General: February 2005 Archives

You know... a country who actually values all people the same way.

(London) Same-sex unions will become legal in the UK in December, and the British military has begun sweeping changes to prepare for them.

Legislation to create civil unions will go into effect on December 5. The first partnerships will therefore be in place by Christmas after the 15-day waiting period has passed, the government announced Monday.

The new law will allow gay and lesbian couples to sign an official document in front of the registrar and two witnesses and will offer almost all of the rights and responsibilities of marriage.

In line with the government’s announcement the Royal Navy has become the first branch of the services to say it will welcome lesbian and gay personnel to stay in family quarters once they have registered their unions. The other branches of the military are expected to follow suit. (source)

On one tape, Bush explains that he told one prominent evangelical that he would not “kick gays, because I’m a sinner. How can I differentiate sin?”

Wead said on the tapes that he heard that Bush had promised that he would not hire gay people.

“No, what I said was I wouldn’t fire gays. I'm not going to discriminate against people,” Bush said. (source)

That was from a taped recording of a conversation then Governor Bush had with Doug Wead, a friend of the governor at the time. Bush said he would not fire gay people and would not discriminate against them. But, he didn’t say if he would hire an openly gay person. It goes both ways.

The following is from a transcript in which the President gives support for a constitutional amendment defining marriage as one man, one woman.

Today, I call upon the Congress to promptly pass and to send to the states for ratification an amendment to our Constitution defining and protecting marriage as a union of a man and woman as husband and wife. - President George W. Bush - February 24, 2004 (source)

I remember the date well because it’s the same day that Kent and I went to the Town Clerk of Coventry, Connecticut to ask for a marriage license. We were refused.

It’s a bit hypocritical to say on one hand that he won’t bash gays, then later (when he’s President) support a constitutional amendment making all gay couples second class citizens.

I know I keep harping on this, but it drives me nuts that he will say and do anything to get elected and to keep his numbers up as high as they can be, without regard to integrity. How can anyone like that be trusted? Why doesn’t America see that? Are we simply so starved for leadership that we will follow anything?

(Little Rock, Arkansas) A bill that would have forced schools to use only books that omitted any reference to gay families has failed to win the endorsement of the Arkansas’ Senate Education Committee.

The committee cast a 3 - 3 tie vote. The bill needed at least four votes to move to the Senate floor. It had already passed the House.

The legislation would have applied only to new textbooks purchased by school districts.

The sponsor of the measure, Rep. Roy Ragland (R-Marshall) said the bill was designed to block efforts to promote a gay agenda in schools.

“From my perspective, the agenda is coming from the other end of the spectrum,” Sen. Jim Argue, D-Little Rock, chairman of the committee, said before the vote.

Last November Arkansas voters overwhelmingly endorsed a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage in the state. As well, the state is appealing a ruling that struck down a law barring gays from becoming foster parents. (story)

The Texas Board of Education in November approved new health textbooks for the state’s high school and middle school students only after the publishers agreed to change the wording to depict marriage as the union of a man and a woman. (story)

Legislation pending in Alabama would go even further. The bill, if enacted, would bar any representation of homosexuality in schools, libraries, and state funded universities. (source)

And they say we have an agenda. Their agenda all along has been to rid us from existence, viewing us as a scourge upon mankind. That haven’t been able to do that. So, they use everything in their arsenal to make our lives miserable (pass legislation that has it’s basis in religious doctrine, such as the Bible that brands us as an abomination) and, when that fails, try to make it look like we don’t even exist (bar any literature in the libraries that make even the slightest mention of gay people in society).

If there is anything close to evil in this world, it is the complete and utter stripping of someone publicly of the gifts that he or she can bring to enrich the lives of others in society. All of this to profit not God, but the narrow minded view of those who hate us.

The Virginia bill targeting gay people for adoptions or being foster parents is dead. I actually thought, with the state of affairs in Virginia, that the bill would pass. Perhaps they are starting to feel a bit dirty from all the awful rhetoric they are putting out.

(Richmond, Virginia) Legislation that would have required social workers in adoption cases to determine whether applicants are gay was turned turned down Wednesday by a committee of the Virginia Senate.

