An interesting viewpoint...

In a state [Nevada] that allows gambling, prostitution and proudly bills itself as the sin capitol of the world, it is ironic that there should be any controversy about protecting the rights of that states LGBTI citizens at all.

If God were going to smite Nevada, Nevada has given him plenty of other reasons to send the fire and brimstone. (source)

Defense Secretary Robert Gates said on Fox News Sunday that the Pentagon and the Obama administration can't multitask when it comes to eliminating the ban on gays serving openly in the military.

"I think the President and I feel like we've got a lot on our plates right now and let's push that one down the road a little bit," Gates said, referring to the reversal of the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

Fox's Chris Wallace began the question by asking Secretary Gates why money had been included in the Pentagon's 2010 budget to continue enforcing the policy. "Well, it continues to be the law," Gates responded, "and any change in the policy would require a change in the law. We will follow the law whatever it is."

The Government Accountability Office (GAO) estimates that the total cost of discharging and replacing service members fired for being gay was at least $190.5 million from 1994-2003. However, a detailed study by The Palm Center, a University of California-Santa Barbara think tank, put the price tag for the first ten years at $363.8 million. (source)

I thought this was the President who could "walk and chew gum at the same time". But I see Gate's point. When you are talking about debt in the trillions, what's a mere $363.8 million?

I'm sure the tax payers of America won't mind that money is allocated again to end the military careers of talented and brave military personnel who simply fail to lie about their sexual identity or are outed by someone who has a beef with them. We are after all only talk about the professional careers of some queer soldiers.

In the meantime, by all means, let's kick them out. And to pay for this, let's raise taxes more or send a few more people into unemployment. It works for me.

I voted for Obama (not that I had much of a choice). I have trust in him (for now). But there will come a time when my patience will run out. I know he's got a hell of a lot on his plate, but in this day and age, would it be that big of a deal to stop the enforcement of this policy? He has an out on this. He could simply say that because of the economic crisis, we won't be funding this endeavor. He could further prompt the Congress to kill Don't Ask, Don't Tell for these reasons.

And what about the Defense of Marriage Act - and Act that he himself said would be killed by him because it is unconstitutional. That's a bigger step, but I'm anxiously waiting for it. I don't need to be put at the beginning of the line. I just don't want to be conveniently forgotten. I just think it's interesting how these issues are simply put on the back burner. I can wait... for now.

But don't think I will forget about them!

I say it's a sleepy weekend, because I have nothing in the world that I have to get done. Nothing. And, Kent is away for the weekend in St. Louis. He's on his way home now. So, since Friday night when I left work, I've been on my own.

Friday night...
Stopped by Higashi on my way home for a quiet dinner of sushi and Saki. It was nice to unwind a bit. I came home and watched TV for a bit before going to bed.

Saturday...
Worked around the house a bit in the morning. Decided to go to the mall for a bit to just look around for things I don't have but think I need. Came up empty.

It was getting to be around 7:00p.m. and I decided to drive the rest of the way into Hartford to Hot Tomato's. I usually eat at the bar because I have a friend who works there. We can catch up on things while he's working and I'm having dinner. As it turns out, he was off that night doing a school function with his junior high school age daughter. Cool.

So I decide that as long as I'm there anyway, I might as well have dinner. I was hungry. I ordered a martini straight up with olives. They make the best martinis there. Then I had a simple Greek salad, a few slices of bread with fire roasted tomato butter (was awesome, but I used very little). For dinner, I had their Chicken Saltimbocca, with pan seared chicken breast with thin sliced prosciutto, tomato and fresh sage over mashed potatoes with saltimbooco sauce and garnished with fried spinach. I know it sounds weird having "fried spinach" on it, but it's really quite amazing. I'm still trying to figure out how they do it.

During my entire dinner, this man who was sitting at the other end of the bar was enjoying two things: the basketball game on TV, and me. He kept looking over at me with that look that could only say, "Can we get together maybe?? PLEASE!" I enjoyed my martini before and during the salad, but when dinner came and Mark (the bartender) suggested I have another martini or a nice glass of sturdy Italian wine to go with dinner, I suggested water. If I'm going to be cruised at the bar, I want to at least be in a state of mind that I can enjoy it.

So there I sat, enjoying dinner, sipping on my glass of water, and in between scoring (basketball), this man would look my way. Mark came over and said the guy wanted to be introduced. He said the man asked for my name, and I said, "My name is, thanks, but no thanks."

