General: June 2005 Archives

AUGUSTA, Maine - After a weekend push to collect signatures for a people’s veto effort, opponents of Maine’s newly enacted gay rights law said Monday they’re not sure whether they’ve collected enough to force a statewide vote this November.

Campaign leaders including the Christian Civic League of Maine and the Maine Grassroots Coalition have until Tuesday to submit the signatures of at least 50,519 voters to the secretary of state’s office. [...]

The petitions seek to force a vote on the law that prohibits discrimination in employment, housing, education, credit and public accommodations based on sexual orientation. The law is similar to previous gay-rights legislation that voters rejected in 1998 and again in 2000. (source)

Think about that. They are trying to overturn a law that makes it illegal to fire people for being gay, or denying them a place to live because they are gay. And this is Christian? This is what they want society to be?

It’s amazing. I wonder if they ever really stop to think about what they are trying to do?

Tucked into the forests of the North Carolina mountains is a gated community designed by developers for people like them.

Lesbians and gay men.

At Carefree Cove near Boone, Cathy Groene and Gina Razete are selling more than wooded lots with views of Snake Mountain. They’re marketing the freedom to walk down the road hand-in-hand, dance together at community socials, and talk unself-consciously about a same-sex partner.

Atlantan Jeanne Dolan, 53, an online college instructor, bought the concept.

“I liked the idea of living in a community where I could be open and accepted, even embraced for who I am,” she says.

Razete, 50, and Groene, 57, are pioneers in the growing business of second-home and retirement developments for lesbians and gays. Others are going up in California, New Mexico and downtown Boston.

The women are also part of a graying gay population estimated at 2 million. The number of gays and lesbians in their 50s or older is expected to swell to 5.7 million by 2020, according to a 2004 study by the Maryland-based market research publisher Packaged Facts.

Some live openly and don’t want to spend their leisure time or retirement years struggling for acceptance. Others, who have kept their sexual orientation hidden, would like to come out of the closet.

Gay and lesbian developers understand that.

“We really think of ourselves as a lifestyle company,” says Amy Errett, CEO of Olivia, a San Francisco-based travel company for lesbians that is planning a $300,000-up townhouse community in Palm Springs, Calif. (source)

Some live openly and don’t want to spend their leisure time or retirement years struggling for acceptance.

That’s what I want my retirement to be like as well. After a lifetime of worrying about who will bash my head in if I’m open about being gay, I figure that I’ve earned the right to not worry about that. If that means isolating myself away from straight people entirely to make that happen, perhaps that is what I should look to do?

Before everyone gets bent all out of shape for me saying that, please understand that I’m not saying there aren’t many straight people who aren’t accepting. But ask yourself this question. If you see a gay couple walking down the street holding hands, if you can even find one, don’t you look just a little bit more than if you see a straight couple doing it? That’s what I’m talking about, aside from the outward harassment that some insecure straight people seem bent on pushing onto gay citizens. Should we have to worry about what judgment will be made against us - good or bad?

Acceptance, true acceptance, means that I shouldn’t have to even stop to worry about how or if someone will accept me as a gay man. That’s where the gay retirement community comes from. There was a time that I would not like the idea of isolating ourselves from society. I believe that we should all live together in peace and harmony. But, if there’s one thing that has taught me that we aren’t ready for that as a society, it is the gay marriage issue.

If I were a younger man, I’d brace myself for yet another fight. First it was the struggle of high school, and if you’ve read this blog, you all know how well that turned out. Then it was some issues that happened in college. Then, it was San Francisco and AIDS. AIDS was less harsh a reality for us than the fact that people wanted us to die. Now, it’s gay marriage.

In my mail, I keep getting these mailings from the AARP (American Association of Retired Persons). Let me tell you, that’s a real eye opener. When you turned 50, you will start getting their mailings. They will offer you discounts based upon being a member of their organization. My problem is that I’m not ready to “come out” as a man who is getting older. But when that happens, I would like to find myself in a place where I feel loved and accepted. If I have to live in a gay retirement ghetto for that to happen, I suppose I could do worse.

(Lynchburg, Virginia) Evangelist Jerry Falwell is calling on his followers to threaten Kraft Foods with a national boycott over the company’s support for the Gay Games.