The decision by the Courts of Justice Committee means the bill will not get to the Senate floor for a vote.

“This thing comes awfully close to being pretty bigoted, so I can’t support it,” said Sen. Richard Saslaw (D-Fairfax).

The measure passed the House of Delegates last week but only after many of the anti-gay provisions were deleted. (story)

The bill, as originally introduced by Del. Richard H. Black (R-Loudoun) would have prevented gays from becoming either adoptive or foster parents. (source)

Washington -- A federal agency’s efforts to remove the words “gay,” “lesbian,” “bisexual” and “transgender” from the program of a federally funded conference on suicide prevention have inspired scores of experts in mental health to flood the agency with angry e-mails.

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration is an agency within the Department of Health and Human Services that is funding the conference on Feb. 28 in Portland, Ore. On the program, at least until recently, is a talk titled “Suicide Prevention Among Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender Individuals.”

Everyone seems to agree the topic is important. Studies have found that the suicide risk among people in these groups is two to three times higher than the average risk.

So it came as a surprise to Ron Bloodworth -- a former coordinator of youth suicide prevention for Oregon and one of three specialists leading the session -- when word came down from SAMHSA project manager Brenda Bruun that the contractor running the program should omit the four words that described precisely what the session was about.

Bloodworth was told it would be acceptable to use the term “sexual orientation.” But that did not make sense to him. “Everyone has a sexual orientation,” he said in an interview Tuesday. “But this was about gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders.” (source)

Maya Marcel-Keyes, the lesbian daughter of conservative Republican Alan Keyes, who is currently featured in an exclusive interview on Advocate.com, appealed to several hundred people at a rally in Annapolis, Md., on Monday to provide more support for gay and lesbian young people who have been deserted by their families and too often wind up being victims of violence on the streets. In her first public appearance since her sexual orientation began to attract public attention, Marcel-Keyes said she was motivated to speak out because of the illness and recent death of a high school friend who was thrown out of the house by his family and by her own relationship with her parents.

At home, “things just came to a head. Liberal queer plus conservative Republican just doesn’t mesh well,” she said at the rally, sponsored by Equality Maryland to protest a proposed state constitutional ban on same-sex marriage and support bills aimed at guaranteeing more rights for gays. “That was making my life a little bit turbulent,” she said. (source)

I can see why her life would be very turbulent being a lesbian in the home of Republican Alan Keyes. Here are some memorable quotes from Alan Keyes:

“In a homosexual relationship, there is nothing implied except the self-fulfillment, contentment and satisfaction of the parties involved in the relationship. That means it is a self-centered, self-fulfilling, selfish relationship that seeks to use the organs intended for procreation for purposes of pleasure. The word pleasure in Greek is hedone and we get the word hedonism from that word.”

“You have intervened in order to try to personalize the discussion of an issue that I did not personalize. The people asking me the question did so and if that’s inappropriate, blame the media. Don’t blame me. If my own daughter were a homosexual or lesbian, I would love my daughter, but I would tell her she was in sin.” (source)

Well, apparently, you will have that opportunity Mr. Keyes. Since you made those statements, your own daughter has come out as a lesbian. Now, I suppose you can shun and turn her away as well.

The point I’m trying to make is that when people make derogatory and hurtful statements about gay people, they really should stop and think that maybe some of those who they consider good friends or perhaps even members of their own family, may be gay or lesbian, and are afraid to tell anyone for fear of losing the friendship.

I myself can not count the times that such a thing has happened to me. I trusted the person who I called friend only to have him or her turn around and say some horrible thing about what they think about gay people.

At that point, the friendship has problems. I can try to keep the friendship going and avoid the subject altogether, which is really futile because sooner or later, they will find out. But what has died at that moment in the friendship is trust. Once trust is gone, the lifespan of the friendship is in jeopardy.

Alan Keyes released a statement Monday night saying, “My daughter is an adult and she is responsible for her own actions. What she chooses to do has nothing to do with my work or political activities.” (source)

She’s your daughter. Does that mean nothing to you? If it doesn’t, you will lose her. And, you deserve too.