You know, it's nice that people still find me attractive and all. It's flattering. But sometimes, I really do just want to have dinner. But the Hot Tomato's bar is famous for shall we say, "friendly people". You never know what's going to happen when you go there. One time I went there and a man bought me two dinners, one for while I was there, and he had them prepare me a dinner to go for the next day. He then left, surrounded by four large (as in big boned, not fat) men. When I asked who he was, my friend told me, "...stay clear of them. They are "business men" who look after "their interests". I told the bartender, "I see. Wonder why he was talking to me?" My friend said, "He does this a lot. He likes to talk to people who are friendly and he's quite generous if you are generous enough with your time to talk to him." Still, gives me the creeps. Anyone who needs four body guards (armed I'm sure), can't be into anything good.

I paid for my dinner, but had only half of it. It was quite sinful, but after losing 25 pounds, I think I'm due for a treat. But the thing is, I could actually taste how evil it was. I never used to be able to do that. Progress!

I paid the bill, had them wrap up the other half, and left for my car, taking care to notice that the man at the bar who had the hots for me was not following me. I got home around 8:30, started watching TV, and quickly tired, and went to bed.

This morning...
Wow, I just made the best omelet! I slept in all the way to 9 this morning, after going to bed last night at 9. Awesome. I just looked at what was in my refrigerator... fresh eggs, fresh spinach, a bit of cream cheese, fresh Parmesan, tomatoes, and salsa. Voila!

Not sure about the rest of the day. Might go to a movie. Did some washing this morning, cleaned house a bit. It's a free day. I brewed some Rooibos Tea that is filling the house with this wonderful aroma.

Have a nice day everyone. Rainy here, but I don't care! It's movie day.

There was an article in the Hartford Courant this morning entitled, "Scouts Prepared For Social Injustice". It was written by the mother of three boys who are all in the scouts, with her husband as a den leader. Yet, she disagrees with the stance the Boy Scouts of America has on forbidding gay men, or gay scouts, into their organization.

The article reads...

Months after my oldest son transformed into a sullen pre-teenager not interested in soccer and baseball or anything else, he heard some kids talking about camping out with the scouts on a real battleship. He enthusiastically declared that he wanted to join.

So there I was, deciding between personal convictions and my son's best interests. He'd make friends, learn responsibility, gain an appreciation for nature -- it was all good. Except for the part about discrimination. [...]

The scouts really don't belong to an executive board made up of men who make up rules; the scouts are the kids. My kids do not agree with the policy on gays; the oldest says it is "like racism, or when they didn't let women vote."

Pokorny said that the 2002 resolution -- stating that "the BSA values cannot be subject to local option choices" regarding choosing leaders -- has nothing to do with fears of pedophilia. Well, that's good, I guess, since most pedophiles live as straight men. [...]

"We reserve the right to choose people who are good examples for young people," he said. "We can't have homosexuals using the Boy Scouts as a platform to promote their lifestyle."

Hmm. Do straight folks use it as a platform to promote their lifestyle? ("My wife and I, you see, we're straight, and we do lots of straight stuff at home, and it's really cool, so you all should be straight, too.")

If a scout at some point thinks he might be gay, the scout curriculum is not set up to handle issues of sexuality. Fine. But don't kick the boy out for being gay. Worse than revoking membership is sending a confused young man the message that being gay is morally wrong. (source)

Therein lies my problem with the Boy Scouts of America. It's bad enough that they kick out the scout leaders for being gay, but they also kick out kids who they find to be gay. Discovering you are gay is simply, at least for me in my surroundings at the time, a horrifying experience. Add on top of that, there is the humiliation of being kicked out of an organization for being gay, just at time when you are trying to come to grips with being gay.

And yet, this mother found it in her heart to turn a blind eye to that. Not me. I have friends who's boys wanted to be in the Boy Scouts of America. They absolutely refused to allow it because they did not want their boys to feel that it was alright for this kind of discrimination to take place. They in essence taught their sons a valuable lesson: that standing up for your principles only mean something when it's inconvenient to you. That is the true test of integrity.

And I stood up to this as well. I'm not a former scout or den leader. But a few years ago at work, I went to the kitchen to be confronted with many offerings for people to buy to support the Boy Scouts of America. It was the second year this had taken place. I had enough. I wrote a letter to the management complaining that while the Boy Scouts of America had a right (according to the Supreme Court) to kick out gays from their ranks, I had a right not to have their bigotry crammed into my face at the place I work.

