General: August 2004 Archives

At a time that I think society is changing it's attitude towards more acceptance of our community, something always seems to happen that makes me question this.

I was driving home today and listing to news on a New York City station. It was about what the comedians were saying about Governor McGreevey being gay and having an affair. Him coming out of the closet is news I suppose, although one could argue these days at how newsworthy that really is. Him having a gay affair while in office is news worthy, although in the age of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, I don't fully understand why people find this more taboo than a straight affair.

But what really irks me is that as far as the comedians are concerned, it's open season on the gay jokes. Haven't we outgrown the need to get a cheap laugh at the expense of a segment of our society, or has the memory of the unity we felt as one people faded after 9/11? Think I'm overreacting? Ask yourself this question. When was the last time David Letterman or Bill Maher made a joke directed towards the black or jewish communities in a disparaging way?

The jokes are divisive and condescending and I resent the fact that we are still, to some, nothing more than a punch line.

On CBS' "Late Night," David Letterman wondered aloud whether it was "too early to hit on Mrs. McGreevey." Craig Kilborn cracked on CBS' "Late Late Show" that the governor was chipping in to the relief effort for Hurricane Charley by sending throw pillows.

HBO's Bill Maher mused, "Apparently he was having an affair with a homosexual Israeli poet, who he appointed the state's homeland security adviser. Which partially explains why New Jersey's terror alert colors were parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme." (source)

This always gets on my nerves when I read a story like this. Of course, across the United States, it is happening every single day. This is happening in my state of Connecticut. Under cover police officers are arresting gay men for having sex in public parks. There are a couple of things wrong with all of this.

First off, the law is not enforced uniformly. I've heard of numerous instances where straight couples who are caught making out in cars are told to take it somewhere else. They are let go without an arrest. When gay couples do exactly the same thing, it often results in an arrest along with your name and address being published in the local paper.

Secondly, many older gay men associate such behavior as a form of socialization. I know, you think that's a cop out, but it's really not. In the fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties, and much of the nineties, there were no places for gay men to meet in many areas that were safe. This is still true of many places today in the United States.

If you went to a gay bar and it was raided, you would still be arrested and your name would most likely be posted in the papers. It also could be a source for gay bashers. If you reported a crime from being bashed by someone, you could risk being arrested and bashed by the police as well and again, your name could be published in the local paper.

So, over time, people went underground for their associations with others like themselves. This is just human nature. Anyone would do it because we are social animals. We all want to feel like we aren't alone, that there are others like ourselves.

It is getting better for gay youth. There are more and more safe outlets for them to openly acknowledge they are gay, lesbian, or transgendered without the risk of arrest. I would venture to say that ninety-five percent of those arrested are over they age of thirty. Maybe in time, when the police understand that the source of the problem isn't gay men but the bigoted policies of the past, we can actually start solving the problem.

The solution isn't to publish the names of gay men in the paper who are caught in the parks. The solution in the long run is to find safe and publicly acceptable outlets for them to be with each other. This will only happen when society begins accepting openly gay people in it's midst. All an arrest will achieve is more bigoted attitudes within police departments, feelings of unfair treatment by the gay community by the police, and, in cases where some individuals are outed by an arrest, you can expect to see some suicides. Is that the answer?

Unfortunately, some police officers out on the streets today would say, "yes".

August 7, 2004 By GARY LIBOW, Courant Staff Writer

HADDAM -- Word of an impending police undercover crackdown on illicit sexual activity at Seven Falls State Park doesn't appear to have deterred gay men looking for an encounter.

On Friday at 3 p.m., men sat in two vehicles in the lower parking lot of the state park, located just over the Haddam-Middletown border. On Thursday afternoon, several cars were parked alongside Route 154 as well as in the lower lot.

Resident Trooper Jim Connelly said that state police are teaming with state Department of Environmental Protection police to combat lewd behavior that is keeping hikers and picnickers out of the park.

I have never done this before, but I was really taken by what this young man said in a comment on this site. I wanted to pull it out on the front and try to address it.

First off I may live in America but I do not call myself an American, and probably never will. I do not want to be a part of a name that subjects it's people to that of a lesser value. Now I am only 16 and my mind may change one day but I doubt that for it seems that this "great" nation will not ever change in my life time, being that it is set in it's ways of bigotry, this fight has been going on too long. I say that because homosexuality hits so close to home, any man, woman or child could be homosexual. Not anyone can be block you know they are going to be black, you do not know if your child will be gay.