Further reading:
Anti gay bias hits home

The number of U.S. military members discharged for making it known they are homosexual declined last year by 15 percent and has fallen by nearly one-half since 2001, the Pentagon said Friday. (source)

Of course they are dismissing fewer gays from the military. They need them for the war. But after Bush’s little war in Iraq is over (or when they get killed), it will no longer need the gay soldiers.

My question is this. Gays are discharged from the service if it becomes known that they are gay, as stated in the rules of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. One of the founding arguments of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was to maintain “unit cohesion”. It was argued successfully that allowing openly gay service members to serve in the military would damage that unit cohesion. So, don’t they need unit cohesion in time of war? Or could it be that having gays in the military was never hurting unit cohesion. Perhaps it was always about simple bigotry.

You think? Do you feel used yet?

Democrats are not for gay marriage, but “we are the party that has always believed in equal rights under the law for all people,” he said. (source)

Funny, but I thought that Howard Dean said that was absolutely for giving gay couples the ability to marry. I remember him being one of three Democratic presidential candidates would wanted marriage, as opposed to civil unions, for gay couples. Now, he’s saying that is not what the Democratic Party wants.

He further states that the Party “has always believed in equal rights under the law for all people.” Well, I’m sorry, but that means giving gay couples the ability to enter into marriage, which will give them all the federal benefits (over 1,400 of them) of marriage. That is “equal rights” Mr. Dean. So Mr. Dean, if you truly believe that (I’m very skeptical), you should come out and say that, and stop talking out of both sides of your mouth.

I found this story to be encouraging. Massachusetts attorney general Thomas Reilly is now in favor of keeping same sex marriage in Massachusetts and has vowed to fight attempts to overturn it. It’s encouraging, because he fought to prevent gay marriage from happening in the state a year ago.

Maybe when people see the issues involved, it changes everything. He said today, “Once rights are given, they should not be taken away.” That’s good, but, if it is the right thing that people have these rights today, wasn’t it always the right thing to do?

BOSTON – The state attorney general, who played a key role in state efforts to fight the legalization of gay marriage a year ago, now says he favors same-sex marriage and will oppose any efforts to ban it. [...]

“Once rights are given, they should not be taken away,” Reilly told The Boston Globe for Saturday’s editions. [...]

Members of the state’s gay and lesbian communities remain “furious” with Reilly, said Susan Ryan-Vollmar, editor of Bay Windows, New England’s largest gay and lesbian newspaper.

“When the subject comes up of Reilly running for governor, it runs from, ‘Over my dead body’ to ‘He is going to have to really grovel,’” she said. (source)

It’s a strange time right now. Everything seems to have changed over the last three years. America is divided over so many issues and our community seems to be on the outs with everyone. It’s not that I haven’t survived challenges before. It’s just that, there seems to be no resolution to this problem of just not feeling like I belong to America anymore. Is this still my home? Do I have a place in this country? Should I care so much about society not caring about what I have with my partner? Maybe there are bigger issues involved.

So, I am anxious. I know I’m not alone and I know there are a lot of people even outside the gay community that feel this way also. I read that gay people in Virginia are leaving the state to set up their home in more tolerant states. Not surprising. I suppose I would do the same thing.

I have lost friends over where we are at today. I have changed, and maybe they have changed as well. Whatever has happened, it is no longer viable for me to be friends with anyone who feels that I have no right to marry my partner. Period. Does that seem small of me?

This is no small issue for me. Those who know me know that I would not dismiss a friendship lightly. But, this is one thing that strikes to the core of what I am as a human being. When people say they don’t support that, they are not and probably never were my friends.

They are saying that I am not an equal citizen to them. So, as far as I am concerned, they are not my friends. Perhaps they never really were. Does this make sense?

I’m writing what I have been thinking for the last few months in a matter of a few paragraphs. I have bitched and moaned about it. It’s tiring and it wears you down. Every time I check the news, I come up with something new. In the last five minutes of a search:

6-year term for killing gay man sparks anger. Six years. Is that what the life of a gay man who is murdered goes for these days?

Constitutional amendments banning same-sex marriage moved forward this week in Virginia, Alabama and Indiana. Nothing new here. Tomorrow or the next day, it will be the same, but the names of the states will have changed. That’s all.

Through all of this, I’m reminded that I, along with many other people, mean little to America. The constitutional amendments against allowing us to marry our partners have said that loud and clear. Is there a place in America for us anymore?

