under 40 mg/dL for men or under 50 mg/dL for women)

It's easy to overlook or brush aside the health implications of a few extra pounds. Or of blood pressure creeping toward the high end of the normal range. Or of slowly rising levels of blood fats. Ignoring the cluster, though, is a big mistake.

Which brings us back to me. When I read that, it was like this book was talking about me. Just me. I was thinking, "What the hell?!?" I was shocked. I have those extra pounds around my waist. I have "borderline" high blood pressure and I am taking a low dosage of a drug to help with that. I have slightly "above normal" triglycerides. I have low HDL. But I never thought about all of those elements collectively until now. I suppose those factors are found in most of us today because of our lifestyle.

We went to the Hartford Symphony last night. They gave a speech before the performance about the opera closing after 67 years. We were notified in a letter from the opera about the closing, followed up a week later that they would not be reimbursing the tickets. That followed a scathing editorial in the Hartford Courant about whether or not anyone could (or should) trust any of the arts in the Hartford area. So, the speech last night was to put people's minds at ease, and to offer to honor those opera tickets with other performances.

The performance last night was...

Wagner - Prelude to Parsifal
Strauss- Four Last Songs
Beethoven - Symphony No. 3, "Eroica"

The Stauss was wonderful. Soprano Adina Aaron performed and she was simply amazing. Difficult singing and she made it come to life.

Unfortunately, the Wagner was about as interesting as a wet dish towel, offering little of the dynamics that Wagner demands in that work. Wagner, to me, is like Rembrandt, offering dramatic differences in light and dark, in mood and color. Without that, it's not Wagner. If the conductor is unable to move the orchestra to do that, he shouldn't be their conductor, or, that orchestra shouldn't do Wagner.

The Beethoven was probably the worst performance I've ever heard in my life. Single sections were together, but different sections were out of sync with each other. This usually means that the players themselves know what they are doing, but there is a problem with the conductor. This was the case last night.

The Eroica Symphony is a difficult work, not just because of the notes, but because of the content (especially the 2nd movement that often wreaks havoc with many conductors). You simply must have a deep understanding of Beethoven and his life to play this music. Any monkey can memorize the score and stand on the podium and conduct without music (I'm not that easily impressed). Conductor (not maestro) Cummings lacked that understanding. Indeed, there were times that I couldn't even understand what the hell he was doing. No doubt, the members of the orchestra were in the same boat, many of whom would often look over at the concertmaster with that look on their face that could only say, "Where the hell is the beat?"

This is floating around the Internet. I thought it was too good not to post. Enjoy.

It's been a better week for me. Things are finally settling down at work. Not much happening actually. Kent got home from Washington, D.C. Wednesday night, but between my work and his meetings, we have hardly seen each other. I had hoped last night would be different. I went for sushi, and came home with all kinds of treats for dinner. I arranged everything nicely on a nice plate, but at some point realized that because it was Lincoln's and Darwin's birthday, he was having a function at the university last night and most likely wouldn't be home until after 10:00. I completely forgot about it. So, I had dinner by myself, watched some boring TV, listened to some music... but around 8:00 I lost interest in all of it and went to bed. I didn't even wake up when he came home.

Economic Downturn
The Connecticut Opera has completely folded after being in operation for 67 years. A week ago we were informed of this in a letter from them. Then yesterday, I received a letter that we would not be reimbursed for the cost of our tickets for the last two performances that were cancelled. The state attorney general is investigating the legality of this. As for us, we are out $240. But they can't repay it and it's not worth my time to pursue. It's this way everywhere and in Connecticut, we are pretty much where the nation is in it's trust of the financial community, with our trust in the local arts community. It's a matter of, what's the next thing to fold up it's door?

Lincoln
I'm an admirer of Abraham Lincoln. But the man had more than his share of flaws. Today, we put him up on a pedestal and say, "he put an end to slavery", so, he was a great man. The fact is, Lincoln cared less for the plight of the slaves than he did THE UNION, and preserving THE UNION. In essence, he was trying to keep this nation together. If he could do that by keeping slavery, fine. If he could do that by abolishing slavery, fine. If he could do that by having the richer people keep some slaves, fine. He was all about THE UNION. And, from talking to Kent this morning, Lincoln would change the tone and content of his speeches from place to place to please the crowds. Sound familiar? Politicians are basically all alike.

Then I found this rather old tidbit...

The chief evidence, if such it be, of Lincoln's homosexual inclination is his relationship with Joshua Speed, a handsome 22-year-old shopkeeper when the two men met in 1837. Abe, then a 28-year-old lawyer with bright prospects but poor cash flow, arrived in Springfield, Illinois, and asked about the price of bedding at Speed's general store. Learning that Lincoln was nearly broke, Speed invited him to share his bed upstairs. "The traveler inspected the bed and, looking into the merchant's sparkling blue eyes, agreed on the spot," Carol Lloyd wrote in Salon in 1999. "For the next four years the two men shared that bed along with their most private fears and desires." (source)

Who cares if Abe was gay or not. The fact is, if we want to dig deep enough, there are many many instances of "straight" men "making the best of a bad situation" (read, no women around) to "make due." Perhaps he was, perhaps he wasn't. He surely didn't have the best luck in marriage. His wife and him were opposites in most every regard. At first, that attracted them to each other, but later, Mary couldn't stand to be in the same room with him.

But the thing that is most admirable about Abraham Lincoln was his underlying character, and his ability to reason and think. As time went on, practical or not, he came to the realization that slavery was fundamentally wrong. That's not to say that he felt that black people of the day were equal to white men. He didn't think that.

