It's a beautiful day here, nice and sunny out. It's 17 degrees and not a cloud in the sky. The air is so clean. We just finished filling the bird feeders. This provides endless entertainment for our two cats.

This is what we have come to...
We woke up this morning, and got ready for breakfast. Kent called me yesterday to plan breakfast for the weekend. We usually eat at home, and weekend breakfasts have become kind of special to us because it's just the two of us here, and it's quiet time. We can relax and talk about our week and other things.

So, Kent planned to have bagels this morning, accompanied by low fat cream cheese (it's gotten so much better from a few years ago), capers, smoked salmon, fresh tomato, and red onion.

Sunday morning, we are going to make a frittata, that varies from time to time. We have this great frittata pan that never fails. Frittatas of course require eggs. While preparing the the ingredients for the bagels, Kent said, "Damn, I forgot to pick up eggs for the frittatas. I'll pick some up later today."

So here we are preparing breakfast. I get out the salmon and capers while he is busy slicing the tomato and onion. Then all the sudden he says, "Shit! I forgot to get the bagels." I followed, "What the hell is wrong with you? You forget the eggs, and now the bagels?!?!" It sounds awful in writing, but it was said with a smile on my face, and a great deal of love. We sound like an old married couple. You should hear us in the grocery store.

So as I write this, breakfast is on hold, and I'm waiting for him to get home with the required ingredients for these two wonderful breakfasts.

Growing older makes for more interesting events. I can't wait for the day that we look down and ask, "What the hell is that for?" It's like going back to being a baby boy again.

I haven't posted for awhile. The fact is, I've been sick. When you are sick, it's really hard to get motivated about anything. Kent has been gone for the last two and a half weeks to South Africa. I concentrated on work. But the evenings were lonely. Two and a half weeks is longer than you think, especially when you are going to bed at 8:00 every night just completely exhausted.

But I'm feeling a bit better now, and Kent got home last night. So I'm getting life back on track.

There's so many things that I've wanted to write about, but somehow life got in the way. I wanted to write about the hideous message written by The Observer, the student newspaper from Notre Dame University. It was a take off of a really bad and homophobic joke that went something like... "What is the easiest way to turn a fruit into a vegetable? With AIDS." But then the staff decided that it wasn't nice to make fun of a "fatal disease". So they took out the AIDS reference and said, "How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? With a baseball bat."

I've thought about writing about it, but a few things came to mind. One is that I'm really quite amazed that 30 years after AIDS hit the gay community so hard, that it's still considered by some to be funny. Even Bob Hope made jokes about gay people dying of AIDS. I suppose awareness has reached a high by the staff of The Observer, who came to the conclusion that just maybe it's not "ok" to make fun of a "fatal disease".

So, after this was published, all hell broke loose, and the editor of the paper ended up resigning. Fine. Whatever it takes for the Catholic University to save face right? But it's not right. Notre Dame has not yet come out and spoke out against it. Not really. The President of the university made a weak statement, and that was it. The Observer has apologized. You can read more about it here if you'd like.

At any rate, I no longer have the energy or time to waste on worthless people who have nothing else better to do than inflict pain on others.

Then, I read about the win of Scott Brown in Massachusetts to the U.S. Senate. I have mixed feelings about this. First off, the Democrats are solely responsible for this. They've dropped the ball on so many things. It seems that all they can do if fight amongst themselves without solving anything. Meanwhile, Scott Brown wins. The Democrats don't need an enemy. They have one in themselves. The health care issue should have been put to rest six months ago, and the President should be talking about JOBS now.

And here we have Scott Brown, someone who has voted for a state constitutional amendment against same sex marriage in Massachusetts twice, who said that two women who have a child is "not normal", and who has stated that he would be for a national constitutional amendment against gay marriage." The list goes on.

And for all the gay folks who voted for Scott Brown in Massachusetts, I understand you. I'm frustrated too. What I don't understand is how can you vote for someone who would strip you of your rights? I just don't understand that. I understand that there are other issues to attend to and that gay equality is just one of many, but I'm talking about the core of your identity. You can say that it's just one aspect of you. I agree with that. But, will you still be able to say that when it is enshrined in The Constitution of the United States that you are a second class citizen? Something to think about.

The rest of politics mean nothing to me because I realize now that things will go on one way or the other. This country will either rise and become great again (not looking good), or we will become bankrupt and without one shred of principle that The Constitution holds within it. This is quite beyond my control.

So, my days consist of going to work, coming home, spending time with my cats and family, and watching my favorite shows on TV. I know, not very exciting, but I'm just being honest.

I can't wait for Spring to get here.

POLITICS

According to Glenn Beck, every man, woman, and child owes $340,000 to pay for the current federal deficit. I can't stand Glen Beck because he makes my head hurt. BUT, I do love to color of his eyes. HOWEVER, he needs to learn to use MOISTURIZERS! As Vladimir Horowitz once said about the importance of "spontaneity" in performance, "...that's very important...". Well, it's very important to use moisturizers. In addition, what the hell is going on with his hair? I should stop listening to Fox News ("fair and balanced"), but I'm a curious creature so I can't help myself. So, I listen and then feel like a moron for listening to them. Final note... he has fairly good fashion sense, which probably means he has some gay man dressing him. Oh geez, let's not go there!