Maybe. I think we have to try to make that place and try to imagine that someday, we will again be part of America; an America that wants us and values us. Not an America who takes advantage of us as a community. Our challenge is to keep love and understanding within ourselves. I remind myself that it is easy to hate. And, I simply will not allow myself the luxury of hating those who hate us. If it is wrong for them to do it to us, it is wrong for us to do it to them.

They do not understand us because it is easier to hate us for threatening marriage. The irony is, we have a lot to bring to marriage. We were never the enemy of marriage, but they have made us so. There’s nothing we can do about that.

So what’s next? I don’t know. Like a lot of you, I go through my day wondering what the next bomb dropped will be. What state will be the next one to vote us into second-class citizenship? Can everyday Americans even understand what that feels like? Do they even care?

Again, I don’t know. I only know myself. I only have my own inner strength to guide me through life. I can’t control others. I will try to be myself honestly and openly. If that means that I will someday come in contact with a gay basher who will vanish me from this earth, as they did the man mentioned above, that is what will be. But at least, they will know who I am.

I used to wonder what people would think of me who read this. Most of you I don’t know. But, over time, people in my personal life who actually know me, people I work with and personal friends, have found this blog. I did not tell them about this blog because I write about my innermost thoughts about my life. They read it. I wonder what they will think of me? Will they think that I’m weak? Will they think less of me? Will they think that I’m crazy? Should I be less honest? If I am less honest, why do this blog? I say what is in my heart and these days, I do know that it is very dark. I am sorry for that. It is my way of resolving what is happening in my life, of bringing equality to an equation that has only darkness on each side of it.

It looks as if something will happen in Connecticut this year, but probably will be in the form of a civil union. The legislators have said they will revisit next year to see about full marriage. We’ll see. I’m skeptical that will ever happen. I don’t even know if our governor would sigh a civil union bill.

I do understand that I’m different. But I can’t for the life of me understand why that is such a terrible thing to so many people.

O God, I could be bounded in a nut shell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams - Hamlet, William Shakespeare

It’s 2:11am. I can’t sleep. I can’t get yesterday out of my mind. Why did I go to that place? The last time I was there was in the first fight for the gay rights bill that we currently have in this state. In that fight, we lost the bill by eight votes. It eventually passed, but the process took a toll. There was so much hate there. People who talked who didn’t want us to have civil rights argued that it would be the end of decent life in the state if normal citizens were not allowed to fire gays from work just for being gay, deny them housing, access to public accommodations, and all the rest. The bill eventually did pass and life did go on in Connecticut. The sky didn’t fall as they predicted.

Yesterday afternoon, a committee at the Legislative Office Building in Hartford were discussing the fate of two bills. One gave same sex couples the ability to have Vermont-style civil unions, and would be called a “civil union”. The other bill gave same sex couples full marriage and would be called a “marriage”, having no difference in name or otherwise, to what is now heterosexual marriage. Both bills could die in committee and never have a hearing in the full body of the legislature.

I listened to two open statements. One from Brian Brown, executive director of the Family Institute of Connecticut and a leading opponent of gay marriage. The other one from Anne Stanback, executive director of Love Makes a Family, who supports only marriage for gay couples, and does not support anything less, such as civil unions.

I had heard Brian talk before because he’s been in the news a lot. His argument is that this will be the “last straw” for marriage, an institution that has seen so many assaults on it in the last thirty years. I’m sitting there wondering, “How is that my fault? Why should I go through this because someone who got married decided 55 hours later that it was a mistake? I didn’t contribute to this problem marriage is having.”

I knew what Anne was going to say. Her organization has taken the stand that anything less than full marriage is simply not equality. I share that view. I don’t want a “civil union”. It’s degrading that I can’t be a fully equal citizen.

One of the conservative representatives was having a hard time with this (I will not mention his name because I don’t want repercussions from saying this so publicly). He wanted to know why we couldn’t settle for civil unions. His argument was that it takes time for people to understand these issues. He himself could not come to terms with giving us marriage. He said this in the committee and warned Anne that if we (the gays) kept on this course, his fear was that we would end up with nothing.

