Awesome weekend. Weather was 85 degrees and not humid. It was awesome.

The highlight of the weekend was dinner Saturday night at a good friend's home. My closest circle of friends was there. It was a celebration on many fronts. But I was amazed when one of my friends gave a first toast to the passage of "Senate Bill 899", the bill making marriage equality legal in Connecticut (she specifically had the bill number right!), and said that when it passed, she was thinking of us.

Everyone turned to us. I said, "Well, thank you for that." It got quiet and I said, "Well.... I guess I can tell you this... (quieter) We haven't told others of this officially, but a year from this June, Kent and I are going to get married." It all happened so fast that I just said it, but it felt right. It felt right that I should share that with friends that are so very dear to me. It made it all very real.

They clapped, and cheered, and it made for another toast.

You know, all I can say is this; we've been through a lot over the years, as so many same-sex couples have been. We've usually had to fight for everything we had -- no wedding, no engagement, no wedding gifts, or well-wishes for that matter (usually, quite the contrary). The relationship, whatever it was, was left totally up to us, usually without support, and without any legitimacy - either from the family or from the State. In fact, there were some wishing it would end. I don't blame them any longer. I've moved on and I've forgiven them. Whether they will come to the wedding remains to be seen.

And with this bill, it gives us some legal legitimate standing. I don't know what the future brings. I don't know how some in our family will react to the news of our marriage, but I know that I have a core number of friends, our "inner circle" who, no matter what, will be there for us. That's good enough for me.

I wish I could put this feeling into words better than this. I'm not a poet and words fail me.

Life is a wondrous thing.

Such a weird time in my life. I've been with the same person for 37 years and just now we can get married because our state, as of 2 days ago, allows it.

But this has created some issues for me. I've never thought that I would be allowed to have access to marriage in my lifetime. I was always told that it wasn't for "people like me". What to do? It's crazy. I feel like I need some advice from a wedding planner. Yet, in my mind, we've been married for all this time.

Today, I removed from my finger my gold ring. I can't call it a "wedding ring", because it never had a wedding. Many years ago, we went to Jolino Jewelers in San Francisco to buy wedding rings. We've worn them over the years, even though at times it was inconvenient. We had some issues with some people in wearing them; grief from family and various others. The rings endured it all. They were, after all, an expression of our love out in the open. That threatens some people when people like us are not supposed to do that.

But things changed a few days ago in Connecticut. The state legislature passed a bill that says that people like us no longer have to have shame for the love we have - that it is legitimate. The Governor of the state further endorsed this notion when she signed the bill into law.

What do we do with this? Suddenly, the ring that I had worn for years and years had lost it's purpose and it's significance. It was a symbol of defiance; a symbol that no matter what anyone said, we loved each other; a physical symbol of that love; something real.

And now, the State, in nodding that our love was finally real and valid, made those rings insignificant. It was on my hand for a different reason. So this morning, I took it off. I want to wear it again when it is put back on my hand when it is in marriage. So I put it in a special dark secure place, waiting again for it's day in the sun.

There were times today that I felt it's absence on my hand. I would look down, and see it gone, and I would be filled with sadness. And tonight when Kent got home, I said, "I don't know if I can do this." I miss it so much.

I don't know what to do with these feelings.

NOW we can finally move on to other issues. I'm so glad this is behind us. It's a joyous day in Connecticut!

HARTFORD, Conn.--A decade-long battle for same-sex marriage in Connecticut has ended with the governor's signature on a bill updating the state's laws.

Gov. M. Jodi Rell signed the legislation Thursday, one day after the state House and Senate both approved it.

The bill removes gender references from state marriage laws. It also transforms existing same-sex civil unions into legally recognized marriages as of Oct. 1, 2010. (source)

It's finally done! Connecticut now officially is about to go on record legally as approving that same sex couples be allowed to marry. The legislature yesterday passed a bill, that the Governor has said she will sign into law. It's a done deal.

There was a lot of heated debate over the issue, and a lot of untruths were published. I was pleased to see Senator Andrew McDonald fire back about the hateful ads that were being put out by the Catholic Church.

Sen. Andrew McDonald, D-Stamford, a judiciary committee co-chairman, said the advertising has been "riddled with misinformation." He noted the knights and Family Institute ad claimed schools will be forced to teach gay marriage and parents will have no choice in the matter.

