It amazes me how one single event in a person's life can alter the priority list for that person. We all have priority lists; what is the most important thing to you, and the least important. And between those two extremes, are all the things that we do in our daily lives.

Take me for example. I used to love blogging and talking (bitching) about social issues. I still love blogging when I have time and feel up to it, but social issues have really dropped on my list of priorities. It's not like I'm in a lot of pain anymore, and my progress with my cardiac rehab program is going well. In fact, in the last week, after months of really hard work, I can finally measure that I have a bit more stamina at the end of the day. Today, I see my cardiologist. After that, I will go home, and it's entirely possible that I will feel up to taking a nice long, fast-paced walk after I get home. And all of this after I took my cardiac rehab class this morning, and worked most of the day. A month ago, when I got home after all of that, I would have been wiped out. So, I see progress.

But I've also noticed that what is important to me has shifted. It's as if I'm looking at the world now through different eyes. I'm online less now with the social networks. I suppose I should care about the social issues more. I am an activist after all. But somehow, my heart just isn't in it (no pun intended). I think some of that has to do with our society as a whole right now. We seem much more disconnected with each other and much more withdrawn individually. Perhaps that's because so many of us face a less predictable future with jobs and health care in general. With me, I think it's few things.

First and foremost, I could have died. That was a wake up call to me of all the things I took for granted and just how easily life can go out with the blink of an eye. Life is so fragile. I'm lucky. I have a doctor who picked up on warning signs that many doctors would have missed. Also, so much life can simply be missed by being angry at how society looks at you because of the color of your skin, your sexuality, or any other thing about you that is different. I'm tired of being angry because I don't have that luxury any more. Nor should I. The world will do what the world is going to do whether I like it or not, with or without me.

That being said, I am happy about the hate crimes bill that is now on it's way to the President for his signature. This was years in the making, and even today, there are many in Congress who wanted it to be it's own bill so it would die again. But this time, it's attached to the defense funding bill, and that has many on Capitol Hill bitching and moaning that they are being forced to pass a bill that will collect statistics and add time to sentencing if you beat up or kill a gay, lesbian, or transgendered person. In other words, we are no longer invisible. They now have to acknowledge that hate crimes are actually something that a large part of my community fear and have had to live with for a very long time. I also have hope that progress can be made on Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and the Defense of Marriage Act. Both of them should be abolished, and my hope is that will happen sometime in the next 3 years.

But happen or not, I think about myself and my family now first and foremost. Everything else is gravy. If that makes me a selfish bastard, I can live with that. I've paid my dues and I've done my fair share of marches and protests.