The round of questions for Anne finished. After she stepped down, the conservative representative left the room. I followed.

I went up to him and thanked him for trying to understand. He said, “Bill, I am trying to understand. Do you share Anne’s view of this, that you won’t settle for civil unions. I have to tell you, I will not vote for marriage.” I said, “Yes, I share that view. We both know that anything less than equal is not equality.” He said, “I know there are a lot of people who need these rights.” I said, “My partner and I are seeing a lawyer and spending money to try to get the really important rights given by marriage...” He interrupted me and said, “That’s no guarantee. Anything can be overturned. I know that there are couples like yourself who need these rights. How long have you two been together?” I replied, “Thirty years.” I proceeded to tell him what it has been like for people I know and what some of my nightmares have been. I feel my voice tighten during this and it’s hard to speak. I fight through it and I feel tears dropping off my cheeks. I am angry at myself. Of all the people to show vulnerability too, this was the last person I wanted to see this. He shook his head and said, “I’m afraid if you go for the whole thing (marriage), you will get nothing.” I said, “I have nothing now.” We parted.

I collected myself, and went back into the room.

A gay couple, together for 15 years were now talking, as a couple. They talked about their son Eli, who is two and a half years old. They are scared of what he will go through if they are not able to have full marriage. They worry about benefits. Even though one partner, who covers the other one with his benefits package because his employer (Columbia University) honors domestic partners, they still pay taxes on the premiums they pay for this, while married people do not. Columbia requires a copy of a marriage certificate to allow them as “married”. That can’t provide this. The committee was taken aback by this issue of being taxed on a benefit that marriage protects straight couples from. The civil union bill would not prevent this from happening. They continue to talk about Eli, as one of them fights back tears.

I’m sitting there listening to this and simply think to myself, “I hate how we are treated.” I get up and leave the building. I go back to work, even though there’s only an hour left. I work for the next two and one half hours frantically, trying to get it off my mind.

I go home to cook dinner for Kent. And, until I went to sleep, I was able to not think about it. But it came back in bad dreams. I’m not sure anybody understands how awful this feels, other than other gay couples. I’m not sure I’ve described it very well. How do you put into words what the knot in your stomach feels like as you wake up from sleep gasping for breath?

You have to wonder what is going on in Virginia.

First they are trying to pass (and most likely will pass) a constitutional amendment against gay marriage. They further said that civil unions or anything that approximated marriage would not be honored in the state as a recognized relationship.

Now, they are trying to put a lid on gay couples who are willing and able to adopt children.

You know, this happened once before, and this is exactly how it started in Germany when the Germans started stripping the Jews and other groups of their rights, one by one. No one said anything. And we all know where that went. But this is a state. Do the people of the State of Virginia have no decency?

What will they try to do next, pass a bill that requires all homosexuals in the state to wear pink triangles?

RICHMOND, Va. A bill that would make it difficult for homosexual couples to adopt children advanced in the House today despite concerns about how it would be enforced.

Whether couples are practicing homosexuals would become part of the background investigation for adoption if the legislation becomes law.

Arlington Democrat Robert Brink ridiculed the bill by asking if investigators would look for show tunes or Judy Garland CD's in the petitioner's home to determine whether they were homosexuals.

The bill’s sponsor, Loudoun Republican Richard Black, countered concerns by saying the investigators would ask neighbors, look at police records and inquire of the prospective parents. He says it is just going to be an additional area of scrutiny.

The gay adoption bill faces a final House vote early next week. (source)

You get what you ask for. The people of Ohio wanted this archiac and hateful law passed. I sincerely hope that it comes back to them in cases like this to bite them in the ass.

To try to get a domestic violence charged overturned, his lawyer has raised a wider issue, claiming a conflict between Ohio’s new constitutional amendment defining marriage and the state’s domestic violence law.

Opponents of the amendment banning gay marriage, among the nation’s broadest, feared the measure would be used to try to curtail all sorts of rights for unmarried people, and they say the domestic violence case in Cleveland is one such attempt. (source)

ALBANY, N.Y. -- Criminal charges against New Paltz Village Mayor Jason West for marrying gay couples were reinstated Wednesday by a judge who said public officials cannot pick and choose which laws to obey.