Last month the American Family Association began a campaign against Kraft Foods for its sponsorship of the event, but stopped just short of advocating a boycott. (story)

In his monthly column, in his publication National Liberty Journal, Falwell says that “multiple millions of Americans who loyally purchase Kraft products have a right to express their opinion on the company’s decision to link itself with the Gay Games. These people have a right to say, ‘If Kraft insists on sponsoring the Gay Games, I will be compelled to seek alternative brands at the grocery store.’” (source)

I say let Falwell start looking for another brand then. It’s not enough that in 1986 the International Olympic Committee (IOC) successfully challenged in court my community’s use of the term “Gay Olympics”. It was decided that we would never be able to use the term “Olympic” again. Today, because of that decision, we use the term “Gay Games”. Yet, we still have the “Frog Olympics”, “Special Olympics”, and my favorite, the “K-9 Olympics”.

Falwell and his ilk want us to have nothing. Ford, along with other companies have been under attack because they favor diversity in the workplace. So far Ford has held it’s ground. Disney never gave them much consideration.

Related Article
A delicate balance - Companies strive for gay-friendliness, religious tolerance

Updates
July 12, 2005 - Tennessee Launches New Investigation Into Ex-Gay Camp
June 28, 2005 - Investigation Into Ex-Gay Camp Ends
July 15, 2005 - Father Of Gay Teen Sent To 'Ex-Gay' Camp Comes Forward
July 15, 2005 - New blog entry

I read about Zach last night. It’s quite unbelievable what he is now going through. In short, a few weeks ago, he told his parents that he is gay. Zach is a 16 year old boy living in Bartlett, Tennessee. After he told his parents about being gay, they entered him into an ex-gay ministry called Refuge. This from the Refuge website:

Refuge is a ministry designed to be a safe place for young people and their families to find true freedom from addictions through the power of Jesus Christ. At this time Refuge is an outpatient program for young men and women ages 13-18. Refuge is designed to minister to adolescents struggling with broken and addictive behaviors such as...

Pornography
Drugs and alcohol
Sexual Promiscuity
Homosexuality

Refuge promotes change among clients through the use of theraputic groups, individual counseling and family support. The effectivness of Refuge is greatly increased when the participants are willing to work with their counselor and parents, follow the program structure, study the materials, and build relationships.

Their contact information is:
Refuge
P.O. Box 171444
Memphis, TN 38187
Phone: 901-751-2468

I first heard about this on the Washington Blade website. I’m outraged about this, but like most of you, I feel helpless to do anything for this kid. It’s quite beyond my understanding how anyone could treat their child in this manner. Just read Zach’s words, and you can hear the desperation come through.

I hope that Zach survives this. I hope he channels his anger down the road and files a lawsuit against those who did this, namely his parents and Refuge, based on a charge of child abuse, and a denial of his constitutional rights. Basically, he’s been kidnapped against his will, and is being re-programmed. And I hope to God that Zach doesn’t commit suicide during this ordeal.

The following is the blog entry from Zach’s blog after he told his parents.

Sunday, May 29, 2005
The World Coming To An Abrupt - Stop.
Current mood: depressed

Somewhat recently, as many of you know, I told my parents I was gay. This didn’t go over very well, and it ended with my dad crying, my mom tearing, and me not knowing what I’d done - or what to do. It kind of.. went away for about a week or two I think. They claim it’s beause they didn’t want to interfere with my last week or two of school.

Yesterday they told me that I couldn’t go anywhere until I got a job. Out of the blue. Because I’m the most irresponsible child my dad knows - as he told me - mainly because I forget to unload the dishwasher sometimes... it doesn’t matter that I have to clean up after my sisters and myself everyday. It just doesn’t.

Well today, my mother, father, and I had a very long “talk” in my room where they let me know I am to apply for a fundamentalist christian program for gays. They tell me that there is something psychologically wrong with me, and they “raised me wrong.” I’m a big screw up to them, who isn’t on the path God wants me to be on. So I’m sitting here in tears, joing the rest of those kids who complain about their parents on blogs - and I can’t help it.

I wish I had never told them. I wish I just fought the urge two more years... I had done it for three before then, right? If I could take it all back.. I would, to where I never told my parents things and they always were mad at me-- It’s better than them crying and depressed cause they will have no granchildren from me. It’s better than them telling me that there’s something wrong with me. It’s better than them explaining to me that they “raised me wrong.”

Then, came the next entry the very next day.