I've stopped tracking politics in general because 1) I'm generally disgusted with all of it and 2) I don't have the energy to worry about it anymore.

But I will say this... there's a big difference between the Republicans who sit back and complain about our debt and how great things used to be (even though they created a great deal of our debt on Iraq, the war of choice -- yes, I know they want to forget that and blame Obama, but it's the TRUTH, DAMN IT!), without offering any REAL solutions, and the Democrats... well, maybe there's not such a difference. I'm disgusted with both parties, which is probably why I stopped following politics in general. Which brings us to...

MAN TALK

Life is a strange thing. I guess I should give you some context. Kent is away for awhile. I go to work and do the best I can, but honestly, it's a struggle.

But I try to work within reality. WHAT IS REAL? Well, philosophers with many names have a lot to say about "What is Real?". I'm not that deep. I'm pretty much a meat and potatoes man. My goal is to just go to work, do the best I can, and try to get through the day on the energy that I have.

Today, I spoke to a coworker who went through some major health issues, as I have, in the last two years. He seemed to pick up on my demeanor I suppose. He kept telling me how long it takes to recover from surgery. He tells me things like, "Don't get discouraged.", "It can take up to two years to fully recover.". ok. I get it. Be patient.

But I'm not a patient person. Perhaps I'm trying too hard. Perhaps I have a higher expectation of myself than everyone else has. I've always been somewhat of a perfectionist. I've always tied to be the example in work ethic. But the truth is, I'm working very hard to maintain a very high bar in work ethics. My mental state is where the U.S. worker used to be in 1970.

But why do I need to do this? I've paid my dues. I've worked my butt off for years to get to where I am. I've enjoyed it. But the brutal truth is, with what I have now, I can't sustain that. I can't do what I did when I was 25 years old. Everyone at work understands that, except me. So, I'm used as a mental reservoir of knowledge because I've been there 23 years. That's fine I suppose. My time for physical involvement is over. So now, when I need a physical task done, I call another department and tell them what I need. Then, the 20 year old guys will come out and do what I'm no longer able to do. That's a hard one for me to get used to.

Finally, one of my coworkers and I were talking, in the men's restroom no less, issues with urinating. Yes, we were alone. There's a bit of humor here. I told him, "I'm standing at the urinal and doing my thing. This young guy comes in, and it sounds like Niagara Falls in the stall next to me. He finishes, washes his hands, and leaves. I'm left there finishing up. It seems to take forever". The man I was talking to understood this because he's three years older than me. He told me, "Don't compare yourself to others. Everyone is different."

Well, that is certainly true.

On June 5th, I went in for double bypass heart surgery. It would seem that I have the same condition that took my father's life way back in 1961. But in 2009, medical advances have made it possible to save my life.

What followed the operation was a long recovery that was painful and slow. But every single awful thing in life has a silver lining. In my case, that lining was made of gold. This is what came out of this experience I had...

1) I'm lucky to be alive. I thank my doctor for this who, on a hunch, sent me for tests that proved that I was not suffering from asthma, but something far more dangerous. If he had not done that, the specialists said that there was an 80% chance that I would be dead within three years.

2) I'm lucky to have had so much support during this time. Our parents (Kent's folks) have been amazing. They flew out to stay with us for two weeks after I was released from the hospital. Kent has been there the whole time. I have no idea how I would have made it through all of this without my family.

3) I'm not alone. Aside from my family, I received no less than 100 cards and several hundred emails wishing me the best during a difficult time.

The hard part now is to try to find myself again. My body is different, and it feels different. I still tire easily and there's only so much I can do in a day. Yes, it's VERY frustrating. But, I'm trying, and part of that is going to the gym. I'm trying for no less than three times a week, and hopefully more. It's hard to do because I see all around me these young guys who run for almost an hour hardly breaking a sweat. And here I am on my treadmill, walking fast with a slight incline for no more than 30 minutes with a maximum heart rate that can go no higher than 125. That's all. And after that's done, I'm pretty much out of energy for the rest of the day. I'm told that recovery takes a full year, so I guess by next summer I'll know what my permanent condition will be.

Kent leaves for South Africa again this coming Sunday. He will be gone for two and a half weeks. The last time he was in South Africa, he ended up coming home early so I could have my operation. This time, I'm a bit apprehensive at being home completely alone for that long, but this will be a test. I need to know I can do this.

So, life goes on and I'm happy to put 2009 behind us. It's been the worst year of my life, but that means 2010 will surely be better! And who knows, talk of marriage for us is in the works.

Finally, I want to offer congratulations to gay couples in New Hampshire. As of today, in their state, they are equal to straight couples in their state. As of today, gay couples in New Hampshire have access to marriage. Congrats guys and gals!