Today, where would he stand on marriage equality for same sex partners? Who knows. I'd like to think he'd be a man of compassion on the issue, but he was also a politician, and many of the politicians today who are vehemently against any kind of civil protections (or even acknowledging same sex relationships), have "gay friends" who they "care for deeply." I no longer get upset by such hypocrites, I now simply dismiss them as politicians. This is what they do, and to me, they are no better than prostitutes. In fact, prostitutes are better than politicians. At least they are honest about what they do. I admire that. You very simply can not care deeply about gay couples and not be willing to acknowledge what they have together. That is doing violence to their relationship. This is an absolute.

I'll leave this entry with a bit of humor. A few quotes from Abraham Lincoln...

I hope to have God on my side, but I must have Kentucky

It is not best to swap horses while crossing the river.

The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

I do not consider that I have ever accomplished anything without God; and if it is His will that I must die by the hand of an assassin, I must be resigned. I must do my duty as I see it, and leave the rest with God.

I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.

Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.

The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Have a nice day everyone.

Where's this wonderful weather we are supposed to have today? I was planning on a nice walk/hike somewhere and maybe a few photos along the way, but it is now sleeting and windy. They said today was going to be the best weather day of the weekend. It seems that the weather people always get it wrong in the North East. So, I'm just going to do wash today, and go to a movie later. Kent is in Washington, D.C. for meetings until next Wednesday. So it's just me and the cats.

I finished of the photos we took of the North Island of New Zealand. If anyone would like to see the complete upload of all sets of the North Island, here is the link. This is the last photo of the set.

Raukawa Falls

I guess nothing lasts forever. It's sad that so much publicity is around this issue. Perhaps it was the public eye on this couple, that let to the court ruling in Massachusetts, that led to this separation.

The gay couple whose court battle led to the legalization of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts has filed for divorce. [...]

"I wish I could talk them into staying together, but I don't see how," Hillary's mother, Ann Kiernan Smith, told the Boston Herald. Smith did not offer a reason for the couple's divorce.

"They went through an heroic battle on behalf of all of us in the state, and as a result of their willingness to participate in it, their relationship suffered in significant ways, but we all benefited at the end of the day," said Arline Isaacson, of the Massachusetts Gay and Lesbian Political Caucus.

Family lawyer Ed Dombroski said the divorce is more symbolic than legally significant.

"Opponents of gay marriage are going to use this as the example, as proof positive, as to why marriage should not be allowed between gay couples," he said. (source)

Now this is what gets me. That this lawyer, Ed Dombroski, is saying that opponents of marriage equality are going to look at this case as "proof positive" on why gay couples should not be allowed to marry. Is this man stupid? If that's the case, let me start with straight couples throughout the United States and use that same argument on them.

The fact of the matter is, we never said that there would be no divorce for gay couples. Heck, I know some who have divorced. People are human. Life changes with time. We are ALL the same in that regard. Sometimes people grow closer, and sometimes the opposite happens. I'm just surprised that someone who made it through law school would make such a dumb statement.

And then there is this...

"The denial of federal benefits to same-sex spouses cannot be justified simply by a distaste for or disapproval of same-sex marriage or a desire to deprive same-sex spouses of benefits available to other spouses in order to discourage them from exercising a legal right afforded them by a state," Reinhardt wrote in an order to the U.S. Courts administration to submit Levenson's benefits election form.

The Defense of Marriage Act was passed by the Republican-controlled Congress 13 years ago and signed into law by President Clinton. It prohibits the federal government from recognizing gay unions as legal marriages. In combination with another federal statute, the act denies benefits -- accorded to heterosexual couples -- to gay spouses of federal employees. [...]

But legal analysts see the judges' orders as an indication that the Defense of Marriage Act is unlikely to stand up to the constitutionality test if it reaches a federal court. They also predict that the decisions will put pressure on the Obama administration to repeal the act as an unjust denial of rights to gay citizens.

For the first time in a long time, I feel optimistic that equality will win the day for us, sooner than later. I have high hopes that Obama will put the Defense of Marriage Act in the dumpster where it belongs. Nationally, I know I won't see equality happen in my lifetime, but that's not the important issue. The issue is that the force to achieve equality marches on.

Life has been going well. We have been so busy with work that we hardly see each other lately, except at dinner. I just wish it would warm up a bit. We got more snow this week and it was 4 degrees when I left for work this morning. It's supposed to be nicer on Saturday so perhaps that will be a hiking/photography day for me. Kent will be on his way to more meetings in Washington, D.C. until Wednesday. So this weekend, it's just me.

This was the last place we visited on the North Island of New Zealand. It's a bit different from other locations we stayed at because of the alpine terrain, but had it's own beauty.

This was where we stayed, the Bayview Chateau

One of the volcanoes in the area

I just had the worst nightmare. I dreamt that that I was this old man. Kent was gone. My friends were gone. My family wanted nothing to do with me (so what else is new?), and that these people that I didn't know came in to my house to take me to my new home, a convalescent center full of closed-minded old straight people. God!

I wake up at 2:30. Kent is sound asleep. Mimi (my cat) wakes up because she's a cat and they hear everything, and she wants to comfort me. And I think to myself, "but Mimi, you won't be there on this journey with me." Sadness fills in.

Then I say to myself, "Bill, STOP THIS!" But the damage is done. I can't get back to sleep, so I lay awake for a half hour or so hoping that I will once again get tired. But no go. Not going to happen. So I make myself some soothing green tea (no caffeine), with a bit of honey in it (from Connecticut bees!), hoping to settle me down a bit.

I hate dreams like that. I wonder where they come from. I'm a fairly resilient individual. I generally love life, traveling, photography, and people. I suppose we all have fears like this from time to time. In an hour or so Kent will be up and we get ready for work. It's a new day.