There were exchanges that took place back and forth, but I finally got through to them when I said, "Would [company name] be so ready and willing to sponsor an organization that excluded black kids and black men from it's ranks? Because the Boy Scouts of America used to to do just that!"

Well, they then saw the comparison. And ever since, the Boy Scouts of America has done their business elsewhere.

This was a risky thing to do on my part. But it was a risk that was worth taking. It was a principle that I live by - that you stand up for the principles you believe in, especially when it is inconvenient to you.

Theresa Pelham may be willing to turn a blind eye to this discrimination by allowing her boys to be part of the Boy Scouts of America, but she simply cannot deny the fact that she is part of the problem. She is allowing her sons to be part of the Boy Scouts of America and yes, when those gay scouts are kicked out for being gay, some of that, as a supporter of the Boy Scouts of America, falls on her shoulders as well. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Principles only mean something when you stick by them when it's inconvenient to you.

It's been awhile. I've been... well, busy. You know how life is. A lot of things have been going on with life, work, and other things.

Work has been hectic. But, I was thinking the last few days at how much things have changed at work, and all for the better. Some really big deadlines and milestones have happened with my job. I've had a complete change of staff in the last year. It was difficult, but it made me realize just how resourceful and smart I am with my thinking and instincts. The fact is, things had to change. It was time for a complete change, not only in staffing, but in the organization of my department. That is complete now and the change is remarkable. I actually look forward to going to work now. I rarely talk about work on this blog because I feel that it doesn't have a place on this blog. But I realize now how much the old structure was dragging me down. At the end of next week, all the old deadlines will be done, and I will start to think about where we go from here, given where our economy is.

On other issues, I'm so tired of hearing about all the complaints of the AIG bonuses. I understand the disdain people have with AIG, but the bonuses are not the hot issue. It's actually a very small amount of money in terms of the overall bailout. I think we are losing focus on the bigger issue. But enough of that. The thing is this... Just about every news channel on XM Radio is talking about it, and when I tune to them and hear that they are talking about AIG or the bailout in general, I flip to another channel, usually XM 98, OutQ radio (the gay news channel), which has a lot of fun to it. I'm so tired of all this economic crap. It's not that I don't care. I do. I see my friends being laid off. It sucks. I get it already. I don't necessarily have to listen to it all the time on radio to get it. We miss so much of life by focusing on the bad all the time. That's my point.

Crocuses are blooming in our front flower bed. That means Spring is knocking on the front door! God I love this time of year. At some point, I will get Spring fever, which will prompt me to get out of the easy chair and start the Spring yard work. I just love uncovering leaves that have been there all winter, only to find young tender sprouts that want their chance at life and ultimately, to bloom!

I'm not planting new wildflowers this year. I'll see how the crop is doing without replenishing. It should be fine. I'll be mulching the flowerbeds this year. That's a lot of work and it's harder for me to do it now, but I take my time, and do a little bit each day. And every year someone who is treating the neighbors flowerbeds sees me working on mine and will put their marketing material in my mailbox offering to do it all for me. Maybe someday, but I enjoy getting out and working on it.

Oh! Almost forgot. I now have a Facebook page. I know what you are thinking... lame. But, it's actually been really cool for me because so many of my classmates from high school and college are on Facebook. It's been a really positive thing for me to talk to so many old friends that I haven't seen in decades. And you know, they are quite accepting of me, it seems. It's not what I expected. Maybe people are generally good at heart. I'm trying to learn something here. I'm trying to learn that at this point in my life, things that happened earlier in my life don't have to determine my outlook or attitudes on life and people now.

I've been away from posting for awhile. We are contemplating the idea of getting married. Most people thought that when Connecticut started to allow same sex couples to marry, we would just do it. Not so fast. I'm thrilled that we have the right for marriage equality in Connecticut. I just wish we had access to those really big ticket items at the federal level. Still, this is not the time to be stingy. How dare I ask for what straight couples have during this economic downturn? And, there's an argument to be made for that I suppose. I'm just finding it hard to get my head around that idea that some states are reasoning that now that the economic climate is so grim, that now is the time to allow gay couples to marry because it will bring in more revenue.

Who does benefit from legalizing gay marriage? Obviously, gay and lesbian couples who want a deeper, more meaningful commitment towards one another, the way straight couples do; and that should be reason enough to convince anyone with a heart. But, to those who think only in terms of money, there is also an economic benefit: Couples seeking recognition and marriage benefits wouldn't move to states that provide them, keeping much-needed tax dollars in a state that's already facing economic hardships.