Monday, May 30, 2005
After The World Stopped, It Gave Me A Lot Of Rules.
Current mood: worried

Yeah, I was upset yesterday.. however I found an email about the rules and regulations of the program. My parents lied to me.. they told me (29th of May) that they didn’t know what the rules were exactly, however, this email wasnt sent on the 26th of May. I see now why they “didn’t know what the rules were.” It’s horrible.. they’re posted below.. and I so worried. It’s like boot camp... but worse. I obviously was not supposed to see this.. Seeing the bottom say “Parental Rules (not to be given to client)”

What is with these people...? Honestly.. how could you support a program like this? If I do come out straight I’ll be so mentally unstable and depressed it wont matter.. I’ll be back in therapy again. This is not good--

The final entry from Zach came on Friday, June 3, 2005. He hasn’t been heard from since. There were two entries that day, the first at 10:43pm and the last at 11:33pm.

Friday, June 03, 2005 - 10:43pm
It’s been a week of torture - anger, and crying.
Current mood: worried

Hi. I’m not sure if I’m even supposed to be on. I ran away for a short while. I came back and they took everything from me, they don’t want me to have outside influences-- i dont know how long im going to be on, because if tehy wake up, im screwed. The program starts June 6 and is until either teh 17th or the 20th. I’m sorry I don’t have time to write back o all of the comments and messages. I’m just here to let everyone know I am still alive, I’m sure you’ve left messages on my cellphone, they took that.. and my keys... and the computer.. and I’ve been homebound. -=sigh=- I just need this to be over. Don’t worry. I’ll get through this. They’ve promised me things will get better whether this program does anything or not. Let’s hope they aren’t lying. I’ve been through hell. I’ve been emotionally torn apart for three days... I can’t remember which days they were.. time’s not what it used to be.

Friday, June 03, 2005 - 11:33pm
Thanks.. by the way.
Current mood: numb

Thanks. Thank you for all of the comments and messages, they mean a lot. really. I was shocked to see all of this... of course I haven’t been on a computer, phone, nor have I seen any friends in a week almost-- Soon. Soon, this will be all over. My mother has said the worst things to me for three days straight... three days. I went numb. That’s the only way I can get through this. I agree, if you’re thinking that these posts might be dramatized.. but the proof of the programs ideas are sitting in the rules. I pray this blows over. I can’t take this... noone can... not really, this kind of thing tears you apart emotionally. To introduce THIS subject... I’m not a suicidal person... really I’m not.. I think it’s stupid - really. But.. I can’t help it, no im not going to commit suicide, all I can think about is killing my mother and myself. It’s so horrible. This is what it’s doing to me... I have this horrible feeling all of the time... I wish this on no person... I’m so satisfied--happy’s too strong of a word the state I’m in-- that everyone’s taking the time to email and write letters in complaint to these people. I dont know if it will do anything, but if something did happen it would be -- awesome.

I had planned to go to New Paltz, NY last Sunday for gay pride. But after I got home from a week of travel, the idea of getting into my car for more travel was too much.

I wanted to see Jason West and to celebrate being... me. You know, the whole year we hear how much our country hates us, and we hear all the nasty legislation that is being passed to keep us down. And we hear that the military still wants to kick out gay military personnel, just not while there is a war on - I guess we are good enough to die for our country while we are needed. I wanted one day where it was “ok” to be me - out in the open - without judgments. That is what I think of as “gay pride”.

I’ve read other opinions of gay pride from right-wing sites. Some say that it is a perversion for us to display ourselves in such a celebratory way. They wonder why there is a need and, if gays have a day of celebration, why don’t Germans, for example, have a day of “German Pride”, etc.

It’s amazing how they just don’t understand human nature. People do what they have to do to survive. I believe that part of that survival is to feel good about your very existence. The need for Gay Pride happened because, unlike American citizens who happen to be German, you don’t see people bashing or killing them for being German, harassing them in schools for being German, legislators passing amendments to state constitutions saying that people of German ancestry can’t get married, can’t be openly German to serve in the military, or banning books from libraries because they have "German" content, etc. With all of that specifically targeting my community, if they don’t understand the need for us to have something that pulls us together and tells us, “you have each other - as a community”, then they will never understand us, let alone human nature.

So, I wanted to go to New Paltz. Why New Paltz, and not Boston or New York? Because, New Paltz is today the center of what I call the Stonewall Spirit. When Mayor West started marrying same-sex couples over a year ago, he did so in defiance of the law. In other words, he said, “Enough of this!”. That is exactly what happened when the police raided the Stonewall Inn in 1969, which resulted in the Stonewall Riots.

New Paltz is the epitome of our community rising to this challenge. Jason West is facing prosecution for carrying out the act (marriage) that makes us equal. I don’t see it as just Jason. To me, he represents our community under attack. He, a straight man, had the courage and the will to stick up for us, the most hated minority in this nation. Shouldn’t we be asking ourselves why so many of us don’t care as passionately about our community as Jason West?