I was born into this battle deemed a second-class citizen for being born this way, what a sad way to start life, forced to go through hate to find truth, born into a battle that I don't want to fight but when finding all the facts that deem me unequal just makes me mad, and makes me want to fight them all, but in my fight I would not want to use words or laws, I would want to use guns, and swords, bombs and any other means to eradicrate my oppressors. You may say I am angry, and I say yes I am angry, for I am born unequal. Even though the constitution says other wise I have to disagree, homosexuality is not a choice some may choice to lie but they are only following those around them. It is just disgusting what i have to be born into.

And the religion of the Christian Era (Christianity, Judiasm, And Islam) are the source of all the anti-gay sentiments. I have done much research and before the Christian Era homosexuality was widely accepted. - Theo

I've written a lot about what we face today and about people who want us to go away. I write about what a nasty world we live in. I do this from my point of view. These are my ideas and reflect where I am at in my life today, knowing what is in the past.

It's important to know the past. If we don't have something to compare the present too, we will never know if life is getting better.

I was very moved by what Theo said. He is only 16 years old and has such passion and cares so deeply about life and what his life is like now. Life today can be overwhelming. You know, for years, we always accepted that we had to live a lie just to survive. If you ever watch the move Far From Heaven, you will see a man who we learn is a homosexual. To say he was deeply closeted is an understatement. Everywhere in his life there was a shadow over him. And, it wasn't only him. This movie was about life in the 1950's. To someone who is only 16, that's more than a lifetime ago. But to me, it's not long. We have to realize that in my lifetime, we have come so far.

When I was born, you couldn't say that you were gay. It was deemed by the American Psychological Association that being homosexual was a mental illness. You don't want to even know what they did to people to try to cure them. The treatments ranged from castration, to electroshock therapy. And none of it was puplic. No one would ever admit that anyone in their family was homosexual. It was a terrible disease. That was life then.

Then, in 1969, the Stonewall Riots took place. It was a huge beginning for our community. We made a statement, and it was the beginning of our movement in modern times. But it was only the beginning. Years afterwards, we were still laughed at, beaten, degraded, and killed. And much of the time, law enforcement didn't do much if anything to stop this. In fact, many times, it was law enforcement who committed these crimes. Why? To keep us in our place. Everyone had a place in society. There was a saying that went like this: "A place for everything, and everything in it's place". That's how the world was then.

And, not much changed over the years. We made small advances. Eventually, in December of 1973, homosexuality was taken off the list of mental disorders by the American Psychological Association. When AIDS came along, we lost a lot of ground. We received no support from society and many just wanted to let us die. AIDS did a terrible thing to us, but every battle has a flip side. It made us stronger. So everytime Eddie Murphy would get on stage and tell a whole series of AIDS jokes, I would take it in. I would listen. Because it was important not to forget. It was important to remember for our friends who were dieing. It was hard not to hate and feel bitter. I used to think that I wished someone close to Murphy would get AIDS, so he would know how it felt. But I knew that was wrong. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

And just when you think that there were no decent people left, something remarkable happened. Bob Hope was doing a show and he told an AIDS joke. But it was different this time. He actually got booed. He finished his show, but was visibly shaken by it. Afterwards, he appologized for trying to get a laugh from something that was causing so much pain. Today, no one tells AIDS jokes. We have wrappers who are talking about "killling fags" and the like, but they also are taken to task for their homophobic lyrics. It's getting tougher and tougher to be a homophobe anymore.

Now, we have gay marriage, and that has started a whole new reason for people to hate us. This is the battle you were born into Theo, and I'm sorry for that. It's not fair. I wish I could make them stop hating us, but I can't. All I can do is to say that despite how bad you feel about your life now, things are so much better than they have been in the past. We are demanding acceptance and people are resisting. Society honestly doesn't know how to deal with people who actually want to be treated as equal, who have always been treated as much less than equal.

So, they do everything they can to see that we are kept down, and kept at a second class status. In the 1950's, the tools were fists, guns, and intimidation to accomplish this. Today, it's a threat of a constitutional amendment to the U.S. Constitution by our President, no less. At the state level, we have a dozen or so states that are trying to put it into their state constitutions that we are second class citizens. They are scared and they are desparate. And, they should be.