Let's evaluate our reasoning for disallowing gay marriage, from a conservative viewpoint: First, we have the "morality" argument, driven by a religious belief that homosexuality is sinful. By that standard, we'd have a laundry list of things we DO permit that we'd then have to remove due to biblical standards, including shaving and grooming of facial hair and the eating of shellfish (not to mention our willingness to start wars).

Second, we have the argument that homosexual relationships don't lead to natural births. But again, that argument ignores key facts, among them the fact that straight couples who are incapable of having children, too, are allowed to wed.

Finally, there is also the argument that allowing gay marriage will lead to abuse in the system; that straight men or women will marry a member of the same sex simply to receive the benefits a marriage would grant them. That argument is moot, however, for two reasons: first, "marriages of convenience" already exist within the current system of marriage, and second, our government is perfectly content with recognizing such relationships as legitimate. (source)

Yes, I guess it would lead to more money for the state, and I see all the other reasons for doing it that the article mentioned. The sad thing for me is, why did we have to go through all of this before people could see how unfair this all is? Are people in this country that mean spirited and divided against us? Apparently, they are.

So that really just comes back to us as a couple. We have to look at marriage as a commitment to each other (but we've already done that -- I think being together 33+ years proves that), because aside from state protections which are nice (let's not forget that hospital visitation is on that list as long as we stay in Connecticut, along with other medical directives), but the bottom line is, my country won't recognize it, nor do other states. So it's nice, but if we travel outside of Connecticut or Massachusetts, it means nothing.

In fact, it makes filing taxes a hassle. We would have to prepare two federal tax claims - one as single individuals (that will be submitted to the IRS), and one where we are a married couple (that would not be valid to submit to the IRS). We have to do that because Connecticut would allow us to get married and file jointly, BUT, we have to submit our federal filing report as a married couple to them. So it's more effort.

We talked about it last night at dinner. There are so many people I'd like to be there, but most of them are in Idaho and as it stands now, going there for the wedding is not legal. So, many people that I love would not make it. I'm thinking of a small ceremony, maybe at our home, with a few local friends, with dinner and a celebration. Not exactly what I had hoped for, but Connecticut is not where we grew up or came from. But would that change everything? It seems like your wedding day should be right up there with the "happiest day of your life", but I don't think it would be because so many wouldn't be there.

It gets me down on so many levels.

But I guess you have to see it for what it is. Like this older couple. I read this and asked, why put it off? But them I go back and forth. It should have something to do with happiness and celebrating what we have, not how many weren't there. And for me, that why I've been dragging my feet on it. I wanted marriage equality and to be treated like everyone else, but after this bitter battle to get basic equality, it's like ruined it for me.

On other issues, we are going to the mall again. We've decided to bite the bullet and get the Nikon D300 for our next camera. I'll keep the D200 and will send it to Nikon for a tune up. It's nice to be able to do this stuff during these tough times.

Generally speaking, I like the people I work with. It's just that sometimes I need my space. For example...

I love it when I'm at work at 7:30. I come in to try and catch up a bit and organize my day before I actually start at 8:00. I love it when people come in at 7:35 because they see the light on, and want me to drop everything and help them. I reply, "We don't open until 8:00. Please leave a message for the help desk."

I love it when I bring lunch back to the office because I'm swamped with work so I work through my lunch, only to have people come in and ask, while I have a mouthful of food in my mouth, "I need help with something." I say, "I'm on lunch break. Let me call you after that."

I had one person say to that, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought your JOB was to help users." That's rude. I reply, "No, my JOB is to work during business hours to help people like YOU, and whether I like you or not, I will smile while I'm helping you. THAT'S MY JOB! According to Connecticut state law, I am afforded a one hour lunch break. If you don't like that, call your representative and have the law changed."

It seems like the older I get, the more I value "my time". I can deal with the daily pressures of the job, but I really do need my space at times.

Military officials exaggerated the threat to unit cohesion and ignored research and data when formulating the current policy on gay troops, according to the much-anticipated new book, "Unfriendly Fire: How the Gay Ban Undermines the Military and Weakens America," out tomorrow.

The book, based on a decade of research and hundreds of interviews, was written by Dr. Nathaniel Frank, senior research fellow at the Palm Center, and one of the nation's most widely recognized authorities on gays in the military. Dr. Frank is appearing with Congresswoman Ellen Tauscher today at the Center for American Progress to discuss her proposed legislation to repeal the ban.