No one wants to ask that. But quite frankly, in the gay community, many of us worry more about the way we look than worry about putting our asses on the line when someone turns up the heat.

Jason will most likely face the loss of his job, fines, and perhaps jail time. Does that mean nothing to us? It means a lot to me. I am humbled by this man - a man of only 26 years old. I expected someone who is gay to do this - someone with a lot on the line for equality. But Jason puts his conscience above all of that. Truly quite remarkable when you think that he has absolutely nothing to gain by doing this act of courage.

We have other allies as well. What about all the straight couples who are now refusing to be married until gay couples have the right to marry. Yes, they are out there. I read about them. And there are others who get married and state that they feel awkward about getting married and receiving all the rights and privileges of marriage, when many citizens do not have that option. The fact that we are even in their consciousness should mean something.

Then there are ministers who are now refusing to even perform weddings, stating that they will once again perform weddings when gay couples can be married.

So, that to me is Gay Pride. It’s not always about showing how beautiful you can be in a damn parade. Sometimes, it means sacrifice. Sometimes, it means principles. I think in many ways, we are losing site of that.

We have leaders who are willing to say, “The line must be drawn here, and no further!”, to quote a line from Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Star Trek). Take Cheryl Jacques, for example. She was the leader of the Human Rights Campaign fund. When the states, one by one, started passing constitutional amendments against gay marriage, she said, and I'm paraphrasing, “NO! We will not be second class citizens. Civil Unions are not an option - not even on the board. Anything less than marriage is not equality.” For that attitude, what did they do? They fired her. They replaced her with someone more “moderate” who would be reasonable (kiss ass with the best of them), and not make waves. The decided to endorse “civil unions” until the time was right (10-15 years later), to go for equality (marriage). I decided to cancel my membership.

I don’t know which is worse; the people who openly pass hateful amendments against us, or this cancer of reconciliation to second-class citizenship within our own community. There are things in life worth putting everything on the line for. If dignity and equality aren’t right at the top of your list, you’ve lost the meaning of PRIDE. Jason West and Cheryl Jacques has it. They get it.

Jason has a book out. The title: Dare to Hope - Saving American Democracy. That says it all. You have to give people hope - hope for a brighter future.

I was asked to provide the exact wording of the Connecticut Civil Union Law that will go into effect on October 1, 2005. The full text of the bill is given below:

Public Act No. 05-10

AN ACT CONCERNING CIVIL UNIONS.

Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives in General Assembly convened:

Section 1. (NEW) (Effective October 1, 2005) For the purposes of sections 1 to 15, inclusive, of this act:

(1) "Civil union" means a union established pursuant to sections 1 to 15, inclusive, of this act between two eligible persons; and

(2) "Party to a civil union" means a person who has established a civil union pursuant to sections 1 to 15, inclusive, of this act.

Sec. 2. (NEW) (Effective October 1, 2005) A person is eligible to enter into a civil union if such person is:

(1) Not a party to another civil union or a marriage;

(2) Of the same sex as the other party to the civil union;

(3) Except as provided in section 10 of this act, at least eighteen years of age; and

(4) Not prohibited from entering into a civil union pursuant to section 3 of this act.

Rachel Rogers, a single mother of four in upstate New York, did not worry about the presence of National Guard recruiters at her son’s high school until she learned that they taught students how to throw hand grenades, using baseballs as stand-ins. For the last month she has been insisting that administrators limit recruiters’ access to children.

Orlando Terrazas, a former truck driver in Southern California, said he was struck when his son told him that recruiters were promising students jobs as musicians. Mr. Terrazas has been trying since September to hang posters at his son’s public school to counter the military’s message.

Meanwhile, Amy Hagopian, co-chairwoman of the Parent-Teacher-Student Association at Garfield High School in Seattle, has been fighting against a four-year-old federal law that requires public schools to give military recruiters the same access to students as college recruiters get, or lose federal funding. She also recently took a few hours off work to stand beside recruiters at Garfield High and display pictures of injured American soldiers from Iraq.

“We want to show the military that they are not welcome by the P.T.S.A. in this building,” she said. “We hope other P.T.S.A.’s will follow.”

Two years into the war in Iraq, as the Army and Marines struggle to refill their ranks, parents have become boulders of opposition that recruiters cannot move. (source)

I understand how they feel. But I see the whole thing of military recruiting a bit differently. For years now, since Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell went into effect, I always thought that it was unfair that military recruiters were allowed onto college campuses despite the objections of the college or university involved. Many colleges and universities have policies that prevent discrimination against their students. Well, that doesn’t apply to military recruiters who abide by the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy.