Twenty-four misdemeanor counts were filed against West after he married a series of gay couples last Feb. 27 in the Hudson Valley college town of New Paltz. But the charges were dismissed last summer by a town court judge who said there were constitutional problems in banning same-sex marriages.

Ruling on an appeal from prosecutors, Ulster County Court Judge J. Michael Bruhn said the criminal case against West was not about the constitutionality of gay marriage, but whether West lived up to his oath of office to uphold the law. Bruhn wrote in his decision that under the town court’s logic, a mayor may “ignore and flout” a law he believes is unjust or unconstitutional.

The case will now go to trial in town court, barring a settlement or a successful appeal by West’s lawyers. West faces fines and up to a year in jail if convicted on the misdemeanor counts of solemnizing marriages for couples without a license. (source)

Jason did what he felt was the fair thing to do by marrying gay couples. As Jason said, “If I told those the gay couples, ‘No, I can’t marry you because you’re gay,’ I’d be violating the state constitution and I’d be violating my oath of office.”

If convicted, Jason could spend up to one year in jail. This is what I’m going to do. I’m going to call Ulster County Court Judge J. Michael Bruhn and ask him that if Jason is convicted that I spend that year in jail instead of him. That is what I can do. This is an injustice and I’m willing to do my part for him. He is one of my heroes, and I don’t have many heroes. Maybe the judge needs to hear that.

It’s so strange that being older gives you more courage to do things that you would never risk yourself over at a younger age. It’s an interesting observation.

Just the looks on their faces, just the absolute joy of finally being able to be equal. That is the highest moral calling I could possibly imagine. - Jason West

May 27, 2005 - Updated entry.

I spotted this letter in the Stanford Daily, written by a gay student. Interesting reading.

One ‘fag’ wonders — have we failed to make homophobia unacceptable?

By David Louk

Nigger. Raghead. Chink. Kike.

These are words you probably aren’t used to hearing too often — and with good reason. They’re unacceptable forms of bigotry and racism.

But what about the word “faggot”? A recent conversation among friends reminded me that the word, and a generalized acceptance of homophobia, is still alive and well, even on an enlightened liberal college campus. When my friend said the word, (we’ll say my friend is a she) she used it to describe a sketchy guy at a party, and it had nothing to do with his sexual preference.

It’s bad enough that she said it (and if she said it in front of me, someone who is gay, my guess is that she uses it more frequently in other company). What’s worse is the fact that I wasn’t shocked. I wasn’t offended. I didn’t say a word about the comment. Not until afterward, when another friend went on a tirade about the fact that she would use such a word, did it begin to dawn on me how much our society tolerates homophobia.

Maybe it’s because I’ve heard “faggot” used so many times before. Maybe it’s because I hear everything from cars to homework assignments to bad luck at cards described as “gay”. Whatever the reason, other than a general uneasiness with how uncomfortable the conversation had become, I wasn’t a bit phased by her utterance of “the other f-word.”

And that saddens me. I have quietly adopted this sort of second-class status, where bigoted language is acceptable and, to quote “Star Trek”, resistance is futile. Part of the blame rests on my shoulders — I should be the first line of defense against intolerance, and I should have immediately said something. Yet I am so used to hearing homophobic comments that I’ve internalized them as tolerable, if not standard. I didn’t even raise an eyebrow.

How has our society normalized such comments, and what do we do to make them socially unacceptable? I honestly don’t know. Seeing FACES during freshman orientation, having dorm discussions about racism, homophobia, sexism, etc., and even having “fag” friends didn’t work to make my friend understand that such language is unacceptable and hurtful.

Where have we failed? Where have I failed? If my friend had said the n-word, I would have been up in arms about how offensive it was. Why I did I not even question bigotry directed at me? And if I don’t blink an eye at it, what about the people out there who really are intolerant? Apart from our happy bubble called Stanford, I can only hope that as our society progresses, everyone — myself included — is more aware of the effect words can have on each other and on ourselves.

My friend eventually apologized and said that she should not have been so flippant. I accepted the apology. What I have yet to accept is a society that has coerced me — a strong, intelligent and socially-conscious “fag” — into thinking that such language, although harmful, is acceptable. (source)