McDonald pointed to the section of state education statutes that specifies students, at the written request of a parent or guardian, shall not be required by local or regional boards of education to participate in "family life education programs."

But McDonald, who is gay, said the state should not allow businesses to discriminate against same-sex couples.

"Could Christian caterers say, 'I refuse to cater a Jewish bar mitzvah because I don't believe in Judaism'? Once you hold yourself out to the public to provide goods or services to the public at large, you cannot discriminate," McDonald said. "That has nothing to do with marriage. It has everything to do with discrimination law in place in Connecticut since 1991. You can't discriminate against anybody based on race, religion, ethnicity or sexual orientation." (source)

And this from Sen. McDonald:

"This legislation was built on the shoulders of committed and loving gay and lesbian couples who cared enough to fight for their right to be seen as equals in the eyes of society as it pertains to the institution of marriage,'' McDonald said. "They never deserved anything less, and I don't expect that the people of Connecticut ever wished them anything less." (source)

I'm proud of a few people who must be recognized: Anne Stanback for her unflinching devotion to this issue; Senator Andrew McDonald and Representative Michael Lawlor who made it possible for this bill to see the light of day; the Connecticut Supreme Court for upholding justice and liberty; and finally, all the many many gay couples in our state who stood up to fight for equality, justice, and happiness. We've earned this day!

Here's the news summary from AP...

HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) -- A decade-long battle for marriage equality in Connecticut ended when the General Assembly voted to update the state's marriage laws to conform with a landmark court ruling allowing gay and lesbian couples to tie the knot. [...]

A spokesman for Gov. M. Jodi Rell said she will sign the bill, which passed 28-7 in the Senate and 100-44 in the House of Representatives late Wednesday, into law. While Rell, a Republican, signed the state's 2005 civil unions law, she has said she believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman.

The bill comes six months after the State Supreme Court ruled 4-3 that same-sex couples have the right to wed in Connecticut, rather than accept the civil union law designed to give them the same rights as married couples.

It redefines marriage in Connecticut as the legal union of two people. State law previously defined marriage as the union of a man and a woman.

Even if the bill hadn't passed, same-sex marriage would still be the law in Connecticut because of the court ruling. Proponents say the legislation is needed to phase out civil unions and make sure same-sex couples conform to the state's marriage laws. [...]

Wednesday's bill also strips language from a 1991 state anti-discrimination law that says Connecticut does not condone "homosexuality or bisexuality or any equivalent lifestyle," require the teaching of homosexuality or bisexuality "as an acceptable lifestyle," set quotas for hiring gay workers or authorize recognition of same-sex marriage.

McDonald, who is openly gay, said the language is outdated and offensive to gays, lesbians and bisexuals. (source)

On Sundays, we have this ritual. We go to Charlies for bagels, orange juice, and coffee. It's our time to sit back, relax, and catch up on the news.

Not much happening, except for the unemployment rate that I mentioned in my earlier post. But I got through the paper, and on the back page of the CT Opinion section, a full page ad was placed by the Family Institute of Connecticut, and the Knights of Columbus. It read:

Oh pullllllease! What bullshit!

"Same-Sex Marriage Bill 899 will deny citizens their religious rights."
Because you won't be able to say that you don't want to marry a gay couple, just like you can't say that you won't marry a mixed race couple. But my sense is you can do this now - to a point. For example, you can actually deny marriage to a couple who are expecting a child, but aren't yet married. I know because this happened to a friend of mine. They actually lied to the church about her being pregnant so they could have their church wedding. But that's different. That is not against state law. That has to do with the inner workings of church doctrine. What the law is stating is that you no longer have a freedom to discriminate against a couple just for this reason. But is this honestly a problem for you? After all, what couple would want to get married in a church that didn't really want them?

"Schools that wish not to teach gay marriage will have no choice in the matter."
I don't even know how you teach gay marriage. How do you teach straight marriage?

"Church groups who won't comply will be punished by the government."
Yes, just like you are punished when some of your priests molest children. That is against state law. They are punish when caught.

"Business will have to close their doors."
Huh? Why? Are you crazy? Do you have any idea how much revenue this will bring to caterers, wedding planners, and the like?

Dear Catholics:

You are still free to continue to teach your children that homosexuals are vile wicked creatures who only want to get into their pants and prey on them. You are fully able to continue to teach them that homosexuals are worthy of death in the name of God. You can still teach them that it is sport to go out and beat up a homosexual or kill one in the name of Jesus.

