I have a lot to be thankful for this year. First and foremost, I'm alive. Life can change for any of us so fast. And most of us take life for granted. I know I won't do that anymore. I've been thinking about all the people this year who have been a big part of my life...

First and foremost, Kent. He is the most amazing human being I know. He was with me through all the bad stuff and continues to be an anchor for me since my operation in June. It hasn't been easy for us, but we've always had each other.

Mom and Dad. They came out last June to help us through everything. At the time I didn't want them to come, but I didn't realize what I was up against. I don't know what we would have done without them.

Austin, my friend who lives in Boston. When I had my angiogram, Kent was in South Africa for a month. Austin came down from Boston to take me to the hospital for the procedure. We have a very solid friendship, but I want him to know that I don't take his generosity for granted. It's good to have a friend you can count on.

Various people at work. I've received a lot of support from people at work. It's honestly been a surprise to me because I didn't think many people at work cared, but the outpouring of support from my coworkers, and especially my boss and management in general, has been overwhelming.

Dawn and Catherine, the RN's at my cardiac rehabilitation program. I thank them for being relentless in pushing me to get stronger. Each session is more difficult than the last and it's been grueling. But, it's paid off. I have more stamina now and probably am in better shape than before the operation.

All the people who sent me cards and well wishes during my recovery. There were hundreds of them - cards and emails. I kept them all to remind me that there are so many people who care.

Tomorrow, we will go to spend our Thanksgiving at Mystic, Connecticut. We stay at the Inn at Mystic, and will have dinner at the Flood Tide Restaurant. They make a great dinner, just like home cooking, and a lot less work. We always have a good time there. We'll come home on Friday and spend a quiet weekend together.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

Life can be very uncertain. I've become very aware of that this last year with my bypass operation. So, yesterday when I read about St. Francis Hospital in Hartford being put on a one year probation for multiple violations, I was stunned, because this is the same hospital I had my operation in.

But there's more. Here's a breakdown of the timeline:

May 18: Patient at St. Francis Hospital and Medical Center sustains brain injury following a "catastrophic" failure involving a pump used for cardiopulmonary bypass during heart surgery.

June 5: I have my bypass operation. There are always risks involved in any operation. But I did not know that the same pump that had the catastrophic failure had put back into operation just days after May 18, without any inspection, or report to authorities that it was back in operation. In other words, they could have used that same pump during my operation. That is the device that circulates the blood while your heart is stopped. It supplies oxygen to the blood as well. It is all that is keeping your body alive during the operation.

June 18: Patient dies.

July 2: St. Francis voluntarily suspends non-emergency cardiac surgeries at the recommendation of the state health department.

July: Suspension lifted after state determines the safety concerns had been corrected; investigation continues.

Thursday: State places St. Francis on probation for one year, citing numerous violations.

This is the formal document of probation issues against St. Francis.

It's hard for me to understand how things like this can happen at a well funded hospital like St. Francis. It's not like I chose them. In our area, when your general practitioner (your doctor) recommends testing, he will send you to whatever network he is associated with. I was sent to a cardiologist who happened to be associated with St. Francis, so that's where I was sent for the operation. If I wanted to go to Hartford Hospital (another hospital with a great reputation for heart bypass), I would have to request a different cardiologist.

It was strange at work yesterday. I had people come up to me and say, "My God Bill. When I read that article, I thought of you and how lucky that you are still with us." I am lucky. That guy that died could have been any of the bypass patients. Things can go wrong in any operation. The pump stopped in the middle of the operation. It can happen. But what I find unconscionable is the fact that they put the defective pump back into operation just a few days later, without repair, without inspection, without making a formal report.

HARTFORD - The surgery was supposed to repair the patient's heart, but more than five hours into the procedure, something went wrong -- a "catastrophic" failure of the pump meant to keep blood and oxygen flowing through the patient's body. The patient sustained a brain injury and died a month later.

But that wasn't the only thing that went wrong at St. Francis Hospital and Medical Center after the device failed, according to state health officials.

Under federal law and hospital policy, the hospital should have notified the federal government or the device manufacturer of the problem, but that did not happen, according to an investigation report by state regulators. Hospital policy called for the device to be impounded and for the director of clinical engineering to be notified without delay, but he wasn't told for more than two weeks, the report said. And, it stated, the device itself was put back into use within three to four days, even though it had not been examined by the required staff. [...]

Regulators also cited problems with hospital facilities, inadequate preventive maintenance of medical equipment, and a lack of evidence that staff evaluated the neurological signs of a patient who fell out of bed and sustained a head injury. The patient later died. (source)

I can always tell when the College of Idaho calls for their fundraiser. They will call and the caller ID will say "C of I". I don't answer. Then, no more than one minute later, another phone call comes through. I presume the first one was for me. The second call I presume is for Kent.

I never answer. It's not because I don't like my former college. In fact, I have very fond memories of my college. It's all a matter of respect.

I respect that they have given me an education. I respect that there are a lot of experiences in my life that in indirect ways, the college has had an impact on. I respect that they have given me the foundation of the life I have today.

But they do not respect my life that I have with Kent. They respect me... to a point. And that point is what they want me to be, meets, what I am. Fantasy versus reality. It is as wide as an ocean.

To this day, they have done nothing for gay students at the College of Idaho. They do have a Gay, Straight Campus Alliance, under which it states:

The Gay, Straight Campus Alliance organization will serve to support, educate and promote issues for the student body. In order to do this, the Gay, Straight Campus Alliance will discuss relevant topics, have guest speakers and work with other Treasure Valley organizations.