Publication of the book by St. Martin's Press falls on the 15th anniversary of "don't ask, don't tell." Frank spoke to key military and political architects of the policy, many of whom acknowledge in the book that it was "based on nothing" but "our own prejudices and our own fears." (source)

What does this mean? Does it mean that all the gay linguists who spoke Arabic and other languages were kicked out of the military "based on nothing"?

More than that, does it mean that the 12,500 soldiers that have been ousted from the military since the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy went into effect in 1994 was... for nothing?

What a waste of talent.

There's a cliché that gay people like their gadgets. I don't know if that's true across the board or not, but I think it's true with us.

Yesterday we decided to take a trip to the mall because Kent wanted a wireless mouse like I have for his new Mac. He suggested that we go to Best Buy in the Buckland Hills Mall. Buckland Hills is an "ok" mall, but most of the nicer stores are at Westfarms Mall (a VERY nice mall). I suggested that we go to Westfarms because it has a Mac store, and Buckland does not. I wasn't sure that Best Buy would even have a Mac wireless mouse.

So off we went to Westfarms. We spotted the mouse in no time at the Mac store. But if you own a Mac, and you go to a Mac store, you know that you won't just leave with what you went there for. Neither did we. As we process quite a few pictures, we were curious about this monitor calibration device that we spotted. It looks like this.

Basically, you install the software (calibrates both Windows and Mac screens), plug in the device, and it walks you through the set up. It's sensitive to the light in the room as well, so if your light changes, you will have to re-calibrate. Why go through all of this? Because if your screen is not calibrated correctly, what looks to be the true color of the photo, and what the real true color of the photos is, could be very different values. This is why you will enhance a photo from your digital camera so that it looks perfect on your screen. You will then send it off to get a print made, only to be disappointed with the color change. That's because your monitor is not reflecting the true colors of the photo.

We'll see how this all works out. We should have left at that point. But Westfarms Mall also has this tea store that smells so good. They offer teas that you just can't get anywhere else. So we strolled down to their store. It's called Teavana. Of all the teas, we decided to go with these two teas...

We haven't had the Jasmine yet, but the Rooibos (from Africa) is amazing. Of course, we don't have a tea set, and when they taught us how to truly make tea, it became clear that we really had to have a proper tea set. This is what we bought.

For some reason in Asian culture, you always but a set of five. I don't know why. Perhaps it's bad luck to have an even number? So the set consists of five tea cups (porcelain on the inside and cast iron on the outside), five tea leave saucers, a holder for the stand that holds the warming plate (where you put the candle inside) for the teapot, the warming plate, and the teapot.

This is what the assembled set looks like.

We escaped the store with a nice tea set, which we are enjoying on this cold snowy day, along with the bill of $452.03 for the set.

Bottom line, stay away from Westfarms Mall!

We have both been doing great on our diets. I've lost 20 pounds and Kent has lost 15 pounds. I'm cooking super healthy now. Our meals consist first and foremost of LESS FOOD. That doesn't mean we go hungry. I use more healthy food -- greens, vegetables, and the like. I really watch the sugar and fat content of everything. I usually make our food for the week on Sunday.

Today that will consist of a pasta salad, that will have whole grain pasta, tossed with various herbs, juice of two lemons, olive oil, and some chopped peppers. I make one batch that goes into a refrigerator container. Then, throughout the week, I will serve a small amount of that as an accent part of the meal, with just a small bit of Parmesan on top for flavor. It's low fat and tastes great. Another low fat food you can add is tofu. It's great because it's low in fat and almost 100% protein.

I also made some turkey slices last night with a wild mushroom sauce with capers. That has a bit of fat in it, but the portion is low. I served that with whole grain barley (it's actually quite good and very high in fiber), and an asparagus salad. For that I steamed asparagus until just tender. Be careful not to overcook asparagus. It's easy to do. I then took the hot asparagus and placed it immediately into a dish that had lemon juice, 2 tablespoons of olive oil, pepper, a dash of salt, and a bit of white wine (never use wine in cooking that's not good enough to drink on it's own!). It's important to put the asparagus in hot so that it will absorb the lemon juice and other ingredients. It then goes into the refrigerator for 3-4 four hours. Every hour or so, take it out and gently make sure that it is all getting marinaded in the juice. I took mesclun greens tossed with a bit of low fat lime dressing (very little bit), placed that on each plate, and then laid out the chilled asparagus over it. It was delicious and very low fat.

Have a nice rest of the weekend. I'm going for more tea.