You can still do all of those things after the marriage bill is passed. Of course you won't openly say that you are teaching your children that. You don't have to. It comes out in the crime statistics.

This bill brings into line Connecticut state law, in accordance with the CT Supreme Court ruling. Any changes to this bill that will continue to give bigotry a loophole, will be challenged in a lawsuit, because that was not the ruling of the CT Supreme Court.

DEAL WITH IT AND MOVE ON. Your day of peddling this bullshit is over. People are sick and tired of sitting at the back of the bus. We are sick and tired of the violence against our community.

Your problem is that you need to look at your own house before trying to destroy ours. You teach your kids one thing and then when they get into trouble, you say, "I never taught them that." Yes, you did.

You seem shocked when yet another priest is convicted of child molestation, yet, your own church moves them around from parish to parish knowing full well why they are being moved.

And you are upset over this? GET A FREAKIN LIFE.

I know there are more moderate Catholics out there who believe that committed gay couples should be allowed to have marriage, just like there are Catholics all over the place practicing birth control even though your church firmly (no pun intended) opposes birth control. You also have gay friends and many of you have gay family members.

This ad was put out by fellow Catholics, and if you don't stand up against this, you are agreeing with them and your church on this issue. Just remember that the next time you are talking to a family member, friend, or work colleague, who happens to be gay and want marriage. See if you can be honest with yourself and still look them in the eye.

It's been awhile since I last posted. It's not that I've taken time off. I've been really busy with things lately, but all in a good way. We went to Portland, Maine for a long weekend last weekend. It was nice, but the weather could have been better. Then I faced another really busy week at work.

Work... well, it's going much better now than it was. In fact, the IT department (and network infrastructure) is probably in the best shape it's been in in years. It turns out that a changing of personnel was a good thing, although at the time it didn't seem so good. It's funny how sometimes you want to hold on to things that really aren't working that well. You want to hold on to them because you've become accustomed to them. When things change and you reflect on where you are today, you realize that what you had and the way it was arranged really didn't work that well. So, I'm glad that it all happened. I'm glad the department is new.

I'm also glad to have a solid stable job! This graphic was in the Hartford Courant this morning. This is where are state stands on unemployment.

So I feel very fortunate to have a job, and I'm well aware that so many states are far worse off than Connecticut. In fact, Kent and I tell each other several times a week, "We are very fortunate." We don't take it for granted.

We went to the Hartford Symphony last night. We usually go out for a nice dinner beforehand. Last night we went to Max's Oyster Bar. I love the food there and they make killer martinis with olives stuffed with fresh Blue Cheese. The symphony performed...

Mozart - Overture to "The Abduction from the Seraglio"
Beethoven - Symphony No. 8
Bruch - Violin Concerto No. 1 (Sirena Huang, violin)
Kodaly ' "Dances of Galanta"

Julian Kuerti was a guest conductor from the Boston Symphony Orchestra and was quite an amazing young conductor who brought new life to the orchestra. I was impressed with young violinist Sirena Huang, who performed the Max Bruch g-minor violin concerto. It's a rich, heavy Romantic concerto that demands muscle mass to perform. My history with the concerto is that I also performed it in California, and I conducted the orchestra at the College of Idaho when my teacher, Walter Cerveny performed it, when I was a student in college.

Technically, this 14 year old violinist was there. But the concerto was a bit heavy for her. I would have teamed her up with a Bach or Mozart concerto. Leave the Bruch, the Brahms, and the Beethoven concertos for later when she's more physically and emotionally mature. Other than that, and a small lapse in memory in the third movement, she was quite remarkable. She has a wonderful career ahead of her, if that's what she wants in life.

And just when I thought the Bruch was the highlight of the evening, the orchestra performed Kodaly's Dances of Galanta. The work is filled with land mines of extremely virtuostic passages and fast notes, syncopation, and accuracy that is simply unforgiving. Yet, our local orchestra stacked right up to one the major orchestras. I thought I was listening to the New York Philharmonic! It goes to show you how much difference a conductor can make.

All in all, a wonderful evening.

I think the greatest thing about Vermont is that their legislature was able to override the Governor's certain veto. Think about that. They knew he would veto the decision. They were able of override the veto.