That's a start, but a Gay, Straight Campus Alliance is more than just having guest speakers that come in occasionally. Being a gay friendly campus is having an actual physical place that you can actually go to and talk with someone about issues you may be having, such as alienation, depression, rejection from friends and family. In other words, all the things that can happen when you are coming out. Many young people come out in college, especially if they come from a place that is not so accepting to gay people.

I don't mean to sound like a mean bastard with bad feelings, but I'm quite honestly sick and tired of them asking me for money when they give so little to gay students who may need some support.

So when I see them calling me, and see that the caller ID is "C of I", I don't answer. I suppose I could answer and unload my wrath upon some 18 year old volunteer student who would have no idea what the hell I was talking about, but that wouldn't really be fair. I'm a force to be reckoned with, and they are just starting their lives. I remember what it was like to be them.

Someday, perhaps, there will be truth that will shine through to people who don't want to acknowledge the existence of others who don't fall into their small view of the world. I guess we can hope. Until that time, I will continue to ignore the calls from people of lesser vision.

It's always nice to get home. When we unpacked, we had some surprises. I guess we forgot our phone chargers (no big deal), and my exercise watch that syncs up to my chest strap to monitor heart rate (big deal), and Kent's chest strap for his Garmin unit that measures a lot more than mine (another big deal). Those will be expensive to replace I suppose. I think they were in the folds of the bedspread and just got overlooked. We have the hotel staff looking into it, but you know how that goes. We will probably never hear from them.

Other than that hick up, it was really a nice trip. It was the first trip since my bypass operation, and marked another milestone in my recovery; independence. On the last day, I took a taxi to the Lincoln Memorial, walked from there to the Vietnam Memorial, walked to the World War II memorial that I had not seen before in it's finished form, and from there to the Holocaust Museum, and on to the Jefferson Memorial. In all, I'd say 5-6 miles of walking! That's a lot for me.

That night we went to dinner and on the way back decided to walk back to the hotel, which was only five blocks. But after two blocks, I had to stop every block, grab hold of something, and just catch my breath and slow things down a bit. I had exhausted all my allotted energy for the day. I'm glad I don't do that too often.

And now, I face a mountain of work at my job, right after my cardiac rehab class this morning. I have nine more sessions to go and I officially graduate. After that, I'm declared rehabilitated, aside from having to see the cardiologist ever so often, but I can live with that. And of course, exercise every day.

I'm off to my class. Have a nice day!

We took a few days off and went to Washington, D.C. for a few days. We left Hartford on Friday and will leave on Tuesday.

We're having a great time seeing all the sites again, but this time, it's not the first time we've been here, so we can pick and choose our favorite places. Oddly enough, one of my favorite places is Arlington National Cemetery. I know a lot of you are asking, "WHY?". Well, because of my life philosophy. I believe life is a mixture of a lot of things; happy, sad, wonderment, thoughtfulness, hard times and good times, friends, family, birth, and death, and what all of those mean to each person. It's different for everyone.

I know people who go through their entire lives being happy. Just happy. And when something bad happens to them in their lives, as it eventually will, surely God will take care of it. He won't. It's just you and your friends and your family. I'm actually good with that. I'm also good with the fact that they are happy and don't want to explorer anything out of that mystical sphere that they have going on. Good for them!

But everything in my upbringing, my life experiences; the loss of so many of my friends at an early age, so much death in my early years with my family, and this year, confronting the fact that this could have been my last year.... all these things have made me. I own then, whether I like them or not.

So I had no problem going to Arlington to be in the company of men and women who have shaped our nation, with the vast majority of them dying a horrible death alone on some battlefield. I don't talk much when I go there. Silence is for them. And also, I'm somewhat overwhelmed with a mixture of profound sadness; not for them, but for the fact that as a human race, war seems to be necessary for some insane reason. And, I'm grateful for them, that they "gave the last full measure of devotion". And as long as we remember, and people like me remember their sacrifice, they will not have died in vain.

We visited John F. Kennedy's grave site, and just a short walk away was Bobby Kennedy's grave, and just a short walk from that, the same distance, was Senator Edward Kennedy's grave site. It was hard to see that. People were there. No one spoke. Many were crying. I guess that is what we should tap into more. If we did that, perhaps we wouldn't be so cruel to each other as days go by.

Someone remarked online last night, "Why do you think our country isn't free?" I quickly typed that freedom isn't freedom unless every single one of us have the same rights as everyone else. That is the definition of freedom. We don't live in a country shrouded by freedom. We live in a country where the majority have their rights, and others don't. Some people like it that way, obviously. Just look at what happened in Maine last week. But, if that's the way you like our nation to be, don't call that freedom.

This is not what those men and women in Arlington Cemetery died for.

I will be thinking of the people of Maine today. The legislature and Governor passed a bill making marriage equality for gay couples a reality.

Today, the voters show up at the polls to approve or veto that bill. I'm hoping the people of Maine will vote for fairness. I'm hoping they will vote for equality and allow gay couples to marry. I'm hoping they won't strip away the civil rights of a minority because of bias. I'm hoping they will allow gay and lesbian couples to achieve part of the American Dream.

On the ballot, Question 1 reads: "Do you want to reject the new law that lets same-sex couples marry and allows individuals and religious groups to refuse to perform these marriages?" The answer MUST BE, NO.