And if the school tries to enforce their policy and prevent recruiters from recruiting on their campus, they will sooner rather than later face the very real possibility that they will loose not only their state funding, but federal funding as well. This is all because of the Solomon Act *.

So, many of these institutions quickly cave in to the government for fear of loosing their funding. I can’t honestly say I blame them, but, a principle is a principle, is it not? It either means something, or it doesn’t. If it means something, then you push it until it gives and you stand by your convictions. Most schools don’t honestly feel that their gay students are worth it. Some schools are challenging the Solomon Act - cases are pending and the Supreme Court will be hearing the case.

In the meantime, we have this issue with the parents suddenly not wanting military recruiters in their school. They don’t want their sons and daughters recruited into the military, especially when the military recruiters are lying to them about the benefits of being in the military. For the record, none of this is new. Military recruiters will tell you everything you want to hear to get you to sign up. They are on a quota system.

I have read that the Army now has a “special” going on where you can sign up for 15 months. That’s all, just 15 months, and you are out. Bull! What they don’t tell you (small little point), is that there is an executive “stop loss” order in effect. That basically means that at the end of that 15 month period, the military has the ability to override what your enlistment contract says because a stop-loss order has been issued because of the war in Iraq.

There’s even talk now of relaxing or doing away with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Not because we suddenly want to be fair, but because the military desperately needs people - better the gays go to war to die for a country who really doesn’t want them to begin with (judging by the way our country treats us), than your precious sons.

And after this war is over, I’m sure there will be talks of “reinstating” Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. This is what we are dealing with here - an entity, our military, who will tell anyone anything they want to hear just to get bodies in their ranks.

So, how does it feel parents? My community has fought for years to have dignity and equality in the armed forces. The only thing we have asked is to be able to not violate the Military Code of Conduct by lying about what we are. It’s ironic. The second a gay man or woman takes that oath, they are in violation of that oath because they are not telling the whole truth. The military knows this. The individuals know this. All of you know this. But I guess it’s ok to lie, in some circumstances.

But when it comes time that your sons and daughters are looking at joining the military, suddenly, you want the military to actually tell you the truth?

Why should you have the privilege of living by a higher standard than any queer in the military today? The homosexuals lie to stay in the military. You seem to be OK with that. The military recruiters lie to your kids to get them in. You seem to have a problem with that.

People are so damn self-serving. I suppose people will say that about me - bitching about people in my community being kicked out just for trying to be honest. Hell, all I want is fairness. That’s all. Am I asking too much from our military and you, the parents reading this?

If honesty is good enough for you, it is surely good enough for homosexuals who want only to serve their country openly and honestly. And who knows... if you call your congressman and ask them to let the homosexuals openly serve so they can go and die in this war, it may just save the life of your son.

* Solomon Act references
March 26, 2005 - Yale Law School Stands Up Against Discrimination
December 7, 2004 - A Less Intrusive Government
November 30, 2004 - Appeals court overturns the Solomon Act

SACRAMENTO - An effort to give gay couples the right to marry fell short in the state Assembly early today after a small group of moderate Democrats rebuffed a measure that would have legalized same-sex marriage in California.

Despite intense lobbying, a dozen Democrats refused to support a bill by Assemblyman Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, that would have allowed tens of thousands of same-sex partners to marry, a controversial act that would have given the couples expanded rights to health care, Social Security, and military benefits.

While the measure won backing from 35 Democrats, Leno could not persuade another six lawmakers to give AB 19 the 41 votes it needed to pass. The defeat, just after midnight, marked the second time in two years that Leno has fallen short on the issue. But he vowed to try again as soon as today. (source)

Our tax dollars at work.

An Army sergeant from Ohio who was wounded in Iraq and wanted to remain in the military as an openly gay soldier was officially discharged Tuesday, according to an advocacy group.

Sgt. Robert Stout, 23, was awarded the Purple Heart after a grenade sent shrapnel into his arm, face and legs while he was using a machine gun on a Humvee in May 2004.

Stout, of Utica in central Ohio, told The Associated Press in April that he wanted to remain in the military and be openly gay, but that would conflict with the Pentagon's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. [...]

Army officials at the Pentagon could not immediately confirm the discharge. The Army declined to comment earlier on the case other than to say that soldiers discharged under "don't ask, don't tell" typically receive honorable discharges. (source)

Related Entry
April 7, 2005 - Now That’s Courage!

Other Sources
Opinion from Idaho Mountain Express - The mythical 'gay problem'