What does this mean for us? I would think it certainly signals a changing of attitudes. If nothing else, that legislature didn't think it was political suicide to not only vote for marriage equality, but to go that BIG extra step to further qualify that decision by overriding a veto from their Governor. Courage!

MONTPELIER, Vt. -- Gay-rights groups say that momentum from back-to-back victories on same-sex marriage in Vermont and Iowa could spill into other states, particularly since at least nine other legislatures are considering measures this year to allow marriage between gay couples.

The Vermont Legislature on Tuesday overrode Gov. Jim Douglas's veto of a bill allowing gay couples to marry, mustering one more vote than needed to preserve the measure.

The step makes Vermont the first state to allow same-sex marriage through legislative action instead of a court ruling, and comes less than a week after the Iowa Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriages in that state. (source)

I don't write about this much anymore, because I've gone on to live my little life. I'm doing fine, and I think the battle has become much bigger than me and Kent. It's taken on a life of it's own.

We have our own plans in the future concerning this. We'll act on it in the future. But it's really cool to know that our families are starting to get some dignity and respect with the rest of America. What's the indication of that? In a word, IOWA.

I was telling a friend this on Facebook. It's where I'm at with religion.

The problem with religion is simple: the religious-minded folks at some point became less interested in "fellowship" and more interested in "condemnation".

Condemnation means condemning those who are unpopular by today's standards. It's no longer cool to refer to African Americans as "Negros" because they may be able to give money to your church. But today's Negros are GLBT folks. It's still open season on us. And that's all the religious folks have left. Ever wonder why they are so hell bent on "defending marriage", all the while they are divorcing at a 50% rate?

They want to keep us down, just like the black folks.

All I'm saying is this... if they can't condemn anyone, what do they honestly have left?

They actually had something for me when they welcomed me.

Last night we went out to a nice dinner at Peppercorns Grill in Hartford. The food is good and better yet, it's only a small distance to the Bushnell, where the Hartford Symphony (and now defunct Hartford Opera) performs. It's a beautiful place, and I especially love the Chihuly chandelier inside.

Last night we went to see the Verdi Requiem. OK, it wasn't cheery. In fact, I cried through a lot of it. You see, I don't listen to music. I EXPERIENCE IT. I feel it inside, for better (joyful) or worse (terrifying and sad). It's a way of life for me. It's not just notes. The performance has to be a work of art itself for me to get there. Otherwise, I just think of notes.

But last night, they did it. The soloists were solid, the Hartford Chorale was wonderful, and the Hartford Symphony was the best I have heard them in a long time. It worked for me.

This ability to absorb emotion from the music in it's entirety, is probably because I'm gay, which led me to be completely lonely as a teenager in Emmett, Idaho, without anyone to talk to. How could they understand? I lived in my own world. What was that world like? During the week, damn lonely. I was an outsider. I thought often that I was the only gay person on earth. And I knew, from listening to all the gay jokes from my friends, that gay was a bad thing to be. Therefore, I was bad.

But there's one thing I had that no one else knew about. Every Saturday afternoon, I would sneak off to what I called "the dam park". Today, it has a name, although I forget what it is. It was this small park not far from where I lived, with a power station and a waterfall in the background, away from the park. I would take a blanket, smuggle off a bottle of wine, cheese, and perhaps other goodies, along with my radio, and would tune into "Live from the Met"! This is where I developed a love for opera. I used to listen to Maria Callas (live) and many others, such as Renata Tebaldi. Think of that. Of course, I didn't love opera. It was an escape from my extremely intolerant world. But I grew to love opera.

Hardly no one went to that park, so it was a perfect place to be with friends that I'd never meet, that had given me so much from this far off place called Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts in New York City. In little Emmett, Idaho, it might as well have been on Venus. Later in life, I would walk up the steps of Lincoln Center and see an opera at the Met, where so many legends had walked.

So as I'm listening to opera, with all the force of running water from the spillway off in the distance, you can imagine how my mind would go wild with imagery as I listened to Wagner's Siegfried from Der Ring des Nibelungen (also known as "The Ring Cycle"), as Siegfried wins the Ring, but is eventually betrayed and slain. The great Valkyrie Brünnhilde (Siegfried's lover), returns the Ring to the Rhine. The water rushes in the background and I stand up from my blanket, draw my imaginary sword and prepare for battle! In the process, Valkyrie Brünnhilde and I destroyed the Gods!

