I had an awesome appointment with my cardiologist this afternoon. He listened to my heart and lungs, and just said, "Ahh! WONDERFUL! STRONG!" He then asked me if I was working hard at getting back. I said, "You have no idea." He said, "I do have an idea. I can hear it."
I feel good right now!
It amazes me how one single event in a person's life can alter the priority list for that person. We all have priority lists; what is the most important thing to you, and the least important. And between those two extremes, are all the things that we do in our daily lives.
Take me for example. I used to love blogging and talking (bitching) about social issues. I still love blogging when I have time and feel up to it, but social issues have really dropped on my list of priorities. It's not like I'm in a lot of pain anymore, and my progress with my cardiac rehab program is going well. In fact, in the last week, after months of really hard work, I can finally measure that I have a bit more stamina at the end of the day. Today, I see my cardiologist. After that, I will go home, and it's entirely possible that I will feel up to taking a nice long, fast-paced walk after I get home. And all of this after I took my cardiac rehab class this morning, and worked most of the day. A month ago, when I got home after all of that, I would have been wiped out. So, I see progress.
But I've also noticed that what is important to me has shifted. It's as if I'm looking at the world now through different eyes. I'm online less now with the social networks. I suppose I should care about the social issues more. I am an activist after all. But somehow, my heart just isn't in it (no pun intended). I think some of that has to do with our society as a whole right now. We seem much more disconnected with each other and much more withdrawn individually. Perhaps that's because so many of us face a less predictable future with jobs and health care in general. With me, I think it's few things.
First and foremost, I could have died. That was a wake up call to me of all the things I took for granted and just how easily life can go out with the blink of an eye. Life is so fragile. I'm lucky. I have a doctor who picked up on warning signs that many doctors would have missed. Also, so much life can simply be missed by being angry at how society looks at you because of the color of your skin, your sexuality, or any other thing about you that is different. I'm tired of being angry because I don't have that luxury any more. Nor should I. The world will do what the world is going to do whether I like it or not, with or without me.
That being said, I am happy about the hate crimes bill that is now on it's way to the President for his signature. This was years in the making, and even today, there are many in Congress who wanted it to be it's own bill so it would die again. But this time, it's attached to the defense funding bill, and that has many on Capitol Hill bitching and moaning that they are being forced to pass a bill that will collect statistics and add time to sentencing if you beat up or kill a gay, lesbian, or transgendered person. In other words, we are no longer invisible. They now have to acknowledge that hate crimes are actually something that a large part of my community fear and have had to live with for a very long time. I also have hope that progress can be made on Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and the Defense of Marriage Act. Both of them should be abolished, and my hope is that will happen sometime in the next 3 years.
But happen or not, I think about myself and my family now first and foremost. Everything else is gravy. If that makes me a selfish bastard, I can live with that. I've paid my dues and I've done my fair share of marches and protests.
Baxter passed away last Friday. This is a tribute to him.
I thought awhile about what to call this entry. I thought "Circle Jerk Politics" would be appropriate, but might offend some. Or maybe "broken promises", or "Obama, just another politician."
I guess it doesn't matter what you call the entry. I've come to this conclusion: politicians are about as useful as pimple on the end of your nose. You can see it, it looks awful, and when you try to treat it, it hurts, but doesn't do anything.
Let's take this speech that President Obama gave to the Human rights campaign fund:
On YouTube
Part I
Part 2
Part 3
The President showed up at a dinner sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign Fund, and organization that hasn't been able to get the President to do ONE DAMNED THING for equality.
When the President entered office, he was asked how he was going to handle all the issues he faces. He answered, "I believe that The President ought to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time." So here we are months later. He's managing two wars, health care, and many other issues. This is why I didn't pressure him to deal with our issues immediately. After all, our community has always been a political football used to gain votes when necessary. I was sure this President was different. I knew he wouldn't use us to gain votes for the radical right, but I thought he'd do something, anything, to help us in some way.
He has done NOTHING.
And his campaign had the gall to ask me for money. I simply threw it back in their face.
And then he shows up to a dinner telling us to be more patience. Well, I'm done with the likes of him, Barney Frank, the Human Rights Campaign Fund, and all the rest of the so called "gay rights organizations" who can't seem to get jack shit accomplished. Yes, I will be cancelling my membership to all of them. I pay them to get results, and I see nothing.
The President has said he wants to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell as soon as Congress passes a bill. He's the Commander in Chief. He could do it within hours by this thing called an Executive Order. He alone has the power to enact it, and then tell Congress to catch up. But he won't. Why? Simple. POLITICS. He doesn't want to be seen as being too pro-gay to the right wing whackos that never want brave gay Americans to serve our country in the military. In other words, HE'S USING US.
On hate crimes legislation, it looks as if Congress may pass the first ever hate crimes legislation, and the President said he would sign it. What would the bill do. It would give federal officials the ability to track hate crimes on a national level. I haven't read the bill, so I don't know if extra sentencing time is mandated in the bill, nor do I know if hate crime tracking is mandatory for federal officials. But I do know that Congress did this with little help from this President. Who did the most work on advancing this bill? The late Senator Kennedy.
It will be the same for the Defense of Marriage Act. This President won't lift a finger to overturn it. Yet, during his campaign, he promised to help overturn the law. He said he would do it because, his words, "the law is unconstitutional", meaning, it violates the separation of church and state, targets a specific group of people for special consideration (in this case, the blocking of equality), and violates the 14th Amendment. And when he became President, didn't Obama take an oath to defend and UPHOLD the Constitution of the United States of America?
It would seem that this President can not walk and chew gum at the same time.