You may not like this country and feel very good about it right now, but I will tell you this. What is in place is more powerful than any weopon in the arsonal of those who want to make us less than equal. What is in place is the Constitution of the United States. It will not tolerate what they are trying to accomplish, and they damn well know it. So, they are scared. They realize that with one ruling from the U.S. Supreme Court that the all the amendments to the various state constitutions will be ruled unconstitutional. With one ruling, they will be nullified. This is in place and it is every bit as real as the bigotry they feel for us.

We have only two things to fear:

One: an amendment to the U.S. Constitution defining marriage as the union of one man – one woman. It is highly unlikely this will ever happen. It is extremely difficult to pass an amendment to the United States Constitution, and for good reason.

Two: appointments to the U.S. Supreme Court. If the President wins the November election, he will most likely be in a position to make 3-4 appointments over the following four years to the Supreme Court, as justices retire. This could change the political leanings of the court to a much more conservative stance. If this should happen, it could take many years before the court was willing to hear a challenge to any of the state constitutional amendments being put into place. Those are the only options available to them.

So I say to the gay and lesbian youth who are reading this, be strong, be brave, and be filled with hope. Instead of being filled with anger and resentment, make your anger work for you. Speak up and demand your place in society. Get involved and be informed about what your representatives in your local and state governments are up to. Let them know your concerns. Let them know what you expect from them. Don't be invisible! Being low-key and invisible will get you nothing.

Above all, always keep your integrity. That means the use of violence is never warranted. You can't fight evil by doing evil. Our opponents will say horrible things about us. They do this out of their own fear and ignorance. Don't give into it and do the same thing. Once you give in to hatred and fear, that is what you will become. We are better than that.

Time is on your side! I promise.

I had a bunch of things in the news to write about. I ended up deleting all of them. Sometimes, at least for me, life gets just a little to depressing to deal with. I read what is going on in the world, what is going on with different people I know, and I realize just how challenging it is to be happy today. At least we are Americans and have each other, right?

Well, I guess not. This all started when I was driving home Friday night from work. I was listening to some radio station and the radio show host said, "You know you need more female friends when the guy in the Speedo selling the hot dogs starts looking hot."

It wasn't even funny. That's not the point. The more I thought about it, the more I recognized that it was just a back handed slam at our community; at gay people in general. He didn't say "gay people" or anything like that, but he implied it, and implied that there were something terribly wrong with finding someone of the same sex "hot". He got away with it and nothing will happen to him.

Some reading this will say, "Bill, get a thicker skin." OK. But would they be able to get away with making some back handed comment if it were about blacks, or Jews, or Asians, or Latinos?

We are still the scapegoats because we still have a lot of homophobia to deal with in this society. I say that to the radio host, as well as all the people hearing it that got a laugh out of it.

So, I ended up deleting what I was going to write about because they all dealt with crap like that. And, crap like the following, where our fellow citizens are about to say through their right to vote that we don't deserve to be equal. It sickens me.

We are going to Idaho for two weeks, starting next Saturday. I've made a decision to not blog at all during that time. I need to get away from all of this and all of the crap people say about us, and be with my partner for a time, away from all of this. Hopefully, we will be able to avoid negative attitudes towards us from family and friends on our visit. Hope is free, even if it doesn't lead to much at times.

The will of the people should be expressed in legislation. The purpose of the constitutional Bill of Rights is to protect people, especially minorities, from the will of the majority. This turns it on its head. - Matt LeMieux, executive director of the ACLU-Eastern Missouri

Voters in Missouri will become the first in the nation tomorrow to decide on a gay marriage ban since the Supreme Judicial Court ruling in Massachusetts, and polls indicated the amendment to the state's constitution is expected to pass even though opponents have raised more campaign money.

After the SJC decision last fall, Missouri legislators concluded that the state's Defense of Marriage law was vulnerable to court challenges and that only a constitutional amendment could preserve the traditional definition of marriage. They approved a referendum on adding 20 words to the constitution: ''That to be valid and recognized in this state, a marriage shall exist only between a man and a woman."

Louisiana votes on a similar amendment Sept. 18, as will at least eight other states on Election Day, Nov. 2. [...]

Four states -- Alaska, Hawaii, Nebraska, and Nevada -- had amended their constitutions to ban gay marriage before the SJC ruling. (source)