The last time I went back to Emmett a couple of years ago, I went to that spot that I always went to, under this tree to listen to The Met. It's larger now, and I was pleased to see it still there. I walked up to it, touched it, and said, "Hello, my old friend. You and I have traveled some distance." I'm so sentimental.

Yes. That's me. So maybe you can understand that the Requiem last night was a somber experience for me. I haven't listened to it for years, and yet, I never forget anything. It came flooding back to me, and I was quite simply in tears for much of it. How wonderful is that? How lucky am I that I feel what Verdi must have felt when he applied pen to paper to create this Requiem?

I don't know if this is because I am what I am. Some people don't like what I am. But I've come to a place of peace and reconciliation in my life. I want what others have. I want equality. I want the world that I live in to find balance. And that can only happen if the group that I seem to belong to ceases to become a group, and starts to become ONE, with other fellow citizens. In a large sense, that's up to them. I'm not going anywhere.

Crazy world we live in. I thought we invaded Iraq to bring "democracy" to it. And this is what we end up with. I can't say I'm surprised. So, was it worth the lives of our soldiers and all the Iraqis who died in this war, just to end up with this?

It's a rhetorical question. The answer is NO.

BAGHDAD - The bodies of two gay men have been found in Baghdad's Shiite slum of Sadr City after a leading cleric repeatedly condemned homosexuality, an Iraqi police official said Saturday.

The killings come after Shiite cleric Sattar al-Battat repeatedly condemned homosexuality during recent Friday prayers, saying Islam prohibits homosexuality. Homosexual acts are punishable by up to seven years in prison in Iraq.

The two men were believed killed Thursday by relatives who were shamed by their behavior, said the official. Police said they suspected the killings were at the hands of family members because no one has claimed the bodies or called for an investigation. (source)

OH MY GOD!

I cannot believe this happened, and in Iowa of all places. Today, my heart is just filled with HOPE. Wow, I haven't felt like this for awhile. I think our country may be coming back again.

DES MOINES -- Iowa became the first state in the Midwest to approve same-sex marriage on Friday, after the Iowa Supreme Court unanimously decided that a 1998 law limiting marriage to a man and a woman was unconstitutional. [...]

"The Iowa statute limiting civil marriage to a union between a man and a woman violates the equal protection clause of the Iowa Constitution," the justices said in a summary of their decision.

And later in the ruling, they said: "Equal protection under the Iowa Constitution is essentially a direction that all persons similarly situated should be treated alike. Since territorial times, Iowa has given meaning to this constitutional provision, striking blows to slavery and segregation, and recognizing women's rights. The court found the issue of same-sex marriage comes to it with the same importance as the landmark cases of the past." (source)

A win for equality!

HARTFORD -- The General Assembly's Judiciary Committee on Monday afternoon voted 30-10 to codify last October's landmark state Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage. If approved by the Senate, then the House and signed into law by the governor, the legislation would create a transition period for those same-sex couples who joined together in civil unions. (source)

Basically, the laws of Connecticut are catching up to the Supreme Court ruling, stating that the State of Connecticut cannot prevent gay couples from entering into marriage. This is a victory on our part.

Another victory was the defeat of an amendment that would allow religious organizations the discretion to reject their facilities as locations for same-sex marriages.

And this....

It also strips language from a 1991 state anti-discrimination law that says Connecticut does not condone gay marriage and will not set quotas for hiring gay workers or encourage teaching in school about same-sex lifestyles.

Some lawmakers consider the language outdated and insulting.

"Put your group in there, put your political ideas in there, put your ethnic background in this language and see how you would like it. It is time to get rid of this language," said state Sen. Mary Ann Handley, D-Manchester. (source)

My thoughts on all of this...

The Supreme Court was emphatic that denying same sex couples access to full marriage was unconstitutional. So this is really just an attempt to make the laws fall in line with that ruling. We knew it was coming. But it feels great.

I want to thank Anne Stanback for her incredible endurance and perseverance during this battle for equality. She's simply an amazing person. Anne created Love Makes a Family. I'm a bit sad that they will be disbanding now, but their goal was marriage equality in the State of Connecticut. That will be achieved shortly.

I also want to thank Rep. Mike Lawlor and Senator Andrew McDonald for their unwavering desire to see equality win the day.

Connecticut is a great state to live in!