In terms of the President talking to the Human Rights Campaign Fund, while they all cheered on his little talking points of inaction; Barney Frank saying that our march for equality was a waste of time and that we would be better off calling our legislators, in light of that, I think this entry should be called "circle jerk politics". In the end we are all supposed to feel better, but nothing was accomplished.
You know what happens when you call your legislator? NOTHING. Someone will answer, you tell them what you believe, and they will tell you, "I'll let the Senator (or Representative) know. Thank you for calling." You then become a mark in a book (maybe). But no one will call you back, until they want money.
Well, I'm done with it, and I'm not going to give one more dime to any of the so called gay rights groups. I'm not going to campaign for another President or legislator. I'm a gay activist. Sometimes, that means making them earn your support. They haven't done that. None of them.
And when Don't Ask Don't Tell is repealed, the hate crimes law is passed, and the Defense of Marriage Act goes down in flames, ALL OF THESE BILLS will be passed because it made someone look good, or money changed hands, or it garnered votes because "now is the time for equality."
Is there ever a time when equality should not see the light of day? Apparently yes; when it won't be popular and no one will gain political points for it.
This is from a conversation I had with Kent three days after my double bypass surgery. I guess it's kind of funny to read now, but I was so doped up with Oxycontin, Morphine, and Percocet, that I could hardly type.
Subject: Chat with Bill
9:09 AM Kent: Hey are you there?
Bill: ues
yes
Kent: Do you feel like Skyping?
Bill: kind of
o dpm
i don't think do
Kent: OK
What about a phone call?
9:10 AM Bill: bad day oday
i ould do that
Kent: I'll call right now
Bill: but i can' find my pnone
i don't kno where it iw
9:11 AM Kent: it should be ringing
Bill: it's ringing but I can
't
Kent: can you hear it
Bill: reac it
Kent: OK
Let's just chat this way
Bill: this dau is fucked up
Kent: What's the problem?
9:12 AM Bill: lots of pain thi morning
and they put me on a lot more pain management
Kent: Worse than yesterday? I guess so probably, because you didn't
complain about it too much yesterday
9:13 AM More oxy?
Bill: oy ande eougle percocet
Kent: Ohh!
You must be pretty groggy!!!
9:14 AM Bill: o
,i'm, so tied
Kent: Well, maybe I should let you rest
Bill: i yhink do
can'g gtype
Kent: If you feel up to it, visit our website. I made a couple of posts
and you'll see some nice comments there
9:15 AM Bill: o vsm
y
i can't
Kent: Here's a link. Just click on it
http://billandkent.com
Bill: they have billandkent.com blocked bycause they find it objctionabl
Kent: Really?
Oy vey!
9:16 AM Bill: ypi
yes
i'll show ou when you dome in
Kent: Well, I'll print copies and bring them to you when we visit this afternoon
Bill: they are Catholic and I am a gay man
9:17 AM Kent: Something to blog about....
When you get out
Bill: i', m noy surprised
Kent: In fact, maybe I'll mention it now if you don't mind
Bill: o
9:18 AM i'll ssent you he imag of it
Kent: Sounds good. I'm making a post right now.
Bill: mayb uf u =i can fugure that out
9:19 AM Kent: command-shift-4 will let you capture an image. It will
save it to your desktop as "Picture 1.png"
9:20 AM Bill: just sent it
9:21 AM to your uconn account
Kent: Got it
Bill: se what I MQN/
9:22 AM i can't type
Kent: Yep. I'll print out the post and any comments before I come too
You take it easy
I'm going to let you rest
but I'll keep Google open in case you want to chat later
I love you
Bill: ok
you coming up later/
Kent: Yes
9:23 AM We'll be by early in the afternoon
Dad thinks he may be able to join us
Bill: OK. I'll try and ge here'
they hae crap planned
Kent: Well if you're not there, that probably means they'll have you
walking around the floor
9:24 AM Take it easy and rest
Bill: yup
Kent: We'll see you around 1:00pm
bye
Bill: pl
ok
My next session with my cardiac rehab program will be my last. I will be graduating. I've had 20 sessions (the program is a 36 session program), but insurance will only cover 20 sessions. I could continue to go use the equipment, but they can't wire me up to the computer because then it would be "on record" that I was there. That's ok if I square it with the hospital, but the insurance company will not cover it at all after this point.
So, I will probably just get on my own exercise program at this point: walking, hiking, etc. And maybe eventually I'll join a gym again when I think it's safe. My problem is keeping in my target heart rate range without overdoing it. I tend to push myself too hard, they tell me.
Work is different now. I'm more on a flex schedule and work as I can. I think my days of working in one continuous period of time are over for me. I would get to work around 7:00a.m. and work until 6:00p.m. or so, non-stop, except for enough time to rush out, buy a sandwich to go, and bring it back to work. I never took breaks, and I usually worked through lunch.
Now, I work at home here and there. When I'm at home, I'm usually online with work at 7:30a.m. or so, and will work until around 10. Then I lie down for 15 or so minutes, and work some more. Around 4:00, my stamina is pretty much gone, but I don't feel so bad about it really. Working at home is more concentrated work. You don't get interrupted, except by the occasional cat that needs attention. And, if the weather is nice, I will take a walk around the block for exercise. So now I'm incorporating more activity in my day. That's a good thing.
I think things are changing in America in a lot of ways. People are still losing jobs and more and more people are just doing what they can do to survive. It's a hard time for our country and I honestly don't think Washington, D.C. realizes what it's really like out in the real world. And those of us who still have jobs are somewhat in limbo. Our jobs are different now. We take up the slack of those who were let go, or, we eliminate entire functions in the job. We become leaner, except in what we eat.
And speaking of eating, it's time for me to get ready for dinner. We are going to Max Amore for dinner tonight. It's a nice restaurant, but I